A/N: I know that I will make both friends and enemies with this chapter. I hope you like it. Review no matter what! (Remember? It's Christmas?)

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"Okay. Just for the record though, this speech was unprepared and made under duress; don't blame me if it sucks." Sara appeared to think for moment. "People have already said how wonderful Matt and Warren were as individuals- how kind, and funny, and talented they were. But, I guess what no one has really mentioned yet is how fantastic they were together. I never really knew them any other way. I knew them each for about six months before they met. After that, it was nearly always the three of us. It was amazing to watch them fall in love." She paused and shook her head. "I had the best seats in the house."

I could hear Sara's voice getting tight. "They…umm," her voice cracked, "They really found themselves in each other, you know? Warren had a constant source of faith and unconditional love in Matt. And Mattie would always have Warren to give him confidence when he lost his own. They both genuinely believed that the other was everything they would ever need. And the amazing thing is that they were right. They had the strongest love of anyone I've ever known…"

She faltered here. She had gone very pale, and I knew it was as much from the public speaking as it was from her grief. When she looked up from the floor where her eyes had been concentrating, she sought out my gaze. Other people noticed too, and a few turned their heads to look at me. I ignored them. I focused only on Sara. I gave her a soft smile and held her with my eyes, try to convey everything I wanted to say; trying to give her courage, to tell her she was doing wonderfully.

When she seemed a bit calmer and not quite so green, I gave her a slight nod of encouragement and blinked slowly, releasing her from our silent communication. The change was immediate and great. A few more people looked over at me like I had some kind of magic power. Ridiculous. Sara stood up straighter and smiled resolutely. That's my girl.

"My boys…with the help of many of you, taught me so much about life, and about people, and about love. I'm not sure who I'd be without that. They were everything you all have already said. They were also wonderful parents, sons, and brothers. They were amazing best friends- the best a person could hope for. But they were perfect as lovers. I know that many of you were at their commitment ceremony, and if you were, then you probably know the story of how it came about. It was the three of us, we were in their backyard at about two in the morning, and we were umm…" Sara hesitated.

"Flyin' the Mexican Airlines!" someone supplied.

"Nah, man, they were rockin' the Fry Daddies!" another guy argued.

Sara grinned, relaxing, "I see that there is more than one version of this story. You're both wrong, actually. First person to get it right gets five bucks!" Was Sara confessing to getting high? I'm not sure why that surprised me, but it did. I'd always kind of felt she was fairly straight edge.

"When was that? Early nineties? War was majorly favoring the honey blunts back then."

"Yeah," Sara conceded, amused by the memory. "But nope."

"Snowcaps!" Someone yelled.

"Nah, man. The boys never did coke- and you know Sara won't touch the stuff." I wondered why people would know Sara wouldn't do cocaine. Her expression didn't reveal anything.

"How about Yerba mala? SF is the birthplace of recreational angel dust."

I tried to imagine Sara tripping on PCP, but the image just didn't sit right.

"What are you, crazy?" This was Maureen. "The musketeers never cut their gold, ain't that right baby?" She looked up at Sara who had sat down on the stool behind the mike.

Sara rolled her eyes, "As fun as discussing my past herbal experiences is, let's wrap this up before I get too nervous and jump off the stage. Final guesses?"

Silence.

"It was the consumption of gumption." Denny's voice rang out from behind the bar.

Sara smiled. "What's that, Duckman?"

"You and the boys. Enjoying the many and varied joys of Alice B. Toklas. If I'm not mistaken, you baked in two matchboxes of Sinesmilla that you bought off Gina's shady Latin lover Luis, plus whatever Acapulco Gold that Matt had in his sock drawer." Alice B. Toklas. Special brownies. With an eighth of Sinesmilla? They would have been totally baked!

Sara's smile widened.

"Do I get my five bucks, Bird? Us winged beasts got to stick together, right?"

"Exactly, so get your ass over here and give me some accompaniment!"

Grinning, Denny hopped over the bar and over to the piano to the left of the sound stage.

Sara raised the mike to her mouth again. "Okay, so the reason I brought up that night was that aside from Warren proposing to Mattie while we were completely blazed, we also proceeded to, still completely blazed, plan out all of the wedding plans using permanent marker on their countertops, cabinets, and fridge…" Everyone chuckled. Sara smiled shyly. Cute. "Now, most of those plans got thrown out; I'm not sure how Warren's mother would have reacted if goats had carried the rings down the isle or if we had just decided to have rice crispy treats and peanut butter instead of wedding cake." Everyone laughed again. "Unfortunately, this part of the plan, did not get thrown out. They asked me to sing, actually, they pretty much forced me, but…Well, Denny was Duckman and Piano-man for that blessed event as well, so he knows. They said I could sing anything I wanted, so I sang this." She half-smiled at the mike stand. More to herself or unseen ghosts than to her audience, she said softly, "Sorry if that's too boring or unoriginal for you, boys. But that's just too bad. You've always been the creative ones, so…it's fairly fitting for tonight anyway."

She looked straight at me and I felt that really bad, really good palpitating rhythm in my chest. I couldn't read her expression, but it was intense, reflecting so many things in her eyes, that I couldn't dissect them all in the time before she turned to cast an eye over the crowd.

"This is for all of my friends here tonight, even more for Matt and Warren's friends that are here tonight. Mostly, though, it's for my boys." She looked skyward, her voice growing thick once more. "Know that I will always love you, and I'll do my best not to disappoint you with all that you've entrusted to me down here. You were, and always will be, my best friends. You changed my life. It's strange, really." She laughed darkly, "I hardly saw you at all the last few years. And I felt empty waking up without you and everybody here. But that emptiness could be filled. I could always come back or distract myself with work. Now, when I wake up, I feel this hole inside me that I'm sure cannot be filled. And yet other times, I know that your love and kindness has not left me; it's just taken a different form." She shook her head, "At least wherever you are, you're there together." She was crying freely now. "I really, really miss you. I can't remember how to live a life without you in it."

The room had gone quiet several minutes before. We were in awe. Her words had been spoken with such emotion and truth that I had felt her grief and heartache in my bones.

"That was real pretty, Sticks," Denny said, "how's about we end it on a musical note?"

Sara looked up from her feet, seemingly startled to see nearly two hundred people staring at her. She had forgotten somewhere along the line that she was not alone with her thoughts. She turned to Denny.

"Key of C okay for, ya?" He smiled comfortingly and my respect for him grew with his ability to bring Sara back to the land of the living. He played her first note on the piano.

Sara didn't speak. She just wiped her eyes with her sleeve, sniffed, and coughed lightly. Then nodded to Denny, who began to play softly. I thought that she looked at me quickly, but I couldn't be sure, because as soon as I looked at her, she was staring at a point in middle distance. She closed her eyes, bowed her head once, and then looked up, once again focused on the air between us. She took a deep breath and began to sing.

In every heart there is a room

A sanctuary safe and strong

To heal the wounds from lovers past

Until a new one comes along

The song was vaporous as it emanated from Sara and was cast about the room like the light of a wavering flame. She turned her head slightly more towards me, but did not look up. Not yet.

I spoke to you in cautious tones

You answered me with no pretense

And still I feel I said too much

My silence is my self defense

I was mesmerized by the raw emotion Sara put forth with each deliberate word. I felt my chest constrict and the tears threaten at her grief. She took a deep breath and slowly shut her eyes.

And every time I've held a rose

It seems I only felt the thorns

And so it goes, and so it goes

And so will you soon I suppose

These words gave me a tight feeling in my stomach. Though her eyes were closed, I could see that Sara was get more and more worked up over the last verse. I thought about asking Denny to stop playing but before I could, Sara had opened her eyes and looked straight at me. I was not nearly ready for what I saw.

But if my silence made you leave

Then that would be my worst mistake

So I will share this room with you

And you can have this heart to break

Selfish as it might seem, my pounding heart had the not unreasonable suspicion that this verse had been more for me than Matt or Warren. There were a few measures of just piano, and I used them to stare at Sara, trying to get her to explain something, anything. But she just sat there, staring right back, until she began to sing again and then she faced the opposite direction. I thought about her expression; somewhere between determined, afraid, and resigned.

And this is why my eyes are closed

It's just as well for all I've seen

And so it goes, and so it goes

And you're the only one who knows

What the hell was going on here? I clenched my jaw, trying to will her to look at me. I was breathing heavily by then, my entire body tense where I stood leaning against the wall. I wanted to see that look in her eyes again. The look I knew had been in mine all week. It worked. She met my gaze once more. I could see the insecurity and sadness seeping into her eyes. And then I heard it in her voice.

So I would choose to be with you

That's if the choice were mine to make

But you can make decisions too

And you can have this heart to break

The words were aching now, filled with so much more than themselves, and tears were coming down her cheeks. And mine. I was…I don't know, I was floating, I guess. I could hardly breath. I stood up from the wall, my arms crossed over my chest. The blood in my ears was pounding so loud that I nearly missed the last part.

And so it goes, and so it goes

And you're the only one who knows.

She watched me. I watched her. People all around us were clapping, getting loud, making jokes. And we watched each other. Someone was trying to get her attention, calling out her name from across the room. She ignored them, standing and stepping off the soundstage. And then she was walking. Towards me. By the time I realized that fact, she was nearly in front of me. I took the three small steps that brought us toe to toe. I tilted my head back to see her, to see what was in her eyes this time.

And suddenly everything was clear. I wanted Sara and the look in her eyes said that she wanted me just as much, and in more than one capacity. With her standing so close, I didn't know what I had been thinking in the last few days. I, me, Catherine Willows does not question her instincts! And my instincts said that Sara and I…fit. We just did. And no ex-girlfriend, no florist, no anybody, was going to convince me otherwise, God dammit!

And that was what was going through my mind as she rested her palm on the curve of my hip.

"Hey," she said cautiously, quietly. But I heard her perfectly through the crowd. Her eyes were deep and liquid pools. My heart fluttered to realize that they were full of hope.

So I did the only thing I could think of; the thing I'd been dying to do since we got here. I stood up on my tiptoes. "Hey." I whispered back. I balanced myself with my hands on her shoulders, brushing our noses together. She had closed her eyes. I smiled into her lips as we kissed.

For the first time.

Soft and light, before I pulled back a bit to see her adorable frown of disappointment. I kissed her again, a bit more firmly but just as sweetly and then pulled back. I was being a tease, and I knew it. But her little pout was unbelievably cute. A second later, though, I was back for more. Like I could stay away. I sucked at her top lip a bit this time, and when I tried to pull away, she grunted her frustration. She held me by the shoulders.

"Catherine," she spoke defensively against my lips, "If you are teasing me, I swear to God..."

Oops. Bad move. I played right into her insecurities! I inwardly hit my own head with a brick. "No," I hurried to reassure her, "no, baby, I'm not teasing you. Well, I mean yes, I was teasing you just then, but-" She tried to back away but I grabbed her wrists and pulled her back to me, saying, inches from her lips, "But only because you looked so damn sexy when you'd thought I'd stopped kissing you, okay? I'm sorry, I guess first kisses really aren't the time to do that, are they?" I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her bodily into me, trying to convince that uncertainty right off her worried face. "Sara, I wouldn't do that to you. Not now, not ever. The both of us have too much to lose to mess around with this. No, hon, I'm not teasing you." I smiled. "Were you teasing me?" I prodded, knowing the answer but wanting her to understand how ridiculous her question had been to me.

"What?" Her eyes widened. "No, of course not!" she said a bit angry, but not really. "How could you…I…"

I pressed a finger to her lips and shook my head. "Just checking. I'm sorry I teased you, it wasn't my intention. I promise to be completely serious the next time."

I watched her fight a smile, "The next time?"

I will never get over how amazingly cute she is. "Mhm." I nodded as I backed up slowly, pulling her with me until I was once again leaning against the wall. With Sara pressed snugly into me. That was new. "Next time." I grinned up at her, reclining demurely on the wall, an arm raised above my head; the perfect damsel in distress. "Which should be any second now. Ten…nine…eight…seve-" and then my lips were being wonderfully assaulted by the taste of Harvest Apple Ale and chocolate as well as the sweet lips of the woman standing above me.

I felt her wrap her arms around my waist and the only thing that kept me from sinking into them was the sensation of her mouth on mine. And she nipped at my lower lip before sucking it into her mouth and I think I died for a little bit, there. So I opened my mouth because I just figured that that was the universal sign 'honey, I'm home' and that everybody knew that. Though apparently, Sara didn't because she continued to play with my bottom lip and was quite surprised when I became the initiator and brushed my tongue against hers.

And that is when I found out about the switch. Slipping Sara tongue is like giving Popeye spinach. Only sexier. It's the button that activates her for hyperspace or hypersex or something. It's amazing. Because one minute, there you are having a go at nice, soft, quiet kiss, and then all a sudden she has moaned into your mouth and is lifting you up to balance on the three inch edge of the wainscoting, which is not wide enough for a preschooler's ass, let alone yours, I mean mine. So you have to wrap your legs around her waist to keep from falling over, which normal Sara would notice is not a smart thing to do in a room of two hundred people. But crazed, sex-addicted Sara? Does not care!

And the kissing. Oh, the kissing! Jump straight to final Jeopardy, my God, she's amazing. I'm telling you, it's not the same woman. The transformation is unbelievable. So sexy. So beautiful. So usefully…exploitable, in the future.

She was grabbing the undersides of my thighs rather roughly, and I yelped into her mouth. I was alert enough to know that, even if I didn't mind an audience, when Sara came down off this sex-high or whatever, she would be mortified. "Hey, you interrupted my countdown." I tried to talk her down before anyone noticed.

She moved her attentions down to my neck and my eyes fluttered shut. Screw getting caught. "Weren't counting…fast enough," she murmured, licking and laving the hollow of my neck with kisses.

"Hmm…" What was it I had been trying to do? As I buried a hand in her hair and held her to me, I tried, though not too hard, to remember. Oh, yeah. "Sara?"

"Hmm?" She nibbled at my throat.

Oh, my God. "I think we need to…"

"What?" She tongue-traced the shell of my ear. The nails of one of my hands sank deep into her shoulder, the other into her scalp. She hissed but did not pull away.

Oh, fucking Hell! "Umm…the people will," I tried feebly, "…all your friends are going to…oh, Jesus, Sara, fuck!" She bit my neck below the ear and I shut up.

Inevitably, a minute later when Sara had resumed thrusting her tongue down my throat, my hand was up the back of her top and she was centimeters from over-the-top groping me in a very not PG kind of way, someone let out a very loud wolf-whistle. And then we heard Denny's voice call out, "Ladies, ladies, if you'll just step into the back room over here, we can charge admission. No need to make it a free show."

"It's not a free show," Lola yelled back, "it's a charity benefit for all us that's been havin' a slow night!" This received a full room of laughter and a few heartfelt agreements.

"Would you two leave them alone!" This was Mo, coming to our rescue, "you are nothing but a bunch of busybodies. Don't you know young love when you see it? They can't keep there hands off each other, that's fine by me. How long you think they got before they realize that they have to wake up next to the same person forever and the magic is gone? A year? Maybe two? And you two trying to get in the way of the magic. If you weren't behind that bar I'd come over there and smack you upside the head right now." Mo turned to someone out of sight, walking towards them as she spoke, "As for you, I can't believe you whistling like that. What was that line you fed me when we first met about how you hated jackasses who subjugated women and turned them into sex objects?"

"I do!" Came Joey's apologetic protest, "I wasn't subjugating 'em, Mo, I was just making fun of Birdie-butt over there." He snickered a bit until a loud, resonating slap, "Ow! What was that for?"

"For being an a non-chauvinist asshole. And if you don't want another one and a very long speech when we leave, you will apologize before we go home."

"Mo! That really hurt, I think I'm bleeding…Hey, Duckmeister, ya got any ice?"

"Sure. Hey, you want to stay at my place tonight?"

"Maybe. Since I no longer feel safe in my own home. I'm afraid for my life when I walk through the door! What have I done to deserve this, Ducky?! What?" He mock wailed as he stepped behind the bar.

Denny exaggeratedly enveloped Joey in a hug and cried himself, "Listen to me, buddy! This is not your fault! You hear me? I'll get you out of there, okay? You've just got to hang on, man, for your kids!"

"No, no! Anywhere we go, she'll just find us again! It's no use." He cried, "I should probably just go with her tonight. It's always easier when she's not angry! And she only beats me when I make fun of feminism!"

"Morons!" Maureen shook her head and stalked off towards us, as Denny and Joey congratulated each other on a stunt well pulled. "You girls okay?" She glanced at Sara and then looked to me.

Until now, Sara had been hiding her face in my neck, unmoving. I pushed her head up so that she had to look at me. She was blushing severely, but at least she wasn't crying or angrily grinding her teeth. I suppose it helped that she knew these guys were her friends and were just teasing. "What do you say, babe?" I hooked a finger under her chin and smiled encouragingly, "We okay?"

She searched my eyes, and as she did she helped me back to the ground, "Yeah." She kept her arms around my waist and I responded by doing the same thing and resting my head on her chest. She looked at Maureen and I could hear the growing smile in her voice, "Yeah, we're okay." She kissed my forehead.

Maureen patted her back, "Okay, hon. Just checking. You know those big jerks really love you right?"

"Yeah, I know."

Maureen winked at me and then disappeared into the crowd.

Sara looked down at me with a curious smile on her lips and a sexy glint in her eyes. "So…" she said.

"So…" I smiled back.

"Never done that before."

I giggled. I could probably count the number of times I had giggled in the last ten years on one hand, but that was definitely a giggle. A nervous one. "Well, I've got to say, for your first time that was pretty fucking fantastic."

I succeeded in making her blush, "I meant with you."

I kissed her shoulder, "Yeah, I kinda figured that's what you meant."

She held me tight as she surveyed the room and I relished in it. "Look," she said nervously, "do you want to get out of here? I mean, people are going to be going soon, and we've been here a while already, and I really want to talk to you- just talk, I swear." She was beginning to ramble, "And I really don't think Matt and Warren would mind, and I'll be here a few more days at least so I can see everybody later, and…" she trailed off as she saw me smiling. "What?"

"You're babbling. Don't worry, nervous is a cute look on you." I played with the hair at her shoulders, then hugged her tighter to me. "Let's get out of here, babe. I really want to just talk to you, too."

As we made the rounds of goodbyes, Sara kept an arm around me the whole time and would periodically turn and kiss my temple when someone was talking. She did it for the same reason I would occasionally dip my fingertips beneath the waistband of her jeans and touch the skin there; because I could. Because we could. When Sara had to pop into the bathroom on the way out, I leaned up against the bar and waited.

"That was quite the show you put on there." I turned and found Charlotte sitting beside me. I still didn't know if she had thought she was being helpful or if she had been intentionally nasty, attempting sabotage. I didn't care.

"It wasn't intended to be a show," I said, offhand, "we just forgot that we weren't alone."

"So, I guess it's a moot point to ask if you've made your decision."

Over her shoulder, I could see Sara walking back to me, smiling. I winked and smiled back, saying quietly to Charlotte, "There was never any decision to make. I love her and I think she might love me. And if you get to that point, then the only option besides 'take the leap' is 'run and hide'." I spoke to quickly and sharply with Sara only meters away, "And I am not a coward; I do not, will not, pass this by because it might get hard. I'm not going in expecting a fairy tale, wanting a fairy tale- I want Sara and want all of her, for fuck's sake!"

"Babe, you ready to go?"

I looked at Sara, and stood up. "Sure. All set." And once again, because I could, I kissed Sara full on the mouth, fiercely, intensely, pulling back only when I needed air.

Sara seemed paralyzed for a moment, then she hugged me to her and a goofy smile spread over her face. "Sorry, Char, but we have got to go. I'll call you about lunch."

As Sara put an arm around me and hauled me out the door, I looked over my shoulder. I put on my best one raised-eyebrow, tastes like 'oh, just watch me now!' smirk and aimed it straight at Charlotte.

Walking to the car Sara looked at me and shook her head.

"What?"

She laughed softly, "If you think I don't know that you just kissed me to one up the ex-girlfriend, your opinion of my intelligence must be pretty low."

Busted. "I'm not trying to deny anything. But I will maintain that I was provoked. Now, as to your intelligence, my opinion is very, very high. It would be higher, however, if you hadn't just made a left two blocks back when our car was parked to the right."

"What are you talking about, it's right over…"

"Over where, honey?" My amusement was more than evident in my tone.

"Oh, just shut up." She laughed, pulled me to her, and kissed my cheek.

I turned and kissed her lips.

She bumped our noses and I smiled.

"So the car is back that way, huh?"

"Yes. Remember the red fire hydrant?"

"Oh, yeah, on 17th Street."

"Mhm."

"Well, then maybe we should stop walking and turn around."

"We could keep walking, I like walking." And I did. Holding her hand, resting my head on her shoulder; I had never felt this secure just walking down a street.

"Yeah? Okay." She kissed the top of my head. "We can walk for a bit."

We walked for an hour before we made it back to the car. It was well after midnight. We had walked in near complete silence. Occasionally we decided to cross a street, and while we were waiting for the light to change, we would exchange kisses and touches. But they were our only communication. I think we both realized that as soon as we started to talk, things would cease to be simple. As soon as there were things, people, jobs, children, lives, to figure out, it would be a long time until the next time we could just…be.

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Silence was the decorum of the hour even when we reached the car. Sara drove for a few miles and then got on Route 101. Going north. It just wasn't her day for directions.

"Sara? Honey? Larry and Tim's house is south of here, not north."

"We're not going there yet."

"What?"

"I want to show you something."

"Now?" I glanced worriedly at the clock.

"Yes."

"In the dark?"

"Yes."

"Is there any sense in telling you to wait until morning?"

"None whatsoever."

"Alright then." I rolled my eyes. "Let's go."

We returned to silence for another half hour. The roads were deserted of everyone but truck drivers. We got off the highway, and onto a two lane road. We made several turns and then Sara stopped seemingly in the middle of nowhere. Oh, my god, she's going to kill me! She'll leave my body here and say that I was abducted or something.

"Can you grab the blanket that's in the back?" Sara asked, getting out and opening the trunk.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, sure." I reached in the back and pulled out the picnic blanket Ayla and Maggie had given us yesterday in anticipation of the promised picnic in the park.

Sara closed the trunk and flicked on one of those massive high-power flashlights that could double for a spotlight in a small country. "You can turn off the car now, I just needed to grab this." And then she promptly shut the light off.

I turned the key in the ignition.

"Come on, bring the blanket."

I stepped out of the car, "Hon? Where are we?"

"Muir Beach."

"Ah." Oh, good…wait, where? "Babe, don't take this the wrong way, but what the hell does that mean?"

I heard her snort in the darkness. "Well, we are at a beach and the state of California calls it Muir Beach. I always called it the cliff beach, or when I really little, the slide-y beach."

"We're on a grassy hill. I don't know what your requirements for a beach are, Sara, but mine typically include sand and water. Wait, did you say 'cliff'? We're walking around in the dark on a cliff? I think I'll wait in the car, if it's all the same to you."

"Relax." She touched the outside of my wrist lightly and I shivered, "I know my way around here. Just stay right behind me; you'll be fine."

I followed her up the hill, and soon I could hear the lapping sounds of a calm tide. The soothing sound grew steadily louder and I could smell the salty-sweet scent of the waves. It was not unlike the smell of the water beneath the house in Santa Clara, but it was wetter and lighter somehow. It had never occurred to me that the same ocean could smell different when washing over different sands. And there was sand, I saw it. As we came to the edge of a cliff, or more accurately a low lying bluff, I could see a great expanse of pale sand that seemed to glow in the night.

"Oh, Sara," I breathed.

She took the blanket from me and laid it out as I admired the view.

It was about a ten meter drop from here, but halfway down it quit being steep and began to slope shallowly to the beach below. Like a slide. Slide-y beach. The night sky held more lavenders and roses than it did at the house, and there seemed to be less stars. But the water held more moonlight here, and glimmered as if there were thousands of silver fish pooling just under the surface.

I felt warm arms come up behind me and I relaxed into them. "Come and sit beside me," she whispered, and tugged at my hand.

When we were seated on the blanket, I had slipped my shoes off and curled into her side. She took the other end of the blanket and wrapped it around us.

"Why is the sky lighter here?"

"Than at Larry and Tim's you mean? Because their house is at the base of a cove. There is nearly an entire mountain between them and the lights of the city. Here, we're almost closer, and we actually stick out. So even if we can't see the city, the light it throws into they're sky is infiltrating ours. Plus all the light from Sausalito and all of the tiny suburbs around here."

"Hmm." Sara's shoulder is surprisingly cushy and makes an excellent headrest. "It's beautiful, but why are we here?"

She sighed and draped an arm around me, "Because as much as I would like to put it off, I really think we should talk now. Before we go to sleep and put it off some more, until it's too scary and we just make things worse."

"Okay, I sort of figured that. What I meant was, why here?"

"I figured there were too many distractions at Larry's and this was always where I went to think whenever I lived in California. I grew up about an hour north of here, and when I was really little, my family used to come here every year. Not to swim, it's too cold, but just for a fun day. My Dad and my brother would race or we'd fly kites and build a bonfire- back when you were allowed to do that." She shrugged. "Nothing that great, but it was always a special day. And then when I was a bit older, my brother, Cary, and I would skip school and take the bus here every once in awhile. He's seven years older than I am so he would by the tickets and I would pretend to be with an adult who was getting on the bus until we got here." She smiled at the memory. "We never had any money left over for food so Cary would distract the store clerks and I would stuff as much candy and soda pop into my bag as I could. Then in high school, when I didn't have Cary anymore, I came here by myself. I…err, moved around a lot in high school, but never more than hour's bus ride from here." She kissed my forehead and squeezed me tighter. "Then I moved back here after school, only I lived closer and I had a car, so I came up here whenever I needed to think. I've really missed it since I left. But, I thought it would be a good place for this."

Wow. I wasn't an investigator for nothing. I knew that there was a lot more to that story than what Sara had said. In fact, I was quite sure that the heart of the story lay in what she chose not to say. But now was not the time for that. Obviously, she didn't want to talk about it. I would connect the dots later on my own.

I just turned my head and kissed her shoulder. "It's perfect, thank you." Silence fell over us again. Why was it so hard to begin this? Suddenly, Sara turned to me and kissed me sweetly. I brought my hand up to her cheek to keep her a moment longer when she started to pull away. When we finally separated, we were both breathing heavier than before. I gave her a questioning glance that I'm not sure she could see in the dark.

"I have wanted to do that for months," she breathed.

My heart thudded at that news. "Really?"

She nodded and tossed up a hand in surrender. "Maybe years. I don't know."

I sighed my relief as my head dropped to her shoulder, "I know exactly what you mean."

"You do?"

"Yeah. It's like, I always found you attractive, right? But at some point without my knowing it, the way I was attracted to you changed. Now you're not just another attractive person I know, you're the freaking Sara Sidle. And I don't know when, I don't know how, and I don't know why." I twisted and dropped my head into her lap where her hand immediately, familiarly now, went into my hair. "All I know is that it's the most amazing feeling. And when I'm with you…" I grinned up at her. "Wow. Just…just wow. And when I'm away from you…" I shook my head, "And I know I never want to end." And now please say you feel the same or else I will look like a total idiot.

She smiled and I breathed a huge sigh of relief. She ran her finger over the bridge over my nose, her smile widening as she went. "Yeah, that's kind of exactly it. Though, while I admit to not knowing when or why, I definitely do know how."

I raised an eyebrow at her.

"I think an easier question to answer would be 'How could I not?'."

I rolled my eyes. But I was blushing. And grinning stupidly.

"You're this fantastic, amazing, intelligent, funny, beautiful woman. And I don't know why anyone has ever let you get away."

I laughed at that. "Yeah. I do. I have daughter, a foul temper, a short fuse, and a job where I work more hours than I'm awake- and I like it. All of it."

"Well, good, because so do I."

I sat up. "Really?"

"No." She sounded serious and my heart sank. "I love your daughter. I understand your commitment to your job, and I think your short fuse is sexy as hell." She blushed that she'd said that out loud. "And I will always love your temper, even if it doesn't always love me, because it makes you who you are."

And just like that, I was crying. It was the greatest thing anyone had ever told me; and it still ranks in the top five. I launched towards her, just intending to hug her. But she lost her balance and we tumbled over backwards. "It does always love you, it's just sometimes you can't tell because it's confused and scared and nothing makes it flare up more than that!" Oh, dear. I felt a good cry coming on.

Sara held me tight and rocked me silently, raining kisses in my hair. When I had quit sniffling, I looked up at her. God, she must think I am a complete maniac; blubbering like a lunatic twice in one day. But she was smiling gently at me. No, no, wait a minute…yeah scratch that. She was kissing me; kissing me! I was all gross and snuffley and she had just ignored it and bent down and kissed me. And kissed me really well. Oh, god! I moaned into her mouth, deciding to become an active participant.

She dipped her tongue into my mouth this time, eliciting another moan. She may have control over the kiss, but she has no control over my able hands. I actually smiled against her lips as I thought that. And my able hands attached themselves to her hips. Sara unknowingly made it easier on me by flipping us until she was completely on top of me, all of her weight on one forearm. Ah ha! Yes! Virtually full access! Letting my mouth revert to it's auto-kiss mode, I quickly and easily guided one hand to grip her ass a bit aggressively. She gave this really sexy little grunt and I took that as my permission to slip my free hand under her top and draw light swirls and circles on her abdomen.

I didn't want to just go straight for the breasts; that always seemed a bit shallow to me. There's nothing worse than thinking you could really like somebody and then have them ignore everything but your breasts. However, I did want to get there eventually. Which is why my swirlies were moving steadily upwards. At this point, holding up all of her own weight was getting tiring for Sara. So she dropped her lower body onto mine.

Talk about losing focus. For a second, my entire body quite literally went limp.

Sara noticed and pulled up, "Am I crushing you?"

I shook my head violently and pulled her back down. I kissed her hard as I wrapped an ankle around her calf to emphasize my point. "Not at all."

Believing me, Sara continued her exploration of my mouth. With one difference. Her free hand had begun to roam as well. Oh, fuck. How the hell was I meant to concentrate, now? The hand started by scratching light lines along the bend of my waist. Oh, Jesus, fuck. There was no way I would survive this, I had to think of something. Fight fire with fire! Aha! I moved in for the attack and stealthily cupped her breast. Never under estimate the power of surprise! Her reaction was immediate and obvious. She gasped audibly, shut her eyes tight and arched into me, muttering something that sounded an awful lot like, "Jesus, fuck, Cath." Ha! See how it feels?

I had officially gained control of the situation. But I quickly lost it again because when Sara arched her chest up, she had inadvertently thrust herself into my thigh. And she noticed. And now that she knew she could do that, she was doing that. A lot. And she had resumed kissing my neck. I was in heaven. Unfortunately, this is when that rational little voice in my head began to assert itself. I hate that voice! It started in on how we really needed to talk first, that our first time shouldn't be like this. What? On a blanket, under the stars, to the music of the ocean waves? Yeah, real romance killer. But the voice was beginning to win out. We had a lot of things we needed to discuss before we got too physical. NO! No! We need sex, we need it, we need it, we do! It was an arduous battle.

Her hand was drawing steadily closer to my chest. Hooray! If she got that far, I wouldn't be able to stop until we went all the way. Good. So just sit back and let it happen. I shook my head, in argument with myself. "No, no. Sara? Sara, wait."

"What is it? You're not enjoying this?" She sounded genuinely concerned.

"No! Jesus Christ, no! I am so enjoying this. There isn't even a number on the Richter scale for what you're doing to me. But that's thing. Actually, there are two things." I was speaking very quickly. "The first is that I am very paranoid that we are going to roll over that cliff." I laughed nervously, "And second…I'm sorry, honey, but I think I'm enjoying this too much. I think that we need to stop- just for now. You brought me here to talk and I think that we need to do some of that…talking."

Sara rolled off me, breathing heavily and we both lay staring at the stars for a minute.

"Sorry."

She reached down and gripped my hand, pulling it until it was hidden beneath both of hers, resting on her stomach. I could feel vibrations as she spoke, "Don't be. You're right. You were just so beautiful with your eyes shining like that, and then you just felt so good. I don't think I can say no to you."

I smiled at her, "If you're going to keep saying things like that, I think you'll have to learn."

She squeezed my hand. "So…talk?"

I nodded. "Talk."

"What do you think we should do about this?"

I sighed and told the truth. "I have no fucking clue."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Well???? Are you happy? Are going to hack in a rewrite the kiss? Are you never going to read my stuff ever again? Are you in suspense about the threesome they are going to have with Gil? Hahahaha! NOT!

Are you excited to find out what happens next? Tell me!!! Hope this made it a Merry Christmas for everyone. Now I'm off to wrap presents!

Oh, and the song was 'And So It Goes' by Billy Joel.

Happy Holidays to all my beloved readers. It my be a week or a little more until I post again, but I have 60,000 words written that you haven't even seen yet, so I'm not going anywhere.