31/12/2007 16:21:00

A/N: Alright, as promised, a Happy New Year post for you. I know it's a bit disjointed, but I had a lot to cover in this chapter. Thank you, by the way, for all of the wonderful Christmas reviews! Sorry if I messed up the translation of your fine and noble language. I only know how to say it in English, French, Spanish, Italian, German, Filipino, and Swedish. The rest of them, I had to look up.

Oh, will someone please explain the concept Boxing Day? I Wikipedia-ed it and I still don't get it. Are there extra presents, do you have to wait longer for your presents, are there better retail sales??? Enquiring globally-uninformed Americans (at least one) want to know!

Alright, voila! Enjoy!

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So we talked. And talked. And talked some more. We talked, admittedly with kissing breaks, for more than three hours. And all that we had really decided at the end of it was that there would need to be a whole lot more talking in the not too distant future. We had both known that this could be nothing but a serious relationship, since we both wanted more than sex. But how to go about building and maintaining a relationship while raising three kids in separate households and working one hundred-twenty hours a week between the two us, we had absolutely no idea.

Not to mention, that all three of these girls had lost their fathers. Yes, Eddie died six months ago, but that was still only six months. Lindsey was still not the same kid she had been, she was still throwing the occasional tantrum or getting in fights at school, and the only time she was truly relaxed or happy was when Sara was around. And we could expect Maggie and Ayla to be the same, if not worse.

And that was another thing. Would the girls get along? I knew I could talk Lindsey into being polite for a while, but how long could that possibly last? She was ten, not the Dalai Lama. If Ayla stole her toy, if Maggie spilled her juice- things that were bound to happen if their parents were dating, it could very well be the start of World War III. Not to mention Lindsey was very sure that Sara was her one true playmate forevermore. What would happen when she had to share her? Or what about when she had to share me? Because I was always going to be taking care of these girls quite a bit, even if Sara and I hadn't gotten together. And that wasn't even taking into consideration how the other girls would feel.

It was all a big mess that Sara and I rehashed several times only to find that it was making us irritable and grumpy and we were getting nowhere. So, we stopped. We decided that, for now, we would take each day as it came. We would relax and enjoy what time we had to ourselves, and when we got back to Las Vegas, we would formulate a better plan. As twilight began to melt into sunrise, something occurred to me and I asked Sara why she had done what she had the night before. Why had she just suddenly confessed like that?

"I just sort of…snapped," she told me. "A lot of things just started to come together, you know?"

I shook my head where it rested on her chest. "What things?"

She sighed and stroked my jaw. "Matt and Warren would have really liked you. That's what I was thinking when I got on stage. They would have loved your devious humor, your determination; your charm. I was thinking about them and how they would have toasted your honor for making me get up there and sing. And if they had known how I felt about you, they would never have sat by and let me pity myself and do nothing about it. They would have made me do something; anything. And then as I started to sing, I realized how close the words were to how I felt about you; to what I wanted say to you. Everything just…"

"Fit." I supplied.

Wordlessly, she nodded.

I could listen to her talk all day- I had just listened to her talk all night. Her words gave me insight into how she put things together and made a full picture out of them. What she chose to say first. What she forgot and had to stuff in later. Listening to the rhythm of her speech, I could practically visualize the methodical way she solved cases. Just another piece of my beautiful brunette puzzle. My puzzle. Mine.

"So you made a move, not for you or for me, but in loving memory of two gay men?" I pecked her on the nose.

She kissed me firmly, sweetly, on the mouth and shook her head, "I did it for all of us. That was just my justification in case you turned me down." She kissed my neck.

I hummed, "Well, I wouldn't, couldn't, didn't. And right now, I'm congratulating myself on a choice well made." I kissed her again and said seriously, "I haven't been this happy in a long time." Kiss. "You make me happy, Sara."

She held me and we watched morning light begin to flood the beach, changing the horizon from violet to lavender to gray and finally to a crisp, pale, blue. At six o'clock, we finally de-cocooned from out of our blanket and got in the car to go home. When we were halfway there, we called the Wingers and each of us talked to Ayla to tell her we were safe and sound. I was just going to let her talk to Sara, but she insisted on talking to me too. I could literally feel our bond growing as she told me where she was now in her book.

As we were pulling into the drive, my cell went off. It was Gil. Just to be annoying, I pretended to have been asleep and didn't pick up until the fifth ring. Sara laughed quietly at my fake yawn and tired voice as we made our way through the house and out to the deck.

"Hello?"

"It's Grissom."

"Who?"

"Catherine, wake up!"

"Gil? What time is it?"

"It's seven thirty. Now, Catherine, I've been very good about this thing with you supporting Sara, and I hope she's doing better, but if you want her to have longer to get her affairs in order, then I suggest you be at work by tomorrow night."

"Gil…"

"No, Catherine. This is non-negotiable. Your behavior before you left could have gotten you fired under different management. Instead, I arranged it so that you used your sick days instead of your vacation ones so that you could still take a vacation with your daughter. I have been very understanding, but how long did you really think I could let you stay there, Catherine? It's been nearly a week. The lab needs you. The team needs you. Catherine, I need you here. And so does Lindsey."

That stung. I had been keeping in close contact with Linds, and so far she seemed to be okay, but Gil was right. How could I give Sara parenting tips if I abandoned my own daughter? I sighed and shook my head at Sara who was watching me closely, "Okay, Gil, you got it. I don't have much of a choice, anyway." Sara's face fell and I knew that she'd been expecting this.

"Not really, no. Call and let me know when your flight gets in."

"I will. Bye." I frowned at the phone and then looked at my fingers entangled with Sara's. I immediately relaxed a bit.

"You're leaving." She tightened her grip like she thought she could make me stay out of pure force. "When?"

"Tomorrow, fairly early. He played the Lindsey card, Sara. I have to go."

She nodded solemnly and looked out over the sea.

I kissed her palm, "But we'll be okay. Take each day as it comes, right?"

She looked back at me and smiled bravely, "Right." She tugged at my hand, "Sit with me?"

I nodded and moved over to drape myself on her deck chair. On her. We lapsed into a peaceful silence where the wind and the waves were the only sounds. We must have dozed off, because an hour later I was awoken by the click and zip of a camera that had just run out of film. I opened my eyes to see Tim frowning down at something small and black in his hands. A camera. When he saw that I was awake he looked not a bit abashed. In fact, he smiled.

"I just want to go on record," he whispered, apparently so he wouldn't wake Sara, "as saying that I knew you two were going to…" he brought his fingers together in a 'one and one make two' gesture. "I knew it the second I saw you. It. Was. Fate!" He shrieked and I felt Sara tense under me. "I'm telling you, six months from now it's going to be a whole domestic scene; three kiddies, two aprons, and a gingerbread house!"

"Will you leave them be! You are such a gossip queen, there is never a moment's peace in this house! And where were you when I needed help with the breakfast preparations? Oh, no. Timothy, tell me you weren't taking pictures of them! You know how that vexes me- and everyone else who falls victim to your disturbing habits."

Larry came from behind us and placed a tray of mimosas on another chair. I watched as Tim pouted and guiltily handed over his camera to his stern-faced partner. Larry tried to frown but failed. Instead he sighed and smiled, "Very well, I can't possibly yell at you when you look so pathetic. There is a tray of bagels and bagel accessories in the kitchen. If you fetch it, all shall be forgotten."

Tim scampered off and disappeared from view.

Larry handed me a mimosa and then tried to give one to Sara. He sighed and shook his head, "Your possum tricks may still work in Vegas, Sticks, but Lady Catherine and I both know that you've been up for a while now."

No response.

I bent to her ear and whispered, "Rise and shine, Birdie-love. It's breakfast now and soon it will be time for bed." I finished by nibbling her earlobe gently.

Her eyes were wide open and she was reaching for the mimosa before my lips had left her flesh. "Good morning, Larry. When did you two wake up?"

I smiled. Even if we had decided to take things slow physically and I was much too tired for any sort of action, it was still fun to tease.

"I believe a better question, my dear, is when did you two get in?"

Sara blushed so I answered for her, "About an hour ago." I smirked, "We had a rather eventful night."

Larry returned my smirk as Tim returned with the bagels, "So I gathered."

"Didn't I tell you, Lawrence? I told you they would get together, didn't I?" Tim bounced and clapped happily.

"Yes, you did, dear. Several times. But only after I put the idea in your head."

"Not true!"

"Yes, dear. I undoubtedly thought of it first."

Tim put down his mimosa and scowled indignantly. "You absolutely did not."

"I did. And I can prove it; I showed them to the guestroom before you had even met Catherine."

Tim hung his head as if he'd been beat. Sara choked on her bagel and had to finish both of our mimosas in order to begin breathing normally again. I looked confusedly at Larry, "I don't understand."

He smiled and gestured back at the house, "My lady, this house is gargantuan. It should be a sin for two people to live in it alone." He winked, "Surely you did not think that we only had one guestroom. We have three."

I connected the dots and half-smiled, "Still, that doesn't explain-"

"I already suspected a mutual attraction from our meeting at the hotel and then the return drive. This was just an extra test."

"Test?"

"Yes. You see, Sara knows of the other rooms."

A light bulb went on as Sara burrowed her face into my neck. "And you didn't say anything?" I could almost feel her blush on my skin. I looked down at her dark head, curling into her and tickled her sides, "Peeping Sara, eh?" I laughed.

As soon as it was clear that I wasn't mad, Sara quit her squirming and gave me a cheeky grin. "Yep. Didn't notice I was always 'reading' when you got out of the shower, did ya?"

My jaw dropped. I had been kidding.

She rolled her eyes, "Joke, Cath! Jeez…"

We enjoyed a half hour of good natured teasing about what we had been up to the night before, and then excused ourselves to catch a few hours sleep before we were due to pick the girls up in a little while. I went to brush my teeth and take my make-up off as Sara changed into boxers and a tank top, then we switched. I stripped down to my panties, removed my bra, and stood in front of the chest of drawers; I wanted to choose the sexiest sleepwear I had.

I had been concentrating so hard that I didn't hear the bathroom door creaking open. Cool hands came up around my bare midriff. I relaxed only a little when I realized it was Sara. She pressed a kiss to my jaw, "You'd look gorgeous in a paper bag, Cath. It's cute that you've been standing here for ten minutes, but I really don't care what you where to bed." She kissed and nipped my neck and my eyes shut involuntarily. "Though if I get a vote, I like the outfit you've got on right now."

Okay, my libido…has a mind of its own. One that trumps my mind in moments of pure sexiness. That is the only way I can explain what happened next. I absolve my conscious brain of any responsibilities.

I spun in her arms, looked up at her, and spoke low, "Like it better from the front?"

I gave her my full permission to peek as I thrust my chest into her. She drew breath and took a step back. I watched her face. God, I loved that look. I loved that I could inspire that look. Awe. And not the trashy, leering, G-string, don't-cha-kinda-wanna, sort of awe. No. This was an honest-to-goodness, thoroughly amazed, 'there's Boticelli goddess and then there's you' type of thing. This was not a feeling you worked for. But it was one you lived for. And I lived for it from her.

Sara exhaled, pulled me flush against her, and looked me in the eye. She smirked, "Oh, I'd say the front has it's definite high points." She raised an eyebrow. I fought a smile. Not funny. Immensely lame. No! Don't laugh! Not funny. Okay, maybe a little funny. Suddenly I felt her lips on mine, kissing the fuck out of me. Figuratively. I returned the kiss whole-heartedly. When we pulled apart, she spoke, "Catherine?"

"Hmm?"

"You need to put a top on right now or else we are going to pass out from exhaustion at the park in a few hours."

"Hmm."

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A few hours later, after a wonderful sleep in Sara's arms and not much else, we were spreading out a picnic blanket in Golden Gate park, just outside the playground, with two very excited and hungry girls. I saw Ayla helping Sara neaten the corners of the blanket I had just parachuted down. I felt Maggie's breath on my neck seconds before she covered my eyes and shouted "Guess who?" And I caught Sara smiling as she watched me haul the little girl over my shoulder, sending her sprawling into my lap.

As the scene unfolded around me, I suddenly missed my daughter. Lindsey would have loved this. This was a real park covered in green. Complete with ponds and carousels; it was magical. Not like the harsh concrete and woodchip playgrounds in her desert world. She would love to run around with other little girls and race boats with Sara and read with me under the trees. I prayed that she would get along with Ayla and Maggie. I hoped she would love them as I was growing to.

"When can we eat?" Maggie giggled up at me.

I tickled her, "Eat? Eat!? Never! You must be tied to the merry-go-round and you can never eat again!"

Ayla galloped over, "Can we really go on the merry-go-round? I haven't gone on in forever! And Maggie's never been at all; she was too small last time we came."

I looked up at Sara, "Can they?" I didn't want to start her parental relationship with them by undermining her.

She nodded, "Sure. After lunch though." She began pulling sandwiches out of her backpack.

I clapped Maggie's feet together, her little shoes clicking, "Well, Princess, it looks like you get to eat after all."

"Hooray!"

"But straight after that- I'm strapping you to the merry-go-round!"

Maggie was jubilant. "Hooray!"

Neither of us had thought to bring a camera, but there would be many other 'first' events to photograph. The carousel was great. Maggie stepped up, unafraid, and chose the horse farthest away from her sister's. They went around and around, waving when they passed. Sara soon caught on that, yes, you have to wave back every time.

Later, I lay with my head on Sara's knee. Ayla lay snuggled into me, reading. Sara, also reading, stroked her fingers absentmindedly through my hair as I did the same to the girl beside me. I kept an eye on Maggie, who was busy hopping up and down a stepped bridge. Her arms flailed as she attempted to hop it on one foot. Once again, I imagined Lindsey here, helping Maggie or braiding Ayla's hair or badgering Sara. I closed my eyes and pictured the five of us. As a family.

Was I getting ahead of myself? Yes. Ahead of yourself? You've only been with the woman for twelve hours! Get a grip, woman! But I didn't care. I thought about it anyway. I envisioned us as a family; a real one. Not broken, not damaged or incomplete. A whole family. Neither Lindsey nor I had ever had a whole family. And to think that this could be it. This could happen. This could work.

"Cafrin? Sara? I fell over. I hurt my chin. There's blood."

Blood. My eyes shot open and I squeaked. Maggie's hands, chin, and the front of her dress were drenched. "Oh, my God, Maggie!"

Maggie looked at me sadly, "My dress got dirty."

"Oh, honey, come here." I sat up and examined her chin. The scrape was deep, but not suture-worthy. It just needed a good rinse to get all the dirt and gravel out of it.

Sara sat up behind me, "That's a lot of blood for a such a little girl."

I leaned back into Sara and dropped my head onto her shoulder. She kissed my forehead. Interrupting, Maggie put her cute, bloody face right up next to mine, "I don't hurt. Can I have a ice cream?"

"Maybe." I stood and lifted her onto my hip. I looked down at Sara and Ayla, "The people who run the carousel must have a first-aid kit. I'll go get her cleaned up and we'll be right back."

"And then ice cream?" Ayla pleaded.

"If Sara says it's okay, yes. And then you may both have ice cream." I winked at Sara who smiled back. This day was heaven.

I set Maggie down and took her hand as we walked back towards the carousel. "So, how did you fall over and get this big boo-boo?"

She shrugged her shoulders, "I hopped. I was counting how much I hopped and I hopped wrong and I fell. But I did not fall in the water so my dress is not wet. There are lily pads in the water but not frogs. We saw big, huge frogs at the zoo…" And so on, until we got to the carousel.

I went up to the kid who was running it. Maggie got suddenly shy and hid behind me. I hoisted her up on my hip again. "Hey, Mike," I noticed his nametag, "we had a bit of a fall, do you have anything I can use to clean this up?" I gave him my special flirty smile.

Mike blushed, "Yeah, there's a kit in the shed, I'll go get it if you watch the ride and make sure no one falls off."

I coughed, "Mike, why don't you just tell me where the shed is. If someone falls, you should probably be here, don't ya think?"

"Oh, yeah…"

Two hours, three band-aids, four cherry torpedoes, and a video store run later, we arrived back at the house to begin the promised sleepover. While the girls and Sara made dinner, I bought my return flight ticket for the next day and called Lindsey to tell her I was coming home. Hours later, we tucked the girls into what had been my bed. Soon after that, we were curled up in what had suddenly become our bed, at least, until tomorrow.

Falling asleep was more difficult than it had been that morning. Being in Sara's arms was just as relaxing, but I was considerably less relaxed to begin with. I was torn. And twisted. And wrenched in every direction. I was going home in just over twelve hours. I kept hitting the light on my watch to see how much time I had left.

Home. But it seemed a little less like home now, with Sara and the girls here. I know how it sounds; I'd only been there for seven days. But in the last week, I had grown accustomed to seeing their faces everyday; I wanted to keep on seeing them. I didn't want lose Sara so soon after I'd gotten her. It could be weeks until things were settled enough here for her to come home and when she did, things would be very different than they had been in California. I wished that I could just stay wrapped up in this world, in her arms, forever.

I turned to face Sara. She was dead to the world. The excitement of today had caught up to her as much as it had with the two little brunettes over her shoulder. Perhaps it shouldn't have, but my brain had already started to think of them as her little girls. It was just so easy when they looked like her and acted like her and followed her around like ducklings. Literally. It was pretty fun to watch the three of them eating their ice creams in a row. The two little ones marching were behind Sara like they were magnetized, as she constantly checked over her shoulder in an anxious way. Though whether it was to check on them or to be nervous over their mere presence, I couldn't tell.

I watched her sleeping form, her breath whistling between her parted lips. I quenched the urge to reach out and touch her. Her nose twitched and I smiled. She would figure out soon enough all of the 'mom tricks' there were to save you the energy you would need at the end of the day, for the many and varied end of the day tasks. Tricks I had learned because of my own daughter; a daughter I had not seen in a week. And she was the reason why I was torn.

Most of the time, I viewed my Lindsey as a joy and the light of my life; because she was. But there were times when I lost perspective, and I could only think of her as an exhausting responsibility. I did miss her. I missed hearing about her day and wrestling her for the remote control. I missed her smile and her wonderful hugs. But I wanted to stay here. I was not ready to leave the safe haven this place provided for mine and Sara's relationship, I enjoyed being able to separate from the rest of our world and pretend that it was just the two of us. I drifted off imagining a perfect paradise where Sara and I would never have to venture outside thid protective simplicity. But of course, our lives were about to become anything but simple.

Late that night, I was awakened by a sharp jabbing in my back. I rolled over to see a sleepy little girl rubbing her eyes. "Maggie? What's wrong? Can't you sleep?"

She shook her head.

"Did you have a bad dream?"

She nodded.

I put an arm around her small shoulders. "Well, what do you think would make it better? Cup of water? Backrub?"

She shook her head, "Maggie samwich?"

I smiled, "A Maggie sandwich, huh?"

The dark head nodded vigorously.

"And that's the only thing that will get you back to sleep?"

"Uh-huh."

"Okay, then, come on up." I lifted up the covers and she clambered under them and over me until she rested snugly between Sara and I. Voila. Maggie sandwich. "Goodnight, baby. Sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite."

"What's bed bugs?" Her speech was slurred and once again laced with the dregs of sleep.

"Never mind, go back to sleep."

She yawned a little yawn and nodded, "Okay, night-night, Cafrin."

I stroked her hair until she was snoring little snores, "Night-night, little one."

Even later I heard more whisperings, but, feeling Maggie safe in my arms, I was too tired to care. When I woke, it was to a sea of brown hair and Sara's smiling face. Clearly, she had been awake for a while. I looked down and saw between us not one, but two little warm bodies. My arms were wrapped around Maggie while Ayla had latched onto one of Sara's.

"Morning," I whispered, smirking at her self-satisfied expression.

Her grin widened, "Morning."

"What's got you so chipper?"

She shrugged, "Nothing. I've just umm…never woken up like this." She looked down at the sleeping girls "Sort of like a…umm…like a…family," she added shyly. "I didn't know I could do that and…it turns out that I can." The grin returned.

I reached out and took her hand, "And that's good news, I take it?"

She just beamed back at me. Guess so.

I understood exactly what Sara was feeling, or at least, a part of it. At the end of everyday she had ever spent with these girls- these girls that were half her, they had been taken away from her. For the first time, Sara was experiencing what it felt like to fall asleep with your children in your arms and have them still be there when you woke up. And by the look on her face, she was loving every second of it. I think she was starting to believe that she just might be able to be a mother.

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The rest of the morning had gone quickly. Sara and Larry had overseen breakfast while I packed my suitcase, and then we had dropped off the girls with their grandparents. My goodbyes with the girls were more tearful than I had expected- on both sides. Maggie was too little to understand the concept of 'see each other soon' and it didn't seem to be enough of a reassurance to Ayla. I was going to miss them too. Not to mention that they were tied to Sara and no matter how ridiculous it was, I could not shake the feeling that I was never going to see her again, and that was putting my emotions on high.

After those goodbyes came the ride to the airport, which quickly took on an atmosphere not unlike that of a funeral. I held Sara's hand, but other than that we did not communicate. She parked the car, helped me check my bag, and held my hand tightly all the way to security. I didn't let go either. When we reached the checkpoint where Sara was not allowed past, I pulled her tightly to me and tucked my head under her chin. She held me just as close.

"When are you coming home?" I asked, my voice tight.

She kissed the top of my head, "Ayla doesn't get out of school for another three weeks; it doesn't make sense to move her before then and I want to stay with them so they get used to having me around. I may even move in with the Wingers for a while."

I nodded and sniffed. Why did this have to be so damn hard? "But we'll talk on the phone."

"And email everyday. More, even."

I started to cry. "And it will be like we're together more than we are right now." That was outrageous lie and I knew it, but it made me feel a bit better.

She nodded and rocked me from side to side, "And maybe I'll be able to come back for a few days and just see you and Linds." By the tone of her voice I could tell that she was crying, too.

"We won't even tell anyone else that you're there," I added.

She pulled back, rested her forehead against mine, and lay a hand on one side of my face.

"I really don't want to go," I whispered. "Hang Grissom; let's just stay here. Forever."

I felt her smile. She stood up and wiped the tears from my face. "I'd be all for that if he was the only reason you were going home. But we both know that there's a beautiful little girl waiting for you at the other end of this plane. And she needs you more than I do." She gave me a lopsided grin. "At least, that's what I keep telling myself."

"Yeah." Snuffley laugh. "Me too." I brought my hand to her chin, leaned up on my tiptoes, and kissed her softly. I love you.

Her lips. Sara's lips I could write an entire book, an entire song, poem, screenplay just on her lips alone. And yet I am hard-pressed to explain them. The only thing there is to say is sensory overload. Whenever her lips have ever touched mine, the very atmosphere around us has evaporated. I can focus on nothing else. I've burned many a stove-top dinner because of those lips. They fill me up with a warm, liquid ambrosia; a warm, satisfied fire that takes a lifetime to go out.

What was meant to be a soft kiss became deep and soul-leeching. And the full knowledge that I wouldn't be feeling this sensation for a long time came crashing down upon me in a torrential sheet of panic. I'd only just found it and she was slipping through my fingers. Suddenly, I couldn't get enough of her and had dropped my purse and pushed her up against a pillar. It took Sara a moment to work up the strength to resist me, but she did. It was only when she pushed us apart that I realized that I was crying again. Shit. She is going to think you have a problem if you don't quit crying every damn day. I was losing control of it again and once again she just held me tight to her.

When my crying had subsided some, I stepped back. "Thanks. I'm not usually so depressing, you know. It's just…I'm full of all these emotions I haven't felt in a while." I sniffed. "Or ever."

She smiled, picked up my purse, and hung it over my shoulder. "The line for security is getting longer. You don't want to be the last one on the plane." She took my hand and we walked over to the little maze they make you walk through. "Call me when you get home?"

I nodded. "The very second I walk in the door."

Now she was getting teary again. "And give Linds a hug and kiss for me, okay?"

"You know I will." I flung my arms around her neck. I love you!

"And be safe and careful and don't be stupid at work, and…and…and…" she nuzzled into my hair and kissed the shell of my ear, "I'm really going to miss you."

I nodded. "I miss you, too." I kissed her neck three times quickly and pulled away. "Bye."

If my eyes were as wet as hers, we were going to need a mop. "Bye." Her voice was dark and heavy with ache and emotion. Just like mine.

I turned to go and got three steps before I whirled around to kiss her deeply one more time. "Okay…bye."

She nodded, breathing heavily, "Bye."

She leaned against the pillar the whole time I walked through security and I half-wished she wouldn't. I wasn't ready to say goodbye, but it was almost painful to see her standing there with her arms crossed over her chest like that and not be able to run and kiss the frown off her face. When I got through, I turned and made eye contact with her. I love you! She smiled her brave smile at me and I sent her a reluctant smile back. I gave her a half-wave and she nodded and waved back.

"I love you," I whispered to myself as I turned and walked down the terminal to the gate.

As I sat waiting for the plane to take off, I rested my head against the cool window and watched the gray clouds shifting beyond it. As the rain began to trickle down the glass in twisting rivulets, I thought about what I'd said. I love you. I loved her. I loved Sara. I did. There was no possible way to deny it. I had been trying to for days but it had just refused to stay down and now, here it was. It was out. I loved Sara Sidle. I was in love with Sara Sidle. This had to be it. That's what it felt like. And now that I knew what it felt like, I knew for sure that I had never felt it before.

This was…this was everything. This was what I had scoffed about when I watched those movies or read those books or saw the end results of crimes of passion. I'd thought…but no…this was not exaggerated, this was real. This is what they fought for, this is what is was all about. It wasn't perfect, of course not. But what was perfect was the way it inspired me.

With Eddie, I gave up. I didn't care anymore. My passion was short-lived, it lacked conviction. This was different; Sara was different. I wanted this more than I had ever wanted anything, it was bigger than either of us. I had been right in what I'd told Charlotte; I didn't have a choice. This thing, this love, was overpowering and it threatened to destroy me if I did not grab hold and breathe it in. If I would not let it consume me in fire then, without my consent, I would be consumed in ice.

So, I gave myself over to it. I let it have me. As I sat there in that plane, and felt it's engines rumble powerfully, any vestiges of hesitance I had left were flung away into the sky. So that, as I stepped off the plane and into my little girl's arms, as I played with her all day and tucked her into bed at night; so that as I got dressed and headed into work, received my assignment, and drove with Nick out to Seven Hills; as sat in the break room and pathetically fingered the handle of her coffee mug. I had one thought on my mind. One simple, perfect, reassuring thought.

I love you, Sara Sidle.

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Can I get an 'Aww'? I hope this chapter made you as happy as it made me! Now, what are you waiting for? Enter the New Year with some good karma and…review!

Oh, and the next post may take longer. Wish me luck! I'm getting my second tattoo on Friday!