Complications
byakuxhisa4eva
IV. Lesson One: Patience and Eloquence are Virtue – PART ONE
Today was possibly one of the worst days in Ichigo's very long life. Not the worst, but it probably was up there in the Top Ten.
Ichigo glowered.
Byakuya sipped his tea.
Ichigo growled.
Byakuya continued to drink his tea.
Ichigo fumed.
And Byakuya...kept on drinking his tea.
"..."
"..."
"...You know, Kurosaki, attempting to glare a hole through me will not increase your already dwindling chances."
Ichigo let out a frustrated sigh and crossed his arms.
Now that there was no longer a pair of annoyed eyes trying to X-ray him, Byakuya continued to drink his beloved tea.
After what seemed like an eternity of silence, Ichigo felt like his head was going to burst from the overbearing lack of noise he was so accustomed too. He felt his fingers twitch. Soon after, his right eye started to follow. Then his leg...then arm...
Pretty soon, he was twitching all over, his fists clenched, trying to regain some sense of control over his body. Though, if you were an observer, such as our beloved Sixth Division captain, it looked to you like the carrot-top was either having a silent laughing fit or he was slowly losing control over his senses and was going mental.
Maybe all those battles with Kenpachi had gotten to him after all...
"Kurosaki."
Ichigo looked up, blinking at the sudden noise in the freakishly silent room, wondering what the hell caused the stony captain to talk.
"Stop twitching. You look like you're about to combust. This room is worth more than your life. I'd rather not have blood and severed limbs in my parlour. Especially yours."
Ichigo looked murderous at this point. But of course, Byakuya, being the person he was, wisely decided to ignore this.
'Think happy thoughts, Ichigo. Happy thoughts. Happy. I am calm. I am peaceful. Calm. Peaceful. I AM CALM! AND PEACEFUL!! Of course I am! Just because I'm trying to make up fifty different ways to torture and kill precious nii-sama doesn't mean I'm not peaceful. Of course it doesn't!'
Byakuya loved his tea.
'Think happy, pleasant thoughts. Amusing thoughts. Like Byakuya with an afro. Or a mohawk. Or pink hair.' Ichigo shuddered. 'Ok, maybe that last one was more disturbing than amusing. A duck Byakuya maybe? Goose? How 'bout Chappy? Yes, yes. Chappy. Like an annoying little furry beast that has somehow deluded my precious Rukia to believe in their almighty-ness. Like a disposable rodent that I can CRUSH under by all-powerful godly reiatsu.'
Ichigo smiled.
And all was peaceful.
For a grand total of six minutes.
Ichigo snapped. Unintentionally, of course.
Of course.
"DAMMIT BYAKUYA! WHAT, MAY I ASK, IS THE POINT OF THIS?! WHY THE HELL DID YOU CALL ME HERE IF WE WERE JUST GOING TO SIT AND ACT LIKE STONE STATUES!!"
Byakuya looked intently at Ichigo.
Ichigo glared.
"First Lesson of Nobility, Kurosaki: always keep your temper under control, never speak unless spoken too, and never use such...profanity. Nobles do not swear Kurosaki. We are not barbarian baboons," Byakuya said coolly, raising a dark eyebrow. "If you wish to marry into this family, Kurosaki, you will have to learn our ways. Properly."
Ichigo clenched his fists, glowered at Byakuya a bit, before plopping himself back onto the floor in a very un-noble like manner.
Byakuya frowned. This could take a little while. If Kurosaki wanted to publicly be known as his brother-in-law, he could not have him shaming the Kuchiki family.
After a few more interruption free moments, Byakuya noted approvingly, they were ready to continue. He rose, motioning for Ichigo to follow.
Ichigo was sure his jaw would have dropped if he wasn't so restrained in his actions. The huge echoing room was at least four times the size of his entire house in the human world, and the ceiling probably would have reached Hueco Mundo if it was actually possible.
It seemed as if the entire place was made of marble, with stone designs etched onto the pillars engraved in the walls that seemed to have no function except to look pleasing to the eye.
Byakuya turned to face Ichigo.
"Now, Kurosaki, you, as a Shinigami captain, must have your fair share of challenges and people provoking you on a frequent basis."
Ichigo let out a wry smile. He had more than enough challenges from Kenpachi to last a shinigami lifetime.
"Of course, you, being the barbarian you are, have probably always just accepted the challenge rashly or have lead the challenger through a wild goose chase all over the Seireitei, with no regard to the catastrophe you leave in your trail."
Ichigo looked like a deer caught in a headlight, remembering all the scoldings he had gotten from the Captain-General after all those incidents.
Byakuya did not looked surprised however, and continued to talk as if he had not seen the change on Ichigo's face.
"While it is...not ofnoticeable consequence for most shinigami to act like that, we of the noble class have different morals. We do not respond to insults in the...common way," Byakuya looked pointedly at Ichigo at this point, the distaste in his voice quite clear, "but in a refined and intelligent way of speech."
Ichigo cocked an eyebrow. "So I'm suppose to baffle them with long words?"
He was replied with a glare. "Obviously you have not been listening Kurosaki. But to put it in...simple terms, yes."
Byakuya snapped his fingers, and a servant walked in a with a ornately decorated chair, placed it near the door, and backed out slowly, his eyes never looking up. Byakuya strolled over and sat down gracefully, crossing one leg over the other. His eyes flickered to the expensive looking clock on the wall.
"They're late. I knew asking such a basic task was far too complicated for their craniums to comprehend."
Ichigo followed Byakuya's gaze to the large wall, noticing that this one, unlike it's counterparts, was suspiciously under decorated, as if this room was solely built to serve whatever purpose he was about to discover.
But knowing Byakuya and his uncomprehendable richness, it probably was.
Two sets of eyes, one emotionless, the other curious, concentrated their gazes on the blank wall, and waited.
After a short while, Ichigo could hear faint, muffled noises from the other side of the wall if he strained his ears. And slowly, they grew louder and louder...and louder, until he could pretty much clearly hear what was being said.
"Hmmm...maybe its that way! Ken-chan, com'on!"
"Grr...dammit, why are we doing this anyway?
"'Cause if we don't, I don't get any candy! And you know how much I LOVE my candy, don'tcha, Ken-chan?"
"Stupid stuck-up noble," Ichigo heard the rougher voice grumble, a sense of twisted fear and suspicion already clawing in his stomach, "Thinking that our only reason for existence is to serve him,"
Ichigo couldn't quite make out the sentence after, but he was pretty sure it wasn't the noblest of words. Something that would plummet Ichigo's chances of ever joining the Kuchiki (whether he wanted or not) into the negative infinities if they were ever uttered from his mouth. He snuck a glance at Byakuya, expecting a look of disgust on his face.
Byakuya's face, though not disgusted, was surprisingly...unsurprised. Rather, there was a single eyebrow raised, and Ichigo swore there was a ghost of a evil, very un-Byakuya like smirk on the noble's face. He blinked, and the smile was gone.
Ichigo looked at the growing voices beyond the blank wall slightly fearfully now, that and the rare smile (even if evil) on the face of the only other person in the room.
The voices intensified, until Ichigo was pretty sure they were less than three feet away on the other side of the wall. There was a small, nearly un-noticeable noise, and he turned to see the noble rise, pick up his chair, and move it a couple of meters back, before placing it down and sitting again.
The orange-haired shinigami looked at him with a confused expression, before an huge explosion caused by the sudden appearance of the hole in the wall knocked him off his feet. Coughing slightly because of the dust that now blew into the room in clouds, Ichigo was able to make out a faint silhouette. A faint, but terrifyingly familiar silhouette. One that Ichigo hoped never to see more than once a century outside of what was absolutely necessary. Ichigo prayed that it wasn't who he thought it was.
But of course, when a day makes your list of Top Ten Worst Days in your existence, and you don't happen to believe in God, praying isn't going to make a difference. If anything, it'll just worsen things.
The blurred shape spoke.
"OI, ICHIGO! What's up? Finally decided to become a real man and fight me?"
A smaller, though more energetic blob popped out from somewhere where the shoulder would be, waving wildly.
"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii ICHI-CHAN!! Are we going to play today?!"
Ichigo was sure that in normal circumstances, he would have knocked his skull on something very, very hard. However, due to the vastness of the expensive room, and the one pretty much missing wall, there were very few solid objects within an arms length vicinity.
So, Ichigo simply dropped to his knees, as if offering a sacred sacrifice, and cried to the heavens.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"
A/N: Am I being mean to Ichigo? I read this chapter out to my little brother, and he said he felt really, really bad for Ichigo. Ah well, that's what makes this so amusing, doesn't it? Anyway, I know it took a while to update. But it's really hard to get inspiration for this fic. Humor isn't exactly my best genre for writing. It's my friends'. The whole Byakuya/afro/mohawk thing was from Science class today actually, where we were coordinating characters with colors. My friend said Byakuya was pink (because of Senbonzakura), but then added...though he could also by white (kenseikan, captains haori, scarf,). But then I added, though, couldn't Byakuya also be black? But my friends hear it the wrong way, and though I meant like...African-American black (no offense to any of you out there) and then my friend was just like: BYAKUYA WITH AN AFRO!! That totally cracked me up. All of us were laughing so hard, we nearly had a concussion from our heads hitting the table. :D That was a fun class.
Anyway, the school year's almost over (or me at least, we've got roughly a month left), I'm so happy!! I won't say to expect more updates cuz school's out, since I'll probably end up just slacking off and doing other stuff. Soo, until we...communicate again?!
-byakuxhisa4eva
PS. Please go on my profile and vote for your favourite pairing, whether in Bleach, FMA, Naruto or others! I'd really appreciate it! -sparkles-