A/N: Last week, I was so excited to re-read and post this chapter, but due to some transcribing task to do, I didn't have time. Now, however, I'm kind of feeling lonely and lazy. I've been losing interest about editing my stories. Not because I just bought my own TV. I'm excited when I had it two days ago but lost interest on it yesterday because of feeling so gloomy for my close friend and room mate who lost her mother yesterday. I'm so worried for her and her family. The death was so unexpected. I don't know many details about it yet. Ahhh…so depressing!

Anyway, on with the story. I need something to take my mind off it.

Chapter 5. Attempts

Sachiko was waiting for her guests to arrive. She didn't really feel like entertaining guest today, or any day for that matter. But the people who would come weren't just guests but rather friends.

Hers and Yumi's friends.

Mizuno Youko, her Onee-sama when they were in high school, insisted on coming on her birthday. Not like she felt like celebrating. She didn't want to. However, Youko was persistent.

Besides, she hadn't seen their friends for a long while now. Even if hers and Satou Sei's path crosses at Lillian University, they were all brief meetings, mostly because she didn't feel like talking. It hurt her to see her friends without Yumi with her. They were a constant reminder of her times with Yumi.

She would rather attend a party with people from high society present, who only knew her as an Ogasawara, as the heir to vast fortunes, as a lady, because with them, she could put a perfect mask and no one would know that her smiles and greetings were faked, and that she's sick of all their pretensions as if they really care for people instead of themselves and of wealth.

But with her friends, she couldn't fool them, because they knew her, and understood her, though not as deep as Yumi did, they still did.

One by one her friends arrived.

Youko was the first.

Then there's her friend and former classmate Hasekura Rei with her cousin Shimazu Yoshino and the latter's petite soeur, Arima Nana.

Then came Torii Eriko.

And then followed shortly by her cousin Matsudaira Touko.

Not long after, Sei, Toudou Shimako and Nijou Noriko arrived, and so the group was almost complete. It would never be complete again with Yumi's absence.

She noticed that each and everyone were trying their best to cheer her up, so worried were they with her. It lightened her heart, even for a bit and for a moment. It was good to hear their voices again, the friendly chatters and arguments, but she couldn't really fake a happy face even if only to ease their worries.

And when night came, Youko decided to stay over, while the others went to their respective homes.

She was glad for Youko's company, and yet she wasn't. She wanted to be alone, in her room, where she could think of Yumi without interference.

But she couldn't just leave her Onee-sama alone. They hadn't seen each other for a few months, even if Youko kept on calling her, telling stories, asking how she was, so worried was the older woman with her.

"Sachiko, how are you doing?" Youko asked softly when they were about to sleep.

"The same as usual, Onee-sama," she said softly, painfully. There's no use of trying to hide her feelings to her Onee-sama, because she knew her.

"Come here, Sachiko," Youko commanded quietly, opening her arms for the younger woman, her little sister, though not by blood and yet she truly loved.

In Youko's arms, Sachiko once again cried her despair, of her longing, of her pain. She cried until there were no more tears in her eyes. She cried until she was too tired to move. And there in her Onee-sama's comforting arms, she fell asleep.

Youko watched with tears in her eyes as Sachiko slept in her arms. It's breaking her heart to see her like this. It's the reason why she avoided visiting Sachiko, for she couldn't bear to see her living and yet dead in so many ways.

And worse, she couldn't do anything to ease Sachiko's pain. She attempted before. They attempted before, but they failed.

She could only watch, but watching won't help Sachiko.

Why did this have to happen to her? Hadn't Sachiko been hurt enough? Hadn't she had enough pain ever since she was young? Why was it, that when she finally found happiness, that happiness was taken from her?

---o---

"Yumi."

"Sachiko, you are so beautiful," Yumi said with admiration as she surveyed Sachiko in her evening dress. They were going out on a dinner date tonight.

"And so you are, Yumi," she said with a smile, eyeing Yumi's white dress.

"It suits you well."

"You think so?" Yumi asked with a smile, her eyes sparkling with happiness.

"I don't only think so. You really are beautiful, Yumi. The most beautiful person I've ever seen in my life," she affirmed softly.

"I don't believe you. Is that a trick to get a kiss from me?" Yumi teased, and she responded with a little laugh.

"Would you be kind enough to give me one then?"

"Only if you say please," Yumi added with a mischievous gleam in her eyes.

"Please," she said softly, still smiling.

Yumi smiled widely as she hooked her arms around her and leaned up to kiss her, just as she leaned down to met Yumi's lips while her hands held the younger woman's hips.

But the kiss didn't happen.

And Yumi wasn't in her arms.

Panicking, she looked around and saw Yumi a few feet away from her.

"Yumi."

She moved closer to where Yumi stood, but when she reached the spot, Yumi wasn't there but rather she's ahead, now farther than before.

However, whenever she tried to get closer, the distance between them seemed to only grew farther and farther, until she was running after Yumi.

And yet she couldn't catch up with her.

Yumi's form was slowly getting smaller, until all she could see was a white dot.

She closed her eyes and screamed Yumi's name.

"Yumi!"

"Sachiko."

"Yumiii!!!"

"Sachiko!"

Breathing hard, Sachiko opened her eyes and saw Youko's worried face.

"You're dreaming about her again," Youko said.

It wasn't a question. It was a statement of fact.

Sachiko's face contorted in pain, before she broke in hysterical sobs in Youko's arms.

"Sachiko, don't you think it's time to move on with your life? It's been almost a year."

"I can't Onee-sama."

"Why not? Try to go to a different school, somewhere far where you it won't remind you too much of her."

"I won't. Because no matter where I go, I will always remember Yumi. And I can't move on with my life, because I don't have one, Onee-sama, because my life was gone, Yumi was gone. I'm not alive anymore, I only exist," Sachiko said brokenly.

Yes. Yumi was her life. And she didn't want to leave Lillian no matter how painful it was. She loved and hated that place at the same time. She loved it because of her memories of Yumi there, and yet she also hated it for the same reason.

Youko tightened her arms at Sachiko as she couldn't say anything to that declaration.

A/N: The next chapter would be entitled "The Accident".

--Arvendell—

08 September 2008