Emmett's POV:
I didn't understand how a perfectly normal day could turn so… EVIL! I've been tired of not being able to sleep, so I've been pretending. I've been trying to count sheep, but I get distracted. So I've been counting garden gnomes instead, it's much more entertaining – they're pink.
Rosalie had moved out of our room because she said I wasn't acknowledging her personal feelings. Sometimes I want to shoot her, but that would upset Carlisle; he's scary when he's angry. He throws microwaves.
Anyways, I "woke up" and skipped down the hallway. Edward complained because I was shaking the whole house, so I threw him out the window. Then I went downstairs.
"Hey Rose!" I said when I saw her. She was watching the beauty network. "Rosalie, TV is bad for your brain."
She stood up and approached me. "EMMETT!" she screamed. "YOU ARE SOO INSENSITIVE!"
"Your face is unusually red," I commented, "that isn't healthy."
"EMMETT!" she screams a lot. "STOP INSULTING ME!" she stormed off. I laughed.
Then Alice came up. "Hello Emmett!" she said.
"ALICE!" I shrieked.
"WHAT? WHAT?" she screamed.
"Oh my Carlisle, you're like… short." I commented.
"You know what Emmett?" she said. "You're fat!"
"GASP!!" I screamed. "MY FIGURE IS OUT OF SHAPE?!"
"Did you just call Emmett fat?" Jasper asked.
"Yes," Alice said.
Then Edward came up. "He is kinda fat, isn't he?"
"I'M NOT FAT!!" I yelled. "IT'S CALLED WEIGHT CHALLENGED!!"
"He's like… elephant sized," Edward said.
"No way," Jasper said. "He's more like… a whale."
A WHALE?! NO!! NOT MY FAVORITE GIANT MAMMAL!!
"If he wore yellow one day, he'd look like a school bus," Edward said.
"He better not wear yellow!" Alice screamed. "It'll clash!"
I hated fat jokes. So I ran upstairs and grabbed my gun. It helped me catch my prey because I was… SLOW!! I CRAP I WAS FAT!!
"ESME!" I screamed. "I NEED YOUR PILATES VIDEOS!"