Are you there, God? It's me, Jim.
I know I've come to you a lot lately- asked more than I deserve. I just need one more favor, and I'd do anything if you could answer my prayers.
"Mr. Halpert, did you hear me?" The distant voice asked, bringing Jim back to reality. He was still stuffed into the hard uncomfortable chair, choosing between losing his unborn child, or losing Pam. Or losing them both.
"How am I supposed to choose? Maybe I should call her mom…" he frantically raced for some way out of this decision.
The doctor interjected, raising from her chair to loom over him. "You're the one she trusts the most to make the correct decision- think about what she would want." She placed a soft hand on his shoulder.
"There isn't a right answer." He scrubbed his face in his hands, hiding his face from the world.
"Sometimes there are no right answers, just… decisions." The doctor shrugged.
Jim nodded into his hands, for the first time thinking about what Pam would want. He raked his hands through his hair once and caught the doctor's eye.
"Pam would want to fight." He concluded.
"Jim-" she started to interject, Jim shook his head against her advice. He was going to finally to let Pam stand on her own two feet. This is what she'd ask for. A chance to save their baby. He'd give her that chance.
"You don't know Pam," he muttered- talking more to himself than to her, "she's a fighter. After everything she'd been through- she would want to fight."
"Okay." She loomed for a moment, letting him take a chance to change his mind. When she knew his decision was final, she conceded. "I'll go in and check on her." She nodded once and walked back in the same direction she came from.
Jim watched her leave- and for a split second he wanted to yell after her that he did changed his mind.
But Pam would never have let him do that. She'd tell him to trust her and to not make decisions for her. He thought of her soft smile and her curly hair and how much he hoped their baby would have her hair. Her perfect hair.
Guilt and pain washed up on him again- pulling him deep into the dark. But he wasn't going to let it overtake him this time. He knew Pam- he knew that she probably shouldn't have made it out of the car accident alive- but she did. And she'll make it through this.
He dropped his face into his hands again, letting his mind wander back to baby pea and his own fight that lay ahead.
I hope I'll get to meet you.
He felt the sting of tears as he let himself think of the worst and tried to choke them back. Clasping his fingers together, he tried one last ditch effort. His Hail Mary. He knew it was out of his hands now. It was up to Pam.
Are you there, God? It's me, Jim.