Chapter LIII

Girl Talk

Everything had spun wildly, so so wildly, out of control so fast that everything was a blur. It reminded her of a car wreck she'd been in when she was sixteen. She had been sixteen, stupid, invulnerable. She'd been driving her uncle's brand new Viper. She had just wanted to show off, she'd been a teenager and it had been a seriously cool car. Of course she only vaguely remembered driving it, and had only flashes of the wreck that had totaled the slick red speed machine. What she did remember, vividly, was everything clearing up and coming into focus when she was in the hospital. She had felt very much like she did now. It was a nauseating mix of confusion, relief and guilt.

Her uncle hadn't been mad at her, not precisely, it had only been a car. The insurance money had replaced it and the van she skidded into. Young driver, slick road, he had just been glad that she hadn't been seriously hurt or killed. It had just been a car back then. This time it was a woman's life.

It had been her case, her leads, her work and this is what it had come to. Not that she had anyone to blame but herself, and possibly Catherine but she was holding her tongue on that matter. She had been the one who had green-lighted Nick's call to Carmichael. Of course, Dupree needed protection, and it was in her best interest to cooperate with the investigation. All things considered she had done a superb job given the circumstances of the case. So why did she feel like she'd screwed the pooch big time?

She leaned against the wall between the doors of the interrogation rooms. She had taken her hair down and it fell around her face in a pale, limp, lifeless curtain. There was one very big reason she felt like she had failed. Her actions had directly lead to Sara's two month suspension and there wasn't a damn thing she could do to fix it.

Then again, maybe there was.

Dupree didn't even flinch when she threw the door open. Sofia wasn't exactly sure what that meant, but it hardly mattered. What mattered was the fact that she was about to abuse her power to get a message across to Dupree. A message that the woman may or may not take to heart. If Dupree took the credit for calling in the feds, then McKeen would reinstate Sara. It was a long shot, a from the half-line long shot but she had to take it. She just needed a few minutes alone with Dupree away from the lawyers, cameras and assistants.

"You need to 'fess up."

Alex Dupree pushed her fingers through her mussed and messy mane of curls, "I don't know where the hell you've been, but some fucking Sippowitz knock-off already hammered me and then I him and the two Feds everything I could think of and if I could I would tell them more. I'm tired, pissed, sick to my stomach and I don't have anything else to say."

Sofia jerked the other chair out from under the table and sat down across from the model. She put her elbows on the table, slumped forward and massaged her temples with her fingertips of her left hand.

"Sara is this close, "She held her right thumb and forefinger a half of an inch apart, "from getting fired because you're trying to pull a fast one."

Sofia didn't flinch. "I don't know how much you've seen on TV. but I'll go ahead and let you know that local cops really don't like it when Big Brother barges in." She sat up strait, "We really don't like it when they rip cases out from under us." Aggravated now, Sofia pulled out a toothpick and took the wrapper off and rolled the wood between her fingers, "And we really hate it when they rush in and spirit off important people and hide them away in witness protection."

Alex let her arms drop to the table and she stared at Detective with an unreadable look on her pretty face. Sofia stared right back at her. It only took a moment for everything to fall into place in Dupree's mind. She watched the other woman's blue eyes spark with understanding when the realization set in. Would she go along with it though, now that was the question.

"I have no fucking idea what the hell you're talking about." Alex sat back against the strait back of her chair, "And cut the leaning in to show me cleavage and twirling that toothpick sexily bullshit. I'm a model not an idiot and even if I was, I don't know anything else to tell you."

Sofia took the hit on the chin. Dupree wasn't going to play nice with her, damn.

Silence took over the room for a minute.

"You know, Detective, I know cops. Trust me, I've met plenty of your kind. Some cops are dicks, some are saints. I bet you fall somewhere in the middle. You're a good cop. You solve your cases, you don't take bribes, hell Sahara even said that you did some time as a CSI so you can't be all that dumb. You sort of remind me of a cop I used to know."

Dupree paused and a momentary shadow fell over baby blues. Curiosity burned red hot in her Sofia's brain, but she said nothing. Whatever had distracted Dupree was pushed aside and the other woman shrugged, "Yeah, your attitude could use a major overhaul, but you're all right, I guess. You lie for shit but you're okay."

Sofia had, during Dupree's ranting, stood up and walked to the far wall. She was full of restless energy, and didn't want to sit.

"Why would I lie?" She tucked a strand of hair behind her left ear, "And what, exactly, am I lying about anyway?"

Dupree got up too, but did not lean against the wall. Alex, instead, started to pace. No, Sofia corrected herself, what Dupree was doing couldn't be called pacing. It was far too graceful. "They're not going to fire Sara. That's in-fucking-sane. You don't fire your headliner on the night of the big show."

Sofia chewed on her toothpick and crossed her arms over her chest, "They suspended her for two months without pay because they think she called the Feds to save you."

Alex stopped still, "Well that's just fucking stupid. Sara hates the FBI. They're nothing but fucking useless bastards in shitty off-the-rack suits and they're-God." She threw up her hands, "Don't even get me started on the Fucking Federal Beuru of Bullshit Investigating Asshat Idiots. I wouldn't call those bastards if my life depended on it and frankly neither would Sara."

Sofia raised her eyebrows and filed away the information, minus the obscenities, for later perusal.

"It's not the FBI, so you can stop cursing."

Dupree shrugged, "Aren't all the agencies the same? You know what it doesn't matter. I know she didn't call them."

Sofia rolled the toothpick between her teeth before settling it between her incisor and first molar, "What are you implying here, Dupree?"

Alex folded her own arms over her chest and made it look absurdly and annoyingly sexy, "How do I know you didn't call them, Detective?"

Still buzzing with nervous energy, Sofia went back to the table and sat in her chair. She stretched her legs out in front of her and crossed them at the ankles. She didn't bother to wait for Dupree to join her, "Why would I undermine my own investigation?"

Dupree did sit down, she took the other chair and turned it backwards so when she sat she could drape her arms over the strait back. "I've seen the way you look at her, Detective." At Sofia's quick reaction, Alex grinned, "Oh don't pretend, it's beneath you, me and her."

Sofia draped one of her arms over the back of her own chairback, "No, really you've lost me."

"It's Sahara, Sara. She's just got something, some aura about her, that makes you want to move mountains and drain oceans if it would make her happy. It's inexplicable, and you've already got yourself tangled up in it. Trust me, you'll get caught up and you'll like it. She has that effect on people. Those who slip behind that wall she's built up, I mean. She makes people care without trying, and trust me she's got you hooked."

"It sounds more like you're the one that's seriously tangled up."

Alex tugged on a limp curl, "Oh yes." Alex's trademarked beautiful face twisted into a frown but that slowly lessened into a somewhat unreadable expression. "Love, real love, is like malaria, Detective. It gets under your skin and encompasses your entire being. If it doesn't kill you, it will fade away, and you almost forget, but it never goes away. It'll surge back and knock you on your ass." She rubbed her hands across her makeupless face, "And I walked right into it this time."

Sofia frowned, "You didn't know she was here. Running into her at UNLV was a billion-in-one shot." She watched Alex's face and something connected in her mind. "It wasn't random, wasn't it?" You knew she was going to be there."

The model sighed and slumped against the back of her chair, and propped her chin on her folded arms. "Blake told me, mentioned it so casually at breakfast. So I made some calls. You'd be amazed how easy it is to get information sometimes. I'm Sara's sister, just in from San Francisco and I was hoping to surprise her today. I didn't even have to go that far out of my way, I just tagged along with the tour and there she was. I couldn't resist."

Sofia absorbed that and was left with more questions then answers. Before she could even think about asking those questions, Dupree spoke again. "I know what you're thinking, you know. The question is on the tip of your tongue. If I love her so fucking much, why the hell did I let her go?" Dupree chuckled to herself, "Admit it, you want to know my side of the story."

Sofia crossed her arms, she did want to know, for curiosity's sake if nothing else. "That's between you and Sara, I'm just a neutral party doing her job."

"Bull shit." Dupree stretched the syllables and made the words sound strangely eloquent. "I know you want to know and hell I haven't confessed to anything so I might as well tell you something. You never know, you might even learn something. It wouldn't be good for you to make the exact same mistake I did." She leaned her chin against her forearms and started to speak. It was her tone, and the look in her face that told Sofia that she was being sincere.

"I screwed up, that's for damn sure. I was young and cocky and I was taking the world by storm. Of course, so was Sara in her own way. She getting close to another promotion and her solve-rate was way the hell up. She was one-half of Frisco's Wonder Twins of Law Enforcement. Both of us were unstoppable, career wise. In our home lives, things weren't so great." She paused and pushed her fingers through her loose braid to release the wild curls. It was obviously a nervous habit, a tell. Alex played with her hair and started to speak again. "I would like to say it was as simple as the cheating."

The supermodel chuckled, "I could sugar coat it, but I have a feeling you wouldn't believe it, so I'll be real. I was knocking boots with every other woman I could behind Sara's back. I would have kept at it too, had she not caught me at it."

Sofia had heard a much-less detailed version of this from Sara, "And then it was good-bye girlfriend, right."

Alex laughed, actually laughed out loud. "You know, it was, but I think that given time I could have won her back." Her blue eyes clouded over again and Sofia wondered exactly where she had gone. "Yeah, I could have made things okay, but I didn't really get the chance. She left and-" Dupree shook her head, "Have you ever done anything unforgivable, Detective?"

Sofia blinked, "I don't know what you mean."

Alex twisted her hair around and through her fingers, "I mean there are day-to-day mistakes you make that you can laugh about later and then there are mistakes. You know, the bad mistakes, the sort of mistakes that put people in the hospital. I made one of those sorts of mistakes and that's how I lost Sara. I mean one minute she was walking out the door of our place, swearing we were through and the next minute I'm getting the call. That call that every cop-girlfriend always expects but prays they never get. I didn't hurt her, not physically, never physically, but the guilt, Jesus the fucking knowledge that I put her in that position. Do you have any idea what that feels like?

Sofia stood up, half pissed and not sure exactly why. "I'm too busy for this. Your Feds are outside, waiting to tell you how they're going to bail you out of this."

She was all the way to the door before Alex said anything and then it was only "Thank you."

Sofia snorted, "Yeah." Her voice was sharp and dripping sarcasm.

"Oh and Detective?"

Sofia turned, "What?"

Dupree opened her mouth, and then closed it without saying another word. The hurt woman of before, the one who had poured her heart out disappeared. She was slowly overtaken by the calm, cool and collected supermodel once more. If she hadn't have been there and seen it herself, she would have never realized what lay beneath all the polish and shine.

Sofia left the interrogation room and headed towards the locker room and the home. She still wasn't sure if she had succeeded, but she had plenty to think about.

The brick was rough against her bare arms. She had long since taken off the stylish jacket and rolled up her several hundred dollar sleeves. She had desperately needed to feel the stingy breeze on her skin. She flicked the still burning stub of a cigarette into the parking lot and watched the red cherry's glow gradually fade into non-inexistence. Nerves and newly-reestablished habit had her immediately reaching for another cigarette. There was only one left out of the entire pack. Everyone was entitled to a vice, and right now she feel like being a good girl, besides where had being a good little CSI gotten her? Sara chuckled bitterly at her own unvoiced self-depreciating joke. She pulled her lighter out of the same pocket and put the unfiltered Camel between her unpainted lips. The lighter glinted in the weak glow of the security light. It was an old friend, silver plated and engraved with three intricate S's, it had been a gift from Alex that she had never quite gotten rid of. She was surprised it still worked after all these years. The metal felt cool against her hot skin and the click and flick of the Zippo's top and the small heat of the flame were all familiar. It was comforting even if it was killing her. Of course it seemed like anything that brought her comfort lately was somehow bad for her. Grissom had brought her lots of comfort once and in the end it had screwed her up worse then usual.

She sucked the smoke into her lungs and let the nicotine do it's work. Grissom was still one of her hot-button issues. Not that she would have to deal with him for a while. McKeen had made very sure of that. She was persona-non-grata to all LVPD personnel and offices. She wouldn't be surprised to see posters with her picture with a red slash through it taped to the walls. Someone really needed to explain the rules to her. She must have missed them on orientation day. Not that she'd had an orientation day, but still. It was just felt like no matter what she did, she was wrong. If she gave Ecklie a piece of her mind, she was suspended. If she bit her tongue to the point it bled and took everything McKeen gave her without so much as a peep, she was suspended. If she worked all the time, she needed to go out more. If she had a life outside of the lab she was a distraction at best and a whore in everyone else's eyes. Was it her or did the rest of the world need to get it's act together?

Thinking back on it, she had been in the right when Ecklie had suspended her the first time. June Melton had really been in danger. Had anyone acknowledged that? No, of course not. On the other hand, she wasn't completely in the right this time. She had made her decisions and would have to live with it. She should count herself lucky that she still had a job at all. She had either paid off her karma at a vastly accelerated rate over the past few years or she actually had Ecklie to thank for saving her job. It was funny, she had always figured that Satan would be hosting the ice-capades long before Conrad Ecklie tried to help her. It was confusing at best, and she didn't even have the energy to think about it.

All she wanted to do now was go home, and hide away until the media latched onto the next big story. She wanted to play with her dog, and go jogging and God, she wanted to work. Too bad she would have to settle for two out of the three.

Damn it," Sara puffed impatiently, was her ride ever going to show up? That's what she got for calling her perpetually late friend instead of catching a cab. She just hadn't been up to riding with a complete stranger who recognized her from the tabloids and news reports. She needed a friend, someone who would listen or let her be silent. She needed someone who hadn't been on the case with her. She didn't want to go over it again and again. It was over and done with, end of the story, case closed. She was trying very hard to convince herself it was, at least.

Maybe she would get out of town. She had ample time and plenty of money in her savings and checking account. She could go anywhere and do anything she wanted to. She had always wanted to go on a cruise, maybe down to South America or Australia. She wanted to go somewhere with real seasons again, she missed seasons. Paris was lovely this time of year. Sara blew out smoke in a sigh. She was back where she had started, thinking about things that were best left as distant memories.

"I wish he would hurry up."

The silent lumps of metal and fiberglass in the parking lot didn't answer her.

The case, and all the facts and events that went with it began to run back through her head. Bile started to crawl up her throut and she knew that she was about to be sick again. Her reaction was almost second nature; she smiled big and wide and focused on a distant point in the parking lot. They were just little tricks she'd picked up to retard the gag reflex. It was just about the fiftieth time she'd had to fight for composure since the case had been "solved". She didn't know why it was affecting her so much. It wasn't like this was the first time her maternal figure had turned out to be a murderess.

"You'd think I'd expect it by now."

She was talking to herself, great. At least she wasn't answering herself yet. She'd obviously been spending too much time around Sofia.

Sofia. Damn.

She didn't know what, if anything, she had could say to the other woman. She wasn't even sure if she was supposed to say anything. It was, like the rest of her life, complicated.

She blew out another sigh and started patting down her pockets for her phone.

Sara heard the footsteps headed her way over her own sigh. She abandoned the futile search for her work phone, she had turned that in along with her department-issued forensics case. Frustrated, Sara just stared up at the sky, smoked her last cigarette and hoped whoever it was left her alone. She'd already used all of her patience and tact reserves for the day.

"Sidle."

Sara closed her eyes and took another long, deep drag. If there was a God somewhere out there, he or she was laughing.

She let her head drop to its natural position and turned to look at Catherine. The look on the other woman's face wasn't exactly a pleasant one. Sara blew out a sigh, and the gray smoke from her half gone cigarette rose in a cloud above her.

"What, you think you're smart, Sara?"

Not at the moment, Sara mused bitterly. If she had been smart, she would have taken a cab instead of waiting on her best friend's late ass. Not that Catherine needed to know that.

"What you've had your fifteen minutes and you're suddenly above answering to me?"

She hadn't wanted the exposure to begin with and no one wanted to answer Catherine when she was in a mood.

"And when the hell did you start smoking?"

Sara took another deep drag, "When I was about fifteen or so. I quit a few years ago and started again about ten minutes after I was held at gunpoint while I was practically naked. It seemed like a good idea at the time." She took a quick drag, "Still does, actually."

Catherine marched, there was no other word for the way she moved at the moment, over to her and stood right in front of her. Sara had nowhere else to look. It was uncomfortable to say the least.

"I am going to get your ass suspended, mark my words."

Sara blew other jet of smoke out the side of her mouth, away from Catherine. "Are the boys still keeping you out of the He-Man Woman Haters Club, Cath? You should storm the clubhouse and get caught up. McKeen took all your fun earlier. You won't be seeing me again for two entire months."

Catherine gasped a little. Weather she thought that two months was far too long or she was angry at missing the show was unclear.

"Well you brought this on yourself. You're lucky your shenanigans didn't get you fired."

Sara chuckled, "Not that you didn't try?"

Catherine threw her hands up, "I don't believe you. You're the most wildly arrogant person I've ever met and since I met your girlfriend that's saying something. You went to the Feds and had your love-bunny stolen right out from under our noses. You can't just fuck with a case, my case, and walk away scot free, Sara! What do you think this looks like?"

It wasn't like she had planned any of this. Sara weighed her options and her words quickly and carefully. She was already suspended; there was little else Catherine could do.

"I don't know, I bet it looks a lot like a daughter getting her corrupt murderer father off the hook by messing with DNA samples." Sara shrugged, "Or at least blowing up a lab because she was careless."

Catherine's entire body went tense and she drew herself up to her full height, which still left her a few inches shorter then herself, Sara smirked.

"How dare you?"

Sara shrugged and mentally reminded herself that she wasn't backing down this time.

"Tit for tat, Willows."

Catherine was all but trembling with anger and Sara felt completely numb. Either she had been out in the night air too long or she simply didn't have the energy to care anymore.

"You're comparing Sam to some attention whore and you expect me to pretend like this isn't all your doing anyway?"

Something inside her, beneath the numb, crackled to life.

Sara was tired, damn tired, of giving in. She was tired of being a second class citizen, a peon beside Catherine. She wasn't going to kowtow anymore.

"We are talking about my life that you went way out of your way to put your nose in. You harassed Alex and me and I have had enough!"

She shoved past Catherine to get some space. The last thing she needed right now was assault charges.

Where was her ride?

"She's a criminal."

Sara turned on her heel, "You thinking it doesn't make it a fact, Catherine. Jesus Christ, you barged in on me while I was naked!"

She couldn't see them but Sara knew Catherine's eyes had turned a dangerous ice blue.

"It's nothing I haven't seen before, Sara."

Sara froze in her tracks. The numbness was burnt away by her temper. She flicked the cigarette away. "God, every time I think I've forgot, you drag it back up. It all has to be about you."

They were three feet apart in the dark back parking lot of the LVPD central station. If there were others around them were keeping their distance.

The silence, so loaded with unsaid words, was broken by a sigh and it was from Catherine. It wasn't angry or accusatory, it almost seemed resigned. "What was I? Some sick stand in for her?"

That was the heart of it. Catherine had made her life a living hell because she had felt scorned or used or who the hell knows. When was she going to learn, Sara nagged at herself, to stay away from blondes?

Sara would almost sell her soul for another cigarette. "No, Catherine. You were something else entirely."

The blonde laughed, almost hysterically now, "What a substitute for Gil? A band-aid to make you feel better, what?"

It was a question she had already asked herself several times. She had never come up with a good, solid answer. There was no balanced equation for her love life. She had, right after the short and blistering hot affair ended, decided that it had been temporary insanity. Later on, when she'd had time to distance herself from everything, she had reasoned that she had been lonely and horny and Catherine had been willing. It wasn't a very pretty explanation but it had tied everything up neatly. Over the past few days she had come up with a new theory. It was quick, concise and very accurate.

She watched her ride pull through the gate. It was impossible to miss the classic GTO Judge. She had one shot at this and she was going to take it. She'd be crazy not to take a guilt and consequence free shot at Catherine.

""You were a mistake, Catherine. One I deeply regret and am trying to put out of my head."

For once, Sara marveled, Catherine Willows had absolutely nothing to say.

The beautiful orange '69 GTO slowed and glided to a stop right in front of her, and she opened the passenger door. Sara didn't say anything, to herself, to Catherine or to the car's shadowy driver, and she didn't look back.

Had she glanced in the rear-view mirror, like the driver did, she would have seen Catherine standing there, clearly silhouetted in the yellow light, shoulders slumped, watching her drive away.