Brooke's sudden sense of confidence soon vanished as she approached the Scott residence, she was one person, what could she possibly do to change the current events? She slowed down as she arrived at the house yesterday she had thought held a world of success, when in fact it was full of hardship. She turned off the engine, and sat in silence trying to determine the best approach for the current situation. She decided the most important thing to do was to make sure that Haley was okay, and that meant she had to get out of the car. That was the first step, and after many more she was back on the doorstep. She elected not to ring the doorbell as Jamie had, but simply knocked on the door. It occurred to her that someone might not answer the door, and she was right. Her only chance left was if the door was unlocked. In Haley's fury to close the door, she had not had enough time to lock the door, so Brooke was allowed to enter into Hell.
She slowly walked the hallway; she had yet to pass this point in the two previous visits. She did not want to startle anyone by shouting out, but she hoped there was someone to shout out to. Why hadn't Haley answered the door? Scattered all over the floor was glass and beer cans, and passed out on the couch was Tree Hill's former star basketball star. Now he was a resident drunk. But where was his wife, former tutor, rock star, and cheerleader? C'mon, Hales, she thought to herself, hoping her friend was simply trying not to disturb Nathan's drunken slumber. Spotted: Haley James Scott.
Haley was in a corner, her knees were to her chin, her arms wrapped around them, and Brooke noticed how her tears glistened in the light. Haley did not have a chance to change or cover up her hardships during the time that Brooke left. She couldn't hide it anymore because an unexpected visitor helped her to her feet, embraced her, and led her out of the room.
Brooke didn't want to chance waking Nathan up, she knew that Haley would get the brunt of it, and she was sure that she already got it today, and probably yesterday, and probably the last yesterdays for a while. As they walked down the hall, Brooke had a tight grip on Haley's waist, it was almost necessary to hold the girl up. Once they arrived at a place that was out of Nathan's earshot, Brooke embraced her friend. No words were said for a while, they just held each other. Haley couldn't remember the last time she was held like this, it felt good to be in the arms of someone who loved her. That was all she ever wanted, and was all she was trying to ensure was going to continue to happen.
Brooke slowly took herself out of the embrace, she didn't want to let go either, she wanted to hold on to dear life. Haley and she were more similar then they would have thought, all Brooke ever wanted was to be loved, it was bought for her, her entire life, she just wanted it for free. She had to stare at her friend, she was trying to search for something, maybe an answer, but Haley looked away. Brooke gently put her hands on Haley's cheeks so that Brooke could look into her eyes. And without a word, the whole story was told. "What happened, Hales?"
There was no single response, and if she explained everything, her tears would hinder her completion. It was too hard to remember it all, she tried to forget, living it was enough.
Brooke realized her question was going to have to be rhetorical, there was no way it could be answered simply, and she did not want to exhaust her friend even more. She changed it to an easier one, one with no added history necessary, "How about we take a walk?"
Haley shook her head. She couldn't leave the house, not like this for one, and she couldn't leave Nathan alone. She looked at Brooke and shook again.
Brooke knew what the head shake was for, but she wasn't going to take it, "Haley, nothing is going to happen if he is left alone for an hour."
"What happens if it does," was the first statement that Haley had said since Brooke arrived at the house. It was the first real statement in over four years. And it carried weight. Weight to heavy for the small girl to carry herself.
"We have got to get that beautiful mind of yours to start believing more optimistically. Things are not going to bad forever, Hales."
Haley was ready to speak now, she had to reveal her fears, it was her first time to do so in over four months, "How do you know that? How do you know that things are going to get better? I can't see things turning around. Is one day Nathan going to wake up from another night of binge drinking, and suddenly decide he is done? That he wants to be a father to Jamie again. Is he ever going to wake up, and he decides to love me again," that last statement caused small tears to escape from her eyes. She looked to Brooke, and Brooke had her own.
Brooke was always the strong one, she had to be strong on the outside at least, and always be the support system. But her friend was seriously hurting, and she deserved Brooke's tears. Nathan and Haley's picture perfect marriage and family life were gone, and Haley was forced into a harsh reality where her husband didn't show his love. How was she ever to know, even if he still did? All he brought her was hardship and pain and away from any potential she ever had left. Brooke brought Haley's head to her shoulder, and allowed her friend to cry. Tears might not solve anything, but for the time being the tears reminded them of their lives, and that they were alive.
After a few moments Brooke lifted the duo up, still embraced, supporting her friend, and she walked towards the front door. She thought she had control, but she could not get Haley past the door. Haley backed away, "I can't do it, Brooke, I can't leave him." Every time that Brooke looked at Haley it was as it was for the first time, she couldn't believe the look on Haley's face. It was covered with fear; she feared leaving Nathan, even after everything that he had put her through. She still loved him, Brooke realized the next sentiment too well – the hardest thing in the world to do was to love someone who didn't love you back.
"When is the last time you have left the house?"
In actuality the only times she had left was to take Nathan to the doctor's. She had a lot of help with getting Jamie to and from school, and Lindsey always did her grocery shopping for her. It has been a while since she was just outside, just one with nature, just being able to take time to take it all in. She missed it. Oh how she missed so many things, all of them rushed to her, she looked up at the questioner, "It has been awhile, he doesn't want anyone to see him."
"Do you realize that everything you are saying is about Nathan? You have to start thinking about yourself. I know that Nathan is going through hell right now, but it doesn't compare to the hell he has forced you to endure the last few months."
It has been this way for so long that it was normal to her. No one ever gave her the option to change things. This was the first time, and she was afraid, because she didn't want to fail, and for Jamie to suffer even more uncontrollable consequences. No matter where she was in the world, earth or hell, she knew that her son was the most important person in her life, and she would always love him. It was what got her through the day. "I don't know any other way anymore."
"Well the first step is to let Nathan wake up and you are not there to respond to his summons." It made her think about the earlier event, "What happened anyways, Haley, after we left? Does he just yell, or does he …" she paused because she didn't want to assume anything.
Haley didn't even give her a chance to ask it, "No, he never does," she doesn't say it; she didn't want to admit her lie to Brooke.
Brooke looked down to Haley's wrist, there was a newly formed bruise surrounding her thin wrist, "What is this from then?" She asked pointing it out.
"He doesn't hit me, Brooke. Sometimes I just make him angry, I do something wrong. I did something wrong, and he grabbed my wrist, that is all."
"That is a loaded statement, Haley. And bruises don't just appear; he had to have a tight grip on your wrist to leave one."
"He doesn't hit me," she wanted to reiterate, maybe to bring attention away from her unsightly appearance. Haley wanted to believe – and get Brooke to as well – that as long as he wasn't physically abusing her, then it was alright. His words would hurt, but there was never physicality in the abuse, other than small bruises to her arms.
"Maybe not, Haley, but his words sometimes are even worse."
How it was that she knew everything to say, Haley wondered. She had never had to explain her reasoning for the way things were. Everyone in Tree Hill respected the way she wanted it. They helped protect Jamie from the harshness of the world – at least she tried – and that was all that had mattered until Brooke returned home to Tree Hill. She couldn't come up with a response.
"What time does Jamie go to school?"
"I think nine," it was awful she didn't know what time her son's school started. All she knew was that Lucas picked him up every morning before basketball practice. Jamie loved those Ravens, and once the morning practice was over, Skillz or Lucas took Jamie to school.
"Then nine it is."
"What is happening at nine?" She had no idea what to expect from Brooke now, she wasn't sure she was ready.
"We are leaving this house."
"I…" she started, but Brooke quickly stopped her.
"Don't you dare say you can't, Haley. If you are so concerned about leaving Nathan alone, then Lucas will come and sit with him."
"I am the only one who can handle him."
"Not today. Today you are going to let someone help you out."
There was nothing that Haley could possibly say to refute Brooke. She was going to have to leave the house and deal with any aftereffects later on. She was going to leave the house for the first time in months, and for the short time she was going to force herself to forget about it all…well at least she was going to try. She wanted to remember what it felt to be happy again – if only for an hour.
Lucas looked down at his phone, and noticed it was one of his favorite women in the world, "Hi, Hales," he answered with a smile.
"Luke, it is Brooke, I didn't have your number," how sorry was this statement, but times and numbers have changed, this was now.
"Oh, hey, Brooke," he didn't mind, in fact he was hoping that she would call, he wanted to know how Haley was, "how is she?"
Immediate words did not come to her head, what was she supposed to tell Haley's best friend? That Haley was on the edge of falling over the cliff? That she was fearful of her husband? That she was not being physically abused, but the words that Nathan said cut even deeper? Would this at all be reassuring, not in the least? But she didn't want to give him false hope that everyone was going to be okay, because as much as she wanted a bright aftermath, she wasn't sure she was going to see one. She came up with the only thing she could come up with, "She needs you."
"I'll end practice early, and Skillz can take Jamie to school, I'll be there as soon as I can."
"Lucas," and she paused, there was nothing else to say. She was glad to see the urgency in Lucas' voice, which is what they needed now. Haley needed to be a top priority or … or else. "I'll see you soon." She ended the call, and went to hand the phone back to Haley, but she wasn't there. Brooke turned around and went to the living room, expecting her to retreat back to Nathan. But she didn't find her there, all she found was the person that was killing the insides of her former best friend, and he slept peacefully not caring about the storms he brought into the house.
Brooke found Haley in the room closest to the top of the stairs; she soon realized that it was Jamie's room. The room looked like a sanctuary for a five year old boy, but it did not protect Jamie from the world, let alone the words. Haley was laying in Jamie's bed, holding on tightly to one of Jamie's stuffed animals. Brooke sat down, and moved some hair away from Haley's face, revealing new tears. She never had the opportunity to let them out like this before; she was sure that there were still many that were to be shed.
"If it wasn't for him," Haley emerged from the ball she had formed on the bed, and looked at Brooke, "if it wasn't for Jamie," she shook her head, not sure what was the ending to the statement was.
Brooke again was speechless, there were some statements that just didn't merit responses, and there was just nothing she could say to make it better. And that is all she wanted to do.
"I just want what is best for him – that is all I want. And if my needs take a backseat, I am okay with that. I am okay with that Brooke, just as long as he is safe."
"He is safe, Haley. And there are so many people who care for him."
"I want him to know how much I love him."
"Haley, the whole world knows how much you love that little boy."
"But I keep sending him away."
"You are protecting him, and he understands that."
"I just want to hold on to him and never let him go; I want it to be safe."
"Your arms are always going to be safe to him. No matter if he is five, or sixteen, or a married man. He knows how much love resonates from those arms," she says touching them, as if Haley needed to know which arms Brooke was talking about.
"I just want to hold him," she repeated. There were so many days that she didn't get to do the things she wished she did with Jamie. He had just started kindergarten and Haley hadn't even met his teachers. They probably thought she is neglectful, which is the complete opposite of the case. But nobody knew it, nobody but her.
"You will, you will hold him forever."
They just sat there for awhile, not really saying much, both contemplating about the lives they were living. They both thought about how they had seen their dreams in front of them, but they didn't know how quickly they could or would be taken away.
Their thoughts were interrupted by a man with sandy blonde hair just taking in the sight before him, "How are two of my favorite people?"
Haley got up from the bed and went into his arms, again no words were said. And she cried into his chest, and Lucas did not let go. He looked out at Brooke; her face answered any questions that he would have asked.
When Haley broke free from Lucas, Brooke stood up, and put an arm around her, and looked at Lucas, "Luke, I am going to take Haley for a walk, she wants someone to be here in case Nathan wakes up."
"I'll sit with him," he would do anything that Haley needed, but he wasn't sure what he would say to Nathan if he woke up. The words would be laced in anger, but maybe that is what Nathan needed to wake up from the nightmare lifestyle.
They trekked downstairs, and catching a glimpse of Nathan stirring, Haley tried to get out of the walk, "He is about to wake up, I should really be here."
"What is it that you are so concerned about, Haley? What is going to happen if you aren't here?" Brooke asked coming to the realization of the gist that Haley was speaking of. Was something going to happen if she wasn't there, or was she simply stuck in normalcy that she couldn't break through?
"I have to be here for him."
"What happens if you aren't?"
"I don't know," it was a truthful statement, she didn't know, but she also didn't want to find out, she feared it.
"He is just going to have to settle for me today," Lucas said kissing his friend on the forehead, "go on, we will both be here when you come back."
Brooke gently tugged Haley along, as her eyes remained on Nathan. They were at the door; Brooke had her hand on the knob, when Haley pulled back again, as in realization, "I can't go out there, Brooke."
Brooke was starting to wonder if she was ever going to get Haley out of the door, "Why not?" She wanted Haley's reasoning so she could come up with a reason why it was absurd.
"Not like this," indicating her appearance. She had not ever gotten a chance to dress for the day and the outside world, the one in which did not reside in her home.
"It is who you are," and it was true, she shouldn't have to cover it up.
"I don't want anyone to see me like this."
"What would happen if they did?"
It stumped Haley, but through careful consideration of her words, "Then they would know," looking at Brooke.
"There shouldn't be anything to hide; you shouldn't have to hide who you are."
"But it is so much easier to do," the truth comes out.
"Let's go, and if the world sees you, so what, Haley? Stop covering who you are," Brooke's last statement got Haley out the door, but not quick enough to hear Nathan wake up. Brooke didn't let her turn around, but she knew it pained Haley to not be there. Sometimes the road was cemented in more pain before healing began. It was going to hurt a hell of a lot more before things felt better, or normal. And not the normal they were all living, a normal that was filled with happiness and love, and a mother and a son not having to be protected every day.
AN: Please let me know if you like or dislike where the story is going. I know that it is full of angst, but it takes a lot of it before happiness reemerges. I hope that is okay. I want to get a feel on the course of this story. Thanks all. Peace.