Disclaimer: I own nothing that you recognize other than the original characters.
My lungs were burning, my mouth was dry, my breathing was ragged and the muscles in my leg were protesting. Music was playing in my ears, the wind was a light caress on my cheek and I'd never felt better.
"…Alexandria Perry!" I slowed myself to a halt and pulled my earphones from my ear.
"Alex! Here."
I turned to my left and there was Lily, across the Great Lake, waving at me. Just a little behind her were the Maurauders minus Sirius. It was Halloween today, the holiday I hated with every fibre of my being.
I waved back at her, put my earphones back in her place that ran around the lake to where the four of them were. By the time I reached the other side of the lake, the Gryffindor party had relocated itself to a place on the grounds, under a willow tree. There I saw that Sirius, Mandy, Alice and Frank were with them as well. I jogged the rest of the way to them and then unceremoniously dropped to the ground and laid back on my back. I was breathing heavily, sweaty and very thirsty. And since I was with people, and I was a well mannered girl (yeah right!) I took out one ear bud leaving the other so I could hear the music and the conversation.
Now that my body was cooling down, I could feel the October cold seeping in. My running shorts would have to be traded for sweat pants and the light cotton t-shirt for a sweatshirt.
"Hot legs, Perry." James drawled. He was leaning against the tree and Lily curled up into his side, her head resting on his shoulder.
I raised my head slowly and looked at him, grinning, "I know." Exhausted, I dropped my head back on the grass, "Jesus. Does anyone have water with them? I forgot to carry some with me."
"I noticed your bottle in the dorm, so I got it for you." Lily, the life-saver answered me. "And for god's sake Alex, reduce the volume on your iPod. I can hear it all the way here. You're going to go deaf one of these days."
"Yes, mom." I sat up and caught the bottle she threw me and drained it half in one long sip. Then I pulled my hair out of the ponytail and retied it. That's when I realised that everyone was looking at me. "
What?" I asked defensively. When no one said anything I got up. "I'm going to head back and shower. I'll meet you guys back here in half an hour."
Peter laughed, rather he giggled, "I don't think we'll be here when you get back Alexandria. Half an hour to a girl in the shower is a good hour and half for us guys."
I closed my eyes and started to count to ten, one of these days Peter was going to get his wand shoved where the sun don't shine if he kept talking to me this way. Just as I was going to answer, James spoke up. "Shut it, Peter. Alex showered in under 10 minutes last Monday when she was late for literature class. Go ahead, Lex. We'll wait for you here."
I cocked my head to one side, "Lex?"
He shrugged, "I think it's better than Alex."
I smiled, "I like it."
"Well go on and hurry up, the plants are dying and my eyes are watering at the smell you're giving off." I flipped him the bird and ran back to the castle.
After a nice hot shower, I got out of the bathroom. I picked out a grey full sleeved t-shirt that had a wide neck and a pair of dark Levis. After toweling my hair a little, I pulled on a pair of flat heeled black boots made of the softest suede ever. I loved those boots to death. I wrapped a black scarf around my neck, grabbed my knee length black pea coat and gloves and dashed out of the dorm. I checked the time, just as I was leaving the common room, twenty nine minutes since I came from the grounds. Hah, in your face Peter. As I walked to the castle grounds, I couldn't help but think how much things had changed in the past couple of days. I was closer to Mandy and Alice. Sirius and I were back to ignoring each other. After that fight three days ago, I hadn't seen much of him other than at meal-times. Occasionally, while running, I would see someone like him from the corner of my eye, but most of the times I was mistaken. It seems as though both of us were avoiding each other. And that suited me just fine. While I knew that I really didn't want to have anything much to do with Sirius, he was just so mysterious and open at the same time that I knew it was a matter of time before I was attracted to him. Which, after a lot of thinking and consideration, I was willing to admit, was a possibility. Maybe I already was. I gave a mental shrug, who wasn't? But I didn't want anything more than that. It wasn't even a crush or something, just pure attraction. Physical attraction and to a very primitive level, emotional as well.
As I entered the school grounds, and felt the cold wind on my face and through my hair, I couldn't help but smile. I loved the wind and how it felt against my body. The fresh smell, the light caress, it just was something else. As it picked up, my smile widened.
That's what I looked like, when I neared the group, which had grown considerably. I greeted Lily, James, Peter, Remus, Mandy, Alice, Frank and Sirius with a goofy smile on my face, as I fell to the ground next to Remus. I was really in a good mood, "Hello. All you lovely people." And then I laughed.
"Are you high?" Frank asked tentatively. Not that I blamed him.
"If you mean on life, then yes." I answered pleasantly.
"Uh-oh. It's weirdly happy Alex. She's really scary. Psychopathic scary." Alice groaned.
"Just what's wrong with me?" I asked, indignantly. "When I'm all grumpy you don't like it, when I'm all happy you don't like it. I don't know what else to be." Though I was a little ticked off, the smile wouldn't leave my face.
"It's scary when you're both grumpy and happy for no reason at all." Alice answered.
"Well then stop being scared, 'cause I have a reason."
"And what might that be." Remus asked, gently.
I smiled and rested my head on his shoulder. His arm circled my shoulder. I sighed, not knowing how to explain to these people just what I was feeling. "Alex." Remus nudged his shoulder, the one I had my head on.
"Tell us." Frank urged me.
"It's the wind isn't it?" James finally said softly.
I was surprised, "How did you know?"
He shrugged, "It's that same expression you get every time you fly. You just close your eyes, tilt your head back and that smile that you smile is just so… carefree. I can tell you love being out there on that broomstick." Which was shocking, cause when I had found out they really did fly on broomsticks, I had tears of anger in my eyes.
The rest of them were looking so expectantly at me that I couldn't bring myself to not tell them.
Lifting my head from Remus' shoulder, I looked around, "Ever since I've been a kid, I've always had this thing about flying. I would imagine what it would feel like to just float in the air, have the wind rush past you, roar in your ears and run through your hair. The way it would feel against your skin. The view from so high up. That feeling of being free and weightless." I smiled, "Anyway, since it's impossible to fly without the help of a broomstick and I know that for a fact. I broke my arm once trying to." I broke of to laugh lightly. Grams had been so mad. Aunt Phoebe had just laughed. "And it's weird to fly on a broomstick all the time. So the next best thing is running. Sometimes when I run fast enough, I feel weightless… the wind against my face, in my hair, the fresh smell, the adrenalin… I feel like if I run fast enough I leave all the problems behind, like nothing can keep me in… I feel free. It's such a high." I looked around, uncomfortable, since no one was saying anything. I looked down, fiddling with the hem of my t-shirt, clearing my throat.
"See now that wasn't so hard was it?" Remus whispered in my ear. I looked up, into his warm eyes.
"What are you talking about?" I whispered back.
He looked up, and then back at me. "The sky didn't fall on your head the one time you actually shared something personal." There was a mischievous look in his eyes.
I laughed, "No it didn't."
"Wow, Alex. I have known you for the past six years and this is the first time I have heard anything that's remotely personal and not sarcastic from you." Mandy said, in an awed voice.
Alice nodded, "We've shared a dormitory for the past six years and finally I can say I know something substantial about you other than the fact that you're smart and witty."
"What are you talking about? I've told you guys about me." I said, looking at them.
Mandy laughed and Alice snorted, as if to say 'yeah, right.'
I sat up straight, "Seriously. Come on, I'm not that closed up. I tell you guys stuff."
"Like what? I know that you're American because of your accent. But I don't know where you're from in America. Or how you got accepted to this school since only British and Irish people go to this school." Alice pointed out.
"Or how you knew Lily before school or who you live with. What your parents do. We know nothing, Alex." Mandy added, gently.
I looked around, Lily was silent. But I could tell everyone else agreed with Mandy and Alice. I knew quite a lot of stuff about James and Frank. I basically knew Mandy and Alice inside out. Remus and I were good friends, we talked. Heck I even knew about Sirius' estrangement with his family and his disownment. No one other than Lily knew jack-shit about me. I felt really bad.
I sighed, "It's not easy for me to answer all these questions."
"We don't want the entire family history, Lex. Just a couple of facts, nothing ugly." James said in a soothing voice.
Here were people, people who cared enough about me to stick around even when I wasn't willing to trust them with anything. They deserved some facts. "Well, I live in San Francisco, California with my grandmother and her sister. It's an old Victorian manor that's been in the family for ages. My dad died when I was five years old. After which my mom decided that she couldn't bring me up cause I reminded too much of him. She was a witch like you guys, she even went to Hogwarts. My dad moved here to be with her, I was born here. So that's how I knew Lily before Hogwarts, we were neighbours and why I go to school here. I listen to a lot of music, I love to run. Blue is my favourite colour." I rubbed the back of my neck, I was uncomfortable. "Is that enough?"
James smiled, "For now." He nodded, "Yeah."
I smiled. That really wasn't so bad. When I looked at Lily, she nodded at me and I could tell she was proud of me.
Against my better judgment, I looked at Sirius. He was looking at me with an unreadable expression. When our eyes met, a ghost of a smile flitted across his face. I quickly broke the contact to answer Frank's questions about the Golden Gate Bridge and other attractions of San Francisco, as he had been there with his parents one time.
"So how many of you are going for Sluggy's Halloween party?" James asked. "Lily and I are going as Princess Leia and Han Solo."
"Well you're Head boy so there's no way you aren't. Which means Lily is going as well. All prefects are invited too, which means Remus, Frank, Mandy and I have invites. Sirius, due to his lovely family contacts, is invited as well. This leaves out just Peter and Alex." Alice listed off.
"Well I can take you along and Sirius can bring along Peter." Remus offered.
I shook my head. "There's no need. I'm going to the Halloween party."
"Why not?" James asked.
"Well," I thought it would be best to just come out and say it, "I hate Halloween."
"Why doesn't that surprise me?" Sirius said sarcastically.
"Aren't you the smart one?" I began but Lily cut me off.
"Seriously guys, I don't think you can change her mind on that one." No one missed the glare she shot Sirius. Both Alice and Mandy nodded, they knew about my hate for the holiday.
"No, really, why do you hate Halloween." Frank wanted to know as well.
I sighed, "It's just that…." How can I explain it to them without telling them about my Wiccan heritage? They waited patiently while I sorted it out in my brain. "I grew up with magic as an integral part of my life, it wasn't just what I did, you know, it was… is who I am. I was always told that good and bad magic depends upon the person who wields it. Magic itself isn't good or bad. But people talk about how Halloween is the day for evil beings, for werewolves and vampires and demons. For evil witches with warts on their noses who wear black robes and swish wands and have pet crows. They dress up as fairies and other magical beings… not knowing the truth about any of it. Every time I see a werewolf or vampire I swear I just…" I clenched my fist. "People distort the only world I've ever known in the name of a holiday. Sing and laugh about it, rejoice in it. And I hate that."
I looked at him. He was looking at me and I couldn't tell what he was thinking. His eyes were hooded again. He just kept looking at me, straight in the eye. So I cheated, I focused my empathy on him, wonder filling my being. He was surprised and ashamed?
"Wow." Remus said and I turned to face him and saw that he was looking at me with a really funny expression.
"Wow what?" I asked.
"You really believe it's not who a person is but what he does that makes him good or bad?" Whoa, where did that come from?
"Erm, yeah. Why do you ask?" I was confused.
"You surprise me everyday, Alex. Every single day." Remus muttered, almost to himself.
"Er, ok-ay?"
"Wow, I never thought about it like that." James said.
I shrugged, "Most don't. And that's okay. This is just what I think and I don't want to impose my beliefs on you guys. So what is everyone else going as?" I asked, trying to take the attention off me.
Remus said he was going as a werewolf and I couldn't help but grin. Gentle, calm Remus dressing as a large, volatile beast. I just couldn't picture it. So I laughed, "I just can't imagine you as a werewolf. You're just so… Remus and werewolves are so not Remus… I can't picture you as a volatile, raging beast." Remus laughed as well, but I thought I heard a note of bitterness in it.
Alice and Frank were going together as a Victorian couple. No one said much about that, knowing what a big step it was for them.
Sirius was going as Count Dracula and I could picture that just so well. Cold yet charming, sexy and dangerous. That was Sirius.
Slowly, I stopped participating in the conversation, just letting the other's voices wash over me. And for the first time I felt like I belonged. I sighed as I snuggled closer to Remus, his arm tightening around mine in reply.
Despite the fact that today was Halloween and I hated Halloween, I couldn't help but think what a good day it had been
--
"Alex, would you please pass me the potions textbook." Lily said from her seat on the couch opposite the fire place, not looking up from the essay she was writing about the Felix Felicis potion.
"Move your ass and get it yourself." I replied, engrossed in my own essay about the advantages of non-verbal spells.
It was almost one in the morning, but we were finishing our home work for the weekend so that we'd be able to go to Hogsmeade on, both, Saturday and Sunday.
"Just send it over here please." She pleaded, looking around, as if to confirm that we were, in fact, alone.
Rolling my eyes, I answered, "The things I do for you." Without even looking in her direction or at the book, I used my telepathy to send the book to Lily. Just as I levitated it and moved it a bit, someone cleared their throat. Not breaking my concentration, I noticed the Maurauders had entered the Common Room. Did they ever sleep?
This is exactly what I asked them, in general. "Don't you guys ever sleep?"
But no one answered me. They were all staring at something, oh shit the book was still hovering a couple of feet from Lily. And she was staring at me with a scared look on her face. Thinking quickly, I telepathically told her to hold her wand in her hand. She took out her wand from her bag as discretely as she could and held it in her hand, without arguing with me. As she was removing the wand, I addressed the Maurauders again, "What the hell are you staring at?"
Peter squeaked in reply, "That book is just hovering in the air. You think Nearly Headless Nick is trying to scare us?"
"Well if he was, then he's not doing a good job cause you're the only one who's scared. Sorry to disappoint, Peter, but that's not a ghost." I replied dryly. Just why did they boys keep him around?
"Then would you like to explain why the book is hovering in the air like that?" Sirius asked me, his tone equally dry. My breath hitched, this was the first time that he ever spoke to me after that disastrous morning a month ago. But I recovered soon, "Lily was just using the hovering charm on the book. That's all." I replied nonchalantly.
He cocked an eye brow, "Isn't it rather late for her to try and master a spell that they teach in the first year."
"I didn't say anything about her trying to master it. Lily's amazing at Charms and everyone knows that. She's just teaching me the correct way of swishing and flicking and the correct pronunciation and how to do all of the three simultaneously. As it has been previously established, I do suck at Charms." I replied politely, too politely. "Anything else you would like to know?" Not waiting for him to answer, I turned to Lily. "Thanks for helping."
She gave me a shaky smile, I could tell she was afraid that they would, rather James would, start asking questions to which she had no answers. Lucky for us, I was a born liar.
James and Remus didn't know what to make of Sirius and my behavior, Peter announced that he was tired and went to bed. James sat by Lily and watched her as she finished her homework and Remus asked me if I need any help. But I didn't, so he said he was going to bed too. Sirius just sat at the table I was working at, alternately staring at me and somewhere in space. After Lily was done, James asked her if she wanted to take a walk on the grounds, after slight hesitation Lily agreed. Happily, James whisked her off.
I continued to write my essay, and to break the weird silence, I turned on my iPod which was connected to a pair of portable speakers.
We have
The chance to turn pages over
We can write what we want to write
We gotta make ends meet before we get much older
You're the voice. I loved that song. John Farnham sang it so well.
You're the voice try and understand it
Make a noise and make it clear
Whoa oh oh
We're not gonna live in silence
We're not gonna live in fear
Whoa oh oh
As I worked on, I sang along. Now I admit I'm no Amy Lee; but I didn't have a terrible voice neither did I sing off key. In fact it was a pleasant sort of voice.
So that's how the night advanced, I kept working on my defense essay. Once I was done with it, I finished my potions essay. Soon, in an hour and a half, with the help of the music and my stellar ignoring skills I finished my homework. All this while, he sat opposite me, looking at me, following each and every movement of mine with his eyes. He hadn't said a word, something that really unnerved me. After I had packed everything into my bag, I finally couldn't take it anymore. I stood up, slung the strap of my backpack over one shoulder and stooped down to disconnect my iPod and speakers when he reached over and grabbed my hands.
"You listen to good music." He said softly.
I didn't say anything. What the hell was I supposed to say to him? One of the things that made me most uncomfortable around him was the fact that I knew where everyone in my life stood. I knew just how important Lily, my grandmothers, Remus, James were to me. I knew that I was completely indifferent to Peter; that I hated Angelica even… but I didn't know what Sirius Black meant to me. One moment I was annoyed at him, the other time I didn't care what he thought of him. When I thought about Halloween, a week ago and the way he was looking at me, as if he was trying to figure me out, it was so… idon'tevenknow! I remember that night when I would stay up at night hating him for breaking Mandy's, remembering every other girl who got her heartbroken by him, but I also remembered the way he actually was with them, so gentle, so attentive. That couldn't be an act. He was unbelievably smart, intelligent, but I don't remember ever seeing him study. His pure-blood upbringing guaranteed his gentlemanlike behavior, but he wasn't anything like one. He knew about muggle music, he even wore converse. He was brought up by one of the foremost anti muggle families but still here he was, in Gryffindor, friends with muggles and 'blood traitors'. While he gave muggles a chance, he never gave Slytherin a chance… he hated them all. He could seem unassuming and arrogant at the same time. Sirius Black was just so confusing, infuriating.
"Lexie?" He made it sound like a question. I pulled my hands away and stood up.
"What do you want from me?" I asked him. I needed a straight answer.
"I don't know." He answered simply.
I sighed, even I didn't know. We could sit and not know together.
I sat back down, facing him, not saying anything. The music continued to play. A song ended and the opening bars of Starlight by Muse started to play.
"I can picture you singing this song." I told him softly.
"How come?" Interest was laced in his words.
I shrugged, "I don't know. I guess it's the fact that this song is called starlight and you're named after a star. Or the fact that I can totally imagine you being self destructive."
"No offence." I added shortly. And I honestly didn't mean any offence.
"Self destructive?" Was all he asked.
"Well you know. Okay maybe self destructive isn't really the right word. Honestly, I don't know, but really the song does remind me of you."
We didn't say anything after that, just sat and listened to the song in comfortable silence.
As the song ended he said, "You know I found the song for you."
"That's what you've been thinking about all this while?" I asked incredulously. "A song for me?"
"Yes." He said as if it was the most obvious thing on this planet.
"Well." I demanded. "Which one?"
He turned the iPod to face him and started to look through it. While he was searching for the song, I got up and walked towards the window and sat down on the window seat and looked up at the night sky with it's million and more stars.
Just at that moment a soft, soothing voice filled the room.
She get up
And pours herself a strong one
And stares out at the stars up in the sky
I looked away from the window and at Sirius. He was looking at me.
Another night it's going to be a long on
She draws the shades and hangs her and starts to cry
She wonders how it ever got this crazy
She thinks about the boy she knew in school
Did she get tired or did she just get lazy
She's so far gone she feels just like a fool.
"Lying eyes." I stated.
He got up, placed his hands in his pockets and walked towards me languidly.
He stopped when he reached the window and took a seat next to me, our backs resting against the wall. "There's just something about your eyes, something hidden in them… something you don't tell anyone about." His mouth was hovering near my ear, his breath hot fanning across my ear. My stomach tightened and I swallowed hard. "You were lying back there. Peter might have bought it, but I haven't."
"I don't know what you are talking about." I whispered, not moving my head, my eyes focused on the opposite wall.
"Or maybe I'm just imagining things, wanting something to be where there isn't." He hadn't moved either.
"That's plausible." I was thankful that my voice didn't crack.
"Uh huh." He muttered and then he kissed my ear.
That's when I jerked up, brushed past him and walked towards the table and turned off my iPod.
"You know," I said in this slightly high pitched, nervous voice, "it's getting late. I should go to bed now." I grabbed my stuff and held it close to my chest. "I'll see you around, Black."
Without a look back, I all but ran up to my dorm. But even after half an hour, my heart was still pounding, my stomach was still performing summersaults and the spot where he kissed me on my ear was still tingling.