The club air was thick and after awhile, I found myself with a strong need for fresh air. I told Catherine I was going outside for some air and then left for the entrance.

Once outside I turned to my left and was met by a shocking surprise. Sara was leaning up against the outside wall of the club. In her right hand was a lit cigarette. She brought it to her mouth once and took a long drag off of it, and then blew the smoke into the air.

I was stunned…the last time I had seen her pick up a cigarette was in San Francisco, a million life times ago.

I walked over to where she stood. "I thought you quit."

Her head snapped up in my direction. There was a second of uncertain emotion and then she looked away from me. She took another drag and said "I did, but I started again."

"When was that?" I asked trying to make some sort of small talk.

"A year or two after I moved to New York." She answered, flicking the ash off the end of the bud.

I nodded and we moved into an uncomfortable silence. I didn't know what to say so I asked "How long have you and Mike been together?" It hurt me to ask the question.

"About two years." And is hurt me to hear the answer. "Ben was actually before him."

"Oh and when was that?" I asked wanting to know more about this life that I was not a part of…wanting to know about this woman that I knew nothing about.

"A couple months after I got to New York…we dated for a little while." She said, hurting me more.

"And what happened?"

"We decided that we'd be better off as friends." She said putting out the cigarette.

I nodded my head.

"So what are you and Catherine?" She asked out of the blue.

I turned my head in shock. She couldn't possibly want to know the answer to the question I thought she was asking.

"What do you mean?" I asked trying to by myself more time.

"I mean, what are you? A couple, dating…married?" She asked staring at me with black eyes that hurt me deep down.



I didn't want to answer that…I couldn't answer that.

"Sara…I don't…I can't…" I began but she cut me off.

"I already know what you are Grissom…I just want to hear it from you…from your mouth." Sara said with a slight venom creeping into her voice.

"Sara…I…"

She walked up to me quickly and took my left hand in hers. I was shocked. What was she doing? Her touch still brought chills down my spine…but this was not the loving touch I had longed for, for five years. She brought it up to my face and while still holding onto my hand used her middle finger to tap against my ring finger. "Married…man and wife."

I looked on in horror at my left ring finger, as if I wanted nothing to do with the cursed thing. My wedding band shown dully in the light given off from the florescent signs of the club.

She dropped it almost forcefully and walked past me, and back into the club.

I looked at my hand…it felt disconnected from my body, like it didn't belong to me. Her words rang in my ears loud and true… 'Married…man and wife."

I shook my head and felt the strong urge to cry. This was not what I wanted…

"So Gilbert…" Sara sang at me as she came bounding into my kitchen, wearing nothing but my shirt. "What have you made me for breakfast?"

"Made what for you?" I asked with a smile on my face.

Sara's smile turned to a frown. "Gilbert…if you want a repeat of last night…and this morning, I suggest you give me whatever it is you have made."

"Oh no…then I am afraid I must comply with your wishes." I said as I handed her a plate full of food.

"I thought so." She said as she took the plate from me, and bounded off to the dining room.

The memory that had just left my head was one I made sure I put away forever; it had been just after we had gotten together…we were so happy then.

I sat on our couch in our empty house. Sara was supposed to meet me at home three hours ago…she never came.

I had received a text message from her an hour after she as supposed me home saying she had gotten caught up at work and wouldn't be home for a while.



I heard the front door open and I knew she was home, but not from work. She walked into the living room with a couple shopping bags in her hands. She stopped when she saw me, surprised I think to see me still here.

"Hey." She said as she set her purchases down on the coffee table.

"Hey." I said dully.

She walked up to me and pecked me on the cheek, I caught the sent on her and it made my stomach churn. Men's cologne and alcohol.

"Did you go out drinking?" I asked being frank.

She looked at me in a weird way and then said "Yeah, I had a beer or two after work with Nick."

My stomach churned more, she was spending a lot of time with Nick lately. I could have been because I was never home and she was getting lonely and needed a friend, or it could be more.

"With Nick? And did you two go shopping two?" I asked trying to keep the bitterness out of my voice.

"Yeah, before the beers." She said as she walked out of the room and into the kitchen. She came back with a coke and sat in the lazy boy off to my left and turned on the TV.

"Just beers?" I asked pushing for more answers.

"I can't believe this." She said angrily as she turned off the TV she had just turned on.

"Can't believe what Sara? That I want to know what my girlfriend has been doing with another man?" I asked as she stood up.

"Jesus Christ Grissom…" My last name rolled off her tongue effortlessly and slapped me in the face. "With a man? You make it sound like I've been off screwing some random guy…that man is my friend…as yours if you want to stretch the truth. Friends go out and have beers with each other. Why are you all upset…is this what I have to do to get your attention?"

"Sara…you were out three hours past the time you said you would be home." I said standing too.

"Yeah…and how does that feel Griss? Good?" She asked stepping closer to me, anger lighting her eyes. Her words sent cold chills down my spine.

"What do you mean?" I asked my voice suddenly very small.

"It means…I'm done having this conversation." She said as she walked away from me and out of the room.



That was two months before she left me. I sighed and tried to suck in the sudden rush of emotions that came to me.

I stood up straight, putting on my normal indifferent face. This was turning out to be a longer night then I had planed…and a lot more difficult of day than I had anticipated.

I walked back into the club and took in my surroundings. I looked to the booth that I was sharing with my wife and…colleges. Catherine sat isolated in a corner of the booth, while Warrick, Greg, Nick, Mike, and Sara laughed at something obviously hilarious.

A/N I don't know why i can't stop with the angst, but i hope you all like it. thank you for all the reveiws.

My heart ached as I watched Sara lean forwards and say something into Nick's ear, he laughed loudly and I was forced to remember more memories I would have rather left resting. Then my hear broke as I watched Mike lean forward and say something to Sara, which she in turn smiled and kissed him lovingly on the lips.

That used to be me…