Meredith wakes up, not remembering drifting off to sleep, and Derek's arms are wrapped securely around her. She looks up and meets his blue eyes.
Derek: How are you feeling?
Meredith cuddles into Derek's solid body and he tightens his arm around her.
Meredith: Much better now.
Derek: Good. That's good.
Meredith sighs as she rolls onto her back. Derek moves onto his side and gazes longingly down at her.
Derek: What's wrong?
Meredith: Nothing. Everything is perfect. Just perfect.
Derek stares at her for a moment.
Derek: Something is bothering you.
Meredith sighs as she reaches her arms into the air.
Meredith: That is the problem. The problem is that everything is perfect. Everything is so perfect and it will all be ending soon. Too soon. And it is perfect.
Tears begin to run down Meredith's cheeks. Derek leans down and brushes them away with the pad of his thumb.
Derek: Hey…shh…it's okay..
Derek can't say that the same thoughts haven't been running through his mind. In fact, it is all that he has been able to think about as he lie there with her in his arms.
Meredith begins to wipe furiously at her face.
Meredith: Sorry. It's my hormones. Sorry.
Derek: Don't apologize. It's fine. I have been thinking the same thing.
Meredith stops her movements and stares at him. Something like hope shines in her eyes.
Meredith: You have?
Derek chuckles as he leans down and places a soft kiss on her lips.
Derek: Of course I have.
Meredith: Oh.
Meredith suddenly sits up.
Meredith: No. We can't do this. We can't talk about this. We can't. Nothing past this trip. We can't.
Derek sighs.
Derek: I know. It's okay.
Meredith: Let's just pretend that this conversation never happened.
Meredith doesn't wait for Derek to respond before she gets up and goes to the bathroom. Derek can see that she is in pain by the way she is hunched over as she walks. He watches her walk and he feels something tear slightly within him. It's his heart. His heart is already to begin to hurt at the thought of leaving her. He can't. Can he? Can he love her already? No. No. That's not possible. It hasn't been long enough.
His missing her already is because he enjoys spending time with her. He enjoys hearing her giggle. He enjoys the way her skin feels in the morning as he trails his fingers lightly down her bare spine as she lies on her stomach still asleep. He enjoys the intensity that lies between her green irises, an intensity that tells him that she is strong. He enjoys her. He doesn't love her. There is a difference. At least that is what he keeps telling himself. He needs to tell himself this. He needs to.
Derek's thoughts are interrupted by Meredith's return. He looks up at her and smiles, attempting to shove these thoughts of love out of his mind.
Meredith: If there is a God, he is a chauvinist pig.
Derek chuckles.
Derek: Why would you say that?
Meredith: How would you feel if once a month your balls ached nonstop?
Derek winces slightly before answering her.
Derek: Point taken. God is a chauvinist pig.
Meredith sighs as she plops down on the bed.
Meredith: That's all I'm saying.
Derek chuckles before they slip into a comfortable silence. They lie next to each other staring up at the ceiling, just enjoying the warmth that is radiating off of the other's body. Just knowing the other is there, just feeling that heat, that is enough for them. Meredith finally breaks that silence.
Meredith: Der?
Derek: Hmm?
Meredith: What is your biggest fear?
Derek props himself up on his elbow and stares down at her.
Derek: Failing.
Meredith looks up at him.
Meredith: At what?
Derek: Anything. Yours?
Meredith: Not being good enough.
Derek: For what?
Meredith: Anyone.
Derek notices the pain flash across her face as she answers him.
Derek: Mer…
Meredith fakes a smile at him as she sits up.
Meredith: I'm going to go take a shower. Be back in a bit.
Meredith smiles at Derek before disappearing into the bathroom. He saw the pain. He knows it is there. He wishes that he could tell her that she is good enough. That she is better than good enough. He wishes that he could tell her that how she makes him feel, but he doesn't even know the extent of his own feelings. He wants to make her feel better. He wants to make her smile. He wants to make her see how great she is. He needs time. He needs more time. Unfortunately, their time is running out and it seems that the days begin to pass quicker and quicker as the end of the trip draws near.
If only they could suspend time. If only they could do something, anything to extend the trip. If only. If only both of them would open their eyes and see that their chance meeting isn't chance at all, but a cruel game that fate has played on them. A game of cat and mouse and hide and seek as she drags these soul mates along a more difficult path for her own pleasure.
They are trying to ignore the impending pain and enjoy the current pleasure. They are trying, but even as the hot water hits Meredith's tired muscles, the pain is there. It is not something hot water, massages, or liquor can take away. The only drug for the pain is Derek and the diagnosis is a slowly breaking heart.