rejazzz: Wouldn't you do the same thing if you were in that much pain? I agree, YAY for babies. Guess who's here this chapter?

Brown eyed Girl 75: They're okay, it's someone else that needs their help. I like the name Ryan too, it just fit. Hope you enjoy this chapter

ooOoo

I haven't seen you in a long time, since I've been gone. It always seemed to be the wrong time, it's the same old song. Looks like we'll never be together, our whole life through. There might be changes in the weather, but not for me and you.

Haven't Seen You in a Long Time- Great Big Sea

ooOoo

October 22nd, 1981

Craig, Ryan, and I had adjusted quite well to our life in New York. Craig was General Manager of the New York Rangers, and I was working… well alright, I wasn't working. I wanted to put it off for a while, at least until Ryan starts kindergarten. Yeah yeah yeah, I probably don't need to work if Craig's pulling in the money he is with the Rangers… but… ah bullocks, lost my train of thought.

Anyway, as I was saying, we had adjusted quite well. Ryan was now almost taking his first steps, and babbling certain words. I heard 'Mama' 'Dada' 'Na Da Na Da Na Da' and even… wait for it… 'Shoooo'. Can't really place what the 'shooooo' is, because he doesn't really know what a sock or a shoe is. He hates wearing socks and shoes. Nothing better to him then to run through the front yard in bare feet.

"Ryan, come back here!" I called as he crawled around the front yard in, you guessed it, bare feet.

"Mama!" he screeched.

"I see you, buddy, what's going on?"

"Come, come, come…" he insisted.

I started walking toward him. "Where do you want me to go?"

"Come…" he insisted again, not moving from his spot in the leaves. He'd sat himself down there and had gotten bored fairly quickly. In the last couple of minutes he's plunked his hands on the ground and attempted to push himself up. So far he'd gotten as far as pushing his bum up in the air and tottering there for a bit, and then falling back down.

"Mama!" he called again, holding out his hand. "Mama!"

"Ohh…" I smiled, getting down on my knees in front of him. "You gonna try walking, buddy?"

"Mama!" he repeated. "Mama!"

"Alright, we'll try," I gently took his hand and he got to his feet. Shaky and wobbly, he defiantly let go of my hand and attempted a step on his own. Didn't quite work, he sent himself tumbling into the pile of leaves again.

There were tears in his eyes.

"Try again?" I asked.

"No!" he folded his arms and pouted.

"Oh now, why are we pouting?" I reached to pick him up.

"No!" he screeched again. He had decided that he was not going to move.

"Ryan, come on," I admonished. "Mama's tired. Mama likes that you want to try, but it's inside playtime now."

"No!"

"You stubborn little…" I muttered under my breath. "Ah, I can't begrudge you that. You got that from me."

Craig came home less than five minutes after this all happened. But the thing was, he wasn't alone. There are someone sitting in the front passenger seat, but I couldn't see who it was. His hair was mused, covering his eyes. I quickly scanned the interior of the car while picking Ryan up and setting him on my hip. There was a duffel bag in the back seat, which didn't strike me as odd, but still I had to wonder…

This person got out of the car and turned briefly to look at me.

Mark Wells!

But what had happened to him? Last I'd heard he'd gone back to college and was going to finish up his degree. What would he be doing here in New York if he was enrolled in college in Minnesota? There weren't any holidays going on right now, or anytime soon. Christmas was over two months away. What the hell was going on? He looked positively haggard, and I knew it wasn't from the plane ride.

Craig set Mark's bag on the lawn and took Ryan from my arms silently. He walked toward the house with Ryan as I enveloped Mark in a tight hug.

"Oh Mark," I whispered to him. "What happened to you?"

It was then he broke down. He was holding on to me as though I was the only thing helping him stand. I felt the tears coming and could hear the anguish in his voice. He was rendered speechless with emotion.

"Come on, come in," I patted his back. We walked arm in arm together into the house, Ryan crawling toward us as I helped Mark to the living room couch.

"Mama?" he asked, sensing the tension in the room.

"Yes baby?"

He signalled that he wanted me to pick him up. I complied and asked what he was looking for. I don't think he quite understood what was happening, but he knew something wasn't right.

He kissed my cheek.

"Thank you, nice kisses," I smiled and ran my finger down his cheek. "We'll go see Daddy in the kitchen and you stay there, okay?"

He looked at me blankly.

"Yeah, that doesn't make much sense to you, does it?" I brought him back into the kitchen and set him down on the floor. "Craig, I want to find out what happened here, so, can you keep Ryan busy for a couple of minutes?"

"Sure, but I don't even know what happened. Good luck…"

I winked, grabbing the tissue box and two mugs of tea. Going back into the living room, Mark had slumped forward holding his head in his hands.

When I sat down beside him, he didn't move. I pulled a tissue from the box and offered it to him.

"Thanks," he muttered, taking the tissue and wiping his eyes.

"Want to tell me what happened?"

He sniffed, wiping his nose with the same tissue. "I don't know where to start, Viv. It's all so fucked up…"

"Oi, language!" I gently scolded. "There's a baby in the house. His mind is like a sponge. Be careful…" I kissed his temple. "Starting at the beginning is a good place to start. It's where all stories start."

He snorted in laughter. "This from the woman who had the filthiest mouth on the team."

"Yeah well, since then, how many of you boys have popped babies out?"

He took a deep breath.

"Exactly…" I put my arm around his shoulder. "Now, what's the story?"

He exhaled sharply. There was something behind his eyes that made me wonder. Then again, I'd been wondering since he'd stepped foot in the house. His sullen expression and the fact that he looked like he hadn't slept in days… I couldn't put my finger on it.

"Do you remember how I was heading back to Minnesota to finish up my degree?"

I nodded.

"I've dropped out."

"Why?" I asked.

"I can't bear it anymore, it's too much…"

"We all have those times, Mark," I answered. "But we can't run from hard times."

"You did."

"You're right, I did, and I learned from them."

"What did you learn?"

"Don't turn this over on me, Mark," I answered. "I made mistakes, I ran away from hard times, I ran away from what I was feeling, but I came back; that's what matters." I grabbed another tissue and handed it to him. "Now, why did you drop out?"

"There was this girl, Paula…" he started.

I only nodded.

"And, she and I were in the same class, and one day I asked her for coffee."

I nodded again, willing him to go on.

"You know, she and I started getting close, and one day, just… it just happened."

"What just happened?"

He swallowed hard.

"She told me she loved me, and I felt the same way, and the next morning I woke up beside her."

"Okay, so you two slept together, and what? Did you wake up feeling guilty?"

"Me? No, not at all…" he answered me, throwing the tissue into the waste basket. "Paula, on the other hand, after that night, I began to see her true personality."

"And what was she like?"

"Clingy…" he admitted. "Clingy and loud and all in all almost a child."

"Ah…" I nodded. "So, what did you do?"

"I loved her, Viv. Against my better judgement, I loved her."

"The heart wants what it wants," I reasoned. "For reasons we can't explain. But it obviously wasn't unrequited, what happened then? Why are you out here in New York if she's still in Minnesota?"

"That's the thing, she's not."

"What do you mean, she's not?" I took a sip from my tea. "That doesn't make any sense. Did she come out here with you?"

"No…"

"Where is she then?"

There was a lone tear running down his cheek.

"She's dead…"