The title you can read in the box is not the actual one. Id didn't fit in the title box, so here's it.
How i learnt to stop worrying and love the Huntress
How long did i remain in the crate? Hours? Days? Millennia?
I still am not sure about it. All i know is that when i finally saw light again, i was so blinded by it that i thought there was a god standing before me.
Instead, it was a goddess.
"Rip!"
I'd have hugged her, if only my wrists weren't blocked.
"How did you free yourself?"
"Actually, he freed me." Schrödinger, leaning on a wall, waved his hand at me.
"Oh god... well, i won't say any more bad things about you, Schrö."
"Not even if i..."
"Let me finish. I won't say bad things unless you really provoke me."
"Like if..."
I considered shutting him up saying something bad, but it would've sounded a bit like hypocrisy. I could've let him speak without caring. I could've let him speak pretending i didn't care. Or i could've blown him up.
The last hypothesis was the most tempting one, but i wasn't in condition to blow up anything so i decided for the one before.
"Like if... hum... i cant think of anything right now. Do you mind if in tell you later?" he said. Evidently, all the bad luck i had had was being compensated with an incredible amount of good fortune.
"Where are we?" I asked.
"Under some big church." said the Cat-boy.
"We're in the basement of Saint Peter, i think." she said "Vatican grounds."
"In our enemies' lair..."
"Wait, i unlock your handcuffs, just stand still." she took an enormous sword from a table nearby. I couldn't see much of the room we were in: it was too dark and all of my powers were blocked by the magical bonds. As she shattered them with a few strikes of the sword, my sight cleared.
We were in a storeroom, an enormous hall filled with shelves and crates. It seemed they had been piling up stuff for hundreds of years. And any kind of stuff: crates and boxes were of all sizes, from that of a pencil to enormous block which could've contained an elephant. I realized my silver cage was in a crate too, although now it was destroyed.
"This reminds me Indiana Jones." i said.
"I don't like Indiana Jones." said Rip and Schrö, nearly in chorus.
"I think i can guess why. But now.. have you opened any other crate?"
"A few, we were looking for something to break the handcuffs."
"And you've found this Excalibur?"
"Unless King Arthur was japanese, i doubt it." She shown me the sword again. In fact, it was a japanese katana, inscribed with ideograms on the whole blade.
"Do you think it's magic?" she asked me.
"I dunno. Maybe. Where's Schrödinger, by the way?"
"Everywhere and nowhere."
"I guessed that. But he was here a moment ago. And now he's gone."
"No, he's still here, i've told you he's always here..."
"Okay, so why the hell can't we see him?"
"I don't know, ask Doc." she said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"If we ever get to see him."
"Anyway, isn't it better being without Schrödie for some time?"
"I can't tell how you're right."
We remained silent for a while.
"How have you ended up in Millennium, anyway? I know almost nothing about you." i asked.
"You think you know little of me? I don't even know your name!"
"I haven't had have a true name... since i am undead. Call me... Dragon. That's how my fledgeling called me."
"A fledgeling? You had one?"
"Yes, more or less a hundred and fifty years ago. She was killed by Iscariots... like most of the vampires i knew."
"And your name is Dragon..."
"Yes, though the Hellsing Members... the Hellsingers... just call me Trickster. That's the way Dracula calls me."
"Dracula is Zamiel, right?"
"Yes. Why must everyone call him by different names?"
"Why must i call you Dragon and they trickster? If you answer this question, you'll answer your own, simple."
A few minutes of silence. I looked around.
Being trapped in a storage under the Vatican shouldn't be very pleasurable, but when you've at your disposition all the items Iscariot has requisite during the ages, you surely can find some way to amuse yourself.
"We should try opening some other box, at least to find our equipment... is there a crowbar somewhere?"
"Ja, there was one inside a crate."
"Leaving a crowbar inside a crate? How can one open the crate if the tool to do so is inside it?"
"The Iscariot boss is mad. Why must it make sense? And besides we can just punch them to bash 'em."
"Right you are." i took the crowbar. It seemed a pretty normal one.
We started opening some crates, i with the crowbar, she with the sword. At first, we only found useless trinkets, minor profanities. There seemed to be some order to the disposition of the items, but it was impossible to understand without any clue. She started singing a song i didn't know. I could've listened to her for centuries, but i was too curious about her and decided to interrupt her.
"You didn't answer me before. How did you get recruited in Millennium?"
We spoke as we proceeded randomly wrecking crates and hoarding everything in the middle of the room.
"I got recruited after they saw my thesis at university about Die Freischütz, and the fact that the magic bullets there mentioned could've been useful in the war. My professor nearly killed me as he read that, but the day after i got recruited."
"And you just accepted?"
"Why not? After all they all- i mean all the people at school and university- always treated me so... distantly. I mean... they always were so let-Rip-alone-she-has-enough-problems-on-her-own."
"I get your meaning. Never too friendly, nor unfriendly enough for them to be rude..."
"Yeah, i think they just tried to look polite enough while they were at a decent distance. They didn't like how i spoke, they didn't like how i studied, they didn't like how i sang..."
"Which proves how stupid they were..."
"Yeah... but you see, they seemed so... they seemed a lot more in their place than me. I studied, but i was never among the best ones at school, and i never had a lot of friends... before i joined Millennium."
"I understand... it's like you were among people who just lived on another world. I have always felt like this... like i was an alien. Even among vampires... they just seem to think in a different way than me."
"Simply that they're... mindless. I always... hear in my head, my voice, like... my minds, my... personalities... that argue. And i decide hearing those... but i feel it's so different from how other people think..."
"I believe most of people doesn't think at all. They just follow other people. They just... do what other people think they're supposed to do. They don't care at all of what there's in their head."
"It's so... wrong. You see, when you listen the Major, you understand he really believes in what he does, and does what he believes..."
"But so you do what he thinks..."
"Not precisely. Every Werwolf has his own objective. I think this war can be... a way to cleanse all the wrongness there's in the world and start over."
"Maybe you're right. After all, a good trashing is what the world deserves since civilization begun."
"And besides- wait, i think i've found it! My musket! Back together!"
She hugged the rifle, with all the love imaginable. Now call me with all the adjectives you wish, but right then i thought of it as i rival.
I realized how stupid that though was later on, when she explained me the Musket was female.
Near the crate with the musket we found Alucard's stuff, and we decided to stop searching and rest a bit. The floor of the storeroom was littered with wood pieces and in the middle there was a huge pile of useless items we found. There was little of useful among the confiscated items, a few magical amulets, a ring that definitely wasn't magic but it was nice, the sword, of course, and the crowbar. I was analysing the amulets, one was a werewolf teeth mounted on a golden chain.
"Hey! Look at this!" she called me. Before i could reach her, a flash of light burst out an opening door.
"Cos'è tutto 'sto casino?!" yelled a man of which was visible only the silhouette, for bright that was the light outside the room.
"He said 'what's all this mess'" i translated.
Before he could say another word, something overcame him and he was thrown down on the floor. It had not been either Rip or me. We heard soft footsteps on the wooden pieces on the floor, then every sound vanished. We looked around for a few seconds.
I felt something pulling the edge of my shirt. I jumped up, terrorized. As i turned around i saw a little, cute girl wearing a white coat and a furry hat.
She was smiling with blood stained teeth.
"Vlad?"
"It's Alucard, now. Try to remember it."
"Oh... sure."
My Master was looking at me wearing the shape of a little girl, the Huntress was hiding behind my back and i was wondering why the Hell did i have to be just in the middle. The extremes seemed much more comfortable.
"Who was that man?" i asked.
"Nobody. Just a factotum. His blood was so... tasteless." hearing that was... disturbing. Alucard's words in a girl's voice...
"How did you manage to free yourself?"
"They were bringing me in a torture room. When they opened the crate i surprised them. They even asked me if my parents were near here."
"Not since a few centuries ago..."
"That's right what i said!" she shown all the excitement you expect in a pre-teen girl. "and then i smiled and..."
"I don't want to hear it."
"Oooh please... it's so nice!"
"Did the torture instruments have a busy day?"
"mmmmmh... yes!"
"Then i don't want to hear it."
"No wait" Rip said "After all this girl is so cute! Tell us!"
Author's note: if i wrote what Alucard said right now the story rating would jump to V (forbidden to people under two hundred years of age)so i am regretfully forced to censure it.
My initial disinterest faded away as he explained us how he mutilated, drained, decorticated torn apart and chewed every mortal in the whole floor. He did have an ability for careful description.
When he finished Rip exclaimed "Oh, it's soooo cute! We should foster her!"
I and Alucard looked in each other's eyes.
"Rip... you know she's Him and he's older than the two of us put together?"
"She's so cute anyway!"
She hugged both of us, so we were four counting the Musket.
It was one of those moments i'll remember forever, and i mean forever in the most literal sense. We were trapped in a dungeon, enemies above and around us, we were nearly enemies one of the other, but we were hugging just like old friends... it felt so good, it felt like...
like home.
Don't ask why Girlycard. I just felt a need to fit her in the story.
Maybe you disagree with what i make Rip say in here, because you expected her to be a different chacter. Actually, i hope you do. You see, many Hellsing fans remarked the fact Rip had too little time in the manga, but i think this is the best thing for her. So anyone can imagine her as he wishes, and this is, i'm sure, the reason why so many Hellsing fans love this character.
Anyway, this is just my theory.