Disclaimer: The song is owned by Lisa Loeb.
Everybody go
That party's over
I want to be alone in my head, in my bed tonight
You never show
I groaned and pulled the covers over my face and turned on my side.
You must really love her
You think I don't know
But I do, yeah it's true
I think over, is over
Obviously it didn't affect Mandy or her damn alarm that was playing the horrible, squeaky song at this ungodly hour. So I groaned again, loudly.
I'm right back where I started
When it comes to wanting you
I can't have what I wanted
"Will someone turn that fucking thing off, or you'll be buying a new alarm very soon." I growled.
"I could just magically put it back together, you know, Alex." Jesus, I hated that damn girl with her nasal voice, (Okay, so maybe I am the only one who thinks so. Well what else was I supposed to think, who sounds so goddamn cheery so early in the morning?) and her damn alarm and that fucking song.
"Well since you're awake Mandy, stop hitting the snooze button and turn that damn thing off, the rest of us are trying to sleep, y'know."
"No we're not, Alex. It's seven thirty. Unless you want to miss breakfast, I suggest you get that arse out of your bed and into the shower." Damn Lily and her stupid common sense.
Muttering venomously under my breath about damn Monday mornings and alarm clocks, I yanked the covers off me, grabbed my robe and viciously tying it around me, I shoved Mandy out of the way, ignored her squeak of protest (that girl is very squeaky, trust me) and stormed into the bathroom, slamming the door behind me.
Fifteen minutes later, I was out of the bathroom; my hair soaking wet, and my wet towel clinging to me. Still grumbling, I made my way to my trunk, pulled out my underwear and the school uniform consisting of a navy pleated skirt that skimmed the top of my knees and white shirt with a red and yellow striped tie. Still muttering, I went back into the bathroom to change. Back out, I toweled my hair dry, although it was still a little wet; I applied some kohl around my eyes, some orange flavoured lip-balm and shoved my feet into a very old pair of battered converses. A couple of minutes later, I realized that I was staring at myself in the mirror, I tend to do that a lot, randomly stare at something or the other.
I saw the same old me with a straight, relatively small nose and high cheek bones; straight slightly tousled black hair, that reached the top of my shoulder blades and my bangs long enough to cover my somewhat large forehead but short enough to fall into my eyes. My eyes are a really vibrant, electric blue. According to most people, my eyes are my most striking feature and sometimes, I can't help but agree; when I'm excited or angry or feeling anything remotely significant they shine with a brilliance, which is almost always; but most of the times I just see normal blue eyes. Thanks to my Asian heritage from my mother, I would tan beautifully in the summer. Lucky for me, in the past five years I grew ten whole inches, bringing my height to the grand figure of five feet and six inches. But let me tell you, it still sucks. Everyone around me is so god damn tall; Lily herself is five-ten. It's not fair, and I hate it. I also out grew my Ethiopian look, although I'm far from what normal people would call normal body weight, I look fed for once. If you saw me without my shirt (bra on, you perverts!) you won't be able to count my ribs although I have pronounced collar bones. You can't trace my pelvic bone with the naked eye, but my hip bone does jut out a little. My stomach isn't caved in (and it never was) but it's flat enough to iron something on it. And I like the fact that I'm thin bordering skinny. That doesn't mean I judge fat people or anything and I don't starve myself to remain the way I am, I've never liked extra fat. I just exercise. Running round the Great Lake five times every evening can keep you that way, trust me I know, even if you eat your body weight at every meal. So anyway, that's me, pretty normal, I guess. Shrugging, I put on my black robe and said, "Okay Lils, let's go, I'm done."
Lily was watching me from her bed with amusement. "I thought you were never going to stop admiring yourself for a minute there Alex."
I rolled my eyes, "I just got carried away there for a minute. Let's go, I'm starving."
Pointedly ignoring her "When aren't you?" we made our way to the Great Hall for breakfast.
"I hate Mandy and her stupid voice and her stupid alarm and that fucking song. I mean, come on, whose alarm tune is 'fools like me'. Forget that, who listens to such a flowery, squeaky song anyway?" I ranted.
"Evidently Mandy does. It's not that bad a song. And come on, she's really not all that you make her to be. She just got dumped; a little sympathy wouldn't kill ya Alex."
"Yeah well she brought it upon herself. Dating Sirius Black, when everyone knows he's the humpanddump kinda guy. Why willingly cut the branch you are sitting on and then cry when it finally falls and you go down with it?"
"Well tell me one girl who doesn't think she can tame the 'Sirius Black'? Who doesn't think she can get him to fall in love with her; who can resist those smoldering eyes and that black hair, the gothic features and tall strong build?"
"Well I would have said both you and me, but now I think it's only me. Are you under his spell too?" I narrowed my eyes. "What happened to good old Jamsie Poo?" Lily, after almost three years of claiming that she hated James Potter with the every fiber of her being, suddenly accepted his suggestion of a picnic on Hogwarts grounds, shocking the hell out of everybody. James was just asking, like he did everyday, it was something that came naturally to him after almost three years of practice, never caring that her answer was always a firm no. He didn't think that this time was any different, and it had taken him a full minute before his face broke out into a genuine smile. Running his fingers through his hair, a habit that Lily claimed that she hated (my best friend claims many thing, most of them are nothing but lies) but secretly loved (I know things) he had told her he'd confirm the details later, since he was late for class. Finally I was free from the I-hate-James-Potter rants and my best friend was truly happy with a great guy, something that I'd always known James was, but Lily had to realize that on her own. I had always known he had cared for her; empathy and the looks that he gave her when she wasn't looking were proof enough.
Pushing open the doors to the hall, she said, "Oh come on, Lexie, just because I have a boyfriend it doesn't mean I can't admire natural beauty." She wiggled her eye brows at me, "He's hot and you have to admit it."
"How many fucking times do I have to tell you not the call me Lexie, especially not in the mornings. God Lily, I hate that name, makes me sound like a bunny or something."
Lily and I walked to our usual place at the Gryffindor table, more towards the Great Hall door than the teachers table, but not in the centre, she took a seat to my right.
"…"
Ignoring her pointed silence I served myself three strips of bacon, scrambled eggs, three sausages, buttered a toast and poured me some heaven sent coffee. I eat a lot, so sue me.
"Okay, fine, so he is hot. Big deal, he's still a jerk." With that I raised the blessed mug of coffee to drain it in one go.
"Who's a hot jerk, Alex?" Said the deep voice of James Potter as he took a seat next to Lily; giving his girlfriend of almost two months a side hug and a kiss on the fore head. Okay, seriously, I might be all cynical and bitchy but I couldn't help but grin when I saw those two. It was a sight for sore eyes. But that didn't mean I was going to answer him.
"None of your business, Potter."
It also didn't mean I had to be nice to him before I had eaten breakfast.
"Love you too, Lexie."
I opened my mouth to tell him off when a soft voice beat me to it, "Leave her alone James. It's too early in the morning for you two to argue." Bless him. I smiled at Remus, as he took a seat opposite me, "Morning, Rem."
Returning my smile and my greeting he started off on his own breakfast. We all ate silently; the clicking of the cutlery accentuating our silence, but it was anything but awkward. Ever since the first week, when Lily and James had become a couple, we had breakfasted together. The companionship that I had felt between those four boys on my first train ride was what we now shared, so how could things get awkward? So James and I argued and I was a bitch in the morning (and sometimes coughcough all day) I cared about James and Remus and Lily was a sister in all ways but one, blood.
Something brushed my left elbow, thinking it was my owl, Benjamin; I turned with the last bit of my toast as a treat. My smile slid of my face as fast as butter would melt on heated corn and I bit back a groan. Tilting my head up, it only confirmed my suspicions. Black.
Ignoring him, I went back to my breakfast, but his elbow kept brushing mine. He was right handed and I was left… couldn't he scoot over a little? Taking a deep, calming breath I put down my fork and knife as I was done with my breakfast and reached into my skirt pocket to pull out a small Ziploc bag of Bertie Bott's jelly beans. I'm a sugar junkie. Infact I'm more of a candy addict. And I loved Bertie's jellybeans. I would buy huge family size packs and sit and sift through to separate my favourite flavours from the ones I didn't like and the abnormal ones. Yup I knew the beans well enough to identify every flavour.
"Merlin, Alex. It's eight in the morning. How can you eat candy so early in the morning?" James asked in a part awed part exasperated voice.
I grinned as cherry flavour exploded in my mouth. "I love candy James." I said in a satisfied voice.
"I still can't believe you know can identify every flavour just by glance." Remus chuckled.
"She'd better. She lives on these things." Lily added.
I would have said something but that damn boy's elbow bumped into mine again, which made me drop a couple of green apple beans. Argh! I have nothing against Black personally, I really don't. I don't even know the guy. Remus I know, Remus I like. What's not to like. He's really nice, intelligent, caring and funny and everything else nice. He even tutors me. I get along with him and we're friends. Well sort of, he doesn't know who I am, that's what I mean. And as I said earlier, I care about James. Back to my original point, Sirius Black and why I dislike him. You see Black sleeps around a lot. Trust me when I say a lot. No relationship of his has lasted more than a month, and the only month long relationship was what he had with Mandy, who he dumped last week. No guy would sleep around as much as he does if he didn't have something to prove and what is that one can prove by sleeping with people, other than their overactive libido? Their or in this case; his masculinity. Why would he have to prove something to people who don't even care, cause he's unsure of it himself, that's why. Hence people who doubt themselves are insecure. And Black is insecure about his masculinity, making him a sissy. If it doesn't make sense to you, go to hell. That's what I told Lily too. It makes sense to me and that's all I care about. And why do I have a problem with him sitting around us, well 'cause his flavour of the week is always draped around his shoulder during meal-times and well the way they behave, it's not so good for the stomach, y'know. So I turned to face him and said, "You mind?" In this really polite voice that everyone knows is meant to be anything but polite.
"Not really." He retorted without even looking at me. Bastard.
"Well good then, scoot over. I don't know about you, but I don't enjoy the fact that your elbow keeps bumping into mine every five seconds." I said nastily. "Jerk." I muttered under my breath, but I'm pretty sure he heard me.
He set down his knife and fork and dabbed his mouth with the napkin that was in his lap in this exaggerated motion and turned slowly to face me.
"Are you always such a bitch or is today my lucky day?" He asked in this casual voice as he cocked his head to one side and before I could say anything he continued, "Well I've had breakfast with you for the past couple of weeks so that answer's the first question. So, tell me, what kind of permanent PMS do you go through which makes you snap at everything that breathes all the time?"
"You goddamn bastard." I all but yelled. How dare he talk to me like that? All I wanted was for him to move his damned elbow, something he should have done without me having to tell him.
"Ahem."
Someone was clearing his throat. But I didn't look cause I was too busy having a who-will-blink-first contest with Black.
"Ahem." Someone cleared their throat in the background but I didn't look to see who it was.
Suddenly the thought that I was staring into Sirius Black's eyes hit me. I was staring into a pair of piercing, angry grey eyes. Jesus, I was staring at him and he right back. My thoughts started to stray, there's not much you can do when you're too busy trying not to blink. His eyes were gorgeous, a piercing grey. Whoever said that grey eyes are eyes that have no colour was a complete and utter fool. Here I was staring into eyes the colour of the stormy sea, dotted with flecks of black. They were hooded, hidden, yet so entrancing.
"Sirius, honey, last night was fun." Came a silky voice out of nowhere.
At then just like that, I broke the contact, to roll my eyes and clenched my fist.
I felt him tense up, "Angelica, what are you doing here?" He had a deep, velvety voice.
Tuning out the annoying blonde's voice, I looked at Remus, "Where's Peter?" Not that I care, just making small talk.
"He's in the infirmary, spending the day there, maybe even two, depending on Madam Pomfrey." Good, I never liked the fourth of the Maurauders. (Yes, they had named themselves, the prats) He didn't even fit in with the rest of them. He was short, ugly and fat as opposed to their tall, attractive athletic builds. He was so stupid and they all so smart, so intelligent. He also made me very uneasy. His watery eyes were always darting about; often I had caught him staring at me, something that made me incredibly uncomfortable, and that's something that I didn't easily feel. All in all I thought Peter to be scum and I don't know why the others kept him around.
"Alex are you listening to me?" Shaking myself out of my thoughts, I answered, "Yeah Remus, I can hear you just fine."
"That's not what I asked; I asked if you were listening to me."
"Yes. How did he manage to fall and knock himself out in the bathroom?" It's not like I cared, just had to prove a point.
"How do you do that?"
I grinned, distractedly "Magic." I couldn't help but think about what Black told me. Was I always this rude to everyone? Is that what everyone thought of me?
And just like that all the conversations all around me, the feelings and emotions, suddenly hit me like a huge wave that wouldn't subside. The euphoria and the sadness, the love, the hate, the pain, the expectancy and the uncertainty mixed with my own doubt and uncertainty was just too much. I can usually block most of the emotions, especially those of people not so close to me physically, and their thoughts; and they kind of become like a gentle wave constantly tapping away at a part of my brain, something that I'm used too. But there were certain moments when my control would slip, maybe 'cause I couldn't be strong all the time (literally) or when I was going through severe emotional or physical strain. Right now I could hear some girl wonder if her lipstick matched the uniform, I could her Remus thinking if the teacher would ask him a specific question about the book cause he'd just glanced through a couple of pages and hearing Angelica think about the night she spent with Sirius just made me want to heave. Knowing I just had a few seconds before I truly lost control, I got up and turned to Lily. She rose with me, despite the fact that she was confused and worried, she got up too but I gestured her to stop, knowing that she didn't really want to leave, "Stay." Waving my hands around me a vague motion, "I'm going to go." As if to prove my point the maple syrup bowl started to shake. Not caring what the others thought I meant, knowing she understood me, I waved to the guys and hurried out the hall.
As soon as the doors shut behind me, the tidal wave started to subside. This was one of the reasons I liked being alone, not surrounded by lots of people. I didn't like crowds. Maybe it was because of my powers or that I had these powers because the Fates had known I wouldn't like crowds. Either way, I was fine with it. Solitude was seriously under-rated.
Making my way back to the common room, I gave the Fat Lady the password and made my way to the sixth year dorms. I splashed some cold water on my face and tied my hair back into a pony tail. Once I was out of the bathroom I grabbed the books I needed for morning school and the homework that I had just finished last night along with Lily's bag that already had her stuff in it and made my way to the first lecture of the day, Muggle Literature.
--
It was just one of those classes that Dumbledore had introduced in order to promote goodwill for muggle-borns. In addition to Literature, there was also Math. Since not many people had opted for Lit., sixth and seventh year Gryffindors took the class together.
As soon as I entered the class I noticed Lily sitting with James, their heads tilted towards each other, deep in conversation, enjoying the only class they had together. I couldn't help but smile as I saw them, the heaviness in my chest let up a little. Just for my own gratification, I focused on them, letting their love and contentment wash over me, willing myself to believe that their emotions were my own. I closed my eyes as their love washed over me in warm waves. I didn't realize that I was blocking the way until someone brushed past me roughly. Startled, I put up the mental block instinctively and looked around and just about snarled as I saw that it was Black who had brushed past me. I shook my head angrily and made my way towards Lily and James. I handed Lily her bag, smiling and nodding to let her know that everything was okay and sat on the second last bench in the left hand-corner of the room, near the windows. Unfortunately, Sirius was sitting on the bench bind me, but I chose to ignore him and that burning sensation I felt on the back of my neck. Slowly the rest of the class entered and chose their seats. Alice sat next to me and Remus took the seat next to Black. Just as all of the thirty sixth and seventh years had taken their seats and our teacher Ms. Snyder entered.
"Good morning class," Without waiting for our reply she took our attendance.
"I hope you have all finished reading Romeo and Juliet as I had asked you too."
I rolled my eyes; this was one of the most annoying books I had ever read.
"Ms. Perry why don't you tell us what you thought of the book."
Great, off all times to ask me a question, I thought as I bit back a groan. Why couldn't she ask me last week when we read Little Women? Or the week before that when we read Pride and Prejudice. I love Pride and Prejudice, just like every other girl in this world. Or the time we read A Christmas Carol. Or maybe some other book we would read in the future, hopefully Calvin and Hobbes was on the syllabus.
"Ms. Perry?" Clearing my head of the thoughts of the only six year old that I loved and his imaginary yet lovable talking tiger, I noticed that Ms. Snyder and the rest of the class looking at me expectantly. Lily had this smirk on her face; she knew how much I hated the book, bitch.
"Well Ms Perry, you have read the book, haven't you?"
Nodding my head slowly, I replied, "Yes, Ms Snyder, I did read the book."
"So would you be kind enough to share your views with the class."
No I won't. "Juliet was an idiot." I blurted out. Word vomit, I hate it when that happens.
I saw Lily bite back a smile and heard Remus try to turn his chuckle into a cough. "Ms. Perry, would you be kind enough to stand up and explain exactly why you think that Juliet was an idiot?" Rolling my eyes, I slowly stood up. "Juliet was an idiot." I repeated, "For starters she falls for the one guy she knows she can't have, then she blames fate for her own bad decision." I plopped down into my seat. Remus didn't bother hiding the laugh this time.
"I don't agree with Lexie, Ms. Snyder."
Rolling my eyes, without even looking at the person who was saying it, I muttered to myself "It's Alex and you know that." I unconsciously clenched my fist under the table.
"Ms. Goldberg, why don't you tell me why you disagree with Ms. Perry."
Angelica Goldgberg. Tall, blonde and beautiful. Stereotypical bitch that every high school slash magical school has. She, typically, came from a pure blood family dating back to the Middle Ages, and unlike the blondes that high school movies seem to portray, is quite smart. She and Sirius have quite the history. She was the one girl other than Mandy who had manged to snag him for two months month, last year. And according to the bathroom gossip she and him continue to 'meet up' occassionally.
"Well I think that when fate comes into play choice sometimes goes out the window." At this point, she gave Sirius a pointed look, twirling a lock of golden hair around her finger. My breakfast was coming up and fast.
"Love like life is about making choices. And fate has nothing to do with it." I bit out.
"But they loved each other. Sometimes things just happen and there isn't a thing you can do about it when they do. I think it's romantic." She sighed, "They loved each other despite the fact that their families hated each other." Yes, the Goldbergs, like the Potters and Longbottoms, Weaselys and Prewetts are pro-muggles, and every idiot knows who the Blacks are. And no, Angelica doesn't know the meaning of subtlety.
I rolled my eyes, "Everyone thinks it's so romantic, Romeo and Juliet, true love, how sad…."
"I don't know why you are reading into this so much, Alex." Interjected Mandy as shook her head. "It's just a story, a love story, but a story nonetheless. So they weren't supposed to fall in love, but they did and that's
the point."
"They couldn't help it. Sometimes you can't help it." Angelica added. "Anyway Shakespeare just wrote what he felt like writing, it's not like it has a point to it anyway, so stop complaining."
I hate Angelica, I really do. And just how ignorant can people get? Shakespeare had no point, my ass. Shakespeare always has a point.
"I don't want to make my opinion of the book known to the whole class. But Ms. Synder asked for my opinion so shut up and bear with it. You didn't have to interupt, cause if you hadn't I would have already finished."
And to Ms. Synder's soft yet firm warning in the form of a "Ms. Perry." I took a deep breath, trying to continue calmly, "Romeo and Juliet is sometimes considered to have no unifying theme, execpt that of young love. In fact, the characters in it have become emblems of all who die young for their lovers. That is the most obvious subject of the play." I looked at Ms. Synder, as if talking to her only. "But there is much more to it. Some much to read between the lines. There are so many hidden themes. For example- The play arguably equates love and sex with death." I was gesturing with my hands, looking around the class, making eye contact, trying to prove my point. "Throughout the story, both Romeo and Juliet, along with the other characters, fantasize about it as a dark being, often equating it with a lover. Capulet, for example, when he first discovers Juliet's (faked) death, describes it as having deflowered his daughter. Juliet later even compares Romeo to death in an erotic way. One of the strongest examples of this in the play is in Juliet's suicide, when she says, grabbing Romeo's dagger, 'O happy dagger! / ...This is thy sheath / there rust, and let me die.'" I quoted, "The dagger here can be a sort of phallus of Romeo, with Juliet being its sheath in death, a strong sexual symbol."
"No wonder you're still a virgin. Afraid of sex are you? Just like you're afraid of the darkness." Angelica taunted me under her breath. Everyone was meant to hear it, in an effort to embarrass me.
That's it. This girl had officially crossed the line. Clenching my fist, I stood up, I was so going to ruin her nose job (it looks like a nose job, it seems like a nose job, hence it has to be one, right?). But I felt a restraining hand on my shoulder. Turning around I met Remus' eyes, alert and warning. But I couldn't let her get away with that. Luckily Mrs. Snyder, who, in her effort to embarrass me in front of the entire class Angelica forgot about, beat me to it, "Detention for a week, Ms. Goldberg. While I do allow free discussions in my class room, I do not and will never condone such behaviour in my class. Meet me after class so that we can fix up the dates and make sure they don't clash with any extra-curicular activity." As long as the detentions weren't in the middle of the night, I was sure they wouldn't have any problems setting up dates.
Turning to me, she said, "Sit down Alex. Violence in not a solution." I rolled my eyes, muttering under my breath.
"Do you have anything more to say?" She asked me.
Nodding my head, I finally spat it out, "If Juliet was stupid enough to fall for the enemy, drink the bottle of poison, and go to sleep in a mausoleum, she deserved whatever she got." I was into the whole argument. Once again I directed my words to Ms. Snyder, looking her straight in the eye, "I'd take fate into my own hands." Looking pointedly at Mandy, who was sitting next to Angelica, then at Sirius and back at Mandy, looking her straight in the eye, I said, "I wouldn't let some guy drag me down."
Ms. Snyder smiled and shook her head, "You'd be lucky if you ever had that kind of passion with someone, Ms Perry. Cause if you did, you both would be together forever."
Not knowing what to say to that, I just nodded and looked out the window. Would I? Did I want to fall in love, after looking at what it had done to my family, to Romeo and Juliet? Eyes gleaming she addressed the entire class, "Seeing how opiniated you all are, I have an idea for a term paper. You will write a paper on Romeo and Juliet and how similar or different it is from your own life. I want you to write about what you learnt from the book, I want to know what you thought about it. You will have an entire year to write the paper, you will turn it in in the week after Valentine's day, so I want to to be long. It has to be least ten pages." Raising her voice over the collective groans and shouts of disapproval, she continued, "You all are old enough to date, many of you are in relationships right now. I want you to right about the relationship and how similar or how different it is from what Romeo and Juliet had. I want to you write about what you learnt this year, not in your class about some werewolf or weird plant but about love, about romance. I want you to write, children, what's on your mind, what's in your heart, what you think, what you feel. I want you to write out your souls, because that's what love is all about." To punctuate her words, the bell rang, but no one moved. "The paper carries forty percent of your grade." Being a muggle class, it was graded the muggle way. "Do well." She smiled.
"Dismissed."