"Can you search down inside, let go of your pride.

Forget trying to win, just let you in.

I didn't travel this far; to watch it all fall apart,

So give me your hand, and take a chance.

I know rocks turn to sand,

And hearts can change hands,

And you're not the blame, when the sky fills with rain,

But if we stay or walk away, there's one thing that's true.

I still love you, I still love you."

-Alexz Johnson – "I Still Love You"

"Your carriage awaits you, fair maiden" I chuckle down the intercom.

"Moron" I can hear her giggling, "I'll be right down"

I back away from her door, and walk over to the department issued pick-up. I sigh as I rest against the driver's side door.

I glance down at myself, foot propped up against the door, arms folded, grin across my face, aftershave smells dancing around my nose.

I look like I'm here to pick her up for a freaking date.

I change my position slightly as she walks through her building door.

Turning, she looks at me and narrows her eyebrows, and laughs lightly as she locks the door.

"What?"

"Nothing" she laughs as she shakes her head and moves towards me "You just like you're stood there waiting to pick me up for a date or something." She smiles as she kisses my cheek lightly. "Morning"

"Morning" I smile as I too kiss her on the cheek. "Now, get in the car, wiseass, I'm starving."

She rolls her eyes as she walks over to the passenger side "And I bet you had something before you left."

"Damn right," I grin, "Now, where bout's you taking me?"

"I'm paying?" she mock gasps.

"I'm paying for gas. With the extortionate prices nowadays, I'm economy driving."

"Literally." She chuckled as she buckled herself in, "Fancy going to Fred's. Haven't been there in a while. He'll think we dropped off the face of the earth or something."

"Fred's it is" I smile as I indicate and attempt to get back into the flow of traffic.

I glance over at her, smiling slightly as she changed my radio station, and then turned to grin at me,

"Don't push your luck, country girl."

--

--

"Hungry Linds?" I laugh sarcastically as the waitress walks away to place our order

"Starving" she chuckled "And what, I'm only getting pancakes, look at what you're getting."

"If you had my metabolism, you'd get the whole breakfast menu too."

"You didn't get the whole breakfast menu, Danny. Slight exaggeration"

"So."

"And, I do have quick metabolism, I just enjoy playing tennis."

"No, you enjoy whipping my ass at it," I sigh as I pour us both some coffee.

"Maybe" she shrugged. "And I can ski like nobody's business. So, I mean really, you might have a better metabolism, but I'm in better shape it'll catch up with you, I mean you already have them love handles-"

"Sticks and stones, Montana." I smile "Sticks and stones"

--

--

I look at her contently, as she fiddles with the sleeve of her cuff, a nervous habit she's had since, forever.

Wait a second - Nervous? My eyes narrow, and I see tears in her eyes.

"Linds, everything okay?"

"Yeah" she smiles, unconvincingly.

"You sure, you look a little-"

"Danny, I'm fine" she assures me.

"Well, you know I'm here," I say as I pick my fork back up and scoop some scrambled eggs into my mouth.

She nodded and cut a piece off her stack of pancakes, and raised her fork to her mouth, then dropped it back down to her plate again.

"Are you the Danny I fell in love with?"

I try to speak, but realise my mouth is full of egg. I swallow quickly, and then nearly choke from the food going down the wrong hole.

"Awesome timing, Montana" I cough as I swallow down some of her orange juice.

"Sorry – I just – are you?"

"Am I what?"

"The person I used to love."

"Well, what do you think, honey?"

"I don't know, I honestly don't know" she shrugs. "You tell me."

"Well, I don't think I'm the same person, I'm different. But I think it's good different, I'm the Danny that still loves you, if that counts for anything."

"You're also the Danny that cheated on Me." she said, quietly.

"True, and I don't have an excuse, or anything to say, other than sorry. Because I am Lindsay, I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you and lie to you."

"You didn't lie to me, you just didn't tell me."

"Which made it worse" I finish.

"Exactly." She said, voice full of hurt. "What's different?"

"With me?" I ask, and she nods her head "I'm not sure, I just am. I've realised how much you mean to me."

"What would you do if I walked away?"

"Run after you," I state, as she looks at me for the almost immediate answer I gave her, almost as if I had already thought about it "and tell you we haven't come all this way to let it all go, and that I love you. And, if you still wanted to walk away, I would let you go, as long as you were happy, and that's what you wanted, that would be all that mattered. Your happiness. And I would just make sure that you knew that I still loved you, and I always would, no matter what."

"And you'd just let me go, just like that?"

"If I knew that was what you really, honestly wanted, then yeah. I hurt you – I'm lucky you're considering giving me a second chance."

"Even though, you'd still love me?"

"If you weren't happy with me, I would have no right to keep you here with me. I'll always love you though, Lindsay. You're my first real-"

"Girlfriend?" she asks

"No" I smile "You're my first real love."

She blushes and swallows. "I wasn't expecting that."

"It's true. I love you, Lindsay. And I'd do anything for you. Even if it meant letting you go."

She nodded and turned back to her pancakes, and we carried on eating in silence.

"So you know" she said quietly, looking down at her pancakes, before turning up to look at me, "I'd never walk away."

"That makes two of us" I smile as I take her hand from across the table, and kiss it lightly.

--

--

I took a deep breath as I killed the engine, and got out, silently. I knew damn well I should be talking to her, telling her how scared I was.

And yet, I was silent. Typical.

"It's okay to be nervous you know," she smiled as she rounded the back of the SUV and reached for her kit, "When I came home from Montana, I was terrified."

"Why?" I ask, slightly amused.

"It was silly, but I thought that with me gone…." She shrugged

"What, you thought we'd realise how much you actually suck, and we can't stand you." I smirk as she throws a pair of gloves at me across the back seats.

"Talk about dramatising things, Danny. I don't know, this – it's just you."

"What is?" I muse "The crime lab?"

"Yeah" she nodded "the crime lab"

"You're talking out of your butt, Montana."

"Wiseass," she smirks "Mac's gonna wonder where we are."

"I don't see no snow – think we're okay. We haven't pulled a switch or a snow day or anything like that since that drug bust last May, and it's only 10 to 10. We're early yet."

"Haha, you're a riot, Danny." She smirked as she pushed the "up" button on the elevator,

"You know how you felt like on your first day back at school, excited to see everyone, but scared to go into a higher grade, not knowing what to expect and stuff"

"Yeah, I know what you mean" she nodded along with me in agreement. "Fear of the unknown"

"Exactly." I nod as the elevator reaches the parking garage.

I hold my arm out, hinting for her to head in before me, as I grab my kit and set it next to me.

We stand in silence for a few minutes as the elevator stops off on various floors, picking people up and dropping them off.

Finally, we're on our own for the last 5 or so floors. And I take a deep breath. "Ok, really scared now." I muse, knowing it sounds nothing like me…

"Dan" she smiled warmly "You've got nothin' to worry about, I'm right here," she reassured me as she rubbed my hand, "I'll be there through it all," as she moved her hand away from me.

I nod silently, deciding that she's too far away, and switch hands with my case.

"That isn't good enough," I say as I move towards her "I want you here," I say as I take her hand and hold it tight. "I don't want to let you go, Linds."

Lindsay glanced down at our hands wrapped in the others, tightly and smiled. She edged closer towards me, leaned up on her tiptoes, and kissed my cheek. Before moving away slightly, but still holding onto my hand,

The elevator stops, and waits a few seconds before opening the door. The butterflies and anticipation I was feeling before, was worse now. I took a step forward, and felt Lindsay squeeze my hand lightly.

Glancing down, I smile as we head off the elevator together. I take a deep breath, and realise the butterflies, and terror has instantly dissolved with the simple squeeze of her hand.

I pull her close towards me as we head towards the locker room together, and place a kiss to her temple.

She rests her head on my shoulder for a second as we carry onto the locker room – not even caring the whole crime lab was looking on in amazement.

--

--

Lindsay glanced down as she folded up her coat and placed it in her locker neatly, and smiled. "Did you see them staring?"

I can't help but laugh, "I'm surprised they didn't fall off their chairs,"

"I guess they didn't expect-"

"Daniel Messer?"

I grimace as I hear Stella's heels enter the locker room. "Over here Stell." Lindsay smiles in my direction

"So, the rumours are true, you're back?"

"No, I'm not really here. You didn't see me," I laugh. "Didn't Mac tell you?"

"None of my business. We've missed you, Danny." Stella smiles as she pulls me into a hug and then holds me at an arm's length and stares at me.

"I've missed you too, Stell."

Stella nodded and smiled, knowingly at me the moved closer, so her lips were right by my ear. "You've got something resembling the colour of Lindsay's lip-gloss on your cheek"

I can instantly feel myself blush as my hand moves to my cheek to wipe away the gloss.

"Other cheek, Danny" Lindsay smiles as she moved towards Stella and me.

"I guess I'll see you two in the staff meeting then," Stella smiled "Ten minutes, don't be late. I'll send out a search party like I did last time" she chuckled.

"Alright, alright," I sigh "Take it on the road"

"I am" Stella smiled "Good to see you, Dan."

I smile politely then turn to Lindsay as the door shuts.

"You didn't tell her, did you?"

Lindsay closes her eyes sadly, and shakes her head "I couldn't - she has no idea. No-one does."

"Why?"

"I didn't think that it had anything to do with them. They might be your friends, but they're also your co-workers, when it comes to something that personal, you just don't tell them. No matter how upset I was, I wouldn't have done that to you."

"Lindsay, who did you talk to when I was gone about it all?"

"Rick." She said simply "And even he sided with you." She smiled as she pulled me into a hug and rested her head on my chest. "I didn't have anyone else that didn't know us both, and wouldn't judge you."

I hug her tightly for a minute, before I let go of her with one hand, and hook one of my fingers under her chin, and slowly, raise her head, so we're level.

I lean forward and kiss her lips lightly, as my hand that I had let go of her with, wraps tightly around her small waist.

I feel her let out a small breath, and my hands trace up and down her back in a soothing motion.

"You're welcome." She says, and I smile.

"I think you know me a little too well,"

She chuckled and slugged me in the arm "We better go before that said search party comes looking for us."

I laugh at the memory of Adam turning on the broom closet light with us stood there, in a little "moment" then him apologising, turning the light off, shutting the door, and screaming to the rest of the lab not to go into the broom closet, because there were two rats, loud enough for us to hear him.

And we wondered the week after why there were locks on the broom cupboards after that…

"Earth to Danny? You ready to go?" she laughs as she tugs on my arm

"Now or never" I smile as I let her lead me through the door.

--

--

She lets go of my hand as we leave the locker room, and I instantly take it back, and hold it tight.

She takes a deep breath as we move towards the conference room, where, as a team, we have spent hours and hours, in briefings, analysing evidence that didn't make sense, or just having a brain storming session.

We glance up from our own thoughts, and see the room full with the team, and I head in after Lindsay – our hands still joined together.

"And I would also like the opportunity to welcome Danny back."

"Hey boss." I smile as I let go of Lindsay's hand and my hand goes straight to the small of her back, and lead her through the room, as we move to our assigned seats, next to each other.

"As I was saying-" Mac smiled as we both sat down and took the other's hand again "We need a break-"

I chuckle and stand up "Sorry, think I got the wrong room. Come on Montana, let's find Mac Taylor."

"Sit down, wiseass." Mac laughed, "See, the department is holding a small valentines celebration."

"Talk about cliché, what have they been watching, cop shops that try to divulge into the team's personal lives?" Flack teased

"Ulterior motive, I'm guessing, they claim it's because they didn't give us much time off to celebrate Christmas"

"And Valentines Day makes up for it?" Lindsay laughs with raised eyebrows.

"Apparently." Mac shrugged "If you're interested, jot your name down."

I roll my eyes as Mac moves towards the door "You are actually being serious Mac, aren't you?"

"Deadly."

"We not having a team brief?" Stella inquired

"Stella paperwork, Lindsay and Hawkes you're still on the midtown case, Danny you come sign your return to work form, then Lindsay and Sheldon can brief you on their findings and you can work trace." Mac said in one breath

"Well, nothing's changed" I muse as Lindsay passes me the piece of paper with both of our names on already. "Cheers Linds," I smirk as she stands up, seeing that she had signed both our names, with love hearts over the "I"s. "Since when have you called me Daniel, Linds?"

She winked at me, and caught up with Sheldon as he headed for trace. I could see her smiling and laughing – just like how she used to.

Flack pats me on the back as he quickly leaves the room, leaving just Stella and me, alone.

"Go on" I sigh, "What did you really want to say to me before?"

Stella pursed her lips together and bit the inside of her cheek, "I didn't want to make a scene before" she said simply, as she flicked through the case file that sat in front of her.

"In front of Linds?"

"Yeah, in front of Linds. How Danny? How could you do that to her?"

"I don't want to talk about it-"

"Funny, same response I got off Linds," Stella mused, still not looking up at me.

"She didn't know," I said, looking down.

"You know Dan, I'm not going to yell at you, or say how stupid you are, or tell you how much of a mistake you made, because I'm sure you know"

"More than you know- how do you know though?"

"That's irrelevant, but what I will say, is that for Lindsay to forgive you, and act like how she is, in front of us, like nothings wrong, so that we don't kick your ass for treating, not only a member of our team, but a friend, your girlfriend how you did – you have one serious gem there, she's a true Montanan treasure. She's one of a kind, Danny. Because if I had been dating you, and you cheated on me, hell would have to freeze over before I forgave you. Hurt her again Danny, I dare you. She wanted to be there for you- she asked me so many times what she could do to get through to you, turns out-"

"Stell, please stop" I say as I cover my ears. "I know all this, I'm trying to make this up to her, I blamed myself for the longest time, and now I need to move on, and grow up. I can't change what I did Stel, believe me – I would, but I can't."

"There shouldn't have to be anything to change, Danny." She said simply as she got up from her chair.

"Where are you going?"

"I have work to do," she shrugged "you need to go sign that return to work form." She threw over her shoulder

"Stell, come on – talk to me," I sigh as she pushes through the glass door,

"Not right now Danny, I've already said too much. Let me cool down."

"Stell" I sigh as I get up and jog after her, "Come on Stell."

"Don't Danny," she spat as she halted in the busy hallway "just – no."

I sigh heavily as I stand there, alone in a busy hallway. If ever there were a oxymoron.

--

--

"You took your time" Mac smiled, as he pulled a form out from his neat filing system and found a pen.

"Had to talk to a few people." I shrug

"Shut the door, Danny."

"That doesn't sound good," I sigh out loud,

"How was your vacation?" Mac asked as he filled out the necessary fields.

"Fine. It was nice, went to see Louie."

"That's nice" Mac nodded "Did you get in touch with Rikki?"

"You figured it out aswell then?"

"Danny, a gnat could have figured it out. Did you find what you were looking for while you were there?"

"I really did" I say honestly, "I've let a lot of things go, and the things I cant let go, I've learned to live with."

"That's very mature of you, Danny. I'm proud you took it upon yourself. You're a far cry from how you used to be, way back when."

"I'm trying my best" I shrug, "S'all I can do"

"How is Lindsay?" Mac asks as he pushes the form towards me.

"Fine" I smile, unconvincingly.

"Sure," Mac smiled as he took the form from me, "I told you so." He muttered under his breath

I cock my eyebrows and look at him, "What did you just say?"

"You, I told you so."

"Told me what,"

"It could happen to you,"

"Marriage?" I ask, humouring him

"No, love."

I smile, remembering my disgust at the very thought of falling in love. "I really do love her, Mac."

"I know," he smiles as he stands up from his desk "I can see it in your eyes."

"I don't think she believes me though, I hurt her bad."

"Yeah, and it's something you'll spend the rest of your life making up to her for, god willing,"

"It sounds like you know more about this than you're letting on, Mac."

"Sit down" Mac sighed as he patted the seat next to him on the leather couch, "Do you remember Quinn?"

"The detective from New Jersey?"

"Yeah," he nodded, "Before I go any further-"

"This conversation won't leave this room," I assure him

"Danny, I am not in any way condoning this, I just want you to learn from my mistakes."

I nod silently.

"I had a small affair with Quinn, when I was a lot younger. Claire and I – we were going through a rough patch- not that was an excuse – because there aren't any. Quinn was just there, when I couldn't see anything in the darkness"

"She was there when you needed her," I nod. "What did Claire say?"

"Claire never found out."

"You didn't tell her?" I ask, slightly shocked at the mere thought of Mac Taylor keeping a secret from his wife.

"I didn't have the heart – or courage. I'd broken my own ethical code. I would have destroyed the one person that kept me going."

"But didn't it niggle at you everyday?"

"Every second of every day – but if I wanted to protect Claire from the potential heartbreak that it would have caused her, I had to accept that feeling that I would get, reminding me of what I had done."

"Did you regret it?"

"I know they say "don't regret anything, because you meant it at the time" but there hasn't been a day passed where I haven't regretted what I did."

"Mac, why are you telling me this?"

"To be honest, I'm not sure. People aren't perfect, Danny. But we try our damned hardest to make sure the person who is perfect in our eyes is safe from the pain and suffering we cause them."

"She figured it out by herself," I say, "Lindsay, that is."

"I think Claire knew. She's the most intelligent woman I've ever met."

"You still talk about her in the first person." I say, "Like as if she's still here."

"She is" Mac said "In here" he finished as he touched his heart. "She maybe gone physically, but I will never forget her."

I nod silently; feeling a little over-emotional at how much Mac had shared with me.

"I think I need to talk to her," I say in realisation "I mean like, really talk to her."

"Maybe" he nods "In your own time though" he adds quickly.

"Don't worry, I'm here to work, not to sort out my love life." I smirk as I stand up.

"It's good to have you back Danny," Mac smiles as he offers his hand to me.

"Thank you, Mac." I say as I pull him into a hug. "For everything."

He didn't say a word, but the look on his face told me all I needed to know.

There was a light at the end of this long tunnel. And that light, was Lindsay.

--

R&R? It's much appreciated :D