A/N: Thanks for stickig with this story- I know it's pretty dark, but it just feels like it's the direction it needs to take at this time. If you've read my stories before, I don't ask for reviews- they're only a nice treat ;)
-S.
Was she still standing? She couldn't tell. She felt as though she was spiraling out of control where she stood. Everything turned blurry before she realized she was crying.
"What? " She managed her voice a stranger in her ears.
Jim hadn't lifted his head from the carpet, staring intently at a spot on the carpet.
"You really mean that?" It sounded more like an accusation than a question.
Jim for his part moved his head into an infinitesimal nod.
Pam had never felt the rage and horror as she did at that moment. The mix of anger and misery exploded out of her and she felt herself tremble as if her skin were on fire. She would have thought she was sobbing if it weren't for the buzzing in her ears and the look on Jim's face that told her otherwise. It wasn't shrouded in remorse like the normal sullen expression he had adapted or even a look of regret of the worst bomb he could have ever drop on her.
It was utter fear.
That's when she realized she was screaming. Not crying, or yelling even- but full on screaming at Jim; calling him every bad name in the book, and some she was sure she had made up. But she started and a threshold crumbled and she openly fell apart.
"How could you do this to me?" She sobbed as she took a long ragged breath. It was probably the only thing she had said that made sense. Jim was trying to say something but she couldn't hear him over the buzzing in her ears.
"I gave up everything for you, Jim!" She exclaimed, barely audible over the pounding. But that didn't stop her from her pent up anger at losing everything.
"I gave up Roy, I gave up getting married, I gave up everything!" She watched Jim's mouth move again, but nothing made it to her; she just continued screaming as he outstretched his arms in front of himself- palms out like he was approaching a vicious animal.
"You come along and you had to change everything!"
More empty noise from Jim.
"And now you're just done with me? Just like that?" She felt hot; and dizzy from the throbbing in her skull.
She was leaning against her crutches and realized with sudden velocity how much she hated them. She gripped them as if they were a prop to explain to him with.
"I hate these! I hate being dependant on them for everything!" She babbled. She was screaming "I hate being dependent on you for everything!" when she realized she was took a hold of one of the crutches and hurled it in the general vicinity of Jim's figure. In doing so, she knocked herself off balance, and when she put all her weight onto her injured leg and she buckled.
Her head was spinning from the buzzing in her ears and she knew she was falling. She welcomed it.
Before she could hit the floor she felt Jim grab her, but she was falling too quickly- and she toppled on top of him, knocking the wind out of her.
Everything was blurry for a second, but slowly Jim's features came into focus. His face was etched with concern.
"Pam?" He asked gently, apparently having to repeat himself.
"Why Jim?" She asked, sounding pathetic even to her.
"Pam, I'm not going anywhere."
She saw the look on his face: the concern, the anguish, muddled with fear from her outburst.
"What?" Was the only thing she could muster- "But you said..." she started.
"That's not what I meant, Pam. I love you." He cupped her cheek in his hand, smoothing away the wetness there. "I swear to god that I'm not leaving." He said with conviction.
She listened and let out a ragged sigh; but was overwhelmed with a white hot flame in her abdomen; her face contorted in the agonizing pain. Jim's face went white. "What is it?" He asked, his voice urgent.
She couldn't even answer the pain was so overwhelming.
He shifted into a seating position, on the cusp of panic. "Pam? What is it?" His voice on the verge of hysteria.
Pam reached down to her theigh, grabbing it in an attempt to stifle the pain. She felt wetness there. When she lifted it she saw the look on Jim's face before she saw her hand for herself. It was covered in blood.
"Jesus, Pam" Jim's voice was barely a whisper.
Pam had thought for a split second that the blood was from her leg. The pain and blood from her healed tissue reopening. The look of pure panic on Jim's face made her heart drop, as he took a shaky hand to touch her stomach lightly and she knew it had nothing to do with her leg.