Chapter Twelve: Howler
"Bugger." Sirius was scrounging through his trunk, tossing its contents all over the floor. A stale old sock flew through the air and smacked Peter in the face.
"Oy!" Peter peeled the sock disgustedly off his cheek and pulled out his wand offensively, jabbing it in Sirius' direction. "Watch it!"
Sirius ignored him and stood abruptly. He flung his arms into the air dramatically. "I can't find it! I'm doomed!"
"What?" Remus crunched on an apple, lounged on his bed.
Sirius hung his head and held up a hand. "It's too painful to talk about…please…just-" he clutched his face tragically, "-let me grieve."
James strolled by and smacked Sirius on the side of the head with something leathery and solid. "You mean this?"
Sirius practically leaped for joy. "Yes!" He hugged the tattered object to his chest and sighed longingly. "My lucky left Quidditch glove!"
"You must be joking," Peter shook his head. "Just buy a new one. That thing can't possibly be useful anymore."
Sirius whirled around in a flash, guarding the glove protectively in the crook of his arm, and aimed his wand at Peter. "Take- that- BACK!"
"I won't!" Peter got to his feet defensively, pulling his own wand back out.
Remus smirked. "James has got a lucky Quidditch charm too. Don't you James?"
James wasn't paying was attention. His head was buried in The Daily Prophet. "Huh? Oh…yeah…yeah I do."
Sirius nodded and laughed. "Oh yeah! I forgot…See, Pete? At least I'm not like James. He carries around a little doll."
James glared up from the pages. "For your information, it's carved from a giant Kelpie fang."
"Is that supposed to make it manlier?" Peter raised his brow.
James groaned and stepped between Sirius and Peter, still skimming the sports section of the Prophet and clearly making every effort to ignore Peter. "Look at this!" He backhanded the paper irately. "Another season begins with the stinking Wasps trading another one of their shotty Chasers for one of the Magpies'! How do the Magpies expect to pull out of their slump when they're practically giving away their best men?"
Sirius shook his head in agreement. "That damned MacFarlan needs to get out of the Ministry and back onto the field! They've never been the same since he left as captain…"
"Ahem…" A small voice came from behind them.
All the boys turned to Lily, who was situated comfortably at one of the desks in the corner. A quill was in one hand, and stacks of parchment were neatly ordered around her. "Do you boys mind? I'm trying to work here." She said primly.
Sirius frowned and jabbed his thumb in her direction. "Who let her in here?"
"Excuse me!" she looked offended.
They continued to talk over her. James folded up the paper, still angry with the Quidditch teams, and shook his head. "She's helping me with some homework," he said dismissively.
Remus frowned and peered over at Lily. "Why would she help you?"
Lily was tapping her foot impatiently now. She wasn't particularly fond of being discussed while she was in the same room. "Excuse me."
Peter laughed. "She doesn't fancy you, does she?"
Lily gaped at this. "I-"
"Wouldn't surprise me," James shrugged, pulling off his tie and undoing to first few buttons.
"Excuse m-"
"No, no," Sirius interjected, "She fancies Remus. Get a clue, Wormtail."
"Really?" he frowned. "I thought she was past that…"
Lily was flushed scarlet. She wanted to scream.
Remus scowled and put down his book. "Perhaps we could change the topic?"
"Why?" James turned suddenly.
Remus stood up. "What was that?"
"I said why?" James challenged, taking a step closer. "Uncomfortable thinking about the fact that she may fancy me more than you?"
"Oh please, James. This is neither the time nor the place-"
"EXCUSE ME!" Lily screamed.
The dorm fell deadly silent but for the heaving breaths of Lily Evans, standing now, fists clenched and shaking at her sides.
"I am…" she took a deep breath, "I am still in the room."
Remus blushed noticeably, while James just stared. Peter and Sirius suppressed smiles.
Lily gathered her things and shoved them in her bag. "Now, give me a moment…" She pushed the desk chair back in violently, threw on her cloak and stomped to the door. She paused at the threshold, hand on the doorknob. "Alright. Continue." And she slammed the door behind her.
She had just rounded the corner toward study hall in Professor Vector's room when- Thunk! The parchment and scrolls spewed across the floor. Lily moaned helplessly. It was not her day. Or her week. Make that weeks. She'd not had a moment of peace since James had conveniently decided to make her his personal slave. She did nothing but follow him around to Quiddtich practice, conjure him Pumpkin Pasties when he felt like it, do his homework, and pointlessly rearrange his socks for reasons which, frankly, Lily presumed were of a spiteful nature and the product of his sick sense of humour.
"I'm so sorry!" a soft voice made Lily glance up.
Melinda Moonshine had crouched down in front of her to help clean up the mess.
"Oh…hi, Miss Moonshine!" Lily smiled, her heart lifting.
"Please," she scolded. "Call me Melinda!"
"Right. Sorry," Lily blushed. They finished gathering the last few scrolls and Melinda helped her by conjuring a levitating silver net to hold everything. "Thank you!" Lily said gratefully. "Things are a bit…er…hectic for me at the moment."
"I couldn't tell," Melinda replaced her wand and smiled. "Your classes are treating you brutally, I see."
"Yes…er…in a way."
Melinda bit her lip. "Lily…I hope you don't mind me saying this, but…how are you holding up?"
"Er…what do you mean?"
"Well…I sort of overheard what happened in Hogsmeade." She tilted her head pityingly.
"Oh. That. Yes, well, bygones, right?" Lily chuckled unconvincingly.
Melinda brushed the silky black hair over her shoulders and looped her arm through Lily's. "I thought you might like to talk about it."
"Wh-why would you say that?" They turned a corner and wandered out into the sunny courtyard. It was deceiving though; there were rain clouds looming in the distance.
"It's difficult," Melinda replied, "being the top of the school and the bottom of the food chain. Am I right?"
Lily shrugged. "It's fine. I'm used to it."
"You shouldn't be."
Lily frowned. She wasn't entirely sure she liked this conversation. Her mind began swimming with Mila Lofgren's words, the girl whose robes she'd ruined, and the jeering faces of her peers as Remus' face had melded into James'…Her voice took a defensive tone. "Why not? I'm happy with my life. Besides, like your book says, 'don't let the world get you down. Live for yourself, not your peers.'"
Melinda laughed. "Yes…I did say that, didn't I? Though that's not entirely what I meant." She sighed and shook her head. "Lily…you haven't always been like this, have you?"
She hesitated. "Why would you ask that?"
"I'm sorry. This is too forward of me."
Lily unlinked her arm from Melinda's. "No, what did you mean?"
Melinda shook her head. "I don't want our friendship to start off like this."
"Then be a counsellor for a moment and tell me what you're thinking," Lily eyed her a bit fiercely. "I mean, it's not as if you know me, like you're supposing to at the moment. So tell me. What am I like?"
Melinda's disposition changed quite rapidly from complacent to stern. "Don't read that filth anymore. It's complete garbage, Lily. That self-help book was a brainless old term paper inflated with fluff to get me through my internship at The Daily Prophet without starving to death. I regret I ever let that thing go into print." She sighed, "If you want self acceptance or feel like sharing your thoughts, please, come to me. I'm a real person. My book is not who I am."
Lily didn't know what to say. So in lieu of her silence, Melinda patted Lily simply on the shoulder. "Please consider my offer. I know a hurting heart and mind when I see it."
And with that, she was gone, leaving Lily to stew in silence.
---
Dinner didn't improve Lily's mood. By this point, she was not only frustrated and hurt, but confused as well. Was she really as selfish as Mila had claimed? Was she that self-absorbed?
A group of second-year girls wandered toward Lily's end of the table, as if they were about to join her. They weren't paying much attention, but Lily smiled amiably at them. They turned from their conversation, caught a wide-eyed glimpse of Lily's smile, and turned on their heels.
Lily frowned as they scurried off to the opposite end of the table. Was she really that repulsive? Or were they just afraid she was going to deduct points for their too-short skirts they had rolled at the waist? Which she wasn't! Maybe. After all, it was against school policy. And just plain tacky! Lily jabbed her broccoli savagely with her fork.
"Oh come, now. What has it ever done to you?"
Lily glanced up.
James dropped down beside her and began loading up his plate.
"Er…sorry?" Lily raised an eyebrow.
James took a bite out of his roll and nodded toward her plate. "The broccoli. It's just an innocent bystander. What's got your knickers in a twist?"
Lily started down at her plate. The vegetables were practically smeared across the plate she'd beat the things so bad. She blushed and set her fork down, pushing the plate aside. As if this were a sign she'd finished, the plate vanished and reappeared perfectly clean once more.
James continued to stuff his face as if it were his last meal. Lily couldn't help but smirk. He acted like such a child sometimes. It was almost endearing.
"Ha HA!" James laughed out loud at a first year who'd just tripped and fallen flat on his face, his books and papers in a mess around him. James' mouth was full, and bits of food went flying.
Almost endearing. Almost.
Lily shook her head. He could be such a prat sometimes. She was just thinking of a few sharp words for him, when James slid out his wand one-handed and lazily flicked it, gathering the boy's things into a neat stack that landed conveniently in his little arms. The boy blushed and smiled shyly at James who barely took notice for he had just spied the mashed potatoes hidden behind Lily.
The boy scurried away to join his friends while James leaned across her to reach the potatoes. Lily watched him quizzically a moment, and felt her own face flushing, possibly deeper than the boy's, and tried to hide it. James didn't seem to notice though. He plopped back in his seat and began dishing some out for himself. He offered it to Lily, but she simply shook her head. He surprised her in the simplest of ways sometimes…
"Ow!" Lily sucked on her finger to sooth the pain. She glanced down. Rue was sitting there on her empty plate hooting indignantly. He'd nipped her finger a bit too hard. Perhaps she'd been in a trance. She laughed nervously and patted Rue. "Sorry…" Then she froze.
James was still shovelling in the food. People were chattering around her, oblivious. Rue was dancing around delightedly, trying to peck at the crumbs around James' plate.
But Lily was staring at the bright red envelope in her hands. Not this…anything but this…It began to smoke a bit around the edges and Lily dropped it frightfully.
"ATTENTION, LILY EVANS," cried the letter, as it unfurled and snapped open and shut dangerously close to Lily's face.
Of course, more than Lily's attention had been grabbed. The entire hall was now staring, including James who'd dropped his fork just as it was about to enter his mouth.
"IT APPEARS YOU FEEL, FOR WHATEVER PITIFUL REASON, THAT YOU ARE ABOVE THE LAW. YOU CANNOT EVADE YOUR DEBT FOR MUCH LONGER. IF YOU DO NOT PAY YOUR DUE FEES TO ALEXANDRIA'S FINE FITTINGS, YOUR ACCOUNT WILL BE TERMINATED AND ACTION WILL BE APPROPRIATELY TAKEN. THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING. THAT IS ALL. GOOD DAY."
Lily clutched the stitch of her chest. He left arm was going numb. Was is at all possible for a sixteen year old girl to have a heart attack?
"This message has been brought to you by Haggar's Fine Howlers, the makers of Invites-R-Us and Sympathy Unlimited. Thank you for your patronage." And with that, the thing burst into flames.
Lily thought she might cry. The muttering and laughter started almost at once, and though she tried not to look, she swore she saw Charlotte, Helen, and Florence rolling with glee, and out the corner of her eye, she saw Mila smirking to her friends at the Ravenclaw table and she muttered something that made them all laugh. Lily simply stared hard at the gold-rimmed plate in front of her, the remaining bits of singed parchment fluttering across her napkin, a scalded effigy of her dignity.
"So…" James rocked back in his seat. "That's what you've been so grumpy about."
Lily couldn't take this anymore. She stood abruptly, and grabbed her bag. "Excuse me." She took off out of the Hall as quickly as she could. Why was it her enduring all of this ridicule? Of course, it wasn't as though she didn't deserve it, with what she'd done to the library. But this, the library, James' foul prank, Remus…all of it…It was getting to be a bit much.
She could feel a tear begin to trickle down her cheek and she wiped it away stubbornly. No. She was not going to cry about this. It was silly. It's not like it really mattered what anyone thought. Not really…
And then she ran smack dab into a tall figure. He caught her elbow to keep her from stumbling.
"James, please," Lily tried to pull away. "Just leave me-"
"Lily?" It was Remus. He peered down at her, his head tilted in concern. She immediately blushed and tried to turn away, but he was grasping her elbows rather firmly.
And then, to her horror, before she could stop it, tears began pouring down her face.
Remus looked instantly awkward. "Er…"
Lily shook her head, "I'm sorry…I'm really sorry…I just…" She tried to wipe them away, sniffing, but they kept coming. "I…"
Remus frowned and, to Lily's amazement, pulled her into a hug. "It's alright. Whatever it is, I'm sure it will be fine." He patted her back.
Lily almost laughed. He had absolutely no idea what was going on, and he was making a rather pathetic attempt to sooth her. It made her smile. But this wasn't what she needed. Besides, Remus was the last person she was going to unload her troubles on. She rubbed her eyes and pulled away. "Thank you…I'm fine."
Remus was still concerned. "Are you sure? You don't look it…"
Lily shook her head. "I will be, thank you. I just need to…" She turned awkwardly from him and was heading toward the next corridor when she saw James leaning casually against a pillar, his eyes fixed on her.
She hesitated. Had he seen her crying? Had he seen her with Remus? She felt herself blushing again despite her best efforts, but James' gaze was so intense she could barely take it. It was almost accusing.
Lily glanced behind her, but Remus was already gone.
"Alright, then?" he peered down at her as she walked by him. She was aware her eyes were still rimmed with pink.
She continued past, as if she'd barely heard him and had someplace more important to be. "Yes, thank you."
"Had a good cry? Got it all out then?"
Lily's insides rumbled. "I'm fine, thank you, James."
He didn't even bother to remind her to call him 'Master Potter.' She turned the corner and he followed, his pace quickening beside her. "So. You owe some money, do you?"
Lily stopped in her tracks and turned on him. "Why do you care?"
"Because you're my sla-"
"I am not your slave, James Potter. And I am not your friend," she hissed. "Don't think I've forgotten what you pulled on me in Hogsmeade. I'm not that forgiving. And as you aren't my friend, you don't have the privilege of discussing things with me as though you are. If you want me to finish your homework, fine. If you want me to fetch you something from the kitchens, perfect. That's what a 'slave' is supposed to do, yes? But that's where it stops."
James looked furious. "And what if I order you to be my friend?"
Lily cocked her head incredulously. "Please, James. You have all the friends in the world, this school wrapped around your finger, and enough money to buy everything you've ever dreamed of. You don't need me, nor do you want me as a friend. You only want me because you think you can't have me, and I am not your prize to be won, thanks."
"I never said-"
"I'm not deaf. I can hear you and Remus arguing," Lily was fuming, her eyes blazing. "You fight about who and whether I'm in love with either of you. Well, I'm my own woman, and I make my own choices, and at this moment, I don't particularly care for either of you. No one seems to simply consider me a living, breathing person. No, I'm just Lily, the emotionless robot who deducts points for bad behaviour."
James was blocking her path. "I didn't say you could leave."
"Oh, so you dictate every movement, do you?" she glared. "So be it. What's my next move, James? Please, enlighten me."
He stared her down. "Kiss me."
Lily's jaw dropped, her face draining of colour, then she regained herself and laughed. "Please James. Don't insult me. Now move."
But his eyes gave no sign of levity. They were burning with as much fire as Lily's. "I gave you an order."
"I'm done taking your orders. Tell the world if you like. I'm going to turn myself into McGonagall," she spat. "This has gotten ridiculous."
This time, she made a genuine effort to push past James, but he had caught her by the shoulders and pulled her towards him. And then his lips were on hers.
Lily didn't have time to think. She didn't have time to question his actions…or hers, for that matter, for she was sinking slowly into his kiss. He tasted warm, and good…there really wasn't another way to explain it. She opened her mouth wider to deepen the kiss, and all of her thoughts washed away. She melted.
It wasn't like any she'd had before. Not with the other boys she'd dated…they were pathetic in comparison. This kiss was…it was heated…and it was with- James.
And it was over. Lily pulled away and her eyes met James'. His gaze was still smouldering, as if he were going to kiss her again. But Lily was simply confused. She bit her lip and pushed him back. She looked him straight in the eye, her expression unreadable, and then pushed past him and took off down the corridor.
James stood frozen to the spot, her warm taste lingering on his lips and in his mouth. Had he just…kissed Lily Evans?
---
Melinda's wavy locks shimmered in the candlelight. It was getting late. She yawned liberally and capped the quill ink. She was rolling up her unused parchment when there came a knock at her door.
"Come in," she leaned forward curiously to see who could be calling at this hour.
The door creaked open, and there stood Lily, wet and tired, bags beneath her eyes. She looked like she'd been traipsing around the grounds in the rain for quite awhile. She seemed unaware that the limp parchment and books wedged in the crook of her arm were spoiled.
"Lily!" Melinda stood up abruptly, pushing out her chair.
"I…" Lily swallowed hard. "I was hoping we could talk, maybe. Just for a minute?"