Disclaimer: I planned for this to be the Halloween chapter, but things happened and...you'll see. :D
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He answered to 'Remus'.
Tonks tried to mask her reaction, but Remus was watching too closely.
He said, "You were about to smile—you're pleased."
His disappointed professor tone brought out her cheeky schoolgirl. "No, I almost laughed because I thought you were going to say my goal was to make love when you changed back—and I wouldn't have been able to deny it."
He looked puzzled. "Why laugh?"
"Embarrassment." She chuckled in unconscious demonstration. "I guess it's been too long since I've kissed something besides this mirror." When her conscience brought up mistaking Jerry's hand for Remus', she thought, That doesn't count!
"But you are pleased that the wolf answers to my name."
Remus must have been a brilliant professor, always guiding class discussion in the direction he wanted it to go. Tonks' cheekiness became defiance. "Why shouldn't I be? It means the wolf doesn't just accept my dual nature—he's starting to realise he has one too!"
Remus was shaking his head before she finished. "That doesn't bode well."
"You taught Defence Against Dark Arts, not Divination. You can't say that."
His tone sharpened. "It doesn't take Sight to see where this is leading."
"Where's that? Down the primrose path? The wolf isn't leading me astray!"
"I fear your emotions are. What happens if the wolf realises that his mate's true form is human? He could turn on you."
She stared into the communication mirror, loving his concern while hating his dark view of the wolf. Her eyes dropped to his mouth. If they were in the same room, she would pin him to the bed and kiss him so hard...
"You act without thinking," Remus said.
"And you think too much!" she cried in frustration. "Why should he care? He's an animal who doesn't know the difference between dreams and reality! When I'm a wolf it's real to him. That's all that matters!" She counted to ten to calm down. It took awhile. She counted in Latin and spent several moments wondering whether quinque or quintus was the cardinal number five. In the end, she remembered it was quinque and went on to sex. "Gods, Remus," she said finally. "I want to be with you, not have a row."
"I don't want to argue either," he said.
She tried to smile. "I'm only stuck in Hogsmeade for a few more days. I'll come see you as soon as I can."
Remus' expression remained grave. "I'm not sure that would be wise. The flat could be under surveillance."
"Then we'll meet somewhere else—one of those cheap Muggle hotels by the motorway. No one would see us."
"The risk is too great," Remus said. "If Dix learns blood magic—"
"It won't be from me. I'll go see Snape right away."
"No."
"Yes. Haven't we already been over this? I understand why you don't want Dumbledore to know—his good opinion means a lot to you—but if you trust Snape not to tell him, you can trust him to help me."
"At what price?"
"I'll tell you when I find out."
Remus looked ready to argue.
She said quickly, "I'm not proud. He can send me to collect centaur spoor by hand or sort Jobberknoll feathers with my teeth for all I care. I'll do whatever it takes."
"That's what I'm afraid of."
Tonks dug her fingernails into her palm. "First you fear my emotions. Now you're afraid of what I'll do. I'm only trying to help!"
"I don't doubt that for an instant, but to allow Severus—"
"It's the only way," she said.
"It doesn't have to be. There is an alternative."
Her stomach twisted. When his lips parted, she rushed to speak. "Dix told you to bring me to the October meeting. I have to be there. He won't believe I couldn't make it."
"He will if I tell him we've parted ways." His mouth turned down at the corners. "If say I was too old, too poor, and too dangerous for you."
"Eff that," she said. "You're talking bollocks."
"It would only be temporary, until I convince Dix that Wolfsbane Potion gives benefits without risks."
How could Remus suggest they not be together? How could he say such awful things about himself? "I'm going to pretend you didn't say that," she said, "and I'm going to see Snape right now."
It was impossible to Apparate while crying, so after finding a specific item, she walked the path to the castle. Tonks was bitterly glad no one saw her. She probably looked like a mental case, scrubbing away tears with the back of her hands and muttering words far less polite than "eff."
At Hogwarts, classes had not yet let out for lunch, so she decided to wait in Snape's office. The door didn't open. Tonks kicked it. "Paranoid git, only giving me temporary access."
She dug a piece of parchment and a self-inking quill out of a pocket. Once she scratched out a short note, Tonks folded the paper into an airplane and waved her wand to send her personal memo on its way. Afterwards, she paced for a while and then sat down, leaning back against the wall next to the ironbound door.
When Madam Pomfrey came swishing her way down the corridor, sounding as though her stockings were rubbing together, Tonks groaned inwardly. Merlin's beard, Pomfrey spends more time in the dungeons than Snape! Does she have his schedule memorised, spend her nights planning "casual" visits to discuss potions for the hospital wing? The woman's a bloody stalker!
Tonks wished she had used a Disillusionment Charm, or at least was standing instead of sitting cross-legged. She didn't look like an Auror on official business.
She pushed herself to her feet. "Wotcher, Madam Pomfrey."
The mediwitch peered at her closely. "Are you in need of a potion?"
Let me guess—crying plays hell on the complexion. "I need to talk to Severus."
Pomfrey's over-plucked brows rose in exaggerated surprise. "He didn't adjust the wards for you?" Her tone said, Doesn't he trust you in his private office?
"He wasn't expecting me."
"Then how—" Pomfrey's voice broke off when soft footsteps were heard.
Snape glided toward them in his usual bat-like manner, robes billowing dramatically. Tonks had to admire the man's tailor. She saw the paper airplane he held between two fingers and said, "You got my note."
"It's pink."
The way he enunciated each word made it easy to imagine the reaction of students to such a note landing on their professor's desk. Tonks said, "Bubble gum. My favourite colour. Knew it was from me, didn't you?"
He looked down his nose at her. "Indeed."
Madam Pomfrey smirked over his disdain.
Snape said, "I have arranged for lunch in my quarters. I will join you after I discuss whatever issue has brought Madam Pomfrey to my office."
His sardonic tone brought a flush to Pomfrey's cheeks. Tonks felt sympathy for the woman until she received a dirty look. She resisted the urge to stick out her tongue in return. It wasn't her fault Snape was snarky!
"I'll try not to keep you too long, Severus," Pomfrey said in a carrying tone as Tonks walked away. "She's already waited once in a drafty corridor, poor thing."
"An oversight that will not be repeated," Snape replied smoothly. "Nymphadora is welcome in my private quarters."
Tonks smirked until she entered Snape's lounge. Her jaw immediately dropped. Candles floated around the room. The long ends of silver ribbons tied around beeswax tapers hung down like streamers. A green damask cloth covered a round table flanked by small chairs upholstered to match. On a mahogany tea trolley, finger sandwiches and teacakes waited on silver trays alongside champagne on ice.
She had transitioned from horror to amusement by the time Snape joined her. "I think your house-elf went overboard," she said. "It's like Madam Puddifoot's gone Slytherin."
Snape swatted a ribbon away from his face. "The stuff of nightmares."
Tonks almost laughed, but didn't think that would help the situation. "Yeah," she said lightly, "so how about I get rid of the candles, you fix the table, switch the champagne to a pot of tea, and we pretend this never happened?" She made a face. "It would be good practice."
He had already transformed the table into a long rectangle. "Practice for what?"
She waved her wand. Another group of candles vanished. "For you to erase a memory." Tonks looked up. "I think I'll get rid of ribbons instead of the whole candle on the last few or we won't be able to see our food." She shot spells as she talked.
"What memory—and why?"
One more to go... "The memory of the blood magic spell I used to bind Remus and where I got it from, because..." Because I refuse to be separated from him... "Because it could ruin lives and Remus' chance to turn the Salford leader against Greyback." Briefly, she told him about the situation with Dix and the October meeting.
His gaze became piercing. "Does such a chance truly exist?"
"It would be a start."
When he finished his Legilimens truth check or whatever he was doing, Snape waved her to a chair and took a seat. She muttered a quick sanitising spell for her hands and began divvying up the food.
"I do not care for egg," Snape said.
Tonks placed the triangle of egg and watercress sandwich onto her plate and lifted another. "Here. I like pears, but not with cheese." She handed over a pear and stilton sandwich. "Cheddar and chutney's good, though."
He made a non-committal grunt.
It took all the willpower she could dredge up to keep quiet when she was bursting with questions. Would he help her? How would he do it? When? What would he expect in return?
After Snape was finished eating, he sat back in his chair, regarding her with fathomless eyes. "You say you wish this memory gone. Where do you expect it to go?"
She lifted a shoulder and let it fall. "Don't Memory Charms erase memory?"
"Not precisely. One forgets, or receives a false memory. Unless you are highly skilled in Occlumency, however, the right questioning with Veritaserum would reveal your knowledge of blood magic, even though you have forgotten it." His voice lowered. "I have seen minds broken by spells used to reverse Memory Charms."
Tonks thought of Cami. "Could I store it in a Penseive?"
"Yes—if you can accept that your memory is viewable to any wretch who sticks their head in it."
Did he speak from personal experience? Had Dumbledore seen something Snape regretted? She wasn't about to ask. She said, "What can I do, then?"
"Transfer the memory to a person who becomes your Secret Keeper."
She was confused. "Wouldn't I be the Secret Keeper?"
"You would not remember asking me to take the memory. You would only know you were bound to the wolf—somehow."
"What about Remus?" she said. "He knows I'm here, and why."
"He approved?"
"No."
Snape curled his lip. "Willingly or not, he becomes a different kind of Secret Keeper."
Tonks chose a strawberry cut to look like a flower with cream piped into the centre. After chewing thoughtfully, she said, "If I don't remember you taking the memory, why will I think I came here?"
"This—Dix person—may ask questions about your identity. You and Lupin require potions to circumvent Veritaserum."
The second strawberry Tonks picked up dropped onto her plate. Her fingers were nerveless with shock. "There's an antidote to Veritaserum?"
Snape exhaled sharply. "Once again you demonstrate the reason you never received high marks in my class."
At least he wasn't calling her a dunderhead. "Your potion isn't an antidote?"
"No. It merely enhances the human ability to speak partial truth."
She recalled the ways Aurors questioned suspects who attempted to get around the compulsion to answer truthfully. "So if Dix asks what my full name is, I could say 'Nym' without flushing or gasping for breath." And even if Cleave can do what he told Remus, he won't be able to smell the lie.
"Yes."
Tonks leaned forward. "What do you want in return?"
Snape settled back into his chair. "What are you offering?"
"To start, my silence about your potion."
He made a steeple of long fingers. "What makes you think the Ministry hasn't secretly used it for years?"
It was sad that she wouldn't put it past them. "Have they?"
Snape's eyes gleamed. "What else do you offer?"
She reached into a robe pocket to withdraw a cloth-wrapped bundle.
When she revealed the green-gold obsidian knife, Snape said, "You have already agreed to trade it after you learn to brew Wolfsbane Potion."
"Why wait? Take it now." She balanced it across the flat of her palms like a sword, holding her arms outstretched.
Snape took the handle—and swiftly drew the blade across her skin.
Tonks stared in disbelief at the blood pooling in her hands. She shook with hurt and anger. Before she could react, Snape cast a Healing Charm. "The Dark Lord requires constant demonstrations of loyalty," he said, while clearing blood off the knife and table. "An ancient instrument of sacrifice will be deemed a worthy gift—now that it has spilled human blood."
Tears sprang to her eyes. She fought to keep her voice steady. "You could have told me." You calculating bastard!
"Unwilling blood was required."
The bottom dropped out of her stomach. "My blood created a Dark object?"
Snape's voice was cool. "Do you consider the price too high?"
She was an Auror. Her job was to confiscate Dark objects, not create them. "No," she said reluctantly. Her hands clenched into fists. "But if this table wasn't so long, I'd punch you in the face."
He unfolded from the chair and strode toward the door.
Tonks bolted to her feet. She wanted to deck him, not change his mind about helping her! "Where are you going?"
"I will post a silent reading assignment and essay for the next class to complete during my absence." He paused at the door. "You will be here when I return?"
Unspoken were the questions, Do you still wish me to remove the memory? Can you trust me?
Did she have a choice? She didn't believe Dix would instantly agree to use black market Wolfsbane Potion if Remus told him they broke up. He was more than capable of trying to track her down. What would happen then? "I'm going to send an express owl to Remus," she said. "Tell him I've found a way to dump the memory, and I'm sorry he doesn't want me to, but it's my decision to make. That should cover him with Dix if he needs it." She took a deep breath. "I'll hurry, and I'll be waiting."
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Tonks returned to Hogsmeade in a bright mood. It took a few weeks to brew the counter potion to Veritaserum, but Snape would have it done before Halloween. Why had Remus been so against asking for help? Their row—what she could remember—seemed silly now. Everything would work out fine!
She decided to celebrate with a drink at the Broomsticks. "Wotcher, Rosmerta!" she called, when her landlady looked up from polishing a glass. Tonks glanced around the empty pub. "Slow day, today."
"Lunch crowd's gone back to work." Rosmerta set the glass on a shelf. "What can I get you?"
"Something fruity, festive, and non-alcoholic since I'm on duty."
"Here. Try this. I discovered it in the Bahamas."
"Perfect," Tonks said, admiring the drink's turquoise blue colour. She took a sip. "Mmm..." A thought struck. "It's almost October. D'you want your money now or on the first?"
"Money?" Rosmerta picked a Galleon up off the bar. "I don't want money."
"I can't let the attic for free," Tonks said. "I'm given a housing allowance."
Rosmerta stared down at the Galleon, avoiding eye contact. "I don't want to let the attic anymore," she said. "I've changed my mind. I want privacy."
Tonks felt like a hex had stunned her. She and Rosmerta weren't mates, but they got along. "Am I playing my orbs too loud?" she asked. "I'll remember to shut the windows. The rest of the attic's soundproofed."
"I'm sorry. I want you out by the first. There's room at the Hog's Head." Rosmerta spoke in a monotone, as though she were reading from a script.
She should have practiced in front of a mirror. Maybe she'd sound less like an unfeeling bitch!
Tonks didn't know what to say. There was no written lease—not even a verbal agreement that spelled out the terms of her tenancy. She could insist on a thirty-day notice, but why would she live where she wasn't welcome anymore?
Pride made her finish the drink. Tonks walked out of the Broomsticks and kept walking until she reached the Hog's Head.
None of her fellow Aurors were in the pub. At least I'm spared that humiliation. Tonks headed to the bar. "Do you have another room available?"
The barkeep's grizzled eyebrows drew together. "Thought you was cosy down at the Broomsticks."
So did I. Tonks shrugged. "It didn't work out."
He considered her for a minute. "Room's small."
She'd find somewhere else to be with Remus. "I don't care."
"You'd have to share a bathroom."
She'd practice her scouring spells and get used to seeing the toilet lid up. "Fine."
"No cooking allowed."
"Okay."
"Paid by the month, in advance, with a month's deposit."
"I'll be by tomorrow with a Gringotts paid-to-bearer certificate." She nodded briskly and made her way to Dawlish's office.
"Enter," he said when she knocked.
It took effort to look him in the eye and say, "I wanted to let you know that I'll be moving into the Hog's Head."
"Why?"
Tonks swallowed hard. "Rosmerta wants more privacy."
Dawlish looked pleased and self-conscious at the same time. "She said those exact words?"
"Yes, sir."
He almost smiled. "You'll need time to pack," Dawlish said in the least hostile tone she'd ever heard from him. "I'll put Savage on your afternoon patrol. Take the rest of the day off."
"Thank you, sir." Enjoy your PRIVACY with Rosmerta!
The first thing Tonks did when she returned to the attic was contact Remus. "Come see me," she said, the moment his face appeared in the mirror.
"What's wrong?"
"I got the rest of the day off and I'd rather spend it with you than packing."
"Why are you packing?"
She told him about wanting to celebrate Snape agreeing to brew the potion and repeated her conversation with Rosmerta. "I need you," she said. "Please come see me." Say yes or I'll cry like a baby.
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Remus didn't hesitate. "I'll be there as soon as I can." He broke the magical link and slid the mirror into his pocket, gathering his cloak from the desktop and placing the letter he had received into a drawer.
Nymphadora doesn't even remember sending it. A rueful smile tugged at his lips. Hard to stay angry with someone who doesn't know what they've done to provoke you. He was still frustrated by her willingness to risk anything to protect him, but he understood her motives. Wouldn't he give up everything—including personal happiness—to keep her safe from harm?
In the lounge, Will was poring over a book of spells. "What's the lesson for today, Professor?" he asked.
"Practice Evanesco on the mess in the kitchen," Remus said. "I'm going out."
Will grinned. "I tried to conjure a toasted cheese sandwich. Don't know how the bread turned to ash while the cheese spread over the counter like lava. Talent, I guess. Where're you going?"
Remus decided to trust him with the truth. "To see Nym."
Will's eyes flickered to the window. "I'd take the long way, if you know what I mean. I've seen Travis and Haas across the street—and they don't live there."
"Thank you."
"Thank me by bringing back a steak."
"I'll see what I can do."
"Yeah, me too," Will said, flipping pages to look up Cleaning Charms, most likely.
Outside the flat, Remus kept his pace slow until he reached the closest wizard-run pub. He quickly Flooed to the Manchester station. There, he waited until Travis and Haas exited and caught sight of him to Floo to Diagon Alley. In London, he bought a bouquet of spicy-scented miniature carnations, pulled up his hood, and went directly to a pub at the end of Knockturn Alley. The Rock Troll guarding the Sleazy Kneazle accepted the bribe he offered for use of the Floo. Remus left the troll munching on carnations and returned to Manchester. After a final wait to ensure he was no longer followed, he Flooed to Hogsmeade.
Remus staggered onto the hearth of the Hog's Head. When the world stopped tilting, he lurched toward the bar. "Nauseous No More," he said, slapping Galleons onto the scarred oak.
"How many times did you Floo in the last hour?" the barkeep asked in a confidential tone.
"Four." Remus drank the potion with one hand keeping his hood in place.
"That's nothing. I once Flooed a dozen times and thought I'd chuck up a lung."
"Impressive," Remus murmured, thankful the urge to "chuck" had passed.
The moment he Apparated to the attic of the Broomsticks, Remus heard a sound that wrenched his heart. In the corner partitioned into a bathroom, he found Nymphadora lying in the tub, trying to cry silently. He crouched down beside the tub, painfully aware of what she was feeling. It hurt to be treated unfairly. Through the years, numerous employers and landlords had asked him to leave. No feeble excuse had ever lessened the sting of knowing his presence was unwanted.
"Nymphadora," he said softly.
She looked at him through eyelashes spiky with tears. "I'm not upset," she said thickly. "I'm hacked off that I'll have to squeeze my gear into a pokey room and clean the shower before I use it so I don't get foot fungus!"
He had always hidden his sorrow beneath what Sirius called "infuriating stoicism." Nymphadora used anger. "I'm sorry," Remus said simply.
She clambered out of the tub to throw her arms around him. "I'm so glad you're here." She buried her face against his chest, hugging him tight.
As the water droplets from her body seeped into his clothes, Remus whispered, "So am I," brushing a kiss across hair that was beautiful any colour.
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A/N: If you slice an X in the top of a strawberry, it does look like a flower…made out of fruit. :D . I would've chewed thoughtfully wondering if mascarpone and touch of vanilla and sugar had been added to the whipping cream, though, lol. The Memory Charm info was gleaned from the HP-Lexicon, Cleave claiming to smell lies was in ch 4, and the obsidian knife was from ch 7, when Tonks had to bring her own blades. Now everyone, including Tonks, knows why Snape wanted to trade. As for Tonks getting kicked out of the Broomsticks, Malfoy may not be the brightest wizard of his age, but he's clever enough to know an Auror living upstairs will put a crimp in his plans and use the Galleon for more than a Protean Charm! I wish I could've given Remus a longer pov this chapter and thrown in Halloween fun, but it had to be set up. Hopefully readers will view it as something to look forward to! The readers who reviewed last chapter and I hope will review this one were...40/16, adrienne06052, alix33, bookworm1102, Calenmarwen, Carnivalgirl, EllaQueenB, ElspethBates, Freja Lercke-Falkenborg, GraceRichie, ishandtwofourths, Ladyofthebookworms, MollyCoddles, Moontime, Mrs. Hermione Jane Weasley, Nobody's Child, obliviate36, ombrerose92, Operamuse, RahNee, siriuslycoco, Slipknot-3113, sunny9847, tambrathegreat, twouble, XLupinXLoverX, your nightmare, and Ziroana.
Note to For Bitter or for Worse readers...Writing time has been scarce this week, but I'll get the chapter posted by this afternoon...sometime!
