Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, I'd be concentrating on messing with the televised and serialized lives instead of these. And I don't own the Dir en Grey song, either.
AN: Fair warning, Hidan may be really OOC. I know that not any of them are really as they would be in the show, but Hidan is a little… strange.

Bright and early on a warm Saturday morning, the phones in the Uchiha household rang, setting off a soft groan and a large dose of profanity. "God damn it, fucking telephone… SASUKE! GET THE PHONE!" Itachi shouted, pulling a pillow over his head

"It's Hidan." Sasuke was looming over his elder brothers bed moments later, phone in hand.

"Of course it is…" he sighed, taking the hand set and sighing. "What the hell do you want Hidan?" He spared a glance at the clock near his bed, moaning loudly as he noted that it was barely seven AM.

"I have horrible news. My cousin is in town for a few days." Hidan spoke.

"What in all eleven hells does this have to do with me?" Itachi bit in reply, unaware that his younger brother was listening in the doorway.

"I'm forcing you to come with me. I have to spend time with him, and I'm not doing it alone. And you don't get to argue, I'm not giving you a single choice in the matter."

"No way in hell."

"I said no fucking arguments!" Snarled the voice on the line, and Itachi growled in reply.

"It's not an argument. It's a statement. A fact. Simple information. I most certainly will not." He turned, sitting up and noticing the younger sibling still in his doorway. "But, I can give you something better than my company."

Sasuke's eyes widened. "What are you plotting?"

"I agree with your- oh. Perfect!" Hidan cheered, and Sasuke knew he was paling.

"Then it's settled." Itachi spoke with a sigh, listening for a moment before hanging up with a rude: "Fuck you," directed towards his best friend.

Sasuke sighed, dodging the handset when it was tossed at him. "What did you do?"

"Get ready. You're going to be picked up in two hours by Hidan. By threat of blackmail and torture, you're spending the day with him and his cousin. To make it more interesting and, I quote, he said 'tell him to invite that one blonde kid that chucked Deidara's car keys off the overpass on the high way. I like that kid.' So try and bring Naruto." He waved Sasuke off, putting the pillow back over his head. "Now leave me, my mistress sleep calls me."

The next twenty minutes was spent with Sasuke attempting to stir Naruto from his state of death-like sleep. On the fifteenth call, there was a sign of life. "Nnn. Sasuke? What's wrong?" Naruto's clearly tired voice asked.

He explained his situation, and received a sigh. "Please Naruto?"

Silence. More silence. Then, finally, "Fine."

"Thank you! You need to be over in an hour, no more, alright?"

"Yes, yes, alright." And then he hung up.

Sasuke sighed, going to take a shower. "On my day off, no less…" He grumbled, going about his routine.

-

"I'm coming in, so don't nobody be naked!" A chipper sounding Naruto spoke as he entered Sasuke's house, wearing a black Psycho le Cemu tee and jeans.

Sasuke was seated on his bed, putting on his shoes. He wore a plain blue tank top with a black sweater and black cargo pants. "Hidan should be here in ten minutes. He called saying he was coming earlier. We even came up with a plan to piss Itachi off. Here, I'll let you in on it."

"This should be good." Naruto commented with a grin, taking a seat on the floor and listening intently.

-

Wake up you're dead

Doing meaningless shit over and over

I'm just a third-rated star covered in blood

See the prince on the rocking horse, his polished face looks cool

I'm just gonna spill my guts on you

Under the name of Justice

You can't break my soul

Under the name of Justice

Kill yourself

Think, you moron

Fall out of line you cockroach

Right, left, front, and back, it overflows with despair and pain

They say this anger, this emotion, and this passion is all a lie

Wither…

I'm not even trying to justify myself

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SHIT?!" Itachi could be heard throughout the house, even though the three other occupants were standing next to the cranked stereo in the living room, playing the song 'Clever Sleazoid'(1).

"Told you it would work."

"Hidan, cranking a symphony would piss him off." Sasuke countered.

"Which is why music like this works much better. It's louder." The silver haired man grinned. "Now, we've got to go. Can't leave my stupid cousin Kabuto(2)," he spit out the name, "waiting in the car for too long."

"We're leaving Itachi!" Sasuke shouted upstairs to his brother, and they left, the music still flooding the house. There was a mangled cry from upstairs as Itachi realized he had to get up if he wanted peace.

-

"So, what's it like being related to the moron of all morons?" Hidan asked Sasuke as they waited in the particularly vulgar traffic.

"Itachi's not so bad." Sasuke replied.

"You're kidding me?"

"No way." He replied, looking over at Naruto, who was singing along to a song in his head. "Naruto."

"What?"

"What are you doing?"

"Being creative. Shut up."

"This is weak conversation." Kabuto commented absently, taking off his glasses and using a cloth to clean them.

Hidan looked over and snorted. "You are such a dork." He bluntly told his cousin, and he promptly ignored the retort that the boy was going to make by directing his attention back to Sasuke.

"Okay. Sasuke, you have your eyes on any girls around town?"

Sasuke remained silent.

"Come on, I won't tell anyone. Well, maybe Deidara. And Kisame. And possibly your brother. But that's it."

"I don't like any girls."

"Oh come on. You're a young man, for crying out fucking loud. You have to be attracted to someone."

"I don't like any girls." Sasuke replied bluntly.

"Sasuke, stop lying. You're bound to- oh." He grinned, looking back via rearview mirror. "So you love the men, eh?"

Sasuke glared at his brothers best friend, but nodded. "Yes."

"So, you like any men around town?" Hidan asked, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel.

"Nope…" Sasuke lied convincingly, and Hidan nodded with a sigh. The rest of their commute passed in silence.

-

"You took a bunch of grown men to an amusement park?" Sasuke asked, gaping at the tall roller coasters and many concession stands.

"We're all like big children." Was Hidans simplistic answer.

"I'd like to think I'm more mature than that." Kabuto mentioned, wandering after a cheering Naruto, who had just discovered the funnel cake vendor.

"Kabuto, you're a goddamn stick in a piece of muddy shit." Hidan replied, pushing his cousin out of the way and rushing after Naruto to drag him to the roller coasters before he put food in his stomach.

"I wanna eat!" Whined the blonde, but the man a few years his senior would have none of it.

"We're riding every ride that might make you puke, gorging ourselves on crappy, overly-expensive food, and then riding the mellow rides and laughing at them!" He announced, forcing everyone into a line.

Hours later, a fatigued Kabuto, starving Naruto and Sasuke, and still over-enthusiastic Hidan were gathered at a table, everyone eating something or another. "Okay, now can we go home?" Kabuto asked, taking his glasses off and cleaning them again.

"No! We have mockery on the agenda! Mockery!" Naruto protested, smoothie spray dotting the leftovers of his pretzel. Sasuke stared strangely at his good friend before shaking his head, gulping down the last of his root beer. "So Hidan, what ride are we going to be dragged on now?" Naruto then asked.

"The patented Tunnel of Looooove!" Hidan faked a swoon, pulling Sasuke into his embrace and beginning to sing in French.

"Good lord…" Kabuto mumbled, ignoring them as strangers near them stopped to stare.

"Let's just get this over with." Sasuke suggested, pulling away from the still serenading Hidan.

"On one condition. I want to talk to Sasuke about something private, so, unfortunately, Naruto, you're with Kabuto."

"Damn." The blonde commented, linking arms with his best friend nonetheless. "Let's get this over with!"

The line was longer than it should've been, and the ride was having some problems. People who wanted to go on it were doing so at their own risk. Of course, Hidan was a daredevil, so they were still stuck into following his demented schedule.

Once in their little boats, Hidan looked at Sasuke and struck up a conversation instantly. "Sasuke, you like Naruto, don't you?"

Sasuke's eyes widened, and he was silent for a moment. "How did you know?

"It's obvious. You keep looking at him with a longing and caring look in your eyes, and that one woman who was checking him out received such a possessive glare from you…"

"It was the man behind her. I wouldn't feel threatened by a woman."

"Oh. Naruto's like you and me, is he?"

"And Itachi." Sasuke stated with a nod.

"Wait, what?! Itachi's gay?!" Hidan gaped. When he received a nod in confirmation from Sasuke, he clapped, standing in the boat like an idiot and having his head ram into the beam they were passing. He crumpled, falling against Sasuke.

"Hidan?!" Sasuke shouted in pure worry, grabbing his brothers friend carefully and shouting when he felt and saw blood in the dim lights. "Someone, stop the ride!" And a minute later, the entire thing came to a grinding halt.

Meanwhile…

"You and Hidan really don't like each other, do you?" Naruto asked Kabuto as soon as the two young men were situated in the slightly cramped boat.

"We grew up hating each other. We've matured now, but it's not that different. I don't like him. He doesn't like me." Kabuto was gazing at Naruto, having been unable to take his eyes off the blonde since the car ride.

"Why are you hanging out with him today then?"

"It wasn't my… here. We can still get out now. Want to ditch the ride and meet them at the other end?" Kabuto asked, and Naruto nodded, standing and jumping to the wooden platform, weaving through the line until they were walking alone the sidewalk on the way to the exit of the ride Sasuke and Hidan were on.

"So… why exactly were you and Hidan supposed to spend the day together?" Kabuto glanced at him, eyes darkened by emotions Naruto couldn't place.

"I've been in trouble with the law... I was in jail for a while in my early teens, and my mother doesn't trust me alone anymore. She had business to take care of, and will for a couple of days, so I'll be stuck with Hidan till she gets back."

Naruto stopped, turning to Kabuto and looking at him. "What were you in trouble for?" He asked.

Kabuto turned to face Naruto, taking a step closer. Suddenly, Naruto knew exactly what the look in his eyes was. Lust. Naruto took a step back and stumbled against a wall, gasping as Kabuto continued to advance. "W-what were you in prison for?" Naruto stammered, letting out a dry sob when he felt the wall he was against give way and he tumbled back against the floor.

Kabuto stepped over him, letting the public bathroom door close behind him and the soft click of a lock follow. He loomed over the blonde, a devilish smirk on his face, his eyes smoldering with sick desire. The silver haired man bend down, straddling Naruto's waist and leaning forward, tracing his fingers over the younger mans jaw.

"Rape, Naruto. I was jailed for rape. And right now," he ducked his head and licked from the nape of his neck to his jaw. "I'ma' gonna make you feel good."

Owari
Well, again there was a wait, and there will be in the future as well. But, guess what? Poetry next chapter! (That means Gaara, so yay.)

(1) The song is found on Dir en Grey's album 'The Marrow of a Bone'.

(2) YES, I made Kabuto Hidan's cousin. And YES, I can do that. Why? I'm writing the story.