AN: So here it is, the long awaited confrontation. I got into two bouts of inspiration or something, so I am glad that I am able to finally present this chapter to you. Please enjoy.
It is hard to imagine that only 24 hours earlier they had left, but as soon as they pulled into Lucas' driveway, they knew they were home. Brooke was pleased to report that she had returned with a whole lot less baggage than she had left with. She looked to her friend helping her son out of the car; her baggage was still heavily weighing her down. Haley eyes were tired and fearful. Fear of what was about to happen.
After Jamie had fallen asleep the night before, the girls stayed up most of the night talking. They were able to catch up on the last four years. It might not have been the best time, but the time between them would continue to extend if it wasn't brought up. So they reminisced about their pasts in which the other wasn't apart of.
In the driveway they shared the present, grateful they were both apart of it. Unfortunately for them, the future was still unsure. And it was all up to Haley now. Both of their futures were left in the hands of her now.
Lucas and Lindsey heard the car doors slamming, and quickly came to their help. The second Jamie saw his uncle he went running. Again another sign that the boy was still young and innocent, his sadness easily pushed aside as his happiness came in the form of one of his favorite people in the world.
"J. Luke," he had to admit that he missed the little boy. Lucas had seen Jamie every day for the last four months. Jamie was the reason that Lucas was able to remain sane in the face of the adversity that had been going on between his brother and his oldest friend.
"Uncle Lucas," he said jumping into Lucas' opening arms and told him of all is encounters – in one breath. "I made my own magazine and I got to ice skate in the park, and I had the best food ever," and then added in a whisper, "don't tell my momma."
"I won't, I promise," he amused his nephew. Lucas then looked to Brooke and Haley. He could instantly see the relief off of Brooke's shoulders; color that wasn't there when she had left was plastered on her thin cheeks. She was changed, he was not sure what had happened in New York, but for Brooke, he could conclude it had been for the best. However for his friend, there was no color at all. He handed Jamie off to Lindsey, and she knew what to do. She gave a quick glance to the girls and brought Jamie away from the talk that was going to quickly follow.
Haley allowed Lucas to embrace her, but she was distant and didn't even put her arms around him. Silent tears fell from her eyes just knowing what was going to happen soon. She was scared. She was more scared now than when she was left alone with the angry and drunk version of Nathan. She was scared, because she didn't know what the end result was going to be this time. And she was scared because she didn't know any other way than to love Nathan.
Lucas held Haley tighter to somehow make up for the lack of reciprocity and eyed Brooke. They had talked late into the night about the situation after Haley had finally fallen asleep. Brooke hadn't told him her story, but it wasn't as important, especially now. It was about Haley, and it always would be. At least for now. She needed the support of anyone in her path, because without it, no one was sure enough to say she would make it alone. Even the once indestructible Haley James Scott couldn't make it alone.
"How about we go talk on the porch?" Lucas softly spoke as he led Haley without really giving her a choice. Brooke followed behind them.
Once they sat down silence filled the space around them – again. Haley didn't want to look up into Brooke and Lucas' eyes. She didn't need to look up to know what they wanted from her. They wanted her to tell them what was next, or how she was feeling. What would answering those questions really do? It couldn't do anything. The only thing that she could do was to talk to Nathan. But she was afraid one step alone and she would crumble to the ground. And this time, well this time she might not be able to get up.
Lucas asked to speak to Brooke alone, away from Haley. He didn't want her to hear what he was going to say. He was so worried about her, and he had to save her, yet this hero didn't know what to do. Lucas was just hoping that Brooke was studying the hero manual.
Haley barely acknowledged them leaving and this scared Brooke. This picture of Haley was an almost exact replica of herself several times before. The only hope she had leaving the sight was knowing that her picture had been broken. Before she listened to what Lucas had pulled her away to say she took one final snapshot of her friend. It would be the last one.
"You didn't tell me that she was this bad," Lucas informed her, glancing at Haley again, it was hard to look away.
"Luke, no words over the phone could have possibly done justice to the state she is in. And you knew it was bad, you have been living with this version of Haley for months," slightly surprised by his naivety.
"No, I have not been living with this version," pointing to her, but quickly withdrawing his arm so Haley would not know the subject was of her. "The Haley I have been living with has never shown one ounce of sadness on her face. It has been in her eyes, always in her eyes," pointing to his own to exemplify. "But never like this, never plastered for the world to see," each word pained him; it pained him that his friend's life and her face had been filled with pain. He did not know why but his words were out of anger, he realized that it was being directed towards Brooke, and she didn't deserve it. He caught his breath and spoke again, "Brooke, she has been faking it for so long. But not now. Now it is like she had given up. And Haley never gives up. What does that say?"
"It says that she needs us, Luke. It says that we have to be there for her. It says that Haley is human, and we have to take her down from the pedestal we have placed her on."
They look over to her concurrently, and she was not there. "Where did she go?" Lucas said sporadically looking around.
Brooke however was calm, "Luke," she called to get his attention. They would have seen Haley if she ran past them. Over the last few days Brooke realized that when Haley went missing, when she had to run, it was to one person. It was to Jamie.
"What? What Brooke?" still looking around for Haley.
"Lucas, stop, stop," placing a hand on his arm.
"Brooke, she is missing," not understanding her tranquil nature.
"Jamie," was all she needed to say, but she continued, "she went to him."
Lucas put a hand to his mouth, in a palpable sense. And then Brooke walked inside to check on Haley. She found Lindsey instead. It was not the scene that she was expecting.
"All I did was go to the bathroom, and when I came back, they were gone," she was obviously distraught. One hand on her hip the other running through her hair pacing as she was completely unsure to how this had happened.
"What do you mean gone, Lindsey?" she asked though Brooke knew what gone meant.
"She came in and sat next to Jamie while he ate his cereal. She didn't say anything just watched him and ran her hand through his hair. I left for two minutes, and when I came back Jamie and Haley had left."
"How could she have left? How could we have let her leave?" Lucas demanded, slamming his fist against the door.
Brooke tried to calm down Lucas; she was the only one who could. Brooke could see that Lindsey's face was covered in guilt, "It's not your fault, Lindsey."
"It was two minutes," she said again in disbelief of what had happened in the short duration.
"Where would she go?" Lucas asked sharing his fiancée's incredulity.
Brooke understood, Brooke knew, there was only one place that Haley would go, "Nathan," she said looking up to Lucas and then to Lindsey.
"Let's go," Lucas said not wanting Haley to spend one minute with Nathan without his security.
"Wait, Lucas, just wait," slowing him down once more.
"I don't understand you. Why must we wait?"
"She has to do this herself."
"Time and time again we have concluded she is not safe in his presence. Yet you want me to wait here. I'm sorry I cannot do that, Brooke. I cannot let her be there alone," he ran out of the kitchen without even giving Brooke a chance to catch up.
"She is not alone, she has her son," she called up in unmerited prevail. Brooke trusted Haley to confront Nathan, but she did not trust Lucas' anger towards his brother for the pain he inflicted on his best friend. She signaled to Lindsey to follow her as she made it outside as Lucas sped away in his car. Brooke realized that Haley had taken the rental car – when they arrived back Lucas and Lindsey's appearance contributed to Brooke neglecting to remember the keys.
"My car," Lindsey tapped her arm indicating their ride to save Haley. She handed Brooke the keys because she knew that she was not stable enough to drive.
As she quickly started the car she took note of Lindsey, "She is okay," it was short but it was the truth. Well at least it had to be.
"I don't know if I can trust that anymore, Brooke."
"Why are you giving up?"
"I am not giving up. I just have never seen pain like this before," she paused to recall her commentary on the scene in the kitchen. "When she came in she didn't even acknowledge me. She didn't speak, not even to Jamie. It was like if she spoke then she would break. I have to tell you I was afraid I was going to be cleaning up her pieces. She is so frail. The look on her face read withdrawal, like she had given up. I saw it and I still left. I left and then she was gone."
"Don't take it personally. And the reason she left was because she hadn't given up. Not yet at least. If she had given up completely, Haley would still be in the kitchen. She's not in the kitchen, Lindsey."
The ride was always short, but there was so much between the houses. The minutes had been short but so much could have been done. In only seconds Haley's whole life was changed by Nathan's accident. Minutes could be devastating.
Brooke parked the car, looked to Lindsey asking if she was ready. Without giving her a chance to respond, she ran towards the door that Lucas had left open. Brooke didn't even take enough time to breathe as she stepped into the house. She knew where she needed to be but at the same time minutes had passed. What could have minutes done this time?
Her eyes first went to Haley covering Jamie in the corner. Then it was Lucas and Nathan she was drawn to. Nathan sat defenseless as his brother tried to punch him. "Lucas," Brooke screamed grabbing his arm only to get an elbow to the head. She fell to the ground. This ended Lucas' rage as he realized what he had just done.
"Brooke, I am so sorry," he bent down to her as Nathan fell back into the couch in relief that Brooke had come to his rescue.
Brooke put a hand to her head, she was okay, the sudden shock of the elbow caused her fall. "Help me up," ignoring his apologize as she gave him her arm.
He tried to rationalize, "You know what he did to her, just look at her. I had to, I had to save her," but she didn't want to hear it.
"You look at her, Lucas, look what you did," indicating Haley's newly petrified state. She had just conjured enough courage to speak to Nathan, and Lucas came running through the door ceasing any forward progress.
Lucas turned to see her, really see her. Brooke was right though, he had done this. He had done it now. Haley was shaking, scared at the person who ran through her home attempting to attack her husband. He was that person. What did he do? What did he do to his best friend? He got closer to Haley and Jamie, and fell to his knees. He carefully put a reaching hand out to gently place it on her shoulder, but she flinched. "Haley, it's me," as if she didn't know the recipient of the hand from the cracking voice.
Her eyes peaked out from underneath her shielding shoulder to see a pleading Lucas.
"Haley, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you," his lips trembled. "I just couldn't see you like this anymore. I was so angry at what he did to you. I thought I could help you. But I couldn't, I couldn't save you," and then Lucas Scott broke his stoicism, tears escaped his eyes.
Haley had only seen Lucas cry after Keith had died. Lucas had loved Keith as the father he was to him. Now Haley was the recipient of his tears. Last time it was death, and now it was her. Now it was her, how close to death was she? This time though it wasn't physical death, just the death of her former life, or her formerly stable emotions. She slowly emerged from her protective cover of Jamie. She saw the raw emotion on her best friend's face, and she knew that Lucas had not intended to scare them. She saw that now.
Jamie escaped from Haley's grip as Haley fell into Lucas' arms. Brooke was ready to prance at any moment, watching to see Jamie's next move. She didn't have to follow him far; he landed in Nathan's lap. Brooke was sure that Jamie's embrace startled the hell out of Nathan. But maybe that is what he needed, to be startled by the one person who might still be able to change things. Nathan didn't know what to do, but as Jamie held on tighter, he slowly put his arms around his son. Something he hadn't done in way too long.
Lindsey was taken aback by the entire scene. She had never seen Lucas' tears; he was always strong, unstoppable. But not right now, he was rung with an emotional flood. And Haley well no words could justify her current state of mind. Brooke held back, but Lindsey knew that she would be where she was needed as soon as she knew where that was. She hadn't seen Nathan in months; Haley never let her in the house. He was a wreck, he looked awful, and she knew his emotions were not in check either. And Jamie, poor Jamie, stuck in the middle of it all.
Brooke broke the scene. The way it was currently would not solve anything. Haley needed to speak with Nathan, that was the only way that anything would be resolved. No amount of embrace would repair what had been done. Only words and the words had to be between Haley and Nathan. "Jamie," she called, "c'mon, Jamie, how about you go show your Aunt Lindsey your toys."
He pulled back from his dad to see the voice that was calling his name. "I want to stay."
"Buddy, your daddy and your mommy need to talk."
"I want to stay," he repeated.
"Jamie, you can't stay," she thought that the urgency in her voice would influence him.
But it didn't, "I have to stay."
Haley pulled back from Lucas when she heard her son's heroic pleas. "Jamie, Honey."
Jamie didn't even let Haley say what she wanted to say. He vowed to protect his mother, and even though he was in the enemy's lap. He would not falter; heroes are heroes regardless of age. "I am not leaving. I told you I wasn't going to leave you. And I am not."
Haley used Lucas' shoulders to help herself up and walked over to the couch. She sat down next to her son and her husband. "I love you so much." It wasn't clear who exactly she was talking to.
Lucas and Brooke took this as a cue to head towards the door. It was time for the Scott family confrontation. Before they could, Jamie stopped them; well he stopped one of them. "Brooke," the little boy got off the couch and went over to grab her hand, "you are part of this family now."
"Jamie, I can't," trying to prevent him from dragging her over there.
"Yesterday you told your mom that we were your family now. Your family needs you. I need you."
How could anyone resist the little boy? For afar Haley was grateful that Jamie made the plea that she could not. She was trying to gander all the strength she could to say the right words to keep them together. But she wasn't so sure she had them. Haley knew that Brooke would provide them if need be.
Lucas and Lindsey did not seem to be offended, and they slipped out the door. They knew that they didn't belong there at that moment. They knew they were not unwanted or any less of the family. But something happened in New York. Something they were not a part of. Right now was the continuation.
Brooke allowed Jamie to gently pull her over to the opposing couch so they were parallel to Nathan and Haley. Now the only factor remained was for the first person to speak.
Of course it was Jamie. "Well aren't you going to tell her you love her too," certain that the previous words of affection were towards his father. Jamie knew how much his mother loved him, at that moment the words were not necessary for him. They were for Nathan.
Then he spoke, Nathan spoke for the first time, and what they didn't know was that he was completely sober. The last sip of alcohol he had had was with Brooke. They didn't know it now, but he wasn't ready to lose his family. He just wasn't ready to admit it. "I don't think it was addressed towards me, Jamie."
"It was," Jamie informed him.
"Was it?" Nathan turned to Haley, speaking to her for the first time with a tone other than anger. He wanted to know her response, because he could not even fathom somebody loving a person after the hell he had placed her in.
She nodded her head, and bit her lip because she knew more tears were going to fall. She loved him today, and yesterday, the day before, she always loved him. It might have been difficult but there was not one day in the last four months that she woke up and the love was absence. A lot of things were absence, but it wasn't her love for him. She vowed forever.
"I told you so," the precocious boy told his father. The next statement could not have possibly been from a boy of his age, but it graced his lips, "I don't know why though."
It shocked the adults what the boy had said. Brooke questioned Haley's love along with Nathan, but Jamie was the only one courageous enough to say it.
The moment of truth, "Neither do I, Son," admitting it to the room.
Haley was ready now, she was ready to speak, and she was ready to tell Nathan about the last four months. The last four months that she had been living without him. "I will always love you, Nathan. If today is the last day, I will still love you tomorrow," as much as she wanted the final result to be fairy tale worthy, she still was unsure. There were still matters of the heart to address, and one very important person to protect – Jamie. "If our forever lasted 7 years, it will not cease the love that I have so deep in my heart for you. You were and always will be my first love, and that is not something that can ever be erased. No matter how many years past us by, my love for you will remain intact."
"Why are you acting as if it is already over, Momma?" he didn't understand. He knew the possibility of two separate households might be on the rise. But he felt as if the first thing his mother said to his father was goodbye.
"It isn't over, Jamie. I just wanted your dad to know how much I love him."
"Almost as much as you love me?"
"I could never love anyone more than you."
"Even Daddy?"
"Even your father."
"It is okay if you do," he informed her, hoping that maybe his willingness to come second would transition into a solidified reunion.
She took this opportunity to address Nathan, "Our son is willing to give up some of my love so I can give you a little more. I can't do that."
"I am not expecting you to, Haley."
"But you expected us to walk away from you when you needed your family by your side? You expected us to endure until you were ready to be a grown man again. And you expected us to go on living life as if nothing had changed, well other than your dreams of course."
He knew that her words would be painfully accurate; he just didn't know that she would actually tell it to his face. The version of his wife that he had experienced previously was not the one before him. He needed this version of Haley; they needed this version if they had any chance at reconciliation. "My whole life's dream was gone in three seconds, Haley. I was angry."
"I know you were angry, Nathan. I was able to experience this anger for months," letting him know that she knew what she was feeling, and she endured each emotion he gave off.
"I worked my whole life to be in the NBA. I thought that the scandal in high school would eradicate any chance I had."
"It used to be enough though. You asked me during the championship game if that was it, would that be enough? I didn't need it to be enough, you were all I needed."
"But things changed, and I was this close," indicating inches on his fingers.
"I know how close you were, because I was with you. I was always with you. I was standing next to you as you were accomplishing your dreams. And you know what, Nathan, it was enough."
"I never asked you to quit following your dreams."
"No, you didn't. My dream though, he is sitting across from you. I never felt obligated to remain by your side. I was proud, so extremely proud of all the decisions you made. You took a potentially career ending situation, and you never gave up. Jamie had an excellent role model in you…at one point. Now, now I don't trust you with him."
"I would never hurt him," he looked to Haley, then to Jamie, "I would never hurt you."
"You already did," Brooke spoke though she was unsure if she should have spoken.
"He is my son," not wanting to admit the pain he had caused Jamie.
"And you are Dan's son," Brooke spoke again knowing she held merit in her words.
"No, no, I will never be Dan."
"You already are, Nathan," knowing this might push him over the edge. Brooke needed him to react; she needed to see some sort of reaction. So far he had been subdued, if boiling his temper caused him to crack, then he would prove Haley's point.
"Dan killed his own brother, I am not a murderer."
"No, you are right. You didn't kill anyone, physically at least."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he demanded, his anger reaching a limit.
"It means that you did not physically kill someone. But Dan took away somebody's life, and you did the same thing. Hence why you are exactly like him."
"I am not Dan," he told them again, afraid of what else he might say with Brooke's next remark.
"No, you are worse. You took two lives."
This remark did not bode well. And when Nathan was angered by somebody's remarks, he retaliated where he knew it would hurt them the most. Haley knew this phenomena way too well. "Why are you even here, Brooke? Why must you meddle in our lives? Oh, wait a second, I know now, because you don't have somebody to go home to. You go home alone, and you are jealous of what we have, so you want to take it away from me. Leave us be, go back to New York. Nobody wants you here, nobody wants you anywhere."
Oh, Nathan Scott was the asshole of the year; he certainly did take after his father. But what Nathan didn't know was that the Brooke he was addressing was not the same girl that had shared a drink with him only days earlier. That girl was gone. And that was really going to suck for Nathan Scott.
Potentially lucky for him, his son spoke first, "I want her here, and so does Momma. She is here because we needed her. Unlike you, she actually listens to what we need. And, she is home, so don't tell her to leave."
Brooke was glad to have Jamie as her protector, if only all men had the same prototype. She realized that his words were more profound to Nathan than hers would be. But she had to tell him exactly what she was feeling. It was for Haley's sake. "Thank you, Jamie. You have got one great son there, Nate. Too bad his father is an idiot."
"I am just supposed to take all of the ridicule you are imposing on me?"
"It is an awful feeling, isn't it?"
"It sucks."
"Well by my calculations it has been about four minutes. How about you try imagining it for four months? Then you can complain about how much it sucks. Or, well you could ask an expert. Haley?"
She was not ready for this preface. This was not the exact approach she was getting at. But she would take it. Brooke had gotten him angry. The normalcy had returned for Haley. Except for one thing. Brooke had allowed her to borrow some of her strength. "You are right, it does suck. You wake up each morning just praying to all gods that it will be the day. The day that everything changes. Maybe today I can make it through the day without wanting to cry my eyes out. Nope, it isn't that day. I hate to break it to you, but tomorrow won't be either. And the next, well how about you try back next week. Month? Year? How long is this going to last? How long is the person who vowed to love me going to use words to demonstrate his affection and not his anger? Oh I waited for that day. But I got used to not getting what I wanted."
"You didn't have to stay," was it an attempt at justification?
"No, I didn't have to stay. But I was too afraid to leave."
"It was easy just pick up your feet and walk away."
"Oh, so easy? Why couldn't you have done it, Nathan? What? Oh yeah it isn't really that easy. Because if it was you would not be confined to a wheelchair and our family would be happy. We would not have been permanently scarred," she was glad that she was able to catch him in his words. But it was the complete truth. Nothing is ever easy, especially walking away when you know you should. That is the hardest possible thing. And neither Scott could do it.
"How dare you compare the two."
"How dare you believe for one second that mine was any easier. All you had to do was leave a bar. I had to leave a marriage. One is a little more binding, don't you think?"
"I know I should I have walked away, but I didn't. I didn't, and I lost everything."
"You lost basketball, you lost basketball, Nathan."
"It was everything."
"What about me, Nate? What about Jamie?"
"You apparently have a newly formed family with Brooke."
"She is always going to be apart of my family, regardless if you are."
"It looks like you made up your mind, already."
"Is that what you want? Do you want me to say it is over? And then we are done with it? Like hell I am going until I know I have fought every single battle."
"I am always going to be the enemy."
"Who else do you want me to blame, Nathan?"
"Blame the guy who did this. Go on and find him and blame him."
"I am looking at that guy."
"I didn't push myself through the glass."
"You could have fooled me."
"Brooke has influenced you too much, you are speaking her lunacy."
"Brooke has given me strength."
"Apparently not enough if you are still here, you should go ask for some courage too."
"This is all a mockery to you, isn't it? This is life, Nathan. This is our life. And you have no qualms inflicting more insult to it. Do you even realize how damaged I am?" she was finally admitting the damage causing infliction she had experienced. "I don't sleep. I don't eat. I try to give you everything you want, none of which you want. I cringe at your every word, just waiting for you to take the abuse to another level. I send away our son so he doesn't have to endure your wrath. So I take it on. But I cannot do it anymore. I am far too damaged, but you are blind to it. And up until a few days ago, so was I. I am not blind anymore. So you better open up your eyes, Nathan. If not you will be hearing the door closing." Damn was she good, her words silenced any rebut Nathan could have spoken. Haley slowly felt some weight sliding off her shoulders. For too long she had kept in all of the pain, but not now. Somebody else would endure it now, and as much as she loved him it was going to be Nathan this time. It was about time.
AN: Well what do you think? It is not over, I promise you it is not resolved yet. Please don't hate me for leaving it up in the air. Be rest assured that I am going to fight like hell to keep this family together for Jamie's sake, that is exactly what Haley is doing. So there will be more, and we will see where it leads. Aren't you proud of Haley for finally, finally telling Nathan how she feels? It is a four month build up. I can only imagine how great it feels. I will try to update as soon as the proper thoughts prosper. Peace.