I was a whore! A dirty, filthy, two timing, bed hoping, cheating, whore. I could barely look at myself in the mirror let alone look Mike in the eye, which seemed to be happening a lot lately.
As I sat in the surprisingly well furnished and decorated FBI provided house waiting for Chase, all I could do was replay the memory of this afternoon over and over again in my head.
It was exactly how I remembered it, and better…so much better. That's why it made it hard for me to leave him. When we were both finished I got up quickly and grabbed my clothes hurriedly, the realization of what I had just did, slowly but surely setting in.
"Come back to bed?" He asked almost desperately.
I looked at him and felt my heart break a little, or maybe it didn't, maybe that's just the feeling I know I should have felt.
"Grissom…I shouldn't…I have to go." I said before I ran into the bathroom and shut the door to change.
I came out within five minutes, taking time to fix my hair and makeup as best I could. Grissom was still lying in bed, looking vulnerable, hurt, and desperate to have me stay with him just a little bit longer.
"Sara…please stay, just a little longer."
"Grissom, I have to get ready for tonight…and Mike he's waiting for me, he's probably worried, wondering where I am…I'm sorry." I said trying to give any comfort I could, but knowing after what I had just done I could deliver none.
"Why do you call me Grissom? You called me Gil no more than thirty minutes ago." His question was out of the blue, but I knew where I was coming form, and it still hurt.
"Grissom, that was different…look," I walked over to sit on the bed next to him so I could talk to him properly. "What we just did…it was great…but you know as well as I that we were just revisiting the past…a past we should have left well alone. We're different people than we used to be…I suppose I should have known though…this was bound to happen…after five years of nothing…I should have known, but I should have done something different. I care for you Grissom I do…I can't deny that…but I have to go back to Mike now…and somehow try to make this right…I just…I have to go, I'm sorry Griss…I just..."
I stood and walked over to the open doorway. I stopped before I walked through it and looked back to Grissom who was still lying in the bed. I almost laughed when I thought that this was typical, he was always content to watch me go, making no physical effort to keep me.
"Bye Griss…I'll see you later tonight…maybe."
I left his townhouse quickly, getting into my red sports car and driving off at top speed. I didn't know what I was going to say to Mike when I got back to the hotel, or if I was going to say anything to him at all. But I didn't have much time to think, because next thing I knew, I was at the hotel, getting out of my car, and walking in.
When I walked into our hotel room I saw that Mike was sitting at the table reading, and waiting for me.
He looks up when I walk in and he smiles softly at me "Hey." He said gently.
I can't look at him, the sudden onset of guilt over whelms me and I feel sick. I can barely stand to stand there in my own skin knowing what I had just done.
"Babe, are you okay…you don't look so good?" Mike's soothing voice makes my stomach acid churn.
He gets up and walks over to me; he cups my check in one hand and reaches to feel my forehead with the other.
I jerk back, afraid that I might actually throw up on him.
"Sara, what's wrong?" He asks, concern laced heavily in his voice.
"You shouldn't…shouldn't care about me…you just…you shouldn't." I turning my head from him so he can't see me face.
"Sara, you're being silly, are you alright…I love you…of course I should care about you…what's wrong?"
"You shouldn't love me either."
"Why? Tell me what's wrong."
"I don't deserve you." I say turning my head towards him slightly.
"Sara, you're being crazy."
"No, I'm not…I can't do this…I can't lie to you…I thought I could keep this from you, but already a minute in and I can't even stand to be in my own skin…Mike I did something bad…you're going to hate me for it…you're going to leave me…"
"Sara…there's nothing you could do that would make me leave you." Mike says this like he's talking to one of the craziest people alive, and he just might be.
"I…I…I slept with Grissom." I blurted out.
Mike is silent and I can't bring myself to look at him. After some of the longest minutes of my life pass and all we have done is just stand there I finally say "I'm sorry, you hate me, I understand…I'm just going to pack my stuff and go, I understand if you leave…I can find someone to fill in for you…I'm sure the team won't mind…I mean…"
Mike suddenly grabs my arm as I began to walk away. He turns me forcefully to him, I expect him to hit me, but he doesn't.
"Do you love him?"
I stare at him, stare at his eyes, they are angry but they are full of love…for me.
"I don't love him."
We stand there in silence forever then Mike says solemnly and quietly "Come on…lets go take a shower…wash you off."
That night when Mike and I arrived at the lab together, I had to tell Mike to not kill Grissom…and I was being serious, I thought he might just do that.
Soon everyone was sent out to their respective places and I came here. And here I wait for Chase, and somehow it feels like I'm waiting for an evil curse…and curse that I welcomed into my life.
I hear the head of this investigation, and FBI agent talking to me through my ear piece. He says that Chase is pulling up into the driveway and that I should avoid letting him in, and if I do make the time short. He says that when we leave for where ever it is that we're going that they'll be following us closely and that somehow I will never be left alone with this man.
Soon after there is a knock at the door and I get up to answer it. Chase stands at me door with a bouquet of red roses, my mind flashes to one of the girls who was found with a rose petal in her hand.
I take the flowers from him with a smile and he asks "Are you ready to go?"
"Yeah, let me just grab my purse and we can go." I say as I walk away from him to grab my purse, which I left on the counter.
He waited for me at the door and when I came up to him, he placed his hand on the small of my back and steered me out to his car. He was such a gentle man, opening my door for me before walking around the car to get in on his side.
"So where are you taking me?" I asked, trying my hardest to sound like someone who was going on their first date with a man they wanted to be with.
"To a restaurant that just opened not too long ago, right off the strip." Chase said taking his eyes off the road for two seconds to smile at me.
We arrived at an expensive looking restaurant within fifteen minutes. Chase stepped out and walked around to my door to let me out, he then pain the valet, and took my hand and walked me into the restaurant.
The whole time through dinner, I heard people telling me that I was doing great, that I should keep it up. I was getting so sick of it that I almost ripped the ear piece out right then and there in front of Chase. But listening to Chase was not much better. If this had not been an undercover investigation, I would have gotten up and left.
When dinner was over Chase paid and left a generous tip and then took my hand and led me out of the restaurant where he tipped the valet when he brought his car up.
"So where are we going now?" I asked once we were in the car and we had started to move.
"It's a…surprise." Chase said tonelessly.
I heard in my ear piece someone say "This could be it." Which made me nervous, but I looked in the side view mirror and saw the unmarked van following us and some of my nerves were eased.
We drove for a while, Chase made idle chit chat while we listened to the radio. My heart began to beat faster when buildings and houses began less and less together and the van began to hang back a bit.
"Chase where are we going?" I asked again, trying not to sound nervous but failing.
"Where here." Chase said as he pulled off to the side of the road. I looking in the mirror one last time and saw that the van was a ways back, but it had stopped in front of a house, and it looked like people where getting out, or maybe that was just me being hopeful.
Chase got out of the car and waited for me to do the same. I did and I came to stand next to him.
"What are we doing?" I asked.
"We're…going for a walk." Chase said smoothly.
I nodded, but really I walked to turn and run away.
"Where are we walking to?" I asked slowly.
Chase took my hand a bit forcefully and said "You know, you sure do ask a lot of questions."
I laughed a little, not sure of what I was supposed to do.
After a few minutes of walking I said "Chase I don't want to walk anymore, I want to go back to the car."
"No…I think we can walk for a bit longer." Chase said vehemently.
"Chase…I don't want to…" I said before Chase tightened his grip on my wrist. "Ow…Chase you're hurting me."
I heard in my ear piece people start to panic.
"Chase I want to go home."
"I'm afraid that's not going to happen." Chase said terrifyingly.
"Chase what to do you mean?" I asked, my fear getting the better of me.
Suddenly Chase pulled me close to him and in my one swift movement tore my shirt open, buttons were sent flying everywhere.
"Chase what the hell are you doing?" I asked trying to sound strong, but after what just happened, I feel small and scared
"Can't you tell by now?" He asked with the voice of a maniac.
I couldn't believe this was happening even though I had known it could come to this. My mind went blank and suddenly I was no longer a where of the voices in my ear.
But in a flash my mind went into overdrive and suddenly I could think again. I quickly pulled the mini bottle of pepper spray out of my pocket and sprayed it into his eyes. But instead of letting me go to wipe his eyes, he tightened his grip on my wrist and uses the other arm to try and wipe the inflicting liquid away.
"Bitch!" He yelled.
He suddenly let go of my arm and drew out a gun from his waist. I abruptly stopped and put my hands up.
"I was going to have some fun with you…but now…I'm just going to kill you."
My mind became numb and I fell to my knees. What happened next…I wish never happened.
I could hear Grissom's voice in my ear piece he was saying "Mike…go…Mike go!"
I didn't register what was happening but all I could hear was Grissom shout in my ear piece "Mike run…hurry Mike…go!"
And before I knew it Chase's gaze no longer rested on me, but somewhere over my right shoulder.
"What the hell?" I heard him say under his breath.
And then I heard Mike shout "Drop your weapon!" And I heard the safety pulled on a gun that Chase was not holding, because he had already pulled his safety back.
"Mike…Mike no!" I stood and turned just in time to hear the gun go off three times and then see Mike fall to the ground.
I screamed as more gun shots resounded and I heard a body fall behind me as I ran to Mike's still and lifeless body. Men and black uniforms ran past me, but I didn't notice them. I fell to the ground next to Mike.
"Sara…" I heard him croak.
"Shhh…baby…don't talk…save your energy."
"Sara…I love you…"
"Mike…Mike...just hold on…I'm here, help is coming!"
"Sara…promise me…you'll…" He began to cough up blood and I took his cold hand in mine. "promise me…that you'll take care of Ben…and promise me that you'll tell Eric…."
"Mike don't talk like this…you'll be fine."
"Tell Eric…he's going to do good and that…by no means is he…allowed into your pants…" He couched again and I cried harder. "And Sara…promise me…your heart."
"You have it…you've always had it…I love you."
"I love you Sara…I do…" His eyes closed and he stopped coughing.
"MIKE!" I shouted "MIKE DON'T GO!"
I fell onto his still chest that no longer held a heartbeat and found that I could no longer manage to cry…I could hardly manage to breathe…I didn't want to live anymore…not like this.
My breath became shallow and the last thing I remembered before I felt the paramedics lift me off of Mike was saying "Mike I love you…don't go." And then…there was nothing.
A/N Okay so there it is. I have actually been planning to do this for some time...sorry. I'm not so sure about this chapter though...i don't know if i wrote it so well. But anyways, there's more coming up i promise. Again, i might actually just take this chapter down and redo it because, well i'm just no sure its that good. Anyways thanks for all the encouraging reviews!