Chapter Twenty

Lorelai set the phone in its cradle and stumbled across the blackened room as she blindly sought the stairs and the bed and comfort promised at their terminus. She found the banister instead. A scathing glance met the general direction of the offending wooden object, but Lorelai could not tell if the banister noticed or not. That only stoked her annoyance to new levels of irritation. She sighed and fell into the couch. The banister had nothing to do with her present situation; it was just sitting there, minding its own business and keeping the railing from falling off. A complete lack of light was the source of her ills. Logically, turning on a light would fix that problem.

However, it seemed oddly fitting that she should walk in the darkness towards her room. How long had she been blind to her daughter's troubles? How long had she ignored the signs of danger and warnings that Rory was having problems as she focused more and more on her ill-fated relationship with Jason, and her burgeoning love for Luke? She keenly remembered the anxiety she felt as she and her daughter spoke less and less frequently, and the horror when a hastily-dressed Dean and Rory had stumbled from the bedroom. A hastily-dressed married Dean. Had she lost Rory then? Or, had this been brewing earlier and only started to surface recently? She felt her way to the coach and collapsed in its soft, inviting cushions, her mind intent on solving the Gordian Knot that presented itself to her.

"You okay, Lorelai?" Luke asked, concern filling his sleep-thickened voice as he sat next to her on the couch.

She nodded in response, not trusting herself to talk. Not yet. Later. She could talk later when she could think more and could use those word-things that Rory loved."

"You know, this is normally the point where I ask you what's wrong. You say 'nothing'. Then, I serve you the coffee, and you drink the coffee and tell me what's wrong." He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and gently guided her head to his shoulder. "Now, I don't have coffee made, and it's really too late for you to be drinking coffee anyway. So, how 'bout we skip the middle part and get to what's wrong?"

Lorelai smiled into his flannel; a Luke-rant, even a miniaturized one, never failed to lift her spirits. "But I like the Middle."

"What?" She had to giggle at his confused expression. He looked so cute when he tried to understand her.

"The Middle, it's my favorite part."

"Do I want to try to understand what you're talking about?"

She shook her hand and giggled again. "It's just something Sookie and I were talking about: that you and I would get our Middle."

"And that's a good thing?" She nodded. "Well, then I want a middle too." Lorelai giggled again and wrapped her arms around Luke, letting his quiet strength fill her. He wanted a Middle too! "It would great to, you know, do the whole…" His mouth worked in awkward befuddlement. "after-dating stuff." He let out a sigh and gazed deeply into her eyes. "I always wanted a middle. I never want the middle to end."

Lorelai sighed in pleasant warmth. "That'd be nice."

"So what's wrong with Rory?"

"Paris says she's lost her voice." For the first time, she cursed Luke's devotion to her daughter. Thinking about Rory's problems only increased her pain.

"Is she sick… because I can get her some soup."

"No, she's not putting herself in her writing anymore. Paris doesn't' think this internship is good for Rory."

"Oh. So, what are we going to do about it?"

We. He said we. Lorelai smiled despite the pain in her heart. Luke sounded so confident, so sure that everything was going to be all right, she began to believe it herself. He made it impossible to not believe. Together, they could do anything. "Nothing. We'll just be there for her. Right now, she's losing herself, and if we push, she'll just get more lost. She needs to find her way back."

"So, we sit and just wait for Rory to find her voice again?" She nodded. "Rory's a smart girl, she'll figure it out. I'm sure of it." Luke nodded as well, his jaw clenching with resolve.

Lorelai smiled despite the sob that threatened to break through, Luke believed in her daughter, just like a real father. That if nothing else in their relationship, was proof to her that what they had was real and was meant to be. Luke believed in her daughter.

Luke gave an abashed grin. "Y'know my mom would just give us some peppermint tea with honey if we were sick. Can't we do that for her?"

She shook her head and smiled a small, sad, smile that was not hopeless, no matter what her heart felt. "If we fix it for her, we'll only make it worse. She needs to see the problem and decide to fix it herself."

"What if she makes the wrong choice?"

"We have to believe she won't. Besides, it's like you said: Rory's a smart girl, she'll figure it out." She offered him a smile she did not feel and buried her face in his flannel as Luke tightened his arms around her and softly rubbed circles into her back. This felt good, right. No matter how insane her life was or, the fears and worries she secretly harbored, Luke was there for her, protecting her, comforting her. He was her rock. "Tell me about your mother."

"What?"

"Come on you know all about my family and I don't know anything about yours." She teased at the hairs at the back of his neck.

"You know about Jess and Liz, and I guess T.J.'s included in the mix now that he and my sister seem pretty permanent."

"They're married. That's permanent."

"Not to Liz. She goes through men like Oprah goes through diets."

"Yeah, well I don't know about your parents."

"Lorelai…" His growl held a hint of warning to her ears. She knew what warning meant: he would give in and tell her everything about his family, and he would hate every minute of it. He would sift through every painful memory he had, baring his soul to her, and it would eat him up inside. She could never hurt him like that.

"Actually, you know, I'm tired. We should go to bed." She stretched and faked a yawn.

Luke grinned. "Bed sounds good." He kissed her tenderly and smoothly lifted her in his arms.

"Thanks."

"Anytime, Crazy Lady." She smiled and draped her arms loosely around his neck. She could wait to find out about his family until he was ready. After all, she had a whole Middle for it to happen. She rested her head on the pillow of Luke's shoulder and happily drifted off to sleep.

Sleep would not come.

Despite the warmth surrounding her, and the strong arms pressing her to that warmth, the solace of sleep remained tantalizingly out of reach. Thoughts of Rory, of Rory avoiding school, and that damned internship occupied the space in her mind that rightfully belonged to happy-dirty Luke thoughts. This was so unlike her daughter. Rory did not avoid school, or slack-off on the paper. Rory lived for school; she was the girl who got to her classes an hour early so she could try out every seat for maximum learning potential.

Over and over, Paris' words echoed in her mind, plaguing her, taunting her. Rory lost her voice. Rory's lost her voice. Rory's lost.

Rory's lost.

She fitfully turned in bed, burying deeper into Luke's chest. His arm tightened around her in response, pressing her closer to him. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Everything's fine. Go back to sleep." His arm squeezed her once more and then loosened slightly as he took a deep breath and nuzzled her neck as he drifted off into wonderful Luke-type dreams. Everything was fine. She had to believe that. Everything was going to be fine.

Rory's lost.