Disclaimer : D. Gray Man is Hoshino Katsura's property.
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Chapter 3
There he was again, sitting at the bed's edge, contemplating the same face as every morning. Allen would not wake up. That was making Lenalee as sad as ever, Lavi less cheerful than usual and Komui was keeping silent most of the day ; not to mention the other Exorcists in the Order. It seemed that Allen's current state had crushed the whole Order's spirits. Every day, you could be sure there was at least a dozen of people asking the doctors about Allen's condition.
Kanda sighed. All those people were stupid. One Exorcist down didn't mean that the whole Order was finished ; the Millenium Earl was still waiting to be defeated and he really didn't care about waiting for Allen Walker to wake up. That's why Kanda kept training as usual, that's why he never allowed himself to lost sight of his main goal : to defeat the Earl. Having a moyashi confined to bed was not an excuse to stop fighting Akumas ; unfortunately, it seemed that Kanda was the only one to think like that. He would have to talk to Komui into sending Exorcists on missions again, or everyone would end up lethargic.
« You're a total idiot for putting everyone in such low spirits. »
Kanda cupped Allen's cheek with one hand, and ran his thumb over the boy's soft lips. Seeing that angelic face, no one could have guessed the life of hardship that boy of barely 15 years old had to endure. He was that young, yet had faced much more than what most full grown men could have boasted about. Being an Exorcist necesserarily meant suffering.
« You learnt it the hard way right at your first mission, didn't you ?… »
« I'll say this before we start. Even if you are about to be killed by the ennemy, if I judge that you are interfering with the mission's success, I'll let you die there. In a war, sacrifices are commonplace so don't start having ideas about companionship. » Kanda stated bluntly.
« I don't like that way of thinking. »
Kanda didn't care about his liking or not liking, the moyashi was warned.
Barely a few seconds later, Allen had already engaged battle with the Akuma.
'That idiot. Not even thinking before jumping in. I'll just let him die, to teach him.'
« You know, Moyashi, at that time I was ready to forget your name since I was certain of your death. Seems like you managed pretty well until now. »
Only ten minutes had passed and that stupid kid was already injured.
« I'm not gonna save you. You acted on your emotions. Since you're at fault, you settle this alone. »
Kanda despised that kind of person. Always thinking that acting based on emotions was a noble thing to do, and that it would bring victory because the cause they were defending was right. Bullshit. Only novices could be that naive. Emotions in the middle of a battle meant nothing but hindrance and that's why Kanda was more than ready to let the new Exorcist die on the spot.
« It's all right. Leave me behind. I'll destroy this Akuma before I go. »
Leave you behind, huh ? Well, of course he would. Kanda glanced one last time at Allen before leaving to search for the Innocence. 'Like you could kill a level 2, idiot. You're gonna die right there. Not that I care anyway.'
Now there certainly was a huge gap between what Kanda had thought back then and what he was now feeling for the younger Exorcist. He sometimes still had difficulties to admit such changes within his own person, though he'd never show it to anyone on the outside, matter of pride. For everyone, Kanda was for sure the cold bastard whose favorite hobby was to threaten people with his sword, particularly a certain Bookman Jr.
Emotions. At first, that was Kanda's main reason to scorn Allen. The mission about Martel's ghost was perfect evidence of the two Exorcists' antagonism.
Kanda slowly woke up, wincing as the pain ran through his body. He was lying on the stone floor, yet his head rested on something which was not stone. An Exorcist coat. The moyashi's coat. 'That idiot brought me here instead of leaving me over there ? In his condition ? Now he's a complete brainless kid, that's for sure.'
« … give it to you willingly, but please, wait for Guzuru to die first and let me stay by his side until the end. »
Kanda turned his head to the side and watched Allen who was going to accept for certain.
« No. » His cold voice had surprised the younger Exorcist a bit. Kanda cut him before he could speak :
« You're telling us to wait until this old man dies ? This is no situation to listen to such a request. »
Then, addressing Allen :
« Take that doll's heart immediately. »
Allen wasn't moving nor saying anything, but Kanda could clearly see refusal in his eyes.
« No. I won't take it. »
Kanda was boiling inside. That damn moyashi was becoming a real pain ! Out of anger, he threw the Exorcist coat at Allen's face.
« That coat isn't a thing you use as a pillow for the wounded ! It's a thing worn by an Exorcist ! » he harshly spat out. Putting his own coat on, he got up and walked past the other Exorcist who was still standing there, motionless.
« It's because sacrifices are made that some things can be saved, newbie. »
Silence followed that last sentence, as Kanda prepared to extract the Innocence from the doll.
« Fine. Then I shall be become the sacrifice for these two. »
As Kanda was recollecting that scene, he felt a sudden urge to punch the boy lying in the bed. A sacrifice, yeah. Did he think he was some sort of sacrificial lamb which could be put on the altar for the world's sake ? He, alone ? Like hell. It was that habit of always wanting to carry all the suffering on him that made Kanda mad. Yet it was that character trait that had also made the Japanese man progressively fall for him. And it had started right at the first mission.
Kanda observed as Allen was fighting against the Akuma with his cannon-like arm. He thought the outcome would come soon, but a sudden turn of event made him grasp Mugen immediately. Allen's Innocence had desactivated and the Akuma was now really close to deal a fatal blow to the boy.
Even before his own mind thought of doing something, Kanda's legs had reacted and in less than a second, he found himself blocking the attack with his sword. 'What the fuck am I doing ? It's not like I wanted to protect that stupid Moyashi, for heaven's sake !' Yet there he was, standing in front of Allen blocking the attack, though his own wound was hurting him like hell.
«Didn't you say you'd be the one to protect them ? I really hate people like you who are going all soft and all, but what I hate even more are people who can't keep up to their word ! »
Allen laughed weakly :
« Ha… ha… So whichever I am, you're going to hate me anyway, aren't you… »
« You were right at that time, Beansprout. I hated you, and I still do. Really, you're such a pain you make me sick. » Kanda said while running his fingers in the soft silver hair.
The mission was done, Kanda was healed, but Allen still hadn't returned yet. Kanda had received a new mission and had orders to give to the moyashi, so he went back to the place where Allen still was. He found the boy sitting on the stairs, his head burried in his arms.
Though he didn't know why, but seeing him in that depressed state made Kanda want to do something.
« If it's painful, just stop the doll. That thing is probably not 'Lala' anymore anyway. »
« But it's their promise… »
« … You're really soft, you know. We are destroyers, not saviors. »
« But I… »
The song had stopped. Allen ran into the building. Kanda followed a bit after, only to find the other one crying while holding the broken doll. And that affected Kanda, though not much, but still. 'Stupid Moyashi.'
« Oi, what's wrong ? »
« Kanda… I want to become a destroyer who can save anybody. »
« Who can save anybody, my ass. Who are you going to save in your current state ? Just wake up already and keep your word. I told you I hate people who don't keep their word. »
Thinking back, Kanda realized that at that time, something had definitely changed between them. Allen was different from all the Exorcists Kanda had met, the kind of person whose name he could not afford to forget.
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