A/N: Wow, you guys, thanks so much for the great reviews! I didn't expect so many positive reviews on such a small chapter… Well, either way, here's number two. Hope you like it! Also, why does hate every symbol except for ---?

Warnings: Language. Specifically, Betelgeuse's language. Naughty boy…

Disclaimer: Still do not own. No profit was blah blah blah, onto the fic!

---tothewaitingroom---

There were a few things that they do not tell you about Sandworms in the handbook.

Number one; they do not tell you that Sandworms attract mates by making crooning noises that sounded suspiciously like opera.

Number two; they do not tell you that all Sandworms are lactose intolerant.

Number three; they do not tell you that Sandworms are terrified of the sound that nails made on a chalkboard. Only one person ever discovered this – the ghost of a teacher named Mr. Gray – and he was soon eaten, because Sandworms do not enjoy being terrified.

Number four was that Sandworm digestive tracks tend to be filled with all sorts of useful things, most of them dropped by the ghosts they've eaten. This was something that Betelgeuse was glad to find out, because he was more than fucking ready to get the hell out of the Sandworm that had eaten him.

It was luck that Betelgeuse managed to find a screwdriver lodged in the Sandworm's throat. It was pure determination that drove him to carve a door into the creature's fleshy throat and he was swearing the whole goddamned time. Sure, the blood might ruin his tux, but who really gave a crap, honestly.

After the whole carving-the-door thing, it was cake. Soon as the door opened he scrambled into the waiting room, and even though the bureaucratic bullshit that the Netherworld officials were so fond of was hell, it was a damn sight better than sitting in a Sandworm's stomach.

At least, until that voodoo guy shrunk his head. Jeez, talk about overly sensitive; it was just a matter of a few numbers. Whatever; the guy was a loser anyhow, and who gave a shit really? After all, the voodoo guy hadn't switched their numbers back, and being number four in line with a shrunken head was better than being number fifty-million-something.

Pretty soon he got called into Juno's office. Miss Argentina Slasher-Wrists couldn't stop giggling about the whole head thing once she'd seen him…bitch. No, didn't matter. He was a good step up from everyone else here, and he knew little Miss Slasher-Wrists would be jealous enough to slash her wrists again if she knew.

Argentina opened the door and waited for him to step inside. Betelgeuse just grinned, disregarding her little smirk as he stepped into Juno's office.

As always, everything was covered with paperwork. Juno herself was surrounded by piles and piles of the crap, and she had three packs of cigarettes stacked up where most people kept vital things like pens and pencils. Regardless, Betelgeuse stepped over, placing himself in the chair across from Juno and plopping his feet on her desk, scattering paper everywhere.

Juno didn't even glance up, although she frowned at his feet. "B. You gotta quit the shenanigans with the Deetzes – I don't give a damn if the Maitlands 'hired' you." She kept chattering, but Betelgeuse just grinned, tuning her out. She didn't even get the memo yet. This was gonna be good.

Juno glanced up halfway through her tirade, then did a double take, her lined face scowling as she saw Betelgeuse's shrunken head. "What did you do to your face? No, on the other hand, don't want to know." She shook her head, waving a hand at him and grabbing for one of the boxes of cigarettes.

Betelgeuse could feel his head expanding back to its original size – good thing, too, because it was beginning to give him a migraine and that would've just ruined the rest of his day.

Aw, what the hell, why not just give it away now… Betelgeuse brought his feet off of the desk, setting them on the ground once more and leaning forwards. "Hey Junie, I got some news for ya."

Juno glanced up as she lit a cigarette, and she took a long drag, the smoke billowing from her sliced throat. "Do I want to know?"

"I got hitched."

The look on Juno's face was priceless. She nearly inhaled her cigarette, eyes bulging out of her head as she stared at him. "What?"

Betelgeuse just grinned, folding his arms behind his head. This was just too friggin' perfect.

Juno frowned, her expression more confused than anything, and she leaned forwards over the desk. "Who would be stupid enough to marry you?"

Well, that was insulting and somewhat unwarranted. The grin Betelgeuse wore on his face twisted into something dangerous and threatening. "Aw, c'mon, Junie, just because no one's interested in your wrinkled old corpse doesn't mean a guy can't get some."

Juno wrinkled her nose, and then she scowled, giving Betelgeuse the best scathing glare she could manage. "I don't believe it. You couldn't find a breather willing to marry you if it was the end of days."

"Well then, why don't you go and call the NCO?" Betelgeuse asked, polishing his nails on the lapel of the dirty red tux. He caught sight of the ring on his finger, gleaming in the dim greenish light of the afterlife, and he couldn't keep the grin off of his face. Free of this bureaucratic shit, finally. He didn't even really need to be here; he was only here because the emergency door trick always took you to the waiting room of your particular caseworker. For him, that meant Juno and the Accidental Deaths Department. Boring place, but seeing all the different ways people ended up dying was vaguely interesting. Each year there was something crazier than before.

He glanced up from his nail polishing, and Juno was already on the phone. She glanced at him, then grabbed a slip of paper off of a stack and put it on the desk in front of her, skimming over it as she muttered into the receiver. "Just send it down as fast as you can, all right?" With that, she slammed the phone down, glancing up at Betelgeuse. "I don't believe it. All right, who was it? Who's the unlucky lady?"

Betelgeuse hesitated half a second, realizing only now that he didn't even remember his new wife's name. He knew he'd known it, he'd friggin' said it just last night, but damn if he remembered it now. L-something. "The Deetz kid," he settled for. He leaned back in his chair, smirking and trying to look as nonchalant as he could.

"Lydia Deetz?!" Juno slammed her hands on the desk and stood up, her face a mask of horror.

Oh yeah, that was her name. Lydia. "Yup. My Lyds." Betelgeuse couldn't keep the smug grin off of his face, even as Juno's expression went from horror to unquenchable fury. "What are you gonna do, Junie? You've got no jurisdiction over me."

"So what was the point of this? Just a friendly visit?" Juno snapped, glaring at Betelgeuse. She looked about ready to reach across the counter and strangle him. Then, something changed, and Juno relaxed. That immediately made warning bells go off in his head; whatever was going through Juno's mind, it was not good for him. "The Deetz girl," she repeated, and now there was a confidence in her voice that immediately turned the tables; Betelgeuse was ready to strangle her. This was his victory, what the hell was she getting all creepy over?

Then, Juno – tired, moody, chainsmoking Juno – smiled. It wasn't a real smile, a happy smile; it was a grim and satisfied smile that spoke of troubled times ahead, and Betelgeuse did not like that smile.

"Get out of my office," Juno said, that grim smile still fixed in place. "I've got work to do."

Betelgeuse made no move to get out of the chair. He stared at Juno warily – what did the old bitch have up her sleeve? "What're you so happy about?" He demanded.

Juno smirked. Shesmirked! "Out," she said, and then that stupid pager tone went off on her belt, the funeral dirge. That smirk only got wider. "I've got other clients to get to here, so scram."

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. She knew something he didn't. Betelgeuse scowled, standing up and striding out of her office, acting like it was his idea. That smugness ruined his whole fucking day. Juno was never, never smug without reason. On his way out, Miss Argentina giggled and said something about having a nice afterlife. Betelgeuse flipped her off over his shoulder and left the building. He had some research that needed doing.