Derek sits in the uncomfortable chair next to Meredith's bed

Derek sits in the uncomfortable chair next to Meredith's bed. Her soft snores fill the room along with the steady beeping of the numerous monitors attached to her thin, frail body. His talk with Mark earlier in the hall had done nothing to ease the sharp, constant pains ripping through his heart.

He drops his head forward into his hands as he squeezes his eyes tightly shut. He can't lose her again. He realizes that he probably shouldn't have told her he loves her. Not yet. He should have waited. Even his mother had scolded him for his brash actions as she was forced to sedate Meredith in order to calm her down.

She shifts slightly in the bed, a soft sigh escaping her lips as she turns her head and moves her legs under the covers. He watches her intently for any sign of discomfort or of awakening. Her eyes flutter open unseeing before their heaviness forces them closed once again and sleep reigns over her.

Derek releases the breath that he doesn't realize he has been holding, a part of him relieved that he gets a few more moments to enjoy just being with her.

"Hey, how is she?" his mother asks from the doorway.

Derek jumps from the sudden violation of his thoughts as he turns to face his mother. "She hasn't woken up yet, but their heart rates have been stable..." he trails off as he glances yet again at the numerous wires and monitors attached to Meredith.

His mother sighs sympathetically before stepping into the room and placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Just give her time, son. She has been broken and broken again so many times...just give her time," she says in a soft, motherly voice.

Derek simply nods as he runs a hand over his tired face. His mother gently pats his back before walking out of the room and leaving him alone with Meredith.

--

She inhales deeply before exhaling almost as if breathing a long sigh. She blinks her eyes slowly open, the light burning her retinas and momentarily blinding her. The drugs flow heavily through her system and there is a dull ache in her abdomen. The last several hours are all a blur. Various faces appear through layers of fog, not clear but not completely obscure. Her throat aches and her tongue feels heavy.

She forces her eyes open once again and is met by the sight of the monitors. Blink. Blink. Her eyes widen in realization. Although this is a fear she has experienced previously, the heavy sedation leaves that memory blurred and her reality uncertain. She tries to sit up in vain.

"Hey, what are you doing?" she hears in a soft, compassionate, tired voice.

A voice she knows. She sees his face. She sees his face outside her suite on the cruise ship. She sees his face underneath the duvet in her room. She sees his sleeping face as she leaves him that final time. She sees his face in the lobby.

She pivots her head slowly on her cervical vertebrae and that is when she really sees his face. His face in the present. Not in the past. Not in the future. In the now. Her eyes widen as a high-pitched gasp escapes from her lips.

"Derek," she whispers in a voice of realization. He knows. He knows that she is pregnant. He knows.

He smiles a soft, tired smile. A smile that only highlights the yellowish circles that have begun to appear under his currently wrinkled eyes. "Meredith," he whispers in response in a reverent voice. But it is not to Meredith that he is responded. It is directed to some God that has answered his prayer.

She lies back with a sigh as her eyes never leave his worn face. She traces all of the features of his face, features that she has seen every night, every day, ever hour, since the last time she was able to drink him in.

She closes her eyes and inhales deeply. "What happened?" she whispers as her right hands travels slowly over her stomach, almost as if checking that her son, their son, is still there.

Derek pinches the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger as he leans forward, his elbows resting on his knees. His hands drop down and dangle carelessly between his legs as he raises his eyes towards her. She appears to him as if a goddess surrounded by the white sheets of the hospital bed. "When you fell, it caused a small tear in your placenta. It also appears that you were having contractions from…" he pauses and forces the lump that has begin to rise up his esophagus back down.

This information he had learned from her chart. This information his mother knew but knowingly forgot to tell him. She didn't tell him because she knew that it would tear him apart from the inside out.

He looks up at Meredith as she chews her lip nervously. His heart flutters at the familiar sight. He clears his throat and the flutters fade away as the reality dismisses the fantasies he has clung to for so long. "You were having contractions from a prolonged malnourishment," he finishes in a voice barely above a whisper as his eyes fall to the floor.

He hears her gasp and looks up again to her face to find it even paler than before and trails of tears making their journey southward. It is a beautiful and heartbreaking sight. Beautiful only because there is a certain beauty associated with the vulnerability of the female sex.

"Mer," he begins as he struggles to his feet, the chair holding him down like a vacuum as his tiredness weighs him down.

She shakes her head vigorously. "I did this," she begins to sob. "I did this. I..this…this is all…my fault….I…Oh my God…I…no…"

He reaches out to comfort her and she shrinks from his touch. "Don't touch me. I don't deserve comfort. I…I almost killed our son. I…"

She can't continue on as her words are obstructed from the constant sobs that originate from her heart and permeate throughout her entire being. He stands there, helpless, watching the one he loves blame herself for almost killing their son. But he knows. He knows that it isn't his fault. He knows she has been working while trying to go to medical school. He knows. He knows that it isn't Meredith's fault. It isn't Meredith's fault. It's his fault. It's his fault and the immense guilt is already gnawing away at his already fragile conscience.

Sorry it has been so long...Life has been kicking my ass...and then this place wouldn't let me upload my documents...so yeah...I'll post another chapter soon...I think there are probably 3 or 4 that haven't been posted. So so sorry.

-Marci