Meredith sighs as they approach the brownstone. The perfect house for what she assumes is the perfect family. Dr. Shepherd looks over at her with a worried expression.
Dr. Shepherd: Are you okay?
Meredith looks over at him and plasters a smile on her face.
Meredith: I'm fine. I just, well, I really don't do the family thing very well.
Dr. Shepherd smiles at her as they pull into the driveway.
Dr. Shepherd: Don't worry, Meredith. They will love you.
Meredith smiles weakly at him as he turns the ignition off. She runs her hand over her growing abdomen as she feels a tiny flutter. A real smile curves her lips as Dr. Shepherd opens the door and gets out, she follows suit.
The snow begins to fall even heavier as a shiver travels through Meredith's body. Dr. Shepherd notices this and smiles at her.
Dr. Shepherd: Let's go inside. The fire is probably roaring and my wife will probably make some hot chocolate.
Meredith smiles at the older man, unsure of why he is being so nice to her. She doesn't get it, but she doesn't argue as a loud rumble resonates from her stomach. She wishes that Derek was here. She wishes that she could curl up with him in front of the fire and drink hot chocolate with tons of marshmallows as they just bask in the enjoyment of the other's company.
She sighs as she walks towards the front door behind Dr. Shepherd, her heart feeling very heavy as the loneliness of the holiday season finally begins to set in. What she wouldn't give to have a family like the Shepherds. What she wouldn't give to have a home instead of a dingy apartment. What she wouldn't give to not be alone. What she wouldn't give to have Derek back.
The front door opens and an elder woman steps out onto the front porch. She smiles warmly at them before ushering them into the warm house. Meredith immediately feels the warmth not only from the fireplace, but from the complete homeliness offered by the immaculate brownstone.
Mrs. Shepherd: Hello, dear. My husband has told me so many great things about you.
She sticks out her hand.
Mrs. Shepherd: I'm Mrs. Shepherd, but you can call me Carol.
Meredith smiles warmly.
Meredith: It's nice to meet you Carol. I'm Meredith.
Meredith blushes as Mrs. Shepherd drops her hand and envelops her in a hug, becoming self-conscious as her growing belly presses against the older woman. Mrs. Shepherd smiles down at her after she hugs her.
Mrs. Shepherd: How far along are you?
Meredith (as she runs her hand over her abdomen): Sixteen weeks.
Mrs. Shepherd smiles broadly as she places a hand on her shoulder.
Mrs. Shepherd: Do you know the sex yet?
Meredith bites down on her bottom lip to keep the tears from falling. She blames the hormones. She denies that her tears are prompted by the fact that he isn't there. He isn't there to share in her joy. Their joy. He doesn't even know about that joy.
Meredith: It's a boy.
Mrs. Shepherd's face lights up.
Mrs. Shepherd: Congratulations!
Meredith tries to hide the sad expression that she knows crosses her face, but Mrs. Shepherd notices is and places her palm on Meredith's back. She looks at her husband.
Mrs. Shepherd: Michael, why don't you call the girls and find out what time they are coming over and then call Derek and make sure he is coming tonight. I know the hospital owns him, but I haven't seen him in weeks.
Meredith's heart flutters just at the sound of his name. She knows that it isn't her Derek, but that doesn't stop the fluttering and the instant rush of blood to her head that speaks to her intense love for a man she has not seen in four months. A love that has not faded, but grown and blossomed into an entity all unto itself.
Michael smiles at his wife before placing a kiss on her forehead.
Dr. Shepherd: Yes, dear.
He walks out of the foyer and into his office to place the calls. Mrs. Shepherd ushers Meredith into the kitchen, where Meredith takes a seat on a barstool.
Mrs. Shepherd: What can I get for you to drink?
Meredith: I'm fine. Really. I don't want to be a problem.
Mrs. Shepherd smiles at Meredith. Michael has told her about the young girl, so she knows what a hard life she has lived and continues to live.
Mrs. Shepherd: It is no problem, Meredith. It is honestly a pleasure. Now, what would you like to drink?
Meredith bites down on her bottom lip as she splays her palm over her abdomen.
Meredith: Umm…well…I have been craving orange juice if you have any…I mean…if that's okay…I don't want to be a problem…so only if you have it…you know what? Water is fine. Water sounds great…really.
Mrs. Shepherd laughs as she walks over to the fridge and pulls out the bottle of freshly squeezed orange juice. She pours Meredith a large glass of orange juice and places it on the counter in front of her.
Mrs. Shepherd: What would you like to eat?
Meredith: I'm fine. Really.
Meredith's stomach chooses this moment to growl loudly. Mrs. Shepherd laughs and Meredith can't help but giggle.
Meredith: Okay. Maybe I am hungry.
Mrs. Shepherd: What would you like?
Meredith: Whatever you're having?
Mrs. Shepherd: I was going to make some country potato soup. How does that sound?
Meredith instinctively licks her lips as she smiles broadly, warmth flooding her capillaries.
Meredith: That sounds great.
Meredith and Mrs. Shepherd continue to chat happily as they eat their lunch together. They bond as Meredith finds herself more comfortable with the older woman than she ever felt with her own mother. It is only when Mrs. Shepherd brings up her family that the smile fades from Meredith's face.
Mrs. Shepherd: So, tell me about your family.
A frown creases Meredith's brow as she plays with a chunk of potato that remains at the bottom of her almost empty bowl.
Meredith: Umm…well…my mother disowned me when I refused to get an abortion and my stepfather could do nothing but stand by her side. My father left when I was five and I haven't seen him since.
Mrs. Shepherd arches her brow as she looks at the young woman in front of her. She looks so alone.
Mrs. Shepherd: If you don't mind me asking, why did you refuse to get an abortion?
Meredith's eyes gloss over with tears as she looks at the kind eyes of Carol.
Meredith: Because it's all I have left of him. It's…I…I just couldn't destroy something that was a part of someone that I loved…love…so much.
Mrs. Shepherd: What happened to him?
Meredith can't help but feel some relief at finally talking to someone about this. Someone other than the extremely cynical Cristina or the obnoxiously bubbly Izzie. She sighs as she rests her chin on her hand.
Meredith: We met on a cruise. His room was next to mine and there was instant chemistry. He just…got me. I have never felt that way about anyone before my entire life, and it scared me. It really scared me so I made these stupid rules. I don't even know his last name. I don't know where he lives. I don't know what he does. I thought it would be easier. I thought it would be easier to let him go if I didn't know. Being with him was the first time I never felt alone. It was the first time that I felt okay just being me. He…and I…and we…and now…I don't know what I'm going to do.
A few tears escape and run down Meredith's cheeks. As her next words escape in a strangled and tortured voice.
Meredith: I should have told him. I should have but I was so scared. He deserved to know. He…I should have told him.
Mrs. Shepherd feels her heart reach out to the young girl, but something in her story sounds vaguely familiar.
Mrs. Shepherd: Why didn't you tell him?
Meredith: I…I didn't want to be an obligation. I didn't…I just found out the day before I left…and I still hadn't had time to process, but I didn't want him to want to be with me out of obligation. I didn't…I was stupid…I was so stupid.
Meredith's shoulders begin to shake as tortured moans escape from her mouth. Carol quickly walks around the counter and wraps her arms around Meredith's tiny frame. Meredith immediately leans into her body and for the first time in four months she allows someone to offer her comfort.
There's only two more updates until you guys are caught up. I started my own board, so that is why this has taken so long to get up. And I have three exams next week and I'm volunteering at the hospital now, so life is crazy. So thank you for being patient. I hope you like it.
-marci