rejazzz: I know, I know. Here is more for you. Thanks for the review
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Brown eyed Girl 75: Here is more, like I promised. Thanks for the review
ooOoo
You know that she wants to try, never lets you see her cry. You know that she wants to try, she's got seagulls in her eyes
Seagulls- Great Big Sea
ooOoo
I sat down with my mother, Kate, that night for dinner. Gary had decided he was going out to the bar with Bane that night, and Bane offered to buy him dinner, and Gary had promised he'd bring leftovers home for the next day. Is this what it had come to? Things were never going to get any better for us if we continued living the way we were, Gary and I would never be able to live our own lives. My mother had never wished for us to need to support her this way, but what else could we do? When our father had died she'd done all she could to make sure we were taken care of, and my mother... truth be told she didn't have anyone.
"Mum," she poked her fork at her scrambled eggs and toast as I attempted to talk to her. "Mum, what would you say if I told you I wanted a ticket to Boston?"
"I'd tell you to stop thinking so foolishly. There's no way we could afford a plane ticket to Boston, besides, what's in Boston that's in your head all of a sudden?"
"A job," I answered.
"Job? What kind of job?"
"Driving the zamboni at a university hockey rink," I took a bite of my piece of toast and picked my plate up, carrying it to the sink.
"Driving a zamboni? How is that any better than what you're doing now?"
"You know what?" I turned around to face her and slapped my hand on the counter. "What am I doing now? Gary and me are hauling nets for non-existant catches, which is putting Francis out of business! I don't want to be responsible for that! I want to live my own life!"
"Don't you dare shout at me!" She rose from her chair and came dangerously close to me. "I've done all I can to support you two since your daddy dropped off that ice-flow, don't you dare tell me you need to live your own life! I know that!"
"So why won't you let me?"
"We can't afford it!" she was screaming now, tears forming in her eyes. "You think I want you two here? You should have your own families, you should be off on your own by now. We shouldn't have to live off fucking instant mashed potatoes and the occasional egg when we can scrape enough money!"
"And yet we are!" I couldn't contain myself any longer. "Why is that, hmmm?" I could feel the rage I'd held back for so many years coming to the surface. "When Dad died you could've done so much more! Why the hell didn't you remarry and get us out of here?"
"Who would want a widow with two kids under the age of 10?" she shouted at me. "You two were so grief-stricken you would've hated the guy, no matter who it was!"
"It wasn't enough! Why should we have had to take jobs at the age of eight to support the family?"
"That's the way it was done! If you were going to work in the fisheries might as well start young. Come on Vivianne, you know all this already! I can't change what happened."
"But you can change what's happening now!" I felt my voice lower and I reached forward to grip her by the forearms. "If I go there's one less person for you to support, and you and Gary can pull enough in for the two of you."
She shook her head and turned her head away from me. "Get out, Vivianne, I need to be alone."
With the feeling of defeat weighing heavy in my stomach, I let go of her and went out the door, slamming it closed behind me.
I spent the next half hour walking around town, almost dazed. She was right, there was no way I was going to get out of here, we were simply too poor, and I had to accept it.
When I stopped and looked up, I realized that I had ended up sitting at the end of the harbour, my feet dangling over the edge. Ships docked and left port from here all the time, but I didn't seem to notice them today.
I didn't notice anything until the sound of heavy boots came near and Gary stood beside me.
"Hey..." he greeted.
"Hey," I answered, swinging my legs back and forth.
"Mind if I join you?"
"Can if you want, it's a free country."
"See, I'm not so sure about that, there was this one decree..."
"Yeah yeah, sit down," I shook my head. Gary could be the most stupid guy in the world, and yet he was the closest thing I had to a friend. People didn't want to talk to me because my daddy was dead and I never had time to play, even when I was little. When the other girls were sitting down in their kitchen with their mothers, I was down at the dock cutting the heads off fish and pulling out their tongues.
"When I got home Mum said you'd gone out."
"Asked me to leave was more like it," I retorted.
"Ah," Gary nodded.
"Yeah, we had a pretty big row."
"What about?"
"I told her I wanted to go to Boston."
"What's in Boston?"
"A job," I told him. "It's got nothing to do with the fisheries, and if I go that's less burden for her, and..."
"Hold on!" he held up a hand and pulled her up to stand in front of him. "Why did you two have a row, again?"
"Because I want out of here!" she shouted, almost unable to control herself. "I can't assign myself to a life of disappointment. I'm strong, I'm educated, and I still don't understand why she doesn't want us to leave."
"What?"
"What baffles me more is that she didn't remarry and give us a better life."
"Who wants a widow with two kids under the age of 10?" Gary stated, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"That's what she said!" I shouted at him, feeling my face flush. "Don't tell me you agree with her!"
"No!" Gary took a step back from me. "No, Viv, that's not what I'm saying at all," he stepped forward once again and held her by the forearms. "Look, I know you're frustrated, I'm frustrated too! I'm sure none of us would've thought that we'd still be living at home at our age."
"And that's why I want to change it, Gary!" I could feel my eyes watering. "We need to be independent..."
"No... you need to be independent, I'll get there eventually," he answered me, and I could feel myself beginning to relax.
A single tear slipped down my cheek.
"I think you can do it, Viv," Gary nodded at me. "Look, you should go. I'll stay here and take care of Mom."
"Gary, I can't ask you to do that..."
"You're not asking, sis, I'm telling you I'll do it," he pulled me close and hugged me tightly. "Besides, when you leave I'll get your room."
I reached underneath him and punched him in the shoulder blade. "Wanker."
We both laughed as the wind roared behind us.