I sat at my desk, pouring over the case file I had request Nick get from Sara for me. She was right…undercover work was needed…and I hated it. I wanted to find some way out of it, some way where Sara didn't have to put her life in the hands of a killer.
I closed the file and almost threw across the room in frustration and fear. The only way I could tell Sara no, she couldn't do this, was if Brass came back to tell me that the DA had said no.
With a pang of jealousy and guilt, I realized that Mike must being worrying too…he must be freaking out just as much as I am…although he still possessed the right to try and talk Sara out of something, to sit down with her and list all the reason why what she was going to do was crazy.
There was a knock on my door, and the nervous knot in my stomach twisted and tightened around my gut.
"Come in" I called, knowing already who it was going to be.
The door knob twisted and then the door swung open. Brass stood in my doorway for a second and then stepped slowly into my office.
"You got your answer?" I asked anxiously.
Brass nodded and stepped further into my office, taking a seat in front of my desk. He threw a file onto my desk and sighed.
"They said yes…they gave her the 'ok'…" Brass said almost wearily.
I looked at him almost wide eyed and opened up the file in front of me. Sure enough…there was the paper work that the DA had filled out to give CSI Sara Sidle permission to go undercover.
My stomach fell to the floor, landing at my feet. My worry now tripled.
"Grissom…are you going to be okay?" Brass asked me, looking at me like he used to, when he was my close friend.
"Yeah…I'll be fine…I suppose I should call a meeting to let everyone know what will be going on." I said almost numbly.
"Are you going to be able to do this?"
"What do you mean?"
"Grissom…it is so obvious…you still love her."
I froze in my seat "What does that have to do with anything?" I said trying to brush it off.
"Everything…it has to do with everything…can you handle losing something you never really got back?"
His words sucker punched me in the stomach and I felt sick.
"Jim I don't know what you're talking about, but I have a meeting I have to conduct…if you'll please excuse me." I said getting up.
"Sure thing Gil…but remember she's not yours anymore…don't try to take her away from someone who deserves her."
I was shaken, but angry…what the hell did Jim know anyways?
I got out my pager and paged everyone to the break room. By the time I got there, everyone was waiting for me. Nick, Warrick, and Greg all wore curious and confused expressions, but Mike, Ben and Sara all knew what this meeting was for.
"I know some of you are not aware of this, but it has just been decided and signed off by the DA that Sara will go under cover. She will start after a debriefing she will have with the team that will be backing her up…that team includes you guys. We're going to need to work together, and we're going to need to work hard. Number one priority is Sara's safety, number two is catching this rat bastard…there will be a debriefing later tonight…I will page you when you need to be here. Understood?"
Everyone stared back at me blankly.
"Sara?" Nick asked looking to her for conformation. I knew what he thought…that I was making her do this.
Sara looked to him and nodded slowly.
"So is every one clear on what's happening?" I asked wanting to leave and go back to my office to fume some more.
"Not really." Warrick said kind of angrily.
"We'll discuss it later…if you will excuse me…" I said turning to take my leave.
"Grissom…what the hell!" Warrick said out raged that I would just brush him off…I couldn't blame him.
"Warrick, do I need to remind you that you are still on the clock, and I am still your supervisor…what ever problem has come up…wait till after work, I will gladly deal with it then." I said walking out briskly…before anyone could raise anymore objections.
I made it safely to my office, where I proceeded to throw everything off of my desk in anger.
Damn it! I didn't want her to do this. Not again…I had gone through this once…and I hated it…I did not want to go through this again…worrying myself sick…
"Grissom?" I heard my name being called softly from the other side of my closed door.
"What is it Sara?" I asked in an exasperated sigh.
The door opened to reveal Sara looking most beautiful, but very worried. "Grissom what happened in here?" She asked motioning to the mess on the floor, papers, files, books, and even some broken glass.
"I lost my temper…" I said, stopping myself before I would divulge my deepest feelings and fears.
"At what Grissom?" She asked, tempting me to come up with a good answer, a reason to have thrown things so violently.
"Sara, just leave it…it's…it's passed…it's done." I said sighing, trying to get my blood pressure under control.
Sara closed the door behind her before she stepped closer to me. I could smell her from where I stood; it did nothing to help my blood pressure.
"Grissom…talk to me please…we can still be friends right…I mean I know it's been a little hard since I got here…and we most defiantly did not leave off on the right foot, and maybe I didn't come back on the right foot, but I've moved on…old wounds heal…we can still be friends…talk to me please." Sara pleaded with me, stepping closer to me.
"Sara…please…I can't do this…" I didn't know where the words were coming from, but there they were, out in the open.
"What to do you mean Griss?" She asked in a soft, soothing voice.
"I'm afraid." I said suddenly, softly.
Sara stopped her advances towards me and stood still. "Gil…"
My heart stopped…she called me by my first name…I wasn't Grissom, I was Gil and it made my heart swell with hope that should have never been instilled.
"Sara…I don't want you to…"
"Gil…it's alright to be afraid…I'm sacred too…but I have one hell of a team backing me up…I'll be okay." She said almost lovingly as she finally stepped close to me and took my hand in hers. It wasn't a loving grip, but it was a caring one…and I would take in over nothing.
"Sara…I can't…I still…you need to let go." I could feel the urge to kiss her become strong.
"Gil…" She said softly and that was the end of it, I pulled her into me, my hand wrapped tightly against her slim waist and brought my lips crashing down onto hers.
I was surprised when she didn't pull away, and elated when she returned the kiss.
My happiness was short lived though. There was a knock at the door and Sara ripped away from me, eyes wide with shock, fear, guilt, and shame.
"I'm…I…I shouldn't have…I'm sorry Griss…I have…I have to go." She stumble over she self, one hand touching her lips lightly.
Sara almost ran to the door and flung it open, rushing past Jim who was standing there with his arm up in mid knock.
"What the hell was that?" He asked his eyes boring into me.
"Jim…please…not now." I said bending over to start picking up the things on the floor. I felt hurt beyond belief; Sara realized that kissing me had been a mistake. My heart was broken…again, I should have never kissed her…I should have just let her go…instead I think I might have messed up our friendship. I didn't want to take it back, but what I must have done to Sara…Jims words spoken to me not more than an hour ago reverberated in my head, louder than it would have been since he was standing right in front of me.
"Sure thing Gil…but remember she's not yours anymore…don't try to take her away from someone who deserves her." He was right…I hung my head, my heart aching.
"Do you need some help?" Jim asked after a moment's silence.
I stood up and looked at Jim. He was standing in my door way, not looking angry or like he had something to say that would make my life harder, just like a friend who wanted to help out a friend.
"That would be nice…thanks Jim."
Jim came and bent down next to and began to pick up papers and files.
"You alright Gil?" Jim asked turning his head to look at me.
There was more silence where we just picked up more papers off of the floor.
"Thanks Jim…for not having anything to say."
"Hey man, you dug yourself a deep enough hole, you don't need my help to make it deeper."
I nodded as I threw a piece of glass into the garbage can. "Does this mean you don't hate me anymore?"
"This means…that if Sara can't hate you…than neither can I."
A/N Ok so it was bound to happen...right? It's not the end though...for GSR that is...i think...lol we'll have to see where inspiration leads me. Anyways thanks for the reviews!