When Ryo finally came to, he realized what had gone on and where he was. He picked himself up off the floor, sliding up the wall and letting loose tiny whimpers at the same time. Not that he was in pain, just hurt and desecrated. He couldn't rid Dee's horrible facial expressions from his mind, especially his eyes. Those eyes didn't belong to a friend of his. He would even go straight to believing that someone jumped into his body and used him to get revenge for something. It scared him to the highest degree. Was it really his fault he had mixed feelings for Dee? What did he do to deserve this sort of action against him?

"I was playing with him," Ryo whispered, allowing tears to fall from his clenched eyelids as his head was thrown against the wall tenderly. "It's my fault. I lead him on. But you shouldn't have taken it like that, Dee!" he said to nothing in particular and balled his fist lightly out of frustration. "My god what have I done to you to be worthy of that action?! Please tell me it wasn't you that did that, please tell me it was a dream. Just one, horrible, meant to forget dream. When I get away from this spot, you'll be in the kitchen, at the table with your cup of coffee, reading the newspaper. When I say me greetings, you'll look up from the paper and welcome me with that smile of yours. Then when I reach into the fridge to pull out something to drink, you'll stand over me, waiting for me to stand back up again. When I do, you'll claim my mouth with yours, but this time, I won't pull back. It'll be my apology to you, Dee."

Ryo separated himself from the wall and shakily walked over to Dee's kitchen entrance, only to peer in and find it empty and eerily quiet. He wanted anything but to be alone right now.

Feeling weak at the knees, he walked over to the adjacent bathroom and entered, shutting the door behind him. The events of that day a moment ago, not leaving his head. The detective looked into the mirror with great courage to perceive him himself as he was. It sickened him how he could be so weak.

He couldn't stop whispering to Dee that he was sorry, even in the mirror. He looked straight into his own eyes and told him his apologies. Never had he been so disgusted with himself.

"Anything you want, Dee, I'll do anything for you," he whispered back in his own sickening reflection.

___________________

"Serves him right," Dee said, as he walked down an alley with his hands shoved in his pockets. He had calmed down slightly, but not enough to take back what he did to him. "I'm sick of being played with! I specifically warned him not to turn my feelings into a joke, but what does he do? He thinks he can get me going and then all of a sudden, just stop?! I don't think so!" He delivered a clenched fist into the brick wall beside him, nearly breaking his hand. "What the hell do I see in him? Goddamn it Ryo, I'll get you yet!"

He walked down the busy streets of New York City, muttering under his breath and occasionally yelling aloud, getting people to wonder.

He soon strangely found himself thinking at an empty bar, preparing not to leave until he had drank so much that he would even forget what Ryo looked like and all his problems would be gone.

__________________

Ryo left Dee's soon afterwards, hiding his bloodshot eyes as he walked home to his apartment, hoping Bikky wouldn't be there to ask questions. Knowing Bikky, he wouldn't leave him alone until he knew every juicy detail. If that happened, Ryo was afraid he'd never see Dee alive again. Bikky would pound him and make him one with the cement.

No matter what though, Ryo couldn't make himself hate Dee. You can't hate someone if it wasn't their fault, right? If Ryo had taken Dee into his life like Dee wished, this would never have happened.

As Ryo walked home, not once in his mind did he think Dee was at fault for anything. He was the 'perfect' one. Ryo was entirely at fault.

Inserting the key into the keyhole, he brushed his tears away one last time and then opened the door. The loud music in the adjacent room told him that Bikky was here after all. At least with the loud music, he could sneak into his room without Bikky even knowing he was here. Ryo shut the front door and descended into his room, closing the door softly behind him, falling onto his bed and burying his face into the pillow. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't forget about Dee and the incident that officially made him hate his own very existence. What had made Dee flip like that?

"No, that wasn't Dee, that wasn't you!" Ryo muffled into his pillow, allowing more warm tears to escape his eyes. He had never been so emotionally disturbed before in his life. "I'm so sorry. Please come back, Dee. I know you must hate me. I promise I'll give you anything. I know I'm overreacting and being terribly out of character, but I don't care! I don't care!"

His eyes flew open while still being buried in the pillow when a knock startled him. He heard it open. He was half hoping it was Dee, let in by Bikky. But then again, Bikky would never let him in unless he had a very good reason. Could he have explained this to Bikky in such a short time? And quietly he may add.

"Uh...Ryo? I didn't here you come in, but...can I borrow twenty bucks?"

That was definitely the voice of Bikky. So much for keeping this discreet.

"Yeah whatever," Ryo responded, oddly cold. "You were going to take it anyway, that's why you came in here, not thinking I was home."

Half of that was muffled, but Bikky still put two and two together and realized what he said.

"I was going to return it if I didn't need it. Why are you so grumpy? Bad day?"

"Excuse me if I don't like kids barging into my bedroom, digging in my private stash of money," Ryo responded, getting Bikky's eyes to grow wide and take a tiny step backwards.

"Take the money and go."

Bikky frowned. "Ryo—?"

"Go!"

Bikky didn't move. When Ryo didn't hear any movement or voice, he figured Bikky had gone. Looking up, the teenager had his fists to his hips and a demanding look upon his face.

"Dee again?" he questioned.

Ryo narrowed his eyes and tried not to lose whatever cool he still collected.

"Bikky, I'm not in the mood for chatter or explanation. Please just take the money and leave. I want to be alone."

Bikky was about to turn out and leave under Ryo's command when a black and blue forming bruise caught his eye at Ryo's face. His eyes fixed on the large mark as if he had never seen a bruise before. Ryo saw where his eyes were staring and immediately covered the mark.

"Go Bikky!" he yelled. "This is none of your concern! We just got into a little argument, that's it!"

If Bikky was the kid he used to be when he was younger, he would have just walked out and not give a care in the world, but this was Ryo. HIS Ryo. The one who gave him a place to live and food to eat. They were pretty much father and son and no son would just take off from his father unless he knew he was going to be all right. Bikky would probably never admit it, but he loved Ryo like he was his biological father. He would even go to as far as killing Dee if he hurt him. Bikky had a feeling he would just have to cross that boundary now. Ryo hardly ever cried, and never in his whole life had Bikky seen a bruise like that on his face.

"Oh, that's it, huh?" he said, putting on his street-like attitude. "If that was it, you wouldn't be trying to dismiss me so harshly like you are now. Tell me what really happened. Let me guess, you said no and Dee, being the asshole he is, hit you. And now that that's happened, he's not going to live to see another sunrise."

Ryo sighed and covered his face. There was no getting rid of Bikky. Once he was interested, he stuck to it like glue.

"It wasn't Dee's fault, don't blame him," he said quietly. "It was mine. I keep going along with his actions and the second it gets deeper and more pleasurable for him, I stop. It's only right he got so angry."

Bikky fumed in the face. This only made him hate Dee more.

"If you said no in the past, he should have learned from it and not continue it again. It's his fault. He keeps doing it. If no was said the first time, it's going to be the same the second time."

Ryo shook his head furiously. "No Bikky, that's not it at all! I keep leading him on! I throw myself at him!"

Bikky scoffed. "Don't stick up for him. I've even heard you say no to him a few times. I never liked Dee, but now he better hope he never sees me again, or else he's never going to be able to walk again."

Ryo knew Bikky was crazy enough to do it. Ever since he had reached sixteen, he's been too overprotective of him, acting like Ryo was too weak to fight his own battles.

Ryo stood. It felt nice to still have at least one ally in his life. "Thanks Bikky, but let me handle this one on my own, okay? Take a vacation from stepping in for me."

Bikky opened his mouth to speak, but Ryo caught him by holding up a single finger.

"I insist. Why don't you spend the night at Cal's tonight too. I need some time alone to think."

Bikky nodded. He had no problems there. He said his farewells and left the apartment, leaving Ryo alone once again with his thoughts.