The Bitter Taste of Regret

A/N: I am sooo sorry I'm just now updating this story after months!! I promise to not let that happen again! - Jasmine

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Can't we go in?" Jamie asked, growing impatient. "I really wanna see the chimps!"

"As soon as you're Uncle Lucas gets here." Brooke responded, checking out the time on her cell phone. "I don't know what's taking him so long, but hopefully he'll be here in a few minutes."

Brooke and Jamie stood for a few seconds in silence before Jamie spoke. "So why did you ask mama if you could take me to the zoo today? Why couldn't we go tomorrow?"

"Well" said Brooke bending down to Jamie's eyelevel ."I have to go to California for work."

Jamie looked at Brooke skeptically "Is that really why you're going? Or do you wanna go see Aunt Peyton? "

"Have you been talking to you're mother?" Jamie shook his head no. "Alright, yes I'm going to see your Aunt Peyton."

"Uncle Lucas really misses her. I miss her too."

"So do I." Brooke said sadly.

It was at that moment that Brooke saw Lucas at a distance, walking toward her and Jamie. "Alright Jamie, there's your Uncle Lucas. Don't say anything about me going to California, ok? I don't think he'd be too happy with me interfering."

"But it's what you do best!"

"Hey! I resent that!" Brooke said defensively.

"You resent what?" a voice asked Brooke from behind. She turned around to see Lucas.

Jamie ran up to him and gave him a big hug. "Uncle Lucas! You're finally here!"

"I'm sorry I'm late guys. The traffic heading into Wilmington was awful."

"It's ok." Brooke said cheerfully. "We're just glad you made it."

"So where are we headed to first J. Luke?"

Jamie's eyes grew big as he smiled and then shouted "The chimps!"

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

"So you ran into your ex Jake yesterday?"

"Yeah, isn't that weird?" Peyton asked as she plopped down on the chair in front of Dr. Johnson.

"How did it feel? Seeing him again?"

Peyton pondered the question before answering honestly "Jake and I we…we never had a really messy break up or anything, so seeing him again after all these years…it was nice."

"Have you told Lucas you've spent time with Jake?" Dr. Johnson asked while taking off her glasses to clean them.

"No, I haven't."

"Is there a reason you haven't?"

"I wasn't intentionally leaving him in the dark about my seeing Jake." Peyton said growing slightly irritated with where this conversation was going. "I just haven't talked to Lucas since yesterday afternoon."

Dr. Johnson finished cleaning off her glasses and carefully placed them back on. "How do you think Lucas would feel about you spending time with Jake, especially at a time when your marriage is so fragile?"

"Oh, I dunno." Peyton answered, the sarcastic tone in her voice was already evident. "Probably the same way I feel about him hanging out with his ex-girlfriend, a.k.a. my best friend Brooke, or his working with the ex-fiancée, Lindsey."

Dr. Johnson just eyed Peyton curiously, remaining silent.

Peyton rolled her eyes "Alright so Lucas's best friend, Haley, she's married to his brother Nathan. Well Nathan and I dated for a long time back in high school, before Haley ever came into the picture. Lucas and Brooke were boyfriend and girlfriend before me and him were, and Brooke, well she once slept with Nathan."

Dr. Johnson looked at Peyton slightly bewildered. "It sounds like one big love rectangle…plus one. Whatever that is."

"Look, all I meant by that is that neither Lucas nor I are really the jealous type. I mean if we were, Lindsey wouldn't still be his editor, which she is, and Brooke, Haley, and Nathan wouldn't be three of our closest friends, which they are. Besides, Jake and I, though we ended on good terms, we ended for a reason."

"I see." said Dr. Johnson, scribbling something down on a notepad. "So why did you and Jake break up?"

"Because he knew my heart lied with Lucas."

"So Lucas is the only guy you've ever really been in love with?"

"I don't know." Peyton answered honestly. "I've never loved any man as much as I love Lucas and I know that I never will. Still, I think I'd be lying if I said I was never in love with Jake because I definitely think I was at one point in my life. I cared about him a lot. He was a really great guy…he just wasn't MY really great guy."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Thanks for taking me to the zoo Aunt Brooke. I've had a lot of fun so far." Jamie said licking an ice cream cone.

"Your welcome buddy." Brooke said smiling. "Anything for my favorite godson."

Jamie rolled his eyes "But I'm your only godson."

"True. But you're still my favorite." Brooke responded, giving him a wink.

"I'm gonna miss you while you're away in—" Brooke shot Jamie a look and he instantly stopped talking.

"Brooke, I didn't know you were heading out of town. Where are you going?" asked Lucas, feeling out of the loop.

"Can I go watch the handlers milk the goats?" Jamie asked.

"Yeah, I think that'd be a good idea." Brooke said, slightly upset with the fact that because of Jamie's slip she was going to have to come up with a smooth lie to tell Lucas.

Jamie ran off and Lucas and Brooke sat down on a near by bench.

"Look at how cute those goats are." Brooke said, feigning interest in an attempt to divert Lucas.

Lucas ignored her comment. "Brooke, you never answered my question."

"Right." Brooke said, trying to act as though she had forgotten. "I'm going to New York, for business. I have to meet up with some clients." "Gosh I hate lying to him." Brooke thought to herself.

Lucas seemed disappointed "Oh."

"You seem upset that I'm leaving."

"Well, I am." Lucas said truthfully. "You're the only person who hasn't been treating me like a little kid that needs to be watched constantly. Nathan, Skills…even Haley…they're treating me like they would Jamie. I'm 25 for Christ sake, not 7."

"They don't mean to Luke. They're just trying to be there for you the best way they know how."

"I know. But them being so overprotective isn't going to bring Peyton back."

Brooke sat quietly for a moment before responding to Lucas' statement 'That's very true." she finally said. "But you and I both know she will come back. It's just a matter of when. You need to stop thinking so negatively."

"You're right Brooke, its just…really hard sometimes, you know? I feel like the longer she's gone, the more we're growing apart."

"You two will never grow apart because you're not just any couple. You're Lucas and Peyton. True love always. Nothing and no one has or ever will prevent the two of you from being together. I had to learn that the hard way, but that's beside the point. You just need to have a little faith my friend. Faith in the love that helped inspire you to write three best-selling novels. Faith in the girl who professed her feelings to you through a drawing on the river court with the words—"

"I will always love you."

"Peyton will always love you Lucas. Don't stop believing that."

Lucas nodded his head slowly. "I won't."

Brooke smiled and gave Lucas a great big hug. "You're going to be okay."

"You're a good friend Brooke Davis." Lucas whispered into her ear. "Thank you. Thank you for being here for me."

"You're welcome." Brooke said as they released from the embrace. "So…you want to go and check out the goats?"

Lucas gave Brooke a small smile. "Yeah, let's go."

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

"I would like to shift gears now." Dr. Johnson said as she stopped writing and placed her pencil down on her desk. "Let's talk about Anna. On a scale of 1-10 how would you rate your attachment to her?"

"A 10. I'm very attached to Anna. She's my daughter and I love her."

Dr. Johnson nodded. "Ok. Now tell me…do you think that Anna would be here today had Lucas not made the decision that he did, when he did?"

Peyton pondered the question for a long while before answering. "I don't know."

"You're not sure, yet you resent him for making that decision; the decision that ended up saving your daughter's life?"

An extremely heated Peyton sat up from her chair. "Are you trying to imply something?"

"Peyton, I'm not---"

"I love my daughter!" Peyton interrupted. "I love her JUST as much as I loved my son! How dare you suggest otherwise!"

Dr. Johnson shook her head. "I'm not. I just asked a question."

Peyton began crying uncontrollably. "I don't resent Lucas for wanting to save my daughter! I resent him for his WILLINGNESS to SACRIFICE our son SO QUICKLY to do so! He never even gave him a chance to fight! I…I NEVER would have let him die without giving him that chance! I…I…"

"Are you sure that Lucas is the one you resent for your son's death?" Dr. Johnson asked interrupting. "Because I don't think he is. I think the one you really blame is yourself."

A frustrated, teary-eyed Peyton stared into Dr. Johnson's eyes for a long while, but remained silent. Instead of responding, she grabbed her handbag from off the floor and hurried out of the office, slamming the door as she left.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Later that night at The Ruby Slippers…

"What can I get for you?" the bartender asked looking at Peyton.

"A shot."

"A shot of what?"

"Does it look like I care?" a sad and agitated Peyton answered back.

"Ok…tequila it is." The bartender poured her a shot and slid it over to Peyton.

Peyton took the glass and downed it. "Give me another."

"What are you trying to do? Drown your sorrows with liquor?" The bartender asked as he poured her another one and slid it to her.

Peyton downed the tequila and motioned for him to refill her glass. "Maybe."

He poured some more tequila into her glass. "Well I'd be careful if I were you. Liquor might numb the pain for a while, but it won't make it go away."

Peyton watched the bartender as he walked off and then sighed heavily. She then picked up her shot and guzzled it. It was at that moment that Jake emerged from behind her and took a seat next to her at the bar.

"Peyton…you're here!" Jake said smiling as he gave her a hug.

Peyton smiled. "Of course I'm here!"

Jake eyed her curiously and then noticed the empty shot glass in front of her. "Are you tipsy?"

"Maybe just a little." Peyton answered honestly.

Jake nodded. "Well maybe you should slow down a bit."

Peyton nodded her head in agreement. "Yeah." She then quickly changed the subject. "So…when are you performing?"

Jake was about to respond when an announcer from the stage began speaking.

"Now everyone give a round of applause for our next performer…Jake Jagielski!"

"Well I guess I'm performing now." Jake told Peyton as he hopped off his stool and headed to the stage.

He sat down on a chair placed in the center of the stage and picked up his guitar. "Hey everyone. My name's Jake and this first song I'm going to play for you all is a love ballad called 'I Will Remember You.' I'd like to dedicate this song to the girl that inspired it…a dear friend of mine who's here tonight. Peyton…this is for you."

Jake then began playing his song as Peyton looked on and smiled from the bar.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"You were really great tonight Jake." Peyton said as she finished up her Long Island iced tea.

"Thanks." said a concerned looking Jake. He quickly changed the subject. "Peyton…you should probably stop drinking. I think you've had enough."

Peyton rolled her eyes. "Ok, 'dad.'"

"No, Peyton…you really need to stop. I wouldn't be telling you to if I didn't care."

Peyton waved over the bartender and asked for another shot of tequila. He poured her a glass and handed it to her. Peyton took the glass and got up from her stool. She then turned her attention to Jake. "Stop caring and leave me alone."

Jake stared deeply into Peyton's eyes for a long while before he finally walked off. Peyton took a seat back down at the bar and downed her shot.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The next morning…

Peyton started to stir in bed and slowly began to awaken. She opened her eyes and began looking around the room. She soon came to the realization that she wasn't in her bed or even at her father's house. Peyton quickly sat up and continued to scan the room. She noticed her clothes lying on the floor beside the bed and she gasped in fright.

Peyton covered her mouth with her hand and began shaking her head. "Oh my God?!"

Just then, the bedroom door opened up.

Peyton turned her attention to the door and once again gasped in horror as tears began to well up in her eyes. "Jake…what am I doing here?! What…what did we do?!"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Okay…I am SO sorry it took me like 3 months to update this fic! I didn't forget about it…I had just been focusing on my other ones. But I promise that I'll be better about updating this one. Anyways…it looks like Peyton's really starting to spiral. Can she recover? Do you think Brooke's trip to San Fran will help? Or did Peyton's recent night of drunkenness ruin what little chance she had? Hmmm…I guess you'll have to wait until next time to find out! I hope you guys enjoyed. Please please review….I greatly appreciate the feedback!