Mistake 9
At first I tried to convince myself that it was just another crazy dream. Just like all the other ones only more realistic. But no matter how many times I told myself it didn't really happen the knotted feeling in the pit of my stomach wouldn't go away. And Casey never stopped avoiding me.
I ran down the stairs, starting for the kitchen but paused when I saw Casey reading a book on the couch. I quietly walked up behind her and leaned down so my mouth was right next to her ear.
"Can I talk to you?" I whispered.
She jumped about twelve feet in the air. I was even surprised at the lack of distance between our faces when she turned to look at me. She scooted over and then stood up. "I was just about to go…" she let her voice trail off as she walked around the couch, taking the long way to avoid walking by me and she ran up the stairs.
That was the fourth time she found some excuse not to talk to me. She was very good at avoiding things. I figured she wasn't ready to talk, so I thought I'd give her some time. I wouldn't push her.
But I was getting sick of it.
So I followed her up the stairs. I had to run and catch her door from closing with my foot. She kept pushing on it as if the door would eventually just go through my shoe.
It didn't.
"Casey just let me in," I said and pushed the door open. She took several steps back and let the door swing open quickly, hitting the wall with a loud thud.
Casey didn't say anything as I walked in and closed the door behind me. She just took a seat at her computer and turned it on, wiggling the mouse several times to make it look like she was doing something as it booted up.
I took a seat on her bed as I tried to think how to start saying what I wanted to say. "I didn't mean to—" I swallowed and forced out the next word, "—kiss you." Casey turned to look at me straight in the eye and it encouraged me to continue. "I thought I was dreaming. I was sleep deprived and didn't think it was actually—"
"So in your dreams it's okay to kiss me?" she asked accusingly.
My eyes widened. "No, that's not what I'm saying. It's not like I've wanted to dream about you. It's just been happening—"
"You've dreamt about me before?"
And the hole just keeps getting deeper. Can someone take this shovel away from me? Please?
"Casey, I can't—"
"I'm practically your sister Derek," Casey snapped. My stomach was twisting in to a thousand knots as she looked away with a disgusted look on her face.
"Step-sister," I snapped, "You don't think of me as your brother."
She looked at me again. "You have no idea what I think of you."
I glared at her and stood up. "I just wanted to tell you that kissing you was an accident—" is that disappointment in her eyes? Yeah right, "—and it won't happen again. So you can stop avoiding me." And then I left her room.
She really drives me crazy sometimes. Does she like getting a rise out of me? She always complains about how I'm such an inconsiderate and heartless jerk. Then, when I actually really do try to be nice, she makes it difficult. It's like a test or something to see how hard I'll try.
I'm not gonna try that hard. She can freaking take what she gets.
"Derek!" Dad yelled up the stairs.
"What?" I yelled back, my voice coming out harsher than it probably should have. I leaned over the railing and looked down at him.
"Get rid of that tone while you take out the trash," he answered.
I rolled my eyes, secretly relieved for something to keep me busy.
(((((O)))))
Later that night I sat in my usual chair, staring at the television blankly, without really watching whatever cartoon Marti had put on. I couldn't stop thinking about Casey and it was driving me crazy. But not in the good way, like the way she does in my dreams.
Not that I like having dreams about Casey.
Nope.
Not at all.
I sighed and ran a hand through my hair as I glanced over at Marti who was completely enthralled in her TV show. I was still pretty tired from the lack of sleep I had gotten the night before so I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. I could feel my entire body relax for the first time since that morning. My brain started slowing down and for a moment I actually wasn't thinking about Casey.
But it didn't last long.
"Derek?"
I slowly opened my eyes halfway, not able to fully get them open.
"What do you want?" I groaned. I looked up and saw Casey standing next to me. She was playing with her hands and looking around nervously, as if she wasn't sure what she wanted to say. "Casey?" I said, trying not to sound too annoyed, "What do you want?"
She finally looked at me. "Never mind," she said quickly and ran up the stairs.
I debated running up the stairs after her and forcing her to tell me what she was going to say. But I was too tired. I leaned my head back and went to sleep.
It was really early. The sun was just coming up and Casey and I were standing on the front porch. I looked around, thinking how nice it was. Everyone else was sleeping and it was just me and Casey.
I looked over at her. She had her arms wrapped around herself and she was shivering slightly. "Are you cold?" I asked. Without waiting for an answer I set my hands on her hips. She stepped close to me and I pulled her into a hug. She just rested her head on my shoulder and leaned into me.
"I'm freezing," she said.
"Do you want to go inside?" I asked. I didn't want to leave that moment with her, but I also didn't want her to get sick.
"No," she answered and I smiled a little. She tilted her head back to look at me. As I stared at her I got the familiar urge to feel her lips pressed to mine. So I leaned my head down to kiss her. She brushed her lips against mine just a little bit before leaning back just enough for her to be out of kissing reach. I grinned at her a little bit and she laughed. But I still wanted to kiss her so I leaned in again. She leaned in to kiss me too. But once again she only brushed her lips against mine.
"Casey," I moaned. I meant for it to come out in more of a warning tone, but it ended up sounding like I was begging. She giggled again before finally letting me kiss her.
I woke up and groaned. That was the cheesiest dream I had ever had. And because I had fallen asleep in my chair my back was sore. I stood up and stretched out.
At that moment Casey came downstairs, her slippers making small padding noises on the wood floor. My eyes scanned her body. She was wearing a loose pair of pajama pants and a tank top. She had put small sweater jacket type thing on over it, but it wasn't doing much.
I set my hands on her hips. She stepped close to me and I pulled her into a hug.
I shook my head to get the image out. That was definitely not something to be thinking about at that moment.
I forced my attention back to what Casey was doing. She didn't even acknowledge my existence as she walked over to Marti who was now sleeping on the couch. She leaned down to try and pick her up, but I could tell it was not going to end well. Marti was going to wake up. And if she didn't wake up while Casey was trying to pick her up she definitely would when Casey dropped her on the stairs.
"Let me do it," I said, walking over to take Casey's place in front of Marti.
"I can do it, Derek," she told me, but stepped out of the way anyway. I lifted Marti easily and held her so her head was resting on my shoulder. She made a small moaning noise. I patted her back a few times, though, and she quieted down.
"Thank you," Casey whispered as I started up the stairs.
After getting Marti in her room and going to the bathroom I decided it was time to get some much needed sleep.
But when I got to my room Casey was sitting on my bed.
I froze for a few seconds and then closed the door. When I turned to face her she was standing up.
"I decided we should probably talk about this," she said. She had obviously rehearsed what she was going to say. "It's not just going to go away. So I came up with a solution. It's not the best solution I've ever come up with but this is probably the biggest pickle I've ever been in."
"Did you just say pickle?" I asked.
She ignored me. "We should just pretend this never happened. If we try to do anything else we could start a lot of family drama. And I don't think we need that right now."
"You just want to forget about it?"
Casey froze for a second. Just one single second before nodding. "It's the best thing to do."
I clenched my jaw and looked around my room for a moment, pretending to be looking at something significant. Forgetting about it was actually the last thing I wanted to do.
Actually, no. It was the second to last thing. The last thing I wanted to do was to admit it to someone.
I looked back at Casey, locking eyes with her. "Yeah," I agreed. My voice came out harsher and colder than I had expected it to. "That's the best thing to do. Consider it forgotten."
My throat tightened up for a moment. But only a moment.