i.e. Flashbacks appear through dream sequences and are italicized.
Dreaming With A Broken Heart
When you're dreaming with a broken heart...
It was a quiet, peaceful Saturday afternoon in April. Lucas stared around at his surroundings in awe. He never would have thought that Brooke's backyard could make such an excellent wedding spot, but looking now he could see that Brooke knew exactly what she was doing in helping to plan her best friend's wedding. Everything was perfect. The decorations, the dresses, everything. And here Lucas Scott stood now at a small intimate wedding with his closest friends and family, marrying the only woman he's ever truly loved: Peyton Sawyer.
Lucas took Peyton's hands into his and began reciting his vows. "I'll never forget the first time I laid my eyes on you. We were both seven. Our 2nd grade teacher sat me next to this pretty, curly haired blonde girl and even though you spent the entire year without ever acknowledging my presence, I sure noticed you. And I told Haley that some day I would get Peyton Sawyer to notice me too. I never actually thought that some day would take nine years--"
Lucas was then interrupted by a slight laughter from the guests at his last comment. Blushing a bit, Peyton just smiled, giving Lucas the signal to continue by nodding her head.
"--But I'm really glad that my persistence paid off in the end. We've been through a lot together. Some good times. Some not so good times. And as we grow older, our memory of those times may fade a bit, but the memory of the girl I experienced those times with? She will never be forgotten. Your that girl Peyton Sawyer. The one I want to grow old with. The one I've loved ever since I was seven. The one I'll never stop loving."
Peyton smiled at Lucas, teary eyed at his words, and began to recite her own original vows. "I never thought in a million years that I'd be standing in front of an alter, in a wedding gown, marrying anyone. Yet here I am today. Standing in front of an alter, wearing a wedding gown. But I'm not marrying just anyone. I'm marrying you Lucas Scott. The only guy capable of cracking my rough exterior. The only one who could help save me from myself. Through the good, the bad, the happy and the sad, you've always been there for me. And I always be there for you. Your the one I want standing beside me when my dreams come true. And even if some of them never do, I know I'll be ok because at the end of the day, as long as I have you in my life, nothing else really matters. I am in love with you Lucas. And while it may not have been love at first sight, it's a love that is real and true. One that grows stronger each and every day. A love that no matter what trials and tribulations it faces, will never die."
...the waking up is the hardest part.
"Luke...hey man get up."
Startled from his sleep, Lucas slowly opened his eyes, slightly aggravated he had been awakened. He was surprised to see Nathan and Skills in front of him and even more shocked to find himself in his basketball office.
Nathan slowly just shook his head. "We've been calling your cell and looking for you all morning. This was the only place we hadn't checked. Haley said you two were suppose to meet for breakfast."
Lucas checked his phone and saw all the missed calls from Haley, Nathan, Skills, his mom. Everyone had called but the person he most wanted to here from. "Sorry, I had it on silent and I totally forgot I was suppose to meet Hales this morning. I'll call and apologize in a little."
Nathan looked concerned. "Please tell me you didn't sleep here all night."
"I didn't sleep here all night?" Lucas said unconvincingly, yawning and rubbing his eyes. "I really didn't mean to. I couldn't sleep so I came over here to look at some tapes. Its just being in that house alone is too hard."
Skills stood shaking his head. "When was the last time you and Sawyer talked?"
"Three days ago. And that's if you consider a 30 second phone call talking. I wish she was still here. We may have been fighting, but at least when we were communicating more often than we have been since she left seven says ago. But, she wants some space..."
"And even though it sucks, you gotta try to give it to her." spoke Skills.
"And in the mean time" piped in Nathan as he grabbed a chair and sat down next to Lucas "You can't stop living life man. Peyton and Anna. They will be back before you know it. You two have always managed to survive all the curve balls life throws at you. This one's no different. Believe that."
Lucas got up from his chair and stretched. "I hope you guys are right"
"I know we're right" said Skills cockily.
Lucas gave his friend a half-hearted smile. "So we still have a few hours to burn until practice right? You guys wanna grab some breakfast."
"You mean lunch?" Nathan asked pointing to a clock on the desk
"It's 1:00 already? Lunch it is I guess."
"Now I don't know about Nate, but I ain't going no where with you looking like that. What if we run into some girls? Luke, you know you my boy and all but you look a hot ass mess and I can't be having you mess up my game."
Lucas smelled underneath his arm and ran a hand through his messy hair. "Do I really look that bad?"
"Yeah, you really do look that bad." stated Nathan honestly.
"Alright, alright, I'll hop in the shower first."
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When you're dreaming with a broken heart...
"I still can't believe it" said Lucas in disbelief. He set down the Dickens novel he'd been reading on the bed and picked up the sonogram picture from his dresser. "Twins. We're having twins."
"I know" Peyton said as she finished brushing her teeth in the bathroom. "It's pretty surreal. But you're happy about it right?"
"Yes, of course I am. It's just I never thought in a million years we'd be having twins."
"Neither did I." said Peyton as she turned the bathroom light off and eased into their bed. "I'm just glad to know that's the reason why I was gaining all this weight when I'm only four months along!"
Lucas raised his left eyebrow inquisitively. "Peyton what weight? You're barely showing."
"You're just saying that to be nice"
Lucas rolled his eyes. "No, I'm saying it because its the truth. You look great and you'll still look great five months from now."
"Really?" Peyton asked snuggling up to Lucas.
He smiled and kissed her sweetly on the lips. "Really."
The two laid together in silence for a moment until Lucas finally spoke: "Peyton are you nervous about having the twins?"
Peyton took a second before responding, "Yeah a little" she answered seriously. "Being a good mother to one baby would be hard enough, especially when you never really had one to look up to growing up. And now that I know we're having two? I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared."
Peyton paused for a moment before continuing. "It's gonna be hard Luke, but I'm sure we'll be ok. Between Dan, the shooting, psycho Derek, Lindsey--life's always giving us new challenges and we've always managed to overcome them."
"You think so?" Lucas asked.
"No I don't think. I know."
"I love you Peyton. I always have and I always will."
Peyton smiled, kissed him on the cheek and said, "I love you too Lucas. And nothing we face will ever change that."
...the giving up is the hardest part.
"Peyton. Peyton wake up."
"Hmm. What's going on?" asked a barely conscious Peyton as she ran a hand through her messy locks.
"Anna's been crying. I think she needs to be fed." responded her father Larry Sawyer. "I'd do it myself, but I'm already running late for work and--"
"I know, I know. It's ok Dad, I got her." Peyton instantly popped out of bed and headed to the next room. She scooped up Anna, sweetly hushing her as she headed toward the kitchen to prepare a bottle for her.
As Peyton began feeding Anna, Larry entered the kitchen. "You know I'm glad to have you two here Peyton, but I can't help but to think that the only reason you came is to hide from your problems."
"That's not true Dad." responded Peyton without taking her eyes of Anna.
"You've been here a week Peyton and not once have you sought any outside help like you promised me you would."
"I will soon ok?"
"Well soon is going to be tomorrow. I arranged an appointment with a doctor for you. You can call and cancel if you'd like, but I'm hoping you'll take it. I'm worried about you Peyton and I want to see you get better."
Larry placed the psychiatrist's card on the table beside Peyton. "Well I better get going or I'm going to be late." He kissed both his daughter and granddaughter goodbye and off he went.
After Anna finished her bottle, Peyton placed her back in her crib. She reentered the kitchen, grabbed the phone and stared at the card her father left on the table. She started to dial the number, but at the last second hung up.
"I guess I'll give it a try" she said aloud to herself.
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Later that evening in Tree Hill...
Brooke was busy rearranging the clothing racks in her store when Haley entered. "Hey Tutor Wife, what's going on?
"Nothing too much. I just dropped Jamie off at a sleepover and I thought I'd stop by since I was in the neighborhood."
"I'm glad the boys were able to find Luke" Brooke said, frowning after noticing a slight rip in one of her dresses. "Millie! Can you come out here for a second!"
Millie came out from the back at once. "Is there something wrong Brooke?"
"Nothing major. Could you just take this dress and remind me to mend it later?"
"Sure, no problem." Millie quickly took the dress from Brooke and hurried off.
Brooke went back to looking through the clothes. "So where was he anyways?"
"Nathan and Skills found him asleep in his office."
"Really? Did he sleep there all night?"
"Apparently so" said Haley shaking her head. "I hate seeing Lucas like this. So miserable and lost. We need to do something to try and lift his spirits a bit."
Brooke stood pondering for a minute before speaking. "I know. Let's have a little get together tonight at Tric. Me, you, Nathan, Skills, Mouth, and Millie. Owen's working tonight, I'm sure he'll spot us some drinks."
"You think a get together without Peyton being there is really going to cheer him up?" Haley asked doubtfully.
Brooke shrugged her shoulders. "It's worth a shot."
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Later that night at Tric...
"Ok! So whose up for another round of shots?" a smiling Brooke asked holding a shot glass up in the air.
"Count me in Davis." responded Skills accepting a shot from Brooke. "The more booze I drink, the less hideous these girls in here become."
Brooke laughed and Haley punched him in the arm
"Owww!" said Skills rubbing his arm. "What you do that for Haley? You know I didn't mean you girls."
Haley smiled. "Just double checking."
Skills just shook his head and walked away to go mingle. Brooke smiled, but began frowning when she noticed Lucas standing off in a corner by himself. She grabbed two shots from Owen at the counter and headed over to him.
"Here Broody. I brought you a shot." Luke reluctantly accepted the shot and the two clanked glasses and downed their vodka.
The shot did little to change Lucas' mood. He still had that blank, depressed look on his face. "Brooke, what am I doing here?"
"You're here to have a little fun with some friends?" Brooke responded, more asking then telling.
"I'm not having any fun."
Brooke sighed deeply. "Yeah I know. Luke I'm sorry. This whole night was a horrible idea. I just wanted to cheer you up--"
"And I love you for trying" interrupted Lucas kissing her forehead. "But there's nothing any of you guys can do. I think I'm just gonna head home early."
"Do you need me to call you a taxi?" Brooke asked as Lucas handed her his shot glass.
"Nah, I called one about ten minutes ago. It should be here soon, I'm just gonna go outside and wait for it."
"Ok. I'll see ya later then?"
Lucas nodded his head. "Yeah, sure." And then he was off.
Brooke stood for a moment watching him exit before she made her way back to the group. "This has just been an awful night!" she exclaimed.
"Lucas is heading home isn't he?" asked Haley. Brooke just nodded.
"What a brilliant idea it was to have him drown his sorrows with alcohol!" Nathan sarcastically stated.
"Yeah, what a brilliant idea. Way to go me" Brooke said to herself sadly.
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Upon entering his house, Lucas saw his answering machine blinking in the living room. His cell had died hours earlier so he was hoping that the new message was from Peyton trying to reach him. He went to go hang up his coat and then went over to the machine to play the message.
"Hey Luke, it's Mom." Lucas sighed a deep sigh of dissapointment. "I was just calling to talk with you. I hope you've been able to get in touch with Peyton. I know how much you miss her. Even though I'm a couple of continents away, I'm still here for you Lucas. Please call me back soon, ok? I love you. Bye."
Once the message ended, Lucas exited the living room and headed for his bedroom. He stripped down to his boxers, hopped into bed and slowly fell asleep.
"Luke?"
Upon hearing his name, Lucas left the window he had been aimlessly staring out of and walked over to Peyton's bedside. "I'm right here."
"Where am I?" Peyton asked clearly confused and in a daze.
"Were at the hospital, remember?"
Peyton looked around the room in confusion trying to gather her surroundings . " No, I--I can't remem--"
It was at that moment Peyton looked down at her empty stomach. She sat up and started to yell. "Where are the babies!? Lucas, what is going on!?"
Lucas tried to grab Peyton's hand in an effort to comfort her, but she shoved him away. "Peyton, you lost a lot of blood. You had been unconscious for hours--"
She cut him off. "Stop avoiding my question Lucas. Where are the babies!?" she asked loudly and very agitatedly.
"Peyton you need to calm down first alright? Just calm down."
Peyton took in a few deep breaths in attempt to gather herself. "Ok. ok. I'm calm. Now please tell me what's going on."
"The babies...they were in distress Peyt. The doctors had to perform an emergency c-section on you."
"I want to see them."
"I'll go get the nurse and have her bring our daughter in." Lucas left the room and returned a few minutes later, trailing behind a nurse wheeling in an incubator. She wheeled the incubation unit to Peyton's bedside and left the room.
Peyton sat up in her bed and looked down at her daughter, covered in wires and tubes. "She looks so helpless. I just wish I could hold her."
"I know." said Lucas, taking a seat next to Peyton's bed.
Peyton continued to stare before suddenly remembering that her daughter had a sibling. "Where's our other baby?"
Lucas sighed, trying to find the most least hurtful way to tell her the most devastating news he'd probably would ever have to tell her. He quickly realized that there were no right words; he was just going to have to come right out and say it. "Peyton our son--"
"We have a boy? A little boy and girl. I knew it." Peyton smiled softly.
Lucas didn't want to have to break her spirit, but knew she needed to hear the truth from him and from him only. "Peyton our son. He--he didn't make it."
"What do you mean he didn't make it Lucas?"
Lucas began to choke up a bit. " He died Peyton. He wasn't strong enough. His organs--most of them weren't completely developed and they started to shut down. Everything except his liver. A liver our daughter was in desperate need of."
"So you had the doctors kill our son to remove his liver to give to our daughter because he was going to die anyways. Is that what you're trying to tell me?"
"Peyton--I"
"Did you even give him a chance to fight Lucas?!"
"Peyton, I-I did. The doctors...they waited as long as they could, but they couldn't just let our daughter die from not having a functioning liver when our son, who more than likely wasn't going to make it had a healthy one to give her. I was rooting for him to pull through Peyton. More than you know, but I had to be realistic about the situation--"
Peyton just stared aimlessly with tears in her eyes. "I can't believe you sacrificed one child to save the other."
"Peyton if I hadn't made the decision I did, when I did, we would have lost both of them."
"Maybe, maybe not. But now I guess we'll never know." Lucas attempted to hold Peyton's hand in comfort, but she violently shook it from his grasp and without looking at Lucas said "I want to see him. Now. Have the nurse bring me my baby."
Lucas just stared at Peyton for a moment before exiting the room and quickly returning, carrying a tiny blue bundle in his arms. He walked over to Peyton's bedside and gently handed her their dead son.
Peyton began to cry quietly as she cradled her little boy close to her heart. Observing his wife holding their son brought tears to Lucas's own eyes.
"I want you to leave Lucas."
Her comments caught Lucas off guard. "Peyton, please let me--"
Peyton became extremely aggravated. She coldly, yet calmly, stated "Just leave Lucas. I don't want you in here." She then started sobbing uncontrollably.
"I wish none of this would have ever happened Peyton. Just talk to me please. Don't shut me out. Please look at me. Peyton..."
Lucas abruptly awakened from his deep slumber, sat up and yelled out. "Peyton!"
He briefly scanned the dark room and realized that he wasn't at a hospital with Peyton; that instead he was in a dark, empty bedroom, all alone.
You roll out of bed and down on your knees
And for a moment you can hardly breathe
Wondering was she really here
Is she standing in my room?
No she's not. Cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone.
The title, "Dreaming With A Broken Heart" is a song by John Mayer. I thought it served as a perfect theme for this chapter. Anyways, I'm soooo sorry it took me sooooo long to post this chapter. This semester is really kicking my butt. All of my teachers have been giving me an insane amount of work to do. Being on break this week gave me some free time to write. I hope you all enjoyed it. It was extremely difficult to write, so I would really really appreciate a review to know that people are actually reading my work. If I see that enough people are interested, I will perhaps post another chapter by the end of the week. Here are some previews to tide you all over until next time...
Next chapter: Peyton's first meeting with her psychiatrist. Lucas and Whitey have a heart to heart.