6 months along. Aleya gone. Urban gone. Marcus gone.

Anthony too. I gulped turning over onto my side, in the pile of cushions and blankets.

For the past week and a half I had been alone, at the nest. Urban had gone to his parents for two weeks. He had wanted to bring me along, he had almost begged, inpatient for me to meet his parents, Rayla, and Lio. He was completely sure that they would love me, want me in their family, I wasn't as sure. Of course they knew I was avian, they had no problem with that, he had even told me they thought I was brave. But the thought of his parents meeting me, actually seeing me, my warm Carmel brown hair, my deep brown avian eyes, feeling my stiff movements among their smooth and graceful ones made me nervous. In the end I turned coward, using the excuse that I wasn't up for the journey, because I was getting to big. Which was only partly true. I had seen the hurt and disappointment in his eyes, and after he had left I felt terrible. I was doing it again. Hurting him.

Aleya was gone to, bored out of her mind with out Jay she had went to find him in the Mistari lands. She also asked me to come but I refused, using the same excuse I had used on Urban. And again I felt bad.

Marcus was another story altogether, I hated being mean and I hated thinking ill thoughts of him, but truthfully I was glad he was gone. Ever since Anthony had left he hade been vile to me, giving me dirty, disappointed glares, reminding me of common Avians who noticed me in the market. He wouldn't speak to me, and one night as I had asked him flat out what his problem was, he had rolled his eyes and flew away, leaving me frustrated and angry. I had heard from the other dancers that he had gone to work things out with his parents, and was planning to move back in with them as soon as possible. When ever the dancers spoke of this they seemed to watch me, the glance my way, as if it was somehow my fault that he was moving away. This had me every more angry, regardless if it did somehow have to do with me, Which seemed silly, how was this my fault? He didn't need to tell people that.

Urban, Aleya, Marcus, The people that meant the most (or had meant the most...In Marcus's case) to me were gone for the time being, and as sad and lonely as I was, I couldn't get the nagging feeling out of my stomach when I thought of the forth person that was gone from the nest.

Anthony.

I hadn't seen him, I hadn't heard from him, I even asked other people in the market if they had seen him, and every single one I asked had said they hadn't. It hurt, Him leaving me completely, permanently, when I had been so eager to forgive him.

That was another problem, I was willing to forgive him, and in the back of my mind there was a little voice that said I shouldn't be so willing. What he had said was wrong and sick, and had cut deep, but I still felt the unexplainable need to protect my best friend. It troubled me, and kept me up at night tossing and turning as I saw his laughing face over and over in my mind. I tried to find an explanation for this, I thought, and pondered, turning possibilities over in my head. And as tried to find the answer I only found one that made since.

Anthony had always been a part of me. A part that I was afraid to lose and I was afraid that if I didn't forgive him then I had lost that part of myself that I would never get back. And I couldn't take that chance. I was terrified of losing that part.

I wanted that to be it. I wanted that to be the answer. Because it was an answer I could live with. But the more I thought over it the more it seemed less likely. When I thought of it at night that little voice was always there telling me I was wrong. Telling me things I didn't want hear, telling me answers I couldn't live with. Answers that, even thought I didn't want them to be true, seemed to be becoming more and more true with every passing second. Answers so simple, yet so complex that they had me cry from exhaustion and confusion.

You love him. The little voice had told me. That was the answer that I couldn't believe. I loved urban with all of my heart, and soul, and self.

I sat in bed that night, arms wrapped around my torso, tears running down my face.

Did I still love Urban?

Of course! That was a stupid question, just thinking it made my head spin, and throb, my stomach heaved. Yes I loved him. More than life itself.

Did I love Anthony?

The question remained unanswered.

The truth was I wasn't sure if I did, and that scared me.