Disclaimer: I own nothing other than my original characters and plotline.
When I woke up the next morning I was strangely happy. I'm never happy when I wake up because I hate waking up. But today… it was like I was looking forward to the day. Confused I got out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom, waking up last surely has it advantages. By the time I was out of the bathroom, dressed for the day in a pair of navy blue jeans and a green and blue checked shirt, all three of the girls were sitting on my bed, each with her right leg crossed over her left and her left hand resting on the right knee with the right resting on the top of the left. It was kind of scary, looking at the sitting similarly with identical mischievous grins on their faces. Uh oh.
"Er, mornin'." I greeted uneasily. I walked to the foot of my bed and pulled on my converse sneakers.
"Lexie, love, how was your night?" Lily asked her voice pleasantly nonchalant.
I stood up slowly from the foot of my bed and turned to face them. "It was pleasant enough, Lily."
"Would you say that you had a very good night? Did you sleep well?" Alice's smile was blinding.
"Yes, I did. I haven't slept better before." And I hadn't.
"And nothing happened before you fell asleep that would, could, might put a damper on your mood?" Mandy chirped.
Shit, they couldn't know, could they?
"Where are you going with this?" I asked suspiciously. Why would they care what kind of a mood I was in. That's when I saw them exchange this look. Oh boy, did I know that look well enough. Thankfully my coat along with my scarf and gloves was on the floor near my foot. In a swift motion I grabbed them and ran out of the dorm, yelling over my shoulder, "I'd rather die than go shopping with you guys."
I heard Lily scream in frustration and a couple of seconds later I heard the door slam behind me and footsteps thundered down the stairs behind me.
"Alexandria Perry stop running this instant." Like I was going to listen to you Alice.
Even though I ran everyday, despite the fact that I was a good runner, Lily had four inches on me and she had been on the track team at her old school. I had barely made it into the common room myself when she followed in after me. Thankfully it was empty, God bless the Gryffindors and their need for breakfast. I ran for the couch and using it as a barrier between Satan's spawn and me.
We just stood, facing each other trying to catch our breaths. By then Alice and Mandy had come down as well and they were standing in a corner, amused no doubt.
Lily and I were staring at each other, trying to see who would crack first. Just then the boys came down as well. "Morning ladies." James greeted us. Lily turned to look at him and I took it as my opening. I turned to run towards the main entrance but she anticipated the move, "James block the entrance." And he obeyed her, without a single question. What the fuck?
I pointed a finger at her, "It's not going to happen, Lily. I'm not doing it." I told her in an even voice.
"Come on Alex, don't be stubborn. It's just for a couple of hours." She cajoled me.
"Nu-uh. Not happening. Not now, not ever." I replied stubbornly.
"Oh come on Alex. It'll be over you know it." Alice said in a tone that I suppose she thought to be comforting.
I laughed sarcastically, "Like hell it will. Last time I had to spend over a fifty galleons on crap that I haven't touched ever since it was bought. I'm never going shopping you with guys." "Never." I repeated, knowing that I had to be firm on this or I would end up losing lots of money again.
James laughed from his position near the entrance, "That's what this is all about?"
"Oh yeah that rich coming for you, you Little Ms. Lily's lap dog. Shut up and guard." I snapped. Looking at Lily I continued, "I don't need anything, not jeans or shirts or socks or shoes, underwear… nothing. I'm good till the next blue moon."
"Come on, it'll be fun. I promise." She whined.
I snorted. "Like hell. What's fun about standing around watching someone else put on clothes that she's not even going to buy?"
"Well we're all going to spend the day together. Shopping. Remus is sick. Who are you going to spend the day with?" So now she was going to play dirty.
I opened my mouth to say something and then I closed it. "Also, the winter formal is coming up and you need a dress. I don't think Levis is all the formal, not even dark ones."
I had an answer for that one. "I'm not going to the dance. Just like last year and the year before that." I stuck out my tongue at her.
She flipped me the bird. "Come on Alex, come for the dance this year. It'll be a lot of fun. You get asked every year and you turn the poor guy down and sit in the Room of Requirement watching television all day. Frankly that's quite sad."
"Well I think it's sad that you have to get two other girls in to ambush me into coming shopping with you."
"So you're going to spend the day all by yourself?" She knew she had me there. As much as I loved solitude, it was pretty sad spending an entire day in a village like Hogsmeade all alone.
I looked at James and asked him, "What are you doing all day?"
"Oh sure now play nice. Sorry but I'm supposed to shut up and guard." He grumbled.
"Oh come on." He didn't say anything. "I'm sorry?" I asked.
"He's coming with me. And Frank is coming along as well. Fabian and Gideon are in detention and the rest of your team is occupied as well."
"You checked?!" I yelled.
She just smiled smugly. Boy, she really wanted me to shop.
"I'm not doing anything." A strong, velvety voice called. And my heart sped up.
I turned to look at him, "What?"
He shrugged, "Well, everyone I could spend the day with is busy too."
That's when I remembered that he had kissed me on my ear last night. Had anyone ever told me that someone, let alone Sirius Black would kiss me on the ear and that I would enjoy it, I would have laughed till I wet my pants. But it had happened and I had liked it. Jesus, what was I going to do?
I looked at him and then at Lily, who looked confident that I wouldn't go with Black. Talk about being between rock and hard place. I narrowed my eyes and her and still glaring at her I said, "Fine."
Lily looked like Christmas had been cancelled, "What?"
I looked at Black, "I'd love to spend the day with you."
"So what are you guys going to do today?" Lily asked is this angry sort of voice after everyone else was done with breakfast. We were walking out of the Hall, on our way out to where the carriages were waiting to take us to Hogsmeade.
Yeah what were we going to do? I didn't answer cause I didn't know and I don't know why Sirius didn't answer. After I had told him I would love to spend the day with him, not like, not enjoy but love, he had nodded and we all had made our way to the Great Hall for breakfast. He had chosen a seat on one side of the table and I chose a seat in the opposite direction. We hadn't exchanged a word all breakfast.
Sirius walked up to Filch who was standing with the usual list and got our names checked and walked back, "You ready?" He asked as he put his hand on the small of my back.
"Sure." I replied.
"Okay then, let's go." He said and applied pressure on my back, steering me away from the group.
"Aren't you guys riding the carriage?" Frank asked.
"Nah, we're walking to Hogsmeade." He answered, "If that's okay with you." He asked me.
I shrugged, "Sure." What was with me and monosyllables? A walk. With him. What the hell are we supposed to talk about? Why didn't I think this through? Why did Lily have to smirk, if she hadn't challenged me I would have ended up shopping with them not wondering about what I was going to say and not worrying about my stomach and heart. All the clenching and fast beating couldn't be good for either one of them.
The rest of them got their names ticked off the list by Filch and walked towards the carriages and Sirius started to walk down the path that people who walked to Hogsmeade took. It was a cloudy day. The sky was grey, the sun was low, it looked like it was going to rain. It had been raining all night and the smell still lingered in the air. The fresh, clean smell. I closed my eyes, turned my face to the sky and took a deep breath. I loved that smell. Unconsciously, I smiled.
"What?" He asked softly.
I opened my eyes and looked at him, he was a couple of steps ahead, looking at me.
"What what?" I asked.
"I just wanted to know what you were smiling about?"
I shrugged. "Nothing really."
By then I had caught up with him. He took my hand, "Let's take a small detour."
I snatched my hand back, "Woah. Dude we-" I indicated the two of us, "-are so not taking a detour."
He laughed. What was so funny, I didn't get. But apparently there was something hilarious. Because there he was, standing with his hands in the front pockets of his jeans, throwing his head back and laughing. Loudly. "What is so damn funny." Annoyed, I kicked him in the shins, "Hey!" That got him to stop.
"Good. Now what was so funny?" I demanded.
"The way your mind jumps to conclusions." He shot back. "There is this place I know. It's really great. Thought you might want to see it. That's all. It's got a beautiful view." He shook his head. " Don't you trust anyone?"
I shrugged, "There aren't many people I can trust."
He took my hand again and held it between both of his, "You could trust me. But that has to be your choice."
"I thought this was about us getting out of shopping. Not me getting over my trust issues." I tried to pull my hand back but he wouldn't let go.
He looked my straight in the eyes, "Do you trust me?"
I didn't say anything. He asked me again, "Right now, in this very moment, do you trust me?"
A single look into his eyes wouldn't have conviced anyone to trust him, but there was something lurking there; something swirling in there along with the grey and black. It was that swirl of emotion that made me nod and whisper, "Yes."
He smiled. A smile that made his eyes crinkle and turned one side of his mouth higher than the other. It was beautiful. "Okay then. Let's go." With the he led me off the path and into the surrounding woods. It wasn't exactly the forest, but it wasn't really on the path either. I don't really know where he took me or what direction we were going in, but we were walking for around fifteen minutes. Most of the climb was uphill, but it wasn't tiring. He helped me to climb over broken logs and such. Soon we were in a clearing. We were, on what looked like, the top of a hill. From where I was standing the sky was neverending. Grey and cloudy. The air was fresh and clean. A slight wind was blowing. You couldn't hear anything, not even the birds. As I walked further, the view took my breath away. You could see the castle. My beautiful school, on top of it's own hill. The Great Lake reflecting the dull sky, the Forbidden Forest just beyond. It was beautiful.
Another gust of wind blew the bangs off my face, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. This was amazing. Nobody for miles, just me and my thoughts.
And Sirius.
I could feel him standing next to me. I turned to him, "Thank you." I whispered.
He smiled, "I knew you'd like this place."
I flopped down on the grass and lay down, staring at the sky. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. "The only thing missing now is rain."
"You like the rain?" He asked me as he sat down next to me.
"Like?" I asked increduously, "I love the rain."
"I thought you were one of those people who hated the rain because it seemed very gloomy and depressing."
I turned to look at him. He was looking down at me, and shrugged as if to say no offence. I smiled, "I do seem like that kind of a person don't I?"
He nodded.
"Well," I sat up. " I didn't always enjoy the rain. I spent the first eight years of my life in London and god knows it rains there all the time. My dad loved the rain," I smiled as I remembered those days, "When he found out that I didn't enjoy it that much he asked me why I didn't. I told him that I didn't like the grey colour that the sky turned just before it would start to rain. When it did start, it seemed like the sky was crying. As if something bad was going to happen. When he died, I didn't think I would get over it. I didn't know how to exist in a world where my dad didn't. After his death, my grams made me spend that year in Bombay, India. She wanted me to learn about my Indian heritage and get away from all those places that reminded me of my dad. The summer there was terrible. Hot and humid. Dry and dusty. All I could think about was my dad and how I would never be happy again. But then the rain came and washed away all the dust, drove away the heat. You could smell the change in the air, the freshness. It was like a new beginning. Nature was giving me a new chance..." I trailed off. I looked at him, trying to see if he got what I meant.
When he saw me looking at him, he said, "So you don't just talk in monosyllabic sentences."
"Ha ha. Very funny." I looked away, feeling a little embarassed. Here I had told him something about me, talked to him about my dad. And he had just brushed it off.
"Hey, look at me." He said softly. But I just couldn't. "Lexie, please look at me." Something in his voice made me look. "You've convinced me." He said simply.
"Huh, what?" I muttered intelligently.
He laughed, "You've convinced me that the rain isn't something morose and morbid."
"You don't like the rain?" I asked.
"I didn't like the rain." He corrected me. "You changed that."
I smiled, "You know what really changed my mind. Have you heard the song, Your Guardian Angel by The Red jumpsuit Apparatus?"
He shook his head.
"I heard it after my dad died.
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning grey."
We stared at the castle, I don't know what he was thinking. His fingers were playing with the grass, his eyes expressionless.
"Don't call me Lexie." I told him abruptly.
"Why not?" He asked.
I sighed.
"It's not because it sounds like a goat or whatever lame excuse you gave, is it?" He asked knowingly.
"My mom used to call me that." I replied shortly. "The name brings back too many old memories. Ones that I don't want to remember."
"Then let's make new ones." He said simply.
I didn't know what to say to that and he didn't say anything else. We were silent for a long time. And it felt okay. More than okay. I was… comfortable. We sat like that, side by side for ten- fifteen minutes, neither of us saying anything. I was surprised at myself, for telling him so much about me, in so little time. But it was like Remus said, the sky didn't fall on me.
"How did you find this place?" I asked him.
He looked at me and smirked. I almost groaned, preparing myself for a cocky answer. "Well, love, I'm a Maurauder. I know everything." And for some reason that didn't piss me off. I laughed, "C'mon seriously. How did you? This place is beautiful."
"I found it with the rest of the Maurauders. We were exploring, back in third year."
Just like Dora, the explorer, I thought. I grinned, imagining Sirius as the girl in a pink t shirt and orange pants who went on imaginary adventures with her monkey. I laughed. He laughed along with me, "What?" He asked.
"You don't know why I'm laughing, still you laugh along and then you ask me why I'm laughing?"
"Yes." He said, as if it was the most obvious thing in this world.
"Nothing I just pictured you in a pink t shirt and orange shorts stumbling across this clearing with your pet monkey." And promptly burst out into laughter once again.
"Is this a muggle thing that I'm not going to understand?" He asked me dryly. Already knowing the answer to that one.
I simply nodded.
Soon my laughing melted into occasional giggles. Soon we were silent again.
I looked him, he was staring at the castle, and it seemed like he was deep in thought. Something in his eyes was different, they seemed relaxed, at ease. I felt happy that he was at ease with me. He turned and caught me looking at him. I braced myself for another cocky comment, but he just smiled at me. We were sitting pretty close, unconsciously I raised my right hand and traced the scar on his left eye brow. "How did you get it?"
His smiled, but there was something wrong with this smile. It was bitter, angry even. He looked me straight in the eye, "I got that the Christmas I went back home for the first time after my sorting. Apparently my father wasn't too happy with my being a Gryffindor."
There was a underlying emotion, something hiding behind the bitterness in his eyes. Something I recognized, it was the hurt I felt everytime I thought about my mother. Then I'd remind myself, "Just cause you share the same blood doesn't mean that they're really family." Then I realized what I had said. I looked away, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. It's not my place too."
He took my chin into his hand and made me meet his eyes. He was smiling, nothing special. It was a sad smile. "It is the truth isn't it."
Before I could say anything, a big fat drop fell on my nose. Another on Sirius' forehead. Followed by many others, too many to count or notice. It had started to rain.
That broke us apart. I looked up, and couldn't help but smile as the rain fell on my face. I felt Sirius drag my up, his voice yelling in my ear, "Are you crazy, Lexie. We have to get under some shelter. It's too cold to be getting wet." But I didn't move. I heard him swear and then I felt like the life was being squeezed for me. It was terrible. It was like I was being squeezed from every direction. And just like that the feeling disappeared. So did the rain. And the peace. I looked around, we were at a pub. Not any pub, the pub in Hogsmeade. We were at the Three Broomsticks. The noise was deafening. Especially after spending a couple of hours in the woods.
"Don't you ever apparate me anywhere without my permission." I yelled at Sirius. I hated apparition. It was the exact opposite of orbing. While orbing your molecules spread out and came together wherever you wanted them too. It was a very liberating feeling. Nothing like the suffocating feeling of apparition. He just laughed, "Well you have to get used to it. You have to learn it sometime."
I shook my head, "Never. I hate it."
He just laughed me off. He took out his wand from his pocket and waved it first at himself and then at me. Just like that, I was dry again. "Nice spell." I grinned. He just smirked and tapped at his temple with his wand. I rolled my eyes, like he'd ever let me forget. He laughed and told me to go find us some seats and headed towards the bar. To flirt with Madam Rosemarta, no doubt. I looked around and noticed Lily and James on one of the tables in the back. I caught Lily's eye, she motioned me to come over. I guess I found us some seats afterall. I made my way towards them. But on the way someone else found me. Someone I really really didn't want to talk to. Not at the moment.
"Perry."
I recognized that voice without even having to look up. "Severus."
"Did I see you come in with Black?" His tone was one of disdain.
I looked up, into his dark eyes to see anger in them. Anger and a deeper look revealed slight hurt. "Does it really matter to you?" I asked, not being rude. I really wanted to know.
But he ignored my question. "So Evans is with Potter now. And you with Black. Got tired of the other one… that dog?" He asked, not really trying to be polite.
Anger flared within me. He was the one who pushed Lily and me away. We kept trying but just for how long were we supposed to? I grabbed him by the front of his robes and pulled him towards me, "You have no right to hate us. You pushed us away. And don't you dare talk about Remus like that." I hissed through my clenched teeth.
Before Severus could reply I was pulled back harshly and suddenly Severus was pinned to the wall behind him. Sirius was in Severus' face, his face contorted with anger. "I never want to see you around her again." He said evenly, his voice laced with anger.
Severus eyes narrowed, "Don't tell me what to do, muggle-loving fool." His hands were trying to get Sirius' off his robes; needless to say it wasn't working.
Sirius pulled back a fist and before I could grab it he had swung it at Severus' face.
"What the hell is the matter with you?" I yelled. Behind me, James and Lily had appeared. James pulled Sirius away and Lily was just standing back, her expression torn and sad.
If I had paid attention I would have seen James struggling with Sirius, Remus appearing out of nowhere to help James. I would have seen the rest of them standing behind me, looking at me with disbelief. But I was too busy making sure that Severus' didn't pull out his wand. I touched his nose gently, making sure it wasn't broken and the blood flow wasn't too bad. My hands itched with the want to heal his wound but I knew I couldn't. Severus would never allow it and there were too many witnesses. Besides, I still couldn't heal. He looked at me with anger and disgust, but I didn't care. This boy was the one had convinced Lily to go to Hogwarts in the first place. He was the one who had practiced every night with me in an abandoned class room, making sure that I could perform the charms properly. He was someone who was lost, tired and hurt. He was Severus Snape and he was my friend, whether he liked it or not.
"Let's get you out of here, Captain." I spoke softly, calling him by the name that I hadn't used in years (I had noticed the likeness between his nose and a hook and since I had been reading Peter Pan then I had no choice but to call him by the name of my favourite pirate back then) but everyone behind me heard me and the gentleness in my voice. They saw Severus' eyes skim the crowds and I bet they thought it was to make sure that his Slytherin friends didn't see him leave with a Gryffindor who was a half blood. And they were right, but it wasn't because he was afraid of his reputation. It was because he wanted to protect me. And I was sure of that. After making sure that the coast was clear he looked at me and nodded. I helped him up and we walked out together, leaving the others behind. Them and their disbelief.
--
I entered the common room late that night. I admit it was on purpose, I didn't want to see the rest of them. I was sure that they hated me right now, were really angry with me and I had no intention of getting into another argument today. So when I crawled through the portrait hole, sure that everyone was in the beds fast asleep, you can imagine just what I must have felt when I saw each and everyone of them sitting around the fire on the couches and armchairs. Peter, Frank and Alice were sitting on the rug on the floor. I really had to try very hard not to groan out loud.
After leaving the Three Broomsticks, Severus and I had walked outside the village, found this spot on the banks of a tiny pond and silently sat down side by side. He knew about me. I still don't know why I told him. I really don't. I should be scared because of the company he keeps and what would happen if the word reached Voldemort. I hadn't thought about it then and I wasn't going to lose sleep by thinking about it now. If things came down to that I would deal with it then. Once it had become dark, we had walked back to the castle. He picked up his pace as we neared and soon he was way ahead of me. To an outsider it would have seemed as if we had come by ourselves, something he had been aiming for. And I wasn't offended or hurt. I was just tired and as I had dragged myself up through the castle all I had wanted to do was flop down on my bed and not think about today. Everything that had happened just seemed like it had happened weeks ago.
They all looked in the direction of the portrait hole and when they saw me crawl in, unconsciously they all tensed up. Sirius didn't even look away from the fire. Lily turned around, from her place in the couch and when she saw it was me she got up. I saw James' hand falling from her lap. I just looked at her and walked towards the direction of the dormitory. "Alex." Her soft but strong voice called out to me. I tensed before I turned around. I hadn't thought about what Lily would have felt when I had left with Severus. But now, the guilt had finally caught up with me. He had hurt her really badly. And now, so had I. There was no way she would understand this. I had tried to explain to her how Severus was pushing us away for our own good. That he didn't really care that he was muggle… she had told me that she just couldn't keep fighting for something that he didn't want. She was tired of feeling not wanted. So I didn't push it.
I forced myself to look in her eyes, my defenses up. As she walked towards me she said in that same voice that she had called out to me in, "Wait for me." Wait for me. Just three words and my heart felt like the lightest thing on this planet. I smiled and nodded, the gratitude shining my eyes hopefully. She smiled back. I heard somebody swear in the background, "Damn it." James stood up and shoved his hands inside the pockets of his pants and walked towards the fireplace, staring at the mantelpiece. Shaking his head, he turned towards Lily and me. "Just what is the matter with you? How can you still be so calm about this?" While his first question was directed to the both of us, there was no doubt that the second one was for Lily alone. "Don't you remember what he said to you the last time you spoke? How can you let he act like this towards him after everything?" I had never seen James so agitated before.
"I would appreciate it if you didn't speak about me as if I weren't here." I spoke just as Lily said, "I trust her."
Lily went to speak some more but I stopped her. "He is a friend. I know you can't understand why and I don't expect you too. But he is a friend and he needed my help. That's all." I looked at the back of Sirius' head, the tensing of his shoulders let me know that he knew that I was looking at him, "I didn't mean to hurt anybody's feelings. And I don't want to pick sides. I get it that you don't like him, but I trust him and he is a friend." I repeated. "You don't have to accept that but you just have to trust me."
With that I looked around at everyone. Mandy nodded at me and bounded towards me and hugged me, "If Lily is okay with it then so am I." She said as he did.
I smiled and awkwardly returned the hug.
Over Mandy's shoulder, I saw Alice smiling at me.
Frank nodded and then shrugged his shoulders, frank-speak for all is okay.
Remus too walked up to me and kissed my fore head, "He is lucky to have a friend like you."
James had his back turned towards me so I walked around him and put my arms around him. He stiffened below my touch. But he didn't pull away. "Please James. Don't be this way." He wriggled out my grasp. I tried to hide my hurt by looking at the ground but then he pulled me into his arms, "Can't hug you back when you're holding me like that." And then he whispered softly, "Talk to him. He hasn't said a word."
I nodded as I pulled away. Everyone went up to bed, leaving the two of us alone. I walked up to him and kneeled down in front of him.
He still had to look away from the fire.
I took his right hand by my hands, my thumbs running softly over his bruised knuckles. He pulled his hand back. And I wrenched it right back. And struggled with him to keep it in within mine. He gave in and I smirked in triumph. Holding his hand firmly with my right, I took out a vial from my pocket and rubbed a bit of the salve from it on his knuckles. I knew it would soothe those angry looking bruise, "Don't wash it off. The bruises will be gone by tomorrow." He looked me, deep into my eyes. It was unnerving but I didn't want to look away. I wanted to reach up, grab his face and kiss him. I really wanted to kiss him. After all, he had attacked Severus on my behalf.
"You're angry and I don't blame you. Just try to look at it from my perspective- Say you have a friend, one that would appear really bad to everyone else. But you know it's not his fault ultimately, that there is good in him that's worth fighting for. Would you still walk away?"