You're not the person that you used to be;
the one I want who wanted me.
And that's a shame but,
there's only so many tears that you can cry.
Before it drains the light right from your eyes,
and I can't go on that way.
And so I'm letting of everything we were,
It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.
We built it up,
to watch it fall.
Like we meant nothing at all.
I gave and gave the best of me,
but couldn't give you what you need.
You walked away,
You stole my life.
Just to find what your looking for.
But no matter how I try,
I can't hate you anymore.
Sometimes you hold so tight,
It slips right through your hands.
Will I ever understand?
Nick Lachey I Can't Hate You Anymore.
--
--
I sighed as I zipped my dress up. It had been around three weeks since he had gone, but time hadn't made it any easier.
I sprayed a little perfume on my neck and twirled in the mirror – plastering a smile across my face, I stepped a little closer and stared into the mirror.
Who the hell was I trying to kid?
I wiped the fake smile off my face and sighed again – I should be excited, going out on a third date with some nice, lovely, considerate, sexy, emotionally stable, NYFD fire fighter.
The only thing that's wrong with him is the fact that he isn't Danny.
I take a deep breath as Rick knocks on the door.
Tonight was going to be better than last time. Whether it kills me, I won't think about Danny.
I won't
I won't
I won't
I smile as I open the door, and picture Danny stood there, arms outstretched with a bouquet of daisies.
I smile as I shut my door and accept Rick's polite kiss on my cheek as he reaches for my hand. And dread what lies ahead.
--
--
"Linds, you listening?"
"Mhmm," I smile, while I think to myself, No.
"So what do you think?"
Crap "About what, Rick?"
"Global warming"
"Well, I think it's something we need to deal with-"
"Lindsay, I wasn't actually talking about global warming. Is there something wrong?"
"I don't know."
"You like me, but your heart isn't in it?"
"It's not that – it's just-"
"Tell me what happened" he said as he rubbed my hand lightly.
"What happened, where, what?"
"You and Danny, why'd you break up?"
My eyes narrowed and instantly I felt defensive towards him. We hadn't broken up, as such.
Who the hell am I trying to kid? We did break up…
"If you need someone to listen to, I would sure love to be that person."
I smile at him, tears threatening to fall. Why did he have to be so nice?
"You want to go somewhere else," I ask, looking around "somewhere a little less-"
"Busy?"
I nod and he stands up and offers me his hand. "Lead the way, Lindsay"
--
--
"So that was it?" he asks as he took a sip of his coffee.
"Pretty much," I shrug "I told him I was letting go of him – he wasn't the person I fell in love with... I guess it felt that he didn't want me anymore-"
"Who wouldn't want you?" Rick gushed "Sorry, I didn't mean- I'm sorry – I didn't"
"Rick, it's fine – I should be apologising to you, messing you around like this."
"Lindsay, it's only our third date. It's not as if we're getting married, and you decide to tell me this now. You need a friend, I'm more than happy to listen."
I smile and take his hand "Thank you"
"You were saying?" He eyes encourage me to carry on.
"It's complicated, Rick." I sigh
"I got all the time in the word for you, Lindsay."
"Well then, should I start from the beginning?"
"Sounds like a good starting place." Rick smiled as he ordered two more coffees. "So, what's the story of Danny and Lindsay?" He smiled warmly.
I took a deep breath; it was time to let everything go.
--
--
"He didn't walk away Linds, he went to sort his head out"
"I know, but it just felt like he walked away from everything, I could have helped, if he had given me half the chance, I could have helped…"
"He didn't, and he knows that – he knows he didn't give you a chance – but he didn't walk away from you. That's what you have to understand"
"You're sticking up for him" I smirked as I took another sip of my sprite. There's only so much coffee even I can take sometimes.
"Just from a outsiders point of view, I think it is wise he left, if there is a chance of him coming back as that person you fell in love with, this time apart will be exactly what you both need. To put a perspective on your relationship."
"Rick, we gave up before we had even tried. We failed at the first hurdle."
He shook his head "do you honestly believe that? Because I don't. I don't even know him, I haven't seen him with you, and I know you have something together."
"You're just saying that." I sigh
"Look Linds," he smiled as he took my hands "I see two different options and paths you could take. One, quit while you're ahead. Hate him for turning into someone that he wasn't, and let go of everything you had."
"Or?" I say, desperately hoping option number two was a lot better than option one.
"Get over it, put the past behind you, and move on, together. You didn't build this up to watch it fall to the ground. You both have worked hard to make it work this far. Add all of this to experience, and allow it to let you both grow as individuals, and as a couple."
"I like the sound of option two."
"I thought you might" He chuckled at me. "Look, I know it's hard, but sometimes you have to take the leap, and put your differences to one side, and put everything else up on the table, offer all you have to give, and hope it's enough."
"And what if it's not?" I ask, taking a deep breath.
"Well then, you'll know that you tried your hardest to make this work."
"Do you charge a hourly rate?" I smile as he stands up to sit next to me.
"No, for a friend in need, I waiver my charges"
I slugged him on the arm, as he pulled me closer to him, and I rested my head on his shoulder.
And, for a minute, I forgot about Danny.
"He said it wasn't goodbye, remember. He's gonna be back, ready to kick my ass for taking his girl out."
"I'm not his girl, I can date whoever I want." I say, defensively as I take his hand, head still on his shoulder.
"I know, sweetie," he says warmly as he kisses my temple "And the person you want is him."
--
--
"How can I thank you for tonight, Rick?" I ask as he holds my bag while I search for my apartment keys.
"A house in the Bahamas will be sufficient." He chuckled as he gently put my bag back over my shoulder "Just to know you're happy is all that matters. That's enough"
"What did I do to deserve someone as nice as you?" I smile before I even realise what I've said.
"Karma isn't always a bitch, you know. And I'm here just to open your eyes about Danny. Sure, I'm nice, but I don't think you want nice. You want something more. You want that can't eat, can't sleep thing. And you don't have that with me. Danny though, you have that with him."
"I'm sorry Rick, I didn't mean to-"
"Lindsay, you didn't promise me a house in the suburbs with a kid, a cat and a Volvo, alright. It's been fun while it lasted. We had some nice nights out, you saw what else was out there, and now, you've realised that Danny is the person you want to be with. And that, babe, is fine. Alright?"
"How do you know me so well, I mean everything you've said tonight – nobody, not even Danny knows me this well. You know me better than I know myself."
"I'm a good judge of character" he grinned at me as he opened the door for me. "Everything will work out you know, Lindsay."
I smile and lean up to kiss his check "Thank you, Rick."
"It's been my pleasure. Keep my number save, if you ever need to talk again, I'm at the end of a phone call, remember that, alright?"
"I will" I smile as he shuts my door gently, and rest my forehead against it before I head off to bed.
Please prove Rick right Danny, please.
R&R? It's much appreciated :D - Side note, huge thanks to Twinkeyrocks and Brinch. Love you girls! :)