A/N: Hello my lovelies! I am SO sorry it has taken me this long to update. In my defense, I had the worst writer's block on the planet and I just could not get through it.
This update is a little short, and serves no real purpose plot-wise, except that I thought you would want an update sooner rather than later. So, here it is.
By the way, this update is devoted entirely to Trekkie101 for getting me off my ass and feeding me inspiration, and also to Rach5 and CSISVUTWFBgurl for their fantastic and much needed support. Thank you!
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"Uh, hey, Cath?" Sara called to me from her spot at the computer. We were supposed to be analyzing evidence on a B&E, but…we got bored.
"Mmm?" I wheeled my stool to lean over her shoulder.
"Have you researched this properly? I mean, do you know how it works?"
"Umm…yeah, you know, I've looked into it. I know the basics, why?"
"Well, I've been google-ing. The whole in vitro process is divided into two procedures, the egg retrieval and the embryo transfer."
"And?"
"Well, I've actually done the egg retrieval thing, that's the part you'll be doing. I did it for Matt and Warren, for Ayla and Maggie's eggs."
"That's right. So what's it like?"
"It's not so bad. But you have to take a month of shots before we can actually do the whole retrieval part."
"What?"
"Yeah, you have to have self-administered injections of this drug called Lupron."
"Injections?" I shuddered. I hate needles.
"Yeah."
"What about you?"
"Well…it says online that I just have to take hormone supplements, but then there's that whole carrying another person around inside of me for nine months."
"Right. Hey, you know, we still have to ask the girls if they're okay with this."
"You think they won't be?" Sara leaned back to rest her head on my shoulder.
I shook my head. "I have no idea. Linds always wanted a big family. But now that she's got one, I wonder if she'll still want more."
Sara nodded. "If you ask me, Ayla's going to be harder to convince. You know how practical and critical she gets."
"Hmm. Maggie will be easy. She's so in love with Abbie, you just know she'll go for having a baby of her own." I kissed Sara's cheek lightly.
She laughed. "Can't you just see Maggie with a baby? How cute is that?"
I smiled at the thought. "It's going to be perfect." Sara turned her head to touch noses with me, she was grinning. "I'm so happy we're actually doing this."
At that moment, a machine beeped across the room and drew our attention back to the case. Later, on the way home, our conversation continued. It seemed now that we had made the decision, the baby was all we could talk about.
"We need to choose a clinic and doctors, to handle the in vitro and then the pregnancy."
Sara turned on her signal as she made a left onto our street. "Uh-huh. For the OBGYN part, I'd just as soon as use my own doctor. I trust her, I know her. I don't really like the idea of breaking in someone new."
I nodded, "Okay, we still need someone for the in vitro. I've been looking online, there are only two reputable clinics in Vegas, but even they seem a bit seedy."
Sara raised her eyebrows at me as she pulled into the driveway. "San Francisco has quite a few."
I blinked. "Is that an option?"
She shrugged. "I don't know, I don't see why not."
"Hmm." I looked at my watch. Traffic had been slow and we needed to get the girls fed, dressed, and on their way. "Okay. Let's look into it. Are we telling the girls tonight?"
"I think we should, don't you?"
I agreed, "Absolutely. They should be in the loop on this. I think it's important to make them feel as included as possible."
"Me too." Sara leaned over to kiss me as she unbuckled her seat belt. She smiled wide. "Love you."
I smiled back. "Love you, too."
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I watched Sara help Lindsey finish her homework while Ayla, Maggie, and I worked on a diorama for Ayla's class project. She lifted a hand to wave at me but didn't look up. I smiled. Half an hour later we had our girls lined up on the sofa. They looked at us expectantly. Lindsey was all curiosity,
"What's going on? Are we getting a puppy?"
"Ooh! A puppy! I want a puppy." Maggie's eyes were big and adorable.
"Umm…no," I said, "We are not getting a puppy."
"What then? Are we moving? Can Ayla and I have bunk beds?"
"I want the top." Ayla announced.
"No, we're not moving." Sara said.
"Not yet, anyway." I added.
"So what is it?"
"Are me and Maggie adopted yet?"
"Yeah! What is it? Are we adopted yet?"
"Not yet," I smiled, pleased to know it was so important to them.
"Actually," Sara spoke, "We were wondering what you guys thought about becoming big sisters."
Silence.
"We wanted to know how you would feel about having a baby brother or sister."
Lindsey was very suspicious, "Are you pregnant?" she asked me.
"No, Linds."
Lindsey turned to Sara, "Are you?"
Sara grinned, "Not yet."
"We wanted to run it by you guys first. See what you thought. How do you feel about having a baby in the house?"
There was a brief silence followed by a sudden uproar.
"Can we play with it?"
"Do we have to change diapers?"
"I want a brother."
"We'll have to move, you know, I'm not sharing my room with a baby."
"Yeah, can we make it a boy?"
"Can we play dress up?"
"If we're really responsible with a brother, can we have a puppy?"
"Ooh! I want a puppy and a brother!"
"Do I get paid to baby-sit?"
"When do we get our brother?"
"I want one now!" Maggie looked sheepish at the sudden childish outcry, "And a puppy." She added, just for good measure.
I took Sara's hand, we both relaxed. We could handle this, no problem. Deep breath.
"Yes, you can play with it, but not right away."
"Linds, you only get paid to baby-sit if you change diapers."
"We can't guarantee a boy, but I think it would be fun either way."
"We know that we'll have to move eventually. No one gets bunk beds- broken arms are not happening."
"Dress up has to wait until the baby is a little bigger."
"It will probably take at least a year for the baby to come."
At the same time we both looked at the girls, "And no puppy."
I smiled at Sara; we made a pretty good team.
"What about after we move?" Lindsey pressed.
Momentarily exhausted, I answered, "We'll see." Just as Sara did.
When we were putting her to bed that night, Ayla spoke up. "I have a question about the baby."
"Okay. What is it, sweetie?"
"Are you going to do it like Daddy and Papa did with Maggie and me? And have another lady grow the baby in her belly?"
I glanced at Sara perched on the other side of the bed. "No, honey, Sara is going to have the baby."
"Why?" Maggie asked from her bed across the room.
Sara smiled. "See, only women can carry babies in their stomachs. So babies with two daddies have to come from another woman's belly. But if a baby has two mommies or a mommy and a daddy, then usually one of the mommies has the baby."
"But not always."
"Nope. Not always."
Ayla hesitated. "Is a baby going to take up all of your time?"
"What?" I asked, surprised.
"I read in a book that new babies can disrupt balance in families."
I rubbed her shoulder. "Where did you read that?"
"In one of Aunt Molly's books. It said that youngest children take up the most time and get the most attention. I don't think I want a baby if it's going to take you away even more than work does."
I sighed and stroked her hair, "Honey, that's not going to happen."
"It could," she said stubbornly.
"It could," I agreed, "but it won't."
"Does Maggie get more attention?" Sara asked. "Does she take up more of our time than either you or Lindsey? She's the youngest right now."
Ayla seemed to think for a moment and then shrugged, "I guess not. She used to though, when she was a baby."
I nodded. "Babies do take up a lot of time, because they are so little and they can't do anything by themselves. But that's only for a little while. Look at Maggie now, she's the best little sister ever, right?"
Ayla smiled, "Right."
"And even if we have to pay a little extra attention to a baby for a while, we'd never forget about you or your sisters. We love you to pieces, okay?" Sara tickled our little girl lightly and she giggled.
"Okay."
"So is a baby still okay?"
Ayla nodded and yawned.
"Uh-oh. Looks like somebody's getting sleepy."
"Time for bed kiddo."
Ayla didn't even try to fight it. "Okay. Goodnight, Catherine. Goodnight Sara." She closed her eyes. As an afterthought, she added, "Goodnight, baby."
I beamed at Sara. "Goodnight, baby." I mouthed.
"Goodnight, baby!" called an exuberant and very awake Maggie.
"Bedtime, Maggie May. Mags, where did your pajamas go?"
So, for now, the girls seemed excited about a baby. I knew it would be different throughout the pregnancy and after the baby arrived. I knew there would be a time when a fifteen year-old Lindsey would not be grateful for a three year-old sibling. But for now, we had gotten safely over that bump in the road, which left us free to move forward.
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A few days later, I overheard Sara getting off the phone in the living room. Making my presence known, I insinuated myself into her lap, curling up with my arms around her neck. "Who was that? Sounded like Maureen."
Sara smiled softly. "It was. I just called her to talk about…clinics."
"In vitro clinics?"
"Uh-huh." She reached around me to grab a handful of popcorn off the end table.
I cocked my head to one side. "Would Mo know about in vitro clinics?"
Sara shook her head. "Not really, but she knows San Francisco. And a few of our mutual friends have done in vitro since I left, so she's going to look into it for me. Get us a couple of names. She's totally psyched about the baby news, by the way."
"Hmm, me too. So, how exactly would this whole doctor in San Francisco thing work exactly? I thought you said I had to take shots for a month."
"You do. But I think that a lot of couples use out of state doctors for this sort of thing. I'm not really sure how it works. What do you say we go down for a day next week and talk to a couple people?"
"And get my sister to watch the kids?"
"Or your Mom, if she'll take them. We won't even be gone a full twenty-four hours, so it's really just dropping them off and picking them up from school."
"And you trust my mother to do that?"
"Sure. Why not? She raised two kids."
"Raised isn't exactly the word I'd use for it."
"Well, somebody did a fantastic job." She grinned.
I ran a hand through her hair, "Always the charmer, Sidle."
"You know it."
"Alright, let's go to San Francisco. You're right. Mom can handle the girls for one day."
The following week, Maureen had gotten back to us with two names and we managed to get the same night off without giving anything away to Grissom. As luck would have it, Joey had turned forty-two that past weekend, and his party was the night we were planning to fly in. So we weren't entirely lying to Gil when we told him that we told we were going for a friend's birthday.
We left right after the girls were home from school. It was hard to leave them, especially since it was the first time we were leaving Ayla and Maggie on there own since their dads had died, and I hadn't left Linds since the year before- the first time I went to San Francisco with Sara.
The flight was uneventful and quick. Mostly Sara and I just discussed what we knew about the two doctors we were going to meet. We knew from Maureen, that both doctors had helped friends of hers who were in same sex relationships, and we knew that one couple had done what we wanted to do, using one woman's eggs and having the other woman carry. We had appointments with both doctors for the following day.
Larry and Tim met us at the airport baggage claim with outstretched arms and wide smiles.
"Oh, my goodness, it's Carol and Carol Brady!" Tim exclaimed as he took us in his arms. "Just look at the mommy brigade! Catherine, you look fantastic! Are moms allowed to wear painted-on jeans and fuck me boots?" He waved a hand. "You've already caught your mouse, honey, give another cat a chance."
"Mouse? Whose supposed to be the mouse in this scenario?" Sara nudged Tim's arm. "How've you been? Mind helping me with the bags? Cath packed enough to last a month."
"What? I want to make the right impression on the doctors, and for that, I need options." I turned to a pair of sparkling blue eyes in a warm, familiar face, "Larry." I held open my arms.
Larry took one of my hands and kissed me lightly on the fingertips. "My dear Lady Catherine." He smiled, "I see things have changed quite a bit since last we met."
I looked over to Sara loading the bags into the car and grinned back at the older man. "You could say that."
His smiled widened. "I'm glad. And you'll have to tell me all about it when we get back to the house. I've got a roast in the oven for us carnivores. The grazers can have Tim's Burmese tofu and snow peas." He made a face and I laughed.
After an early dinner, Sara and I rendezvoused out on the terrace, watching the sun go down. I wrapped my arms around her and rested my hands on her flat stomach.
She tilted her head to the breeze and inhaled the sea air. "It's good to be back."
"I missed this place," I agreed, nuzzling her neck. "It's so beautiful. And something about the sea…just calms me. It reminds me of you."
"Me?" She looked down and over at me.
I nodded. "With all it's colors and tides and winds and changing skies. It's like you. You can be a thousand different ways, but you're always perfect to me. I feel at home here, by the sea. I feel at home with you."
"Wow."
"Yeah."
"That was deep."
"I know. Don't know where it came from."
She kissed me lightly and pulled me in front of her. "It was beautiful. You're beautiful."
I laughed, "Don't you start."
Sara hummed and kissed the shell of my ear. "What time is it?"
"Nearly seven-thirty. We should start getting ready for the party."
"Hmm." Sara agreed half-heartedly. After a moment, she murmured, "Five more minutes."
The party was at Ducky's again, and, according to Sara, these things had a tendency to get a little wild. So, I went all out and wore a silver satin halter top and a black skirt that flowed down to my knees with one giant slit up the thigh. The outfit fell over my body like water. I wore the necklace and earrings Sara had given me the week before. She just about died when she saw me, which was sort of the point. She looked fantastic tight jeans and skin-tight black tank top. The top exposed an inch of her skin and I couldn't help but tease it as we walked into the bar.
It was just as I remembered it, complete with laughing crowd and loud music. This time around, however, I recognized some of the faces, just as they seemed to recognize me. I nodded and smiled as Sara took me by the hand and led me toward the bar. I remembered the last time we did this. Masquerading as a couple, unaware that the next few hours would change our lives forever.
And now? Now, we were a family, as much a part of each other's lives as the air we breath. Now, we had three daughters and a life together that I never could have imagined. I was confident enough in myself and my life that I swaggered as we approached the familiar crowd gathered around the bar.
"Catherine! Sara! You made it." Maureen came up and wrapped her arms around me.
I returned the hug. I liked that we could be friends like this. Even with Sara and my new life, I still didn't have many girl friends I could just hang out with. Over the last few months, Maureen and I had exchanged regular emails and phone calls, and I now felt safe calling her my friend, not just Sara's. "Did you think we weren't coming?"
"Well, you're a half hour late and both your phones went straight to voicemail."
"Blame Miss Manolo Blahnik here," Sara put an arm around my waist. "She must have tried on eight pairs of shoes."
I looked down at my feet. "But I got the right ones."
Maureen waved at my body, "You look fantastic." She touched my necklace, "This is beautiful. Nice ice."
I grinned, "Gift." I gave a side-long glance at Sara.
"Anniversary?"
Shook my head. "Just because."
Maureen raised her eyebrows, "Maybe she could talk to Joe. Teach him a thing or to about the way to a woman's heart."
"Undying affection and loyalty?"
"Diamonds."
"Ah."
"Speaking of Joe," Sara leant in to be heard over the music, "where is the birthday boy?"
"Over with Duck, around the other side. You know, I thought drinking games went out in college." Mo rolled her eyes.
"It's what happens when you can escape the vows of parenthood for a night; it goes straight to your head." Mo nodded her agreement.
Sara kissed my cheek, "Do you mind if I go see the boys?" Her eyes were so hopeful and cute.
Leaning back, I reached into her back pocket and took the keys. "Now, go. I'm designated driver tonight."
Her eyes flashed with appreciation and she kissed me again, "Thanks, babe."
I turned back to Mo. "C'mon," she said, placing a guiding hand on my back. "let's go chitchat with the girls. There's a few you haven't met, I think."
There were quite a few I hadn't met yet, as it turned out. Dani was an architect from Seattle with two kids and a house in Palo Alto. Tillie was a few years older that me, divorced, and a bit of a character. Marianne owned a bookstore with her partner Jeanette. They had a three year old daughter who was conceived via in vitro fertilization.
"Yeah, I heard you two lunatics want another one," Gina put in loudly, smiling. Gina was someone else who I had kept in touch with, we had gotten along so well when we first met. I knew her well enough by now to know when she was just joking around.
"How many kids do you have now?" Marianne inquired.
I reached into my pocketbook to retrieve a photo. I showed it off like any proud mother. "We have three daughters. Lindsey, the tallest, is eleven, Ayla is almost eight, and Maggie is four and a half."
"And you want another one? Wow." Jeanette looked stunned.
"Well, Lindsey's mine from my previous marriage, and Sara is the other girls' mother, biologically. We just want one more to complete the picture. We've got the space, we've got the love," I shrugged. "It just fits."
The other women nodded at this explanation and the conversation moved on to other things. It was funny. All of these women were dressed well, drinking beer, and nodding their heads to loud music. For all intents and purposes, this was an exciting party. But what did we talk about? Mortgage payments. Long shifts and longer headaches over minor details. Carpool. Stain removers. Not kinky sex, not drugs, not abusive ex-boyfriends, certainly not DB's and print powders. Mostly we talked about our kids and our significant others.
It wasn't exactly the wild scene I had been anticipating. I'm not sure what I'd been imagining. But this was a night out on the town for us. We were adults, with adult problems and adult solutions. Even after Linds was born, I had been known to have one too many and a cab ride home at an ungodly hour. I only took life seriously when I had no other choice. But something had changed.
Months ago, I would have thought I had nothing in common with these women. It wouldn't have even occurred to me to be friends with them. As far as I was concerned, they were the enemy- women who apparently had life under control and were actually getting where they wanted to go. Maybe I thought that my past set me apart from them and their perfect lives.
Now, though, I identified with them. I could relate to them, talk with them, laugh with them. I was growing up. At forty-one years old, my life was finally falling into place. And I understood what that meant. Not perfection, just contentment and love. And it felt damn good.
After a while, the men and Sara drifted over, bringing with them my two favorite people; Charlotte and Vicki. Denny had a friendly arm around both Charlotte and Sara, and they were laughing loudly. When Charlotte saw me, she calmed considerably. Sara noticed and came to stand behind me, pulling me to her with her hands on my hips. What was that? Was she staking her claim? Taking my side? Whatever it was, I was glad for her warmth at my back, even if I was already sweating in the overcrowded room.
"Charlotte." I kept my voice even.
"Catherine." Her tone was equally flat.
I felt a squeeze at my hip and, with the best polite smile I could muster, said, "It's good to see you again. How've you been?"
Joey came up behind Charlotte, grabbing her wrist and thrusting her left hand into my face. "How do you think she's been? The damn girl's gettin' hitched!"
And sure enough, there was a gold band on her ring finger, complete with perfect square cut diamond. I smiled genuinely at her, "Congratulations. Is this the same guy you were with last year?"
"Paul, yes."
"Well, that's just great."
She smiled thinly, "Thank you. I hear that you and Sara have a little news as well."
Denny
came up, pulled Sara out from behind me. "Yeah, we heard about babe
numero quatro; that's insane. Very cool, but very insane. I've
just got one, and I don't know how I survive."
"By letting
Lara do all the heavy lifting." Maureen threw at him. Lara, Denny's
wife, who had been pregnant on our last visit to San Francisco, had
given birth to a baby girl a six months before. From the pictures I'd
seen, she was gorgeous.
"Hey, I change diapers." He made muscles with both arms, "I am a manly man."
Joey laughed and slapped his friend on the back, "Way to be, man."
Maureen looked at her watch, "Okay, who wants cake? Better yet, who wants to help me serve the cake?"
So we cut the music and got everyone's attention long enough to sing Joey 'Happy Birthday,' and then we went about cutting the cake. Gina, Vicki, and I all volunteered to help Maureen with cake distribution, so I was busy for about a half hour. When I came back for more cake, there was almost none left. At the same time, Vicki returned with an empty tray. She shrugged and picked up two of the last plates and handed one of the slices to me before starting to eat. I took a fork and followed her example.
"So, I guess you and Sara are doing alright, then?" she asked, and she actually seemed interested.
I decided to play nice, since she didn't appear to have any other agenda besides casual inquiry. "We're doing great, the girls are great, our family is great."
She nodded, "Good."
After a pause, I asked, "How about you?"
"I'm good. I got a job as an adjunct professor at the community college, teaching French literature. It's not what I always wanted to do, but it works; it's a paycheck. And I'm seeing another professor, he's cool. Teaches peace studies."
I looked at her. This was a different young woman than the one I'd met before. She was balanced. She had a life. I took in her appearance and realized that she did seem a lot happier. I smiled. "Good, I'm glad."
She returned my smile.
At that moment, Sara approached me. "Hey. We promised we'd call to say goodnight. Wanna head outside? It's too loud in here."
I nodded at her and turned back to Vicki as I put my empty plate on the table. "I guess I'll see you later."
She smiled and nodded and I turned to take Sara's hand and follow her out the door. Did we just call a truce? I think we did. Huh.
Later, as we were climbing into bed, Sara asked, "What was with you and Charlotte tonight? I thought you liked her. But when you guys made eye contact it was like a sheet of ice ran over the room."
I shrugged, "We had a disagreement before I left last time."
"About what?"
I wasn't about to lie. "About you."
"Me? What about me?"
So I told her about my conversations with Charlotte, first in the flower room, and then at Ducky's the year before. Sara was pissed as hell. At first she was a bit mad at me for not telling her sooner, but I calmed her down from that. Mostly, she was mad at Charlotte, and rightly so.
The next day dawned bright and early and full of possibilities. We were going to meet doctors today. I was so nervous, I couldn't decide what to wear. I wanted to make a good impression. This was the person that was giving us our baby. Sara laughed at me as she pulled on jeans a t-shirt, and then grumbled when I made her change twice.
The first doctor we met with was Dr. Anita Brown. She was very supportive and professional, she was so perfect that we just canceled our second appointment and got started right away with Dr. Brown.
As it turned out, working with a doctor in a different state was fairly simple. First, she would run some tests while we were there, just to make sure we were both candidates for the procedures. When that was done, she would fax prescriptions for everything we would need to a pharmacy in Las Vegas, and trust us to administer them properly ourselves. Then, we would get local doctors to take regular blood tests and ultrasounds, and send them back to San Francisco. After twenty days of medication, we would come back and handle the procedure. Easy.
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Well? I know not much happened here, but I need reviews to stave off the writer's block so I can write more!! I crave the reviews!!