Chapter 3.

A/NWant to continue this. Sorry for the wait. : ( Probs the last chapter.

This is a pretty dramatic chapter! During the part Blair gets angry, my face turned all red, I'm not sure why….

And I know this is pretty stupid, but when Chuck says 'for the record', I was thinking about the Britney Spears documentary of the same name. I don't know if any of you can relate to this, but I saw the trailer for the documentary in a movie theater, and Britney was smiling in a way I think was supposed to be 'friendly' but instead showed just how much work was done on her teeth….and then she blew out the candles on her 'birthday cake' in a way that she tried way too hard not to be sexy about. She looked like a five-year-old blowing out candles. It Was WEIRD….

I know I sound crazy, but I am currently suffering from IDS (Ipod Deprivation Syndrome), and it is driving me CRAZY.

The 'if you want to keep us together, nothing can tear us apart' thing comes from 1x12. I think Nate said it.

Disclaimer: All The CW's/Cecily Von Zieglesar's. And I do not own Michael Kors designs, sadly.

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Three Weeks Later

"Good afternoon, Dorota," Blair said dully, coming into the vestibule of the apartment, Kors clogs clanking unhappily.

"Good afternoon, Miss Blair," Dorota smiled strangely.

"What's going on?" Blair asked suspiciously. She trudged upstairs to her bedroom, and yanked her coat off angrily, throwing it helplessly across the room, where it landed with a flat slap just underneath her mirror. This was her first day of school, the first day she wasn't 'sick' enough not to go. And she'd forgotten how badly it sucked, the long, boring classes, having to smile at her minions so they would do as she told them to do. And there was no--no--him to cheer her up inwardly with some kind of snide, perverted comment that made her feel gorgeous despite everything.

Tears started in her eyes, and she blinked rapidly and looked out the window. She threw herself on the bed, throaty sobs coming from her lungs.

Why didn't he love her?

Why did he have to go?

Why couldn't he stay?

Why couldn't he stay?

She found slight comfort in the creamy, cold smoothness of the pillows, how they massaged her hot face and kept her within sanity.

Even Serena could not understand--could never understand, as loving and as sympathetic as she was. She saddled herself with faithful guys, guys who you could rely on. Blair always needed an extreme, someone spectacular and handsome and rich, with some kind of grand quality to them. With Nate there had been that feeling that she was gong up a marble staircase and he was going up the staircase parallel to hers; he was the WASP prince to her WASP princessness. Marcus had been more of a toy than anything else, but a washily handsome, titled toy.

Chuck was above and beyond all of them, probably wealthier than both of them, handsomer, but that wasn't why she fell for him. He was just like her.

And she knew he did care, but--

And then he just--threw her away! He would have given anything for her, she knew that. It was illogical like being kicked in the head, and the ensuing jumbled rush of information in your brain.

"Blair?"

The whisper came so softly, so quietly, she thought either she was hallucinating or Dorota was calling for her distantly. But no, the whisper was in close proximity to her, she could hear it.

She turned around, slowly, disbelievingly, and faced Chuck.

He looked like he had the few days between the Snowflake Ball and the Funeral, except he had lost weight. "Hi," he said slowly.

"Hi."

"Blair, I need to tell you something."

"If you need morale--"

"I got up at three this morning, through the haze of several hundred very drunken men in a Thai bordello, and flew to New York. In the meantime, I did not consume any liquids or food, and I did not sleep a wink. So please, you owe it to me to let me explain."

"Oh, like you're the only one who's gone through stress, Chuck. This was the first day in a string of blank, desperate days, that I felt I could get up and go to school. Do you know what it was like?"

"Blair, I--"

"Do you know what it was like?" Suddenly, she was on her feet, screaming tautly in a voice that did not seem to be her own, but rather, torn from some wrench digging deep into her inside. "Waiting for you, even though I knew you were gone, barely remembering to breathe, killing myself slowly every time I remembered you. I was beyond crying. I was beyond speaking."

Chuck sat down lamely on the floor, and she registered in some cold outward trench of her mind that he was very tired and very sick, but she couldn't force herself to care.

"I told you I loved you." She felt better than if she had slapped him in the face. "We'll keep it in the apst tense, then. Because I don't love you anymore, Chuck Bass, I hate you!"

He could only watch her, eyes red and miserable, mouth agape, as she threw her fist down on her bedpost.

Then her anger went away quickly, to be replaced with a surge of pain. Had her fist a mouth, it would be screaming. She felt like she had put her fist in fire, or on fire--her mind was in no state to think about logic right now--

Chuck got up with effort, how much effort she did not appreciate, and placed her bruised hand in his own. The coldness of his touch smoothed away some of the burn, and suddenly she felt very weak. She started to cry again, in babyish, hysterical gulps. She threw her head down on the pillow.

He sat awkwardly on the other side of the bed, still holding her hand, staring at her miserably. "Can I please explain?"

Through her hazy vision she saw love in his eyes. "Yes," she chocked out.

"I--The truth is, I did love you the whole time, even when I was rejecting you. My self esteem wasn't at its usual inflated heights--"

She was too miserable to laugh, scornfully or otherwise.

"I was at rock bottom. I felt like I didn't deserve you. I felt like I would abuse you further, and I knew that, if I old you how I really felt, you would just grip me tighter. And I only abuse the people I love."

"I'm sorry," she stammered out.

"I love you. For the record."

Blair's heart surged.

"And I was scared, scared that you would throw away your future and everything for me, and I'm not worth anything. Never have been, never will be."

"You're worth everything to me."

"Yes…I realized that, and I thought maybe, I could make you happy after all. Saw the look on your face when you left, and I didn't want to be he cause of that, I could never be the cause of anything so miserable on your face. So I thought for a while. I went to the filthiest places in the world's entire organized civilication, and I corroded myself even more. And then I realized I should be getting back to you."

Blair took a deep breath, overwhelmed at the emotional rollercoaster she had just taken.

"So, I'm sorry."

Blair looked at him. Trying desperately to be devoid of emotion.

"Can you forgive me?"

She bit down on her lips until the blood ran. "I know I said I hated you. But I was so hurt and confused--I didn't understand."

"And…."

"And what?"

"And nothing. Do you forgive me?"

Blair breathed out. "Yes, and I'm sorry…."

"Maybe we have a shot."

"Whenever one of us is ready, the other isn't, and then something stupid gets in the way--it just isn't fair." Blair could not believe she was saying these things, but she needed to. "I don't want to risk my heart again and again. I don't know if I want to take the chance."

"Blair, I understand you have misgivings about it. But I know we're meant to be…."

"Meant to be…."Blair gave a sad, sarcastic laugh.

"If you want to keep us together, nothing can tear us apart."

Blair nodded slowly.

~fin~