"I want to know…I need to know…did your ex-boyfriend rape you?"

Meredith stares straight ahead, not seeing the concerned eyes of Derek staring back at her.

"Mer?" he asks as he takes a step forward and places a hand gently on her shoulder. He already knows the answer. Her silence screams the answer.

Suddenly, her face begins to crumple as the façade of strength disappears. Her knees give out as his arms knowingly wrap around her waist and prevent her collapse. The tears fall freely as she buries her face in his chest, her hands gripping the material of his shirt in her fists.

His hand trails slowly up and down her back before he dips one arm down under her knees and lifts her into his arms. Her face moves to the crook of his neck, her warm tears now burning his flesh.

She isn't sure when he climbs into bed with her. All that she knows is that he has opened a door that she had locked. A door she never wanted to open. She never wanted to face what was inside that door. She didn't want to face the truth. Even now she tried to blur it.

"It…it was my fault," she gasps in between sobs as she clings desperately to him.

Derek feels the air being forced harshly from his lungs by her words. "No, Mer," he whispers as he hugs her tighter to his body as the tears fill his eyes. "It wasn't your fault. You…it wasn't your fault," he whispers harshly as the need to comfort her causes him to run his fingers through her hair and down her back.

She nods against his chest, unable to look at him. Shame oozing from her pores as she is forced to take a step into the forbidden room. "It…it was…I…my fault," she sobs as her breathing becomes even more erratic.

"No!" he practically shouts as he forces himself away from her, her tight grip making it hard. "It was not your fault!" he says as he forces her to look at him. He leans forward and kisses away a few of her tears, their saltiness feeling like acid in his mouth. Not because they are her tears, but because of the source of the tears.

Her body begins to shudder as she tries to suppress the sobs. "He…I could have…he…I deserved it…I…"she mutters as she forces her eyes closed. He can feel her body stiffen in his arms and he knows that she is reliving it.

Derek allows a sob to escape as he hears her blame herself. His perfect little fairy blames herself for having her wings crumpled. "No! No one deserves that, Mer! No one! You did not deserve it!" he whispers harshly as his hands clench into fists.

"I…I should…I should have been a better girlfriend…I…I should have gotten him that watch…I…I deserved it…he…he was there…he was always there…he was the only one that was always there…" she manages as her fingers and mouth begin to tingle from her erratic breathing.

Derek notices the panic spread across her face as she flexes her fingers. "No. It's not your fault. It is not your fault," he emphasizes as he slides his body slightly down the bed so that he can rest his forehead against hers. "You need to breathe with me, Mer," he whispers as he reaches down and laces his fingers with hers. "Breathe with me," he whispers again, his warm breath lapping softly against her face.

She closes her eyes as she continues to struggle. "Can't," she gasps.

"Open your eyes," he commands. "Look at me."

She opens her eyes, her eyes dilated as the panic courses through her blood.

"Breathe," he whispers as he takes a deep breathe, his chest brushing against hers as his lungs fill with air.

She looks deep into his eyes as she has to focus on her breathing, something that should be involuntary.

"Good. Breathe," he whispers after a few minutes, her breathing now calming down. "I am here," he whispers into her ear as his hand runs slowly up and down her back. "Whenever you are ready to talk, I am here," he says as he punctuates the sentiment with a soft kiss on her forehead.

She sighs at the contact as he shows her a gentleness she has never known before. She looks down as she reaches out and laces her fingers with his. She closes her eyes, not wanting to look into his eyes and see the inevitable disappointment that will surely fill them when she tells him.

"I loved him," she whispers in a shaky voice.

"I know," he responds as he begins to rub small circles on the back of her hand with his thumb.

"I thought he loved me," she whispers as she bites down on her bottom lip, suppressing the sob that is attempting to escape. "No one's ever loved me," she adds as she is unable to suppress the sob this time, causing the words to come out in a confusion of syllables that take a moment to be deciphered.

"Oh, Mer," he whispers into her ear as he rests his cheek against hers, his grip tightening around her slim body. "That's not true," he finishes as he does his best to comfort her.

She shakes her head. "It's true. I thought he loved me. I thought that was the way that love was supposed to be. I thought that my punishment was deserved. That I earned what I received when I made him angry," she whispers quickly, attempt to rip of yet another band-aid covering a wound on her damaged spirit.

"Did," Derek croaks over the rather large lump in his throat as his stomach churns at the thought, "did he hit you?"

She nods against his chest. "Only when I did something wrong. Only when I was a bad girlfriend, when I deserved it," she whispers. She almost feels detached from her body. As if her forced confrontation with her suppressed past has forced her from her body because the pain being endured by her heart at the moment is just too much.

His arms tighten around her. "You didn't deserve it. You…you are amazing. You are the most amazing person I know," he tells her vehemently as his eyes search her face, but only finding a blank expression.

She shakes her head as she slowly blinks. "I'm not amazing. I'm nothing. I'm nobody. I'm so screwed up that I would make Jerry Springer seem like a comedy," she says in a bitter voice.

He closes his eyes as her zombie-like attitude only adds to the unbearable weight already pressing down on his chest, crushing his heart. "If you can, if you want to, tell me about….about what he did to you," he whispers hoarsely.

She pulls away from him, not wanting to see the disappointment and repulsion that she knows he will feel. She rolls onto her other side, facing away from him as she stares at the plain white wall that seems to be the mirror image of her currently expressionless face.

"Most of the time it was just yelling, but sometimes…he would hit me in the stomach. He didn't want to bruise my face. He knew…he knew that people would see…and he didn't want that. One time…when I was late to a dinner with his friends…he was really embarrassed…and I shouldn't have been late…it was my fault…he…when we got back to his apartment…he choked me until I passed out. I thought I was dying. I welcomed death at the moment. I have never really been suicidal, but in that moment that I was slipping into unconsciousness, I felt relief," she pauses as she takes a deep breath and forces the trembling of her hands to calm.

He reaches out and places his hand on her shoulder, but she shrugs out from under his touch. She doesn't want to feel human right now. Being human hurts to much and no one makes her feels more human than Derek. She can almost see the hurt on his face, but she has to continue. The flood gates have opened and there is no turning back now.

"It was a week after that…that…that I lost my virginity. It was our anniversary. I got dressed up, just the way he liked. I didn't wear anything too revealing or put on too much make-up. He didn't like it when I did that. He thought it made me look like a cheap whore. I was his and no one else's," she says before taking another deep breath, her eyes glazing over in remembrance. "He took me to one of the nicest restaurants in L.A. We had a good time. He even danced with me in front of everyone. I finally felt like a princess from the stories my dad used to read to me before my mother died," she says with a sigh. "When we got back to his apartment, he began to unzip my dress. I backed away and asked him what he was doing. That was the first time he ever hit me in the face. He told me I was ungrateful and that if I wasn't willing to give him what he wanted, he would take it. I was his and he didn't need permission," she says as her voice begins to tremble. "That night I learned that fairytales don't exist and the next day, I learned that neither did love." She finishes in a whisper as she curls her body into a ball, her arms clamped tightly around her abdomen.

Derek stares through his tears at the beautiful woman in front of him who has been reduced to an infantile position. "Mer," he whispers as he reaches out to her.

She jerks away from him. "Don't touch me," she says as she finally seems to return to her body and the sobbing commences. "I'm dirty. I'm damaged. You don't want to touch me," she whimpers as she attempts to curl more into herself.

Derek ignores her as he pulls her limp body into his arms. "No! You are not dirty! You are not damaged! You are my Meredith. You…you are amazingly beautiful…and smart…and bossy…and I will not watch you crumble in pain and not hold you. I will always be here to hold you. I will always be here to love you. I am not going anywhere," he tells her somewhat angrily as he attempts to get his point across.

She shakes her head. "You…you….you don't want me. You…don't love me. Please…please" she whispers as she begins to struggle against his hold.

"Please what?" he whispers as he tightens his grip on her.

"I…I need release. Please. I…I…please…let me," she whimpers as she begins to once again gasp for air.

"Let you what?" he asks as the color quickly fades from his face, having some feeling about what she is about to ask.

Her fists begin to beat angrily against his arms as she struggles for freedom. For release. "Please…I need to…please…let me cut…please…" she begs as her legs also begin to kick.

The air rushes out of his lungs in a gasp as his fears are confirmed. His arms tighten around her as his body willingly takes the force of her battle. "No!" he whispers harshly as she continues to struggle. "I will not let you cut. I will not let you continue to hurt yourself! I won't!"

"Please…please…" she whimpers as her body begins to tire. "I need to bleed…please…I need to feel human…I need to feel alive…please…"

He shakes his head as he turns her body over in his arms so that he can face her. "No!" he says again as her fists now begin to pound on his chest. He hugs her closer to his body in response, his tears falling freely into her hair. "You can hit me all you want, Meredith Grey. I can take it. Just let it out," he whispers into her hair.

Soon, her fists halt their attack and her body begins to shake uncontrollably with sobs. She flings her arms around Derek's neck as she buries her face in his chest. He isn't sure how long he holds her, all that he knows is that he wants to take away all of her pain. He wants to make her happy. He wants to fucking kill her ex-boyfriend.

Is it then that the realization hits him. He told her he loves her. He loves her. Derek Shepherd in absolutely in love with Meredith Grey and he is going to do everything in his power to provide a better present and future for her while helping her heal the numerous gaping wounds of the past.

I would really like to know what you think about this chapter. I normally do not ask for reviews, but I spent a lot of time and emotion writing this and I would like to know if you liked it or not. It was very emotionally draining to write and I hope you all liked it.

-Marci