I stood frozen in a moment that was moving too fast. I no longer sat in the van, but I stood off in the distance watching the horrifying scene unveil itself.
I couldn't do anything but stand there frozen as I watched the officers run out to Chase Butler and check his pulse. He was still alive; they waited by his body as the paramedics ran out to him with a gurney.
I turned my head slightly and watched as Sara screamed over Mike's unresponsive body for him to not leave her, for him to come back to her. My heart broke and I wanted to run over to her, to hold her in my arms, and tell her it would all be alright, but my legs refused to work. So I was reduced to a man just standing there uselessly watching an appalling turn of events.
A couple paramedics ran over to where Sara knelt at Mike's body, with two gurneys in tow. The first check Mike's vitals and said something that made Sara practically scream out a sob and then proceed to fall to the ground. While they loaded Mike's lifeless body on a gurney and covered him completely with a blanket, signaling that he was no longer alive, the paramedics checked out Sara.
They checked her pulse, asked her to follow their finger with her eyes, and then took her by her arms, helped her stand up, and then loaded her on to a gurney herself.
It was then that I suddenly found that I could move. I ran to where the paramedics were loading Sara into the ambulance.
"Where are you taking her? What's wrong with her?" I asked one of the men helping load her into the ambulance.
He looked at me with a puzzled look. "And who are you?"
"I'm her…her boss." I said choking on the last word slightly.
He hesitated for a moment and then said "We're bringing her to Las Vegas Memorial Hospital. You can ask for further information there."
"Wait, what do you mean that I can ask for further information there?" I asked indignant that they wouldn't tell me what was going on right now.
The guy had begun to walk away from me to the front of the ambulance, but upon sensing that I was following turned around and said to me in a tried and exasperated voice "Listen…right now I have a patient in there that could be dying…I meant what I said, you can get more information at the hospital."
His words shocked me into stillness; his words reverberated in my head making my heart feel like it was going to stop… right now I have a patient in there that could be dying. I wanted to ask something else, but by the time my brain caught up with the rest of the world, the man was already in the passenger seat of the ambulance and they were driving away with Sara.
I stood there watching the vehicle disappear until I felt a heavy hand fall upon my shoulder. I turned to see Brass standing behind me wearing one of the grimmest expressions that I've ever seen.
"Come on," He said tonelessly "We should go…you know…just in case."
His words reached my ears but my head wouldn't process them, so when he grabbed my arm to get me going, I didn't object. For my thoughts were no longer my own, I made none of my own decisions, it was a miracle that I could still breath, because if I had to tell myself to do that, I would have surly died from my brain not being able to carry out the simplest of tasks.
Jim escorted me to his police car and then got in on the driver's side. It was a silent ride to the hospital, the radio never played, the engine seemed to whisper instead of roar, and even the wind hitting the car as we sped along, seemed to be hushed at the turn of events.
Jim doesn't attempt to make conversation with me, he doesn't try to offer words of comfort, and he doesn't even ask if I am okay. But then again, he might have thought that I didn't deserve those things.
We pull into the hospital parking lot; Jim finds a spot to park, and then turns off the car before turning to me.
"I need to talk to you." He says calmly, but the emotion playing in the features of his face tell me a completely different emotion is ready to hit me square in the jaw.
I can only nod, afraid that Brass might actually hit me.
He is silent for a moment and then says slowly "I knew…I knew the moment you guys got together, before anyone else knew. I knew you were going to hurt Sara even before you decided to make your long awaited relationship public, and I knew she would always…always forgive you. But when she was kidnapped, something changed…and you feel short of the bar, failed to read any and all signs. Or maybe you didn't, which just means that you didn't care."
"Brass, why are you telling me this?" I ask, more than impatient to get to Sara.
"Shut up and listen! This may come out angry, but I've stayed silent for way too long and you need to know!"
I shut my mouth in shock, not sure of what just happened.
"I knew as soon as Sara was back and safe with us that something had changed. I knew from the moment she got out of the hospital and you were late in coming to pick her up. I knew when you started to see Catherine…do you remember the shift in attitude that took place in the lab at the very beginning? Do you remember when you asked me about it, as if you hadn't known?"
I did remember and suddenly an unpleasant memory was assaulting my mind.
I walked briskly down the hall, not in a good mood. My self riotousness astounded even me, but the fact that Sara had decided not to sleep in our bed last night upset me.
When I entered the break room I was met by four cold stares, Warrick, Nick, Greg, and Brass.
I walked over to the coffee maker and poured myself a cup.
"We've been waiting for you…you're late." Came Brass' toneless voice from behind me.
"I'm sorry, I got caught up in…traffic." I said thinking of a lie.
Brass snorted as the other guys rolled their eyes.
Anger welled up deeper inside me as the events from last night and this morning compiled on top of what was going on right now. I was not used to this public display of disrespect.
"Greg and Warrick, you have a B&E right off the strip officers are already on the scene. Nick you and Grissom have a 419 in the desert, I'll be tagging along." Brass gave out the assignments which was a job I normally carried out.
On their way out the door Warrick and Greg forcefully pushed past me, I was about to say something when I saw that Brass was watching with a somewhat satisfied look.
"What the hell is going on?" I ask to Brass more than Nick, for Nick is now quickly leaving the room.
"Like you don't know, don't even go there Grissom…I am not in the mood…not after what you've been getting away with around here."
I looked at him baffled until I heard him mutter on his way out "Sara deserves so much better."
"I knew," Brass continued, pulling me out of the memory and continuing on his verbal attack "Sara knew too, she knew for awhile…she was pissed at first…oh so very pissed and then more depressed than anything, but of course you were to "busy" to notice anything."
Another memory attacked my already disturbed mind.
I walked down the halls of the crime lab, visions of the fifth night I had just spent at Catherine's still danced seductively in my head. That is until I passed Brass' office.
The door closed, I stepped closer to hear what the two muffled voices were saying.
"You know I would have told you if I had thought that it would have made your life easier but…"
Brass' voice was cut off by a vicious voice low and full of anger, I could just barely make out the words "What you thought…can't believe you…asshole."
The voice was familiar but I couldn't place it anywhere. Whoever it was though, was giving Brass and earful for something he had done.
"You know I love you, we all do, but we thought that by telling you, we would be…"
Again I barely caught the words that interrupted Brass "Would be what…tell me the truth…meddle in things…should have left it alone."
There was silence and then I heard Brass say "So what are you going to do?"
I heard a chair scarp on the floor and footsteps approach the door my ear was currently glued to. I stepped back quickly and walked around the corner, waiting to see who would step out of the office.
The door opened and out stepped Sara, fuming.
"Sara, just tell me so I know…what are you going to do?"
"Kill him…slowly." Came Sara's too clam response.
Brass' face drained off all color; clearly unset and seriously thinking that she might follow through with this threat.
Thinking she was talking about a case, I brushed it off and continued down the hall.
Another memory came to me, but one of a much sadder variety.
This case was giving me serious trouble, and I needed to speak with Brass right away about what plan of action should be taken.
I was within ten feet of his office, folder poised and ready to present, when I heard crying. The door was slightly ajar and I stepped closer to get a better listen.
"Sara, sweetie…I am so sorry."
My ear perked up, something had upset Sara.
"It's not your fault; I should have done something long ago."
"Sara, just consider this please…we could…we could have you transfer shifts…just please…reconsider this."
There was more sniffling and then "I have Jim, and I can't do it, I'm following this through…I'm sorry."
A week later and I came home to find Sara sipping a glass of red wine. My toe hurt from stubbing it on her bag at the door. She left that night…she didn't come back.
"I knew all the time…each day I liked you less and less. I watched as you two flirted in the halls, I heard the rumors of your late night escapades, coming in the next day wearing the same shirt you had on yesterday. And I was disgusted when I heard the moans of pleasure coming from your office late at night, only to turn the corner and see Sara pulling a triple in the lab down the hall. I watched as you treated Sara like shit, ignored her declining mental, physical, and emotional health. All for what, so you could be with Catherine? I let her cry on my shoulder day after day, night after night. Nick and Warrick let her crash on their couch month after month, calling me so I could try to comfort her, because they had not been able. Did you know she ended up in the hospital three times? One was for her anorexic state, the others for anxiety attacks brought on by stress and malnourishment. Of course you didn't, because you weren't concerned with her anymore, Catherine was the star of your life now."
Jim's assault was proving to be too much for me as I pulled up another memory.
I came home after spending a very enjoyable and pleasurable night at Catherine's. I expected Sara to be either waiting for me in the living room or asleep on the couch or in the guest bedroom. I walked into the living room to see it was empty. The TV was off and nothing rested on the coffee table, the blankets were still folded and thrown over the back of the couch, untouched.
That meant that she was in the guest bedroom. I walked up the stairs and down the hall to the very last door and opened it, only to see an empty bedroom. The bed was undisturbed and the perfectly folded blanket that I had put there two nights ago, remained in the same spot, not ruffled or unperfected in any way.
That meant that she would be in our bedroom, but when I opened the door to that room, it looked undisturbed just as the other rooms had.
A small bubble of worry began to form in my stomach as I pulled out my phone to see if I had any missed calls or texts. None…
Where could she be? Assuming that she would be home eventually I sat myself down in the living room with a beer and turned on the TV.
Five hours later and I heard the door open and close. I then heard footsteps walk up the stairs.
I turned off the TV and put down my third beer, getting ready for a fight.
I walked up the stairs and to the guest bedroom, where the door was slightly open and a soft pool of light gathered on the dark carpet outside the room.
I knocked on the door, but when I got no reply I opened it and stepped into the room.
Sara sat on the edge of the bed staring off into space.
"Sara…" I said ready for her angry eyes to connect with mine, when they didn't I said "Sara, where the hell where you…look at me!"
She did, but the sight the met my eyes took my breath away, and not in the good way.
Her eyes where hollow and had dark, dark circles under them. She face was ashen, with a pale green tint to it. I moved further down her body to see a hospital band around her wrist and a band aid over her hand where an IV would have been placed.
"Sara…what happened?" I asked, the bubble of worry forming again.
She was silent and then she said "Grissom…leave."
My brain didn't register was she said so I stood there, shocked.
"Grissom, I cannot deal with you tonight…leave!"
I did, not understanding in the least, what just happened.
"When she left you, I was happier than I had been in a long time. She was getting away from you, and when she called me to tell me that she was fitting in nicely at her new lab, I was ecstatic. When she called a month later to tell me she was going out with someone, who turned out to be Ben, I was more than ecstatic, she had managed to move on. But when you and Catherine came into the lab one day pronouncing for the world to hear that you dirty affair was turning into a marriage, I was faced with the choice, to tell Sara the news. I didn't in the end, knowing that telling her would drag her into the past, and that was the last thing I wanted.
"She got pregnant a year later by some guy who worked in PD, she miscarried two months later. When she called me to tell me the news that she had lost the baby, I and everyone who was still in contact with her was devastated. The guy left her that same mouth, only hung around for the baby. I flew out to see her, only to find that she had created a family at the lab to help her get through it. Five months later, and Mike was loving her in ways you had always failed to in the end.
"So the reason for me telling you this is because, Sara most likely just lost her fiancé…"
"Fiancé?" I chocked out.
"As of last night, yes" Brass let that settle in my gut a little and then continued. "When you go in there, do not do anything stupid or I will and I am being serious here, I will kill you. Don't make a move on her when she's like this, don't talk about your past, don't talk about Mike, just sit by her side…you're lucky we're even letting you near her…but she needs you…now more than ever."
I nodded and got out of the car, realizing that the one sided conversation was over. I walked towards the hospital doors, new information and old memories fogging my brain.
I walked up to the desk that was occupied by a bust looking nurse.
"Sara Sidle's room please."
The nurse looked up at me and said "And you are?"
"Her…her…" What exactly was I to her? I was no longer her boss, and not her lover, since seven years, I was not even her friend. "Her friend." I finally settled on.
"I'm sorry, but we're only allowing family back right now."
I didn't want to do this but I had to see her "I'm Gil Grissom with the Las Vegas Crime Lab; I need to see Miss. Sidle."
The nurse looked at my badge and nodded "Very well then, room 209."
I nodded my thanks and then set off down a starch white hallway. When I reached room 209 I looked through the window. The sight that was beheld before me there broke my heart over, and over, and over again.
A/N Okay so here it is, i know its really really angsty but i guess thats the kinda mood i was in. Anyways, sorry it took so long to update! I hope you liked it. Thanks for all the reviews and if i don't update before christmas, which hopefully i will, Happy Holidays everyone!