(A/N: Italics are what Sasuke is reading. Regular is…well…regular. By the way, I just made up all the dates out of thin air except the first one. I'm not sure if any of the real events from the story line actually happened on that day I said they did. This chapter is eight pages long and has exactly 4,649 words! A new record! Also, I'm very tired. I got less than six hours of sleep last night. I woke up at six thirty. And I've been up since then. And I'll probably be up for at least another hour.)

Chapter 14: The Diary

Sasuke stood, frozen. "So the ice cube feels. Are. So, last night, before she had woken up, she had been dreaming of Itachi. It must have been horrible for her to have been crying. I wonder what the dream was about..." Sasuke whispered, though no one could hear him.

He turned, deciding to walk back to their apartment. On the way back, he pondered what he had heard.

Upon arriving, he unlocked the door and stepped in, immediately spotting something out of place. Bending down to look, he picked it up.

It was a small book. There were words on the back once, but now were scribbled out. Turning it over to the front, he saw more words, this time legible. Reading carefully, Sasuke realized that the words read: 'Snake's Diary. Keep out from threat of death.'

Glancing around and listening carefully, he made sure there was no one near. He knew that he shouldn't, but he was so curious that he sat down on the bed and opened the book to the first page.

December 27

Okaa-sama gave me this diary for my fifth birthday. She said that I should write things down in it. I'm not really sure what to write though. Okaa-sama says I should write my feelings because she thinks I keep them bottled up inside. She thinks that I'm just too shy and gave me this diary because she thinks that it'll help me express myself. I made her promise not to read it though. She agreed. Ah! She just said it's time for dinner, bye!

April 5

I'm sorry I haven't written in so long. I was really busy. Okaa-sama and I have been having lots of fun. But Otou-san invited the Uchiha family over on the third. He made me go play with them. Otou-san told me their names were Itachi and Sasuke. Sasuke-san was really mean to me. He pulled my hair really hard and called me a baby when I cried. His big brother Itachi-kun hugged me to make me stop crying. I like him. He's really nice. A lot nicer than that meanie head Sasuke. When Itachi-kun and Sasuke-san left, I lay in my bed and I dreamed about Itachi-kun. I woke up yesterday morning really happy. Aw. I have to go eat dinner now. I'll write more later, if I can. Bye.

Sasuke paused in his reading. Quietly, he spoke. "Was I really that horrible to her when we were little? No wonder she didn't like me when we were genin. Or now for that matter," he shrugged and looked at the next entry. It had tear splotches on it, as though Hinata had been crying when she wrote it.

March 28

I'm a big sister now. But I don't want to be! I want Okaa-sama to come back! Otou-san was crying today. I've never seen him cry. When my little sister was born, Okaa-sama didn't come out of the room with her. I asked Otou-san where she was and he said she left. He said she had gone away and she couldn't ever come back. I started crying, just like my little sister was, and Otou-san cried too. I really miss Okaa-sama, but Otou-san says she's happier now. That helped make me feel better, but I still really, really miss her.

February 19

I haven't written in forever! It's almost been a whole year! I'm seven now, and even though I'm still really sad about Okaa-sama, I feel a little better. I missed writing in my diary, but I didn't have anything to say after Okaa-sama died. Otou-san said I should start writing again in honor of her. So I decided I would if I had something to write about. Here it is. Sasuke-san was walking home from school yesterday. He was really late and he thought he'd be in trouble. But when he got home, everyone in the entire Uchiha clan had been killed. The worst part was, they had all been killed by Itachi-kun! I felt really bad for Sasuke-san, but I didn't say anything to him when he came running here to tell Otou-san after telling Sandaime-sama. I couldn't say anything. Itachi-kun made me promise not to. See, I met him when he was running away from the village. I asked him what he was doing and he said he was following orders. I was really confused, but he told me that Sandaime-sama had ordered him to kill all the Uchihas. He didn't want to, but the council forced Sandaime-sama to make Itachi-kun kill them. I was really sad when he told me what he had to do. Itachi-kun told me that he couldn't bear to kill Sasuke, his own brother, and made me promise not to tell him what Itachi told me. I told him I wouldn't and he kissed me on the forehead! I smiled at him, even though I was crying. He asked me why I was crying and I told him that it was because he was leaving. He looked shocked, but then he smiled sadly and he told me he would see me again someday. I smiled really big and so did he, but then I heard Neji-nii-san calling me and I turned around to make sure he couldn't see us, but when I turned back to Itachi-kun to tell him to be careful and that I liked him, he was gone! I was sad, but I had to look happy when Neji-nii-san came to get me so that no one would think I met up with Itachi-kun.

Sasuke was stunned. Itachi had just been following orders? That was why he killed their family? So if Itachi hadn't really meant all those things he said to Sasuke, why did he say them? "I'll bet it was so that I wouldn't hate Konoha." He whispered, stunned. Aware that time was passing, he continued on, unsure of when Hinata would come back.

June 26

I realized that I don't really ever write in my diary more than once a year. I also realized that I haven't written in three whole years! …Anyway I'm ten now and it's been a really, really long time since I've written. Otou-san says I'm weak and he told Kurenai-san that he wanted her to teach me how to be a ninja when I get older. That breaks the tradition that all Hyuugas have of being trained only within their family before becoming a genin. Usually, Hyuugas all train at home instead of going to the academy, and then when the genin exams start, they go to the academy and try out. But Otou-san is making me go to the academy. I overheard him telling Kurenai-san about it. I don't think he meant for me to find out yet. Kurenai-san walked out and she found me eavesdropping. I wasn't crying or anything. I was just standing there with no expression on my face. She looked like she almost pitied me, but I smiled at her and started walking back the way I had come from.

September 2

I graduated the academy a few days ago and Otou-sama acted like he was proud of me, but when he met with Kurenai-san, he told her that Iruka-sensei made the exam far too easy. He told her that if the exam had been worth anything at all, then I wouldn't have passed. That time, I did cry. He thinks I'm worthless. I've only heard it a million times when he and the elders think I'm not listening. But to hear it being said to a non-Hyuuga! I've learned to live with people in my family telling me I'm not worth anything, just a waste of space, but for them to tell other people hurts. It hurts a lot. Sometimes, I wish Itachi-kun had taken me with him. I've tried to forget how kind he was to me and how much I like him, but it hasn't worked yet. I still think of him every day. I wonder what he's doing right now. Does he think of me at all? I wish I could talk to him so badly. I wish he could come back. I need someone I can trust. Someone I can talk to. I used to think that I could like someone else. I've tried admiring some of the other guys in class. I finally settled on looking up to Naruto-san. He's really obnoxious, but he's the best one of the class. I definitely don't want to even try to like Sasuke-san. He's still as rude as ever. Just because he has no family, he thinks he has the right to ignore people and glare at them like he wants everyone in the world to disappear! How selfish can one person be? It's like he thinks the rest of us have it easy or something. He doesn't know how lucky he is. He has a brother who cares more for him than he does for his own life and there is not a single person who looks down on him, well out loud anyway. I'm probably the only person who looks down on him. All the girls in the class fawn over him as though he's a god or something. He's not. He could never be. Sasuke is the most arrogant person I have ever met in my life. He infuriates me. I believe all he wants is people's attention and pity. But I could never say any of this aloud. No one should have to know of the pain I feel inside.

May 31

I'm twelve now and we have been placed in our genin teams. Otou-sama still thinks I'm worthless. Kurenai-sensei has become like a mother to me. Other than my real mother, she's the only person I've ever felt close to. My two other team mates are really kind. They are patient with me and they help a lot. I think Otou-sama did me a favour, sending me to the academy. I don't always have that pressure to be perfect on my shoulders and I feel I can be myself around them. Well, as much of myself as I can be. Their names are Aburame Shino and Inuzuka Kiba. Shino-kun seems really mysterious to everyone. He used to seem like that to me, but now I know he just covers up his eyes and face because his eyes show all of his emotions, and he can't mask them any other way (also because he has to keep his Kikachu beetles cool). He covers his face because he doesn't like people staring at him. Kiba-kun is his exact opposite. Where Shino-kun is quiet and shy, Kiba-kun is noisy and very extroverted. I'm more like Shino-kun than Kiba-kun, but Kiba-kun is a lot easier to talk to because when I speak, he focuses only on me. I changed my mind about whom I will pretend to look up to. I pick Kiba. I keep forgetting myself and daydreaming about Itachi, but I don't want anyone to worry about me. Otou-sama said I have to start thinking about my future. I know exactly what I want to do when I grow up. Be the best Kunoichi I can be so that when I meet up with Itachi-kun again, he won't see me as a weak and fragile little girl, but as a capable woman.

Sasuke realized that Hinata had been unhappy when she was younger, but he didn't know she had been this unhappy. He felt sorry for her. Almost. He decided to skip around a little bit. He flipped a few more pages until one in particular caught his eye.

July 28

Today I just got back from a solo mission. I don't remember what it was. I can't distinguish between missions anymore. They all run together. But on this one, I met Itachi-koi out there! I was so excited! I almost ran up to him and hugged him. Almost. It was the most feeling I have felt in such a long time. He told me I had grown. He also said I was beautiful and confessed that he had liked me since we had met when Otou-sama invited the Uchihas over and he had comforted me when Sasuke-san made me cry. He told me that he had always felt a kind of connection with me he had never felt with anyone before. That explained why he told me about what he had to do to Sasuke-san and why he had to leave the village. It turns out that he had thought of me every day, just as I had thought of him. He made me his that night, for he had shaken Kisame-san when he had felt my chakra nearby and searched me out. He and I promised that we would tell no one of our relationship. Any time we meet in the wood in the future, we promised that, so long as others were around, we would act as though nothing ever happened between us. But if there were no others but us, there would be no acting! It's so hard to have a relationship with a wanted ninja, but I believe that it's totally worth it.

"Wow. She…they…wow. I never imagined the trouble that Hinata would go to for him." Sasuke said, having been told by Naruto how much they cared for each other, but never actually thinking it ran that deep. He continued to read.

November 30

I don't have much time to write today, so I can't write a whole paragraph like I usually do. Guess what! I just found out that I'm pregnant with Itachi-koi's child. I'm only seventeen right now. I won't let anyone to do an analysis, but I know it's his. I have to go tell Neji-nii-san and Otou-san now. I won't tell them who the father is, no matter what they say. I would never betray him like that. Goodbye.

January 27

I'm twenty one now. Today Otou-san disowned me. Actually, let me rephrase that statement. He disowned both me and my three year old child! I don't particularly feel anything but hatred towards him for doing this to my daughter. I'm not sad that he kicked me out, a sure sign that he doesn't care at all for me. I'm not quite happy that I'm finally rid of him, either. I have nowhere to go, no one to trust, and no possessions. Rokudaime-sama offered to let me stay at the Hokage Tower. I don't want to intrude or anything, but I think I'm going to have to accept his offer. Maybe if I get him to trust me, he'll give me higher rank missions with a better chance of meeting Itachi-koi. Really, the only time I feel anything much is when I think of him. I think Hokage-sama has been watching me lately. He seems to be scrutinizing me. He probably feels sorry for me. I don't need his pity. I don't need pity from anyone. Oh yes! Sasuke-san left a few years ago. I totally forgot to note that. Good riddance, I say. Hokage-sama was kinda depressed for a while, but then Jiraya-sama offered to train him. Hokage-sama decided to leave with him. When he came back, he was a lot more mature. I didn't expect that. But it doesn't matter. Oh! I completely forgot! Hokage-sama is Naruto-kun. He finally made his dream come true when he turned eighteen. Anyway, I have to go tell Hokage-sama that I accept his offer of a house. There's nowhere else I can turn.

Sasuke skipped around some more, scanning through the pages. Finally, he found another entry that caught his eye.

October 12

Today is Hikari's fifth birthday. I'm twenty-three now, and I'm so worried about our financial status. I'm also worried about her. I haven't taken a mission since she was born, but I have to start taking them again or we will have no money left. I'm worried about how she'll take it. Hikari is so used to me being around her, I mean, I've been with her almost all day, every day. Who am I going to leave her with? Where will she stay? How will I tell her that we are going broke? How will I explain why she's never had a proper birthday party before? I can't leave her with my family, because they would never accept her. I can't leave her at a friend's house, because that would be intruding upon them too much. Besides, what if I die? Then she'll never know who either of her parents were. I'm so scared for her. Sometimes, I'll lie in bed and I'll wonder what will become of us. I worry of what will happen to her if I die.

August 22

I'm twenty-six now, and I have killed Itachi-koi. It was my worst nightmare come true. I shudder just thinking about it. Hokage-sama has been watching me for some time now. He knows I'm falling apart and he knows he's helpless to stop it. He thinks I've only just begun to break, but he is off by a long shot. My life was chipped when Itachi-koi left. It was chipped again when Okaa-sama died. It broke into small bits when I was cast upon the street with my daughter. It shattered when Itachi-koi was killed by my own two hands. I'm not dying inside. In all actuality, I'm already dead. The only time I feel now is when Hikari is around, though it pains me not to be able to tell her I'm her mother for her own protection. Who knows what the Hyuuga would do if they found out that I was alive and was Snake-sama. Imagine how they would use my daughter… Anyway, the only other time I ever feel is when I think about Itachi-koi, and that only brings pain. I have nightmares about that night many times a week, though I must lay in bed and calm my breathing quickly, for fear of waking Hikari. I need someone I can trust, not someone to pity me like Hokage-sama, or someone to fear me like the rest of the villagers, or even someone to respect me, like Hikari. I could never burden her with such a heavy weight as mine. Maybe someday, when I'm stronger emotionally, I'll be able to write what my nightmares are about. Right now, though, I'm too weak. Just like I was too weak for Itachi-koi.

Sasuke paused in his reading. Upon reading Hinata's diary, he had learned much of her past so far. "What could she have done to kill Itachi? She said she was too weak for him. Wouldn't that contradict itself? Hinata really cared for Hikari. She hid her identity for Hikari's protection. I wonder what her nightmare was about. I know it had Kisame, Itachi, and herself in it. He found the next entry was subtitled 'nightmare' and he bent over it to begin reading.

After the dream, there were two simple sentences. Please, find it in your heart to forgive me, Itachi-koi. I didn't try hard enough.

Sasuke continued through the diary. He came upon a few, more recent, entries. The first recent entry was from nine months ago.

March 7

My age is twenty-nine years. Sasuke-san finally returned after all these years. I'm surprised he didn't forget about his 'precious village'. It sickens me that Hokage-sama would let him stay here after such an obvious betrayal. Next thing you know, Deidara-kun is going to want to be allowed back into Iwagakure, and they'll actually allow him back. Then Hokage-sama has the nerve to call me into his office and give an input to whether I think he's trustworthy. I sure don't think he is. But that is based on only an opinion. I cannot tell Hokage-sama that he cannot be trusted, but I cannot tell him that we should trust the Uchiha. All I can state are facts to avoid lying. And then Hokage-sama has the gall to ask me to be Uchiha's guard for the next TWO FREAKING YEARS! That means I have to spend every waking moment (and most sleeping ones too) watching over him. I'll bet Hokage-sama is trying to set me up so I'll fall in love. When will he learn that I have not, and will not ever love anyone other than Itachi-koi! Argh! I'm surprised I can even find time to write with the pesky Uchiha around anymore. He's waking up now, I must go.

October 9

Still twenty-nine. Today Hokage-sama spilled my deepest secret. How could he!? How could he risk Hikari's safety and happiness by telling Sasuke who I am!? I thought I could trust Hokage-sama; I mean, he's never given me any reason not to do so. Until now! He has told Uchiha Sasuke who I am and most of what has happened to me in the past. I have asked Uzumaki-sama for a mission, and she got me one. The problem is not that in itself. The problem is that she got it from Hokage-sama. He is trying to make me fall in love again! He said Sasuke and I have to go to Oto posing as a couple! Hokage-sama may think he is doing me good, but he's not. He's just making my choices harder. I could never fall in love with that baka! Besides, he's Itachi-koi's brother! To fall in love with his brother would be like betraying Itachi-koi! I'm so angry right now I don't think I can stand to keep an emotionless face. I wish I had my mask back. But I had to take it off, and now everyone can see my face. I had to finally take that potion that Uzumaki-sama gave me. It turned my eyes a bright green. Sasuke took some too. It turned his eyes dull grey. I'm supposed to be on watch, but I decided that I would write in my diary too, because unlike some, I can multi-task. But I have to go now. It's almost dawn and we are going to have to leave camp for Oto's gates soon. I probably won't be writing for a while, at least, unless something major happens.

December 22

Last night, I had the Dream again. It's been two years since I last had it. I woke in the middle of the night and frightened Sasuke-kun into thinking we were being attacked. When he realized there was nothing around us and looked back at me, I saw his face change. He looked confused at first, but then his eyes softened just like Itachi-koi's used to and he sat back down on the bed. He asked me why I screamed; then, upon not getting an answer, he asked whether I was crying or not. I didn't answer, just sniffled, and he got the point. Then Sasuke-kun did the last thing I expected him to do. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder. It was almost just like That Night. I was so overwhelmed that I just flung myself at him and cried for the longest time yet, except the night that he died. The thing that surprised me the most, though, was when he actually let me. I fell asleep in his arms, and, though I know he must not have liked it, he fell asleep like that too. I woke up still in his arms this morning. I'm just getting ready to go see Suigetsu-nii. I always tell him when I have another one of the Dreams. Suigetsu is just like a brother to me, but he never calls me anything but Snake-sama. I think today I'll tell him my real name and maybe he'll start calling me Hinata? Anyway, I've got to go find Suigetsu and talk to him before Sasuke-kun wakes up…since when have I called him Sasuke-kun? Oh well, maybe Hokage-sama had a method for his madness. But I feel like I'm betraying Itachi-koi. I feel so confused right now. I need to talk to Suigetsu-nii.

And that was where the diary ended. Sasuke sat for a few moments, digesting the information he had learned.

Just as he was closing it, Hinata stormed in, veins around her eyes bulging. "What are you doing, Keijiro-koi? You know it's not nice to read a girl's diary, right? I hope you haven't started reading, because now is when you stop. I thought we agreed that was the only thing you weren't allowed to look at of mine."

"Gomen, Mitsuki-hime. I haven't read any of it, if that helps. I found it on the ground and was unsure of what it was. I was just getting ready to sit down and look for a title." Being the expert liar that he was, and the fact that Hinata didn't want him to know about her, kept his lie from being detected.

Hinata visibly relaxed and her posture grew less stiff. "Oh, well, that's okay then, Keijiro-koi. May I please have it back?" The veins of her Byakugan faded.

"Of course." Sasuke said as he handed the small book back to her. "Did you find Suigetsu?"

"Hai."

"Tonight is the Winter Festival. Are you going to accompany me to it, Mitsuki-hime?" He asked her.

"Iie, Sasuke." Hinata whispered. "It's clear."

"So, when are we going to get rid of Kabuto?"

"Tonight. When everyone is at the festival. No one would expect an attack tonight when everyone else is out enjoying themselves and the ninja are all at the party."

"Okay. What time do you think we should leave for the festival?"

"We'll be leaving an hour before our usual dinner time. We will come back an hour after our usual dinner time, when Yakushi, or at least some of his guards, should be tipsy from Sake. We will be swift and silent. I have already told Suigetsu of the plan. Make sure you don't blow it." Hinata said, sounding confident, not at all like she had in her diary entry from earlier that morning. Sasuke guessed it was from years of practice at hiding her feelings. She turned and walked out the door, placing her diary in a drawer beside her side of the bed before doing so. "Come on, Keijiro-koi! We'll be late for the Winter Festival if we don't hurry!"

"Coming Mitsuki-hime!" He called, hurrying out the door behind, preparing for a long, exhausting night of fighting.

(A/N: Wow! Really long chapter this time! Yay! I'm kinda hyper tonight. It is about twelve thirty. And SL is officially longer than 30,000 words! Hehe! Anyway, this chapter is extra-long because of the really late update last week. The only sad thing I have to announce is that SL will be ending in about three chapters. :'( Wahhh! I don't want it to end! ...Aside from that, assuming that I can type at least a little every day, I will probably be updating faster. I have everything planned out for how the next three chapters will proceed... Next chapter will be the sad ending, but then I'm going to do a happy ending with an epilogue. So if you don't wanna read a sad ending, skip the next chapter. Guess what? You know how I said I'd probably be up for another hour? Well, I fell asleep… Anyway, when I woke up this morning, I totally forgot I hadn't posted this chapter of SL. -.-' I just now realized it. Sumimasen! I apologize!)