Author's Note: Hey, guys, I know I haven't updated in like, forever. I haven't really had the time, plus I wanted to wait and do it over the winter break to keep myself from going insane due to lack of "Gossip Girl". Anywho, this will actually be the only chapter until winter break ends. It's from "O Brother, Where Bart Thou?" also known as the most amazing episode ever. There will be a flashback to Pret-A-Poof-J. Read and review!

Disclaimer: If I owned Gossip Girl, the last episode would have ended with Chuck and Blair happily asleep together.

Chuck had to get out of there. He just had to get the hell out of there.

He literally couldn't stand it anymore.

How the hell could she? He scoffed under his breathe as the elevator continued its descent. Lily married his father. She married Bart. How the fuck could she do that to him? And then blame it on him.

Chuck gulped as he remembered his step mother's accusation. It was fucking ridiculous. Or was it? Chuck tried as hard as he possibly could to shove the thought as far away from his brain, but he couldn't.

He had killed his father.

If he had only minded his own business. If only he didn't make that phone call. Maybe he would still be alive.

No, no, it was Lily's fault. He only made the call because she was with Rufus.

There was no use in trying to convince himself. Try as he may to shake the thoughts, Lily's words kept ringing in the back of his head along with his immense hangover that was starting to settle in.

Chuck Bass had killed his father. He had killed his mother too. Everyone he loved - everyone who was close to him – died.

He hadn't even had the opportunity to know his mother before she was taken from him, leaving him with just a faded picture by his bedpost to stare at.

And now his father. He felt the tears starting to well up in his eyes. He had never been good enough. He could never measure up to his father's standards. Most parents would love their kid nonetheless, but not Bart. Most kids brought their parents at least a small amount of joy, but not Chuck.

Blair sure as hell had it right. All Chuck ever brought people was misery. Blair and Nate were the only people who were there for him. And Nate simply did it out of habit. Why the hell Blair cared so much was a mystery to him.

It's not like he deserved her attention. She deserved so much better. She shouldn't even look at Chuck.

He was a horrible person. He kept repeating the phrase in his brain. He had heard many people say it throughout the course of his seventeen years and it was a familiar thought at this point; therefore, he couldn't quite figure out why his vision got foggy and the hot tears in his eyes became more and more evident as he stepped out of the elevator and hurriedly stalked toward his limo.

He needed to escape. He needed to get in his limo and drive for hours, going through incessant bottles of scotch until he had killed the pain.

Until he couldn't even remember his own name.

He heard the clicking of heels behind him, but ignored it, continuing his path toward the limo.

Maybe he should just kill himself. He didn't have anything to live for anymore. Except Blair. And she would be much better off without him. Everyone would. If he were dead, the Upper East Side would most likely throw a party rather than a funeral.

If he did have a funeral, who would even be there? Well, Eric, Serena, and Lily out of obligation. He scoffed. He would rather it just be empty. And Nate and Blair. But once again Nate would just be there out of habit. He wouldn't be affected by Chuck's death. His funeral would just be another event that Nate emotionlessly attended, his thoughts elsewhere as he sat through the service. Blair would be there of course. Why, he didn't know, but she would be there.

He chuckled bitterly. Maybe he was just as soulless as everyone said he was. He had always smirked as people commented on his being soulless and evil, but he couldn't help but think that maybe he was.

"Chuck!" he heard Blair's voice call from behind him, "Stop!"

He solemnly turned around once he had reached the limo and faced her.

"Don't go," she begged, "Or if you have to leave, let me come with you."

He couldn't stand it. She deserved so much better. She shouldn't even be looking at him. He was evil. He was a monster.

"I appreciate your concern," he mumbled as he began to open the limo door.

"No, you don't," Blair objected as Chuck turned to glower at her, "You don't appreciate anything today, but I don't care."

Why the hell was she being nice? Why wouldn't she just let him be alone and miserable?

It was what he deserved anyway…

"Whatever you're going through, I wanna be there for you," Blair pleaded.

"We've talked about this," Chuck spat, "You are not my girlfriend."

He wasn't worthy of her. He deserved to die. To be alone and miserable.

"But I am me," Blair countered, "And you're you. We're Chuck and Blair."

She grabbed his hand. He gulped as he felt his pulse quicken.

"Blair and Chuck," she reminded.

She cared. She cared. She cared.

Those were the only words able to run through Chuck's mind as he climbed the staircase of the Waldorf penthouse, determined to reach Blair's room.

Stupid Dan Humphrey. If he hadn't gotten in the way, he and Blair could be happily "making up" by now.

But maybe this was for the better. What would happen after they made up? They would fight. What if they could only handle so much of it? What if they ended?

Chuck didn't even want to entertain the thought for a moment. She was his first love. His only love. He knew he would never love anyone but her and the thought of her with someone else made him sick.

He didn't want this to end like every high school relationship did, because what they had was so much more than that.

Chuck quietly slid into her room and eyes her petite form.

Maybe if they waited. If they didn't go with anyone else, but simply waited. Until they were mature enough not to fuck things up.

God, she was stunning. He watched as she sat politely at her vanity, eyeing herself in the mirror.

Blair turned to face him.

"You here to gloat?" she inquired in a small voice.

"Over what?" Chuck immediately shot back.

"Well you win," Blair stated as though it were the most obvious thing in the world, "Pop the champagne."

"I didn't win," Chuck informed her.

How could he have won? He was alone. He had nothing. He didn't get what he wanted, because what he wanted was her.

"Well then why does it feel like I lost?" Blair admitted as Chuck advanced toward her.

"Maybe the reason we can't say those three words to each other isn't because they aren't true," Chuck pondered.

"Then why?" Blair blankly asked.

He looked down at his black loafers for a moment. He told himself it was for the best.

They would last longer this way.

"I think we both know, that the moment we say those words, it won't be the start of something, it will be the end," Chuck mused, "Think about it. Chuck and Blair going to the movies? Chuck and Blair holding hands?"

"We don't have to do those things," Blair pointed out, her eyes watering, "We could do things we like."

"What we like is this," Chuck told her.

"The game," Blair filled in.

"Without it, I don't know how long we'd last," Chuck explained, "It would just be a matter of time before we messed it all up."

As he watched tears began to trickle down Blair's face, he felt his heart break. He couldn't stand to watch her like this. He just couldn't. He moved down onto his knees in front of her and gazed into her eyes.

"Look, I'd rather wait," he clarified, "Maybe in the future."

"I suppose there could be some excruciating pleasure in that," she decided, smiling a bit through her tears.

He eyed her facial features and felt his stomach flutter. He would wait. He would. Until they were both mature enough. Until they were ready and could be together without spontaneously combusting.

As he felt hot tears begin to flood his eyes, he shut them and kissed her softly.

It was simple and sweet, unlike the other kisses they had shared, and yet he couldn't help but feel it was the most passionate. It was soft and tender and did not contain even one ounce of the lust that usually filled both of them.

As he pulled apart he glanced at Blair. Her cheeks were pink as hot tears slid down them. He held onto her petite hand until she couldn't reach anymore and took her in before exiting.

Some day they would say it. Someday they would be able to have a relationship.

In the future.

"The worst thing you've ever done, the darkest thought you've ever had, I will stand by you through anything," she pleaded, staring at him with those large brown eyes that made his head spin.

"And why would you do that?" he questioned.

That was what he wanted to know more than anything. All day. He couldn't wrap his head around it. She deserved so much better. She was so beautiful and so amazing, so why the hell did she choose him of all people? She deserved her prince charming.

"Because, I love you," Blair confessed.

Chuck felt his throat close up. She loved him. She really and truly loved him. That was why she was always there for him. Always helping him. He looked into her chocolate colored eyes and wanted so badly to say it back.

He did love her. He truly did. More than anyone or anything. But as he stared at her, he couldn't help but remember Lily's words.

He had killed his father. He killed everyone he loved.

And as he stared into Blair's eyes, all he could see was his mother. Blair looked eerily like her. Blair couldn't face that same fate. The same fate everyone he loved reached.

He was dreadful. He brought no good into the world whatsoever. Blair deserved so much more than that.

He gulped as his vision fogged and he bitterly stated the only thing that came to mind.

"Well, that's too bad," he heard his own voice shakily reply as he dropped her small hand and slid into the limo.

A/N: Well, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I think it's one of my favorites. Review please, darlings!