How to Save a Life
"I am sorry…so sorry," I got up and ran out of the door. It was not a plan. I wanted to go up to the room to take a break. Yet, somehow, whether consciously or subconsciously I knew that I needed to go away. I needed to leave this area. I needed to sacrifice my happiness, so that Edward could have his. Edward deserved someone that is perfect, and that is not me. And of course, even if Edward loathed me for the actions, he would try to suffer it out to please me and help me. I could not let him be unhappy. I needed to take myself out of the picture. I needed to leave him, I needed to leave him for a while, if not forever, and so I ran. I ran as fast as I could ever run. I ran over tree branches, over rivers, and father and farther as I went the less and less I remembered the words that Edward's mother taught me about forgiveness and acceptance.
Edward had given me so much in my life… it was time I returned the favor by leaving, by leaving forever…
Eventually, my feet stopped moving almost unconsciously. I looked around for the first time to actually notice my surroundings. The air would have felt cold upon my check if I was still human.
The entire concept was so strange to me. I was human just so little ago, and I thought I wanted this so much. And at that time, I did; I wanted it more than anything else in the entire world. Yet, now…yet, now I was alone in this world for the first time in my birth. I was lost. I did not know what to do. I could not return home to my family, for I was just recently turned. And my vampire family was not another option. My presence would only cause grief and despair. Edward was such a worthy and honest person that he would not come out and just tell me that he found me disgusting. He would continue living with the lie. And I could not allow him to do that. He deserved Tanya; she was perfect for him. She was beautiful and everything that he should have in a mate. That would be what I would do…. I would go and get Tanya. If I could not be there for him, I would at least set something up for him, and then… and then I do not know. Eternity is unpromising when your promise dies.
I turned and started running in the direction of Alaska. Yet, to my left came a house. And with the house, the sweetest smell I have ever had the pleasure of smelling burned through my nostrils. There were humans living in the house.
Whenever, Edward had talked about the desires of blood, I almost thought he was exaggerating them. Yet, this was not like the smell of chocolate chip cookies when you are a child. It is your entire body burning for something. Your entire body is on pain for denying the substance. And my body felt that. And with something that felt like the switch of a light, my body, not someone else's, started running towards the cabin. My hand tore off the front door. The wood dissolving into splinters… and then I looked into the cabin. A family of four lay within the cabin. It was the simplest type of accommodations. There were two beds in the house: one for the parents and another one that house two children, two little girls. And for the briefest second, I was able to understand what my body was compelling me to do. I thought of how bad it was, and how diabolical it was. I thought about their lives, their hopes, their dreams. I thought about the love they shared. And I thought about the promises I made in my mind when I said I desired to be a vampire. Yet, those days of desiring to be a vampire were so long ago… seemed like eons ago that I wanted this fate. It was now something that I was bound to. It was a sentence forever.
And after that brief second of understanding my actions, I knew that no matter how hard I tried I could not stop myself. I was not in control of my body; my senses were. I tore throughout the room, reaching the parents first. Savagely biting into the father, screams erupted throughout the cabin. Yet, those did not matter to me. Only the sweet taste of the blood cursing through my empty veins did. It offered some relief as I sucked every last drop of sweet nectar she had. However, I wanted more… I needed more.
Grabbing the father from behind the neck, the vampire instincts in me twisted his neck…killing him. And again, I filled my veins of his blood. At that moment, I wish I had relief from the burning monster, yet I did not. No matter how much I tried to compel myself from that room, I could not. And no matter, how hard I tried to walk away. I could not walk away from those two children. And within five minutes, the entire family of four laid dead on the ground when finally the monster was gone.
Knowing that I had to burn the evidence, I burned the house using coals from the fire. I could not look back… I started to run.
Why did I run? Running was the only thing I could do that could stop me from crying? Do you know what I mean? When something so bad, so horrendous happens that you know you could cry for days on end? However, if you let your body cry, your body would collapse. You could not handy that much pain at one time. You had to do something to stop the rush of pain… read a book, watch a movie…run. And I running as fast as I could, yet not matter how fast I ran… no distance could make me out run my past. And eventually, the rush occurred, and I collapsed. I collapsed lost to the world.
I do not know how long I cried for. I do not know how many hours or days or years I remained lying against that try. Time ends up dissolving into meaningless divisions of pain when you are a vampire or when you are a demon too evil to truly exist. Nor do I know how many trees I destroyed in my anger. I cried for everything that happened. I cried for the rape of my body and mind. I cried for disappointing Edward. I cried for leaving Edward, yet knowing it had to be done. And I cried for what I had become… a savage killing monster. Words…. Simple words, composed of several letters could not, and will never be able to describe the emotions that I felt during that time. People say pain, and they saw despair, and they saw heart-ache. Yet, those mean NOTHING! They mean nothing to me. They are simply words. And how do I know they mean nothing, because I doubt that the creator murdered four people in cold blood…
And as I lied there, I wondered as the sun rose and set how it could continue to do that. I wondered how the world could really continue to spin when I completed the worst crime known to man. I murdered children. I murdered family, and I ended love. I ended love, which seems to seem what monsters like me are experts at.
And monsters only should be allowed to stay in Hell… or on Earth Volturi. That is where I would go… I would go to Italy.
Author's Note:
I know it is very short. It was just a short installment. I have tons of things to do with school and life. After November 1, I will be updating a lot more, and I want to work on new story ideas. Writing always brings me hope to my life, that regardless of how bad life can get… you can express it in literature, and reviews can make even the worst day bad. The next chapter will be in Edward's POV. Review.
Twirl