Disclaimer: Kenshin does not own the Yuu Yuu Hakusho characters (they are the property of Togashi Yoshihiro et al), and does not make any money from said characters. Don't sue.

What Kenshin does own, however, are all the original characters presented in this work, whether human or demon. Any attempt to "borrow" these characters will be met with the katana, or worse.

The events in Idiot Beloved take place shortly after the Dark Tournament; it sequel Firebird Sweet directly follows that timeline, and this particular sidefic occurs some time later.

Title: Death by Hiei C3: Suicide By Cop

Author: JaganshiKenshin

Genre: Action/Adventure, Humor

Rating: T

Summary: One patient's already on the operating table, and it looks like Kurama will soon have another.

A/N: Again, I refer to Hiei's first meeting with Kurama, as told in the YYH manga extra Two Shots. See my accompanying sketches on LJ. As always, thanks for reading and please review! ^^

Another day, another fainting spell.

Death by Hiei (C3: Suicide By Cop)

by

Kenshin

Her skin a sickly shade of green, Shay-san swayed on her feet, clutching at anything she could grab. I couldn't afford for her to tip the table over and send Hiei crashing to the floor; nor did I want her to slump like a sack of grain and smash her head on the way down.

"In the chair," I barked. "Now!"

She complied. "Put your head on your knees," I added, in a gentler tone, as I sifted a packet of disinfectant crystals into Hiei's open wound, and heard another little catch of his breath. "Don't worry," I assured him. "Analgesic comes next."

I couldn't see Hiei's expression but the skepticism in his voice rang clear. "You keep saying I can't tolerate those."

"That's the beauty of it," I said. "At least you're face-down if you start throwing up."

"Whatever would I do without you?"

"I'll also give you a mild tranquilizer." Hiei is violently allergic to almost all painkillers, as we discovered to our chagrin when he made his first dental visit. I custom-fit my drugs as much as possible, but dosing him is like crossing a tightrope in greased shoes. "Or maybe I should just give you something to improve your disposition."

"Which I don't need. How is that idiot woman?"

"More pleasant than you'll ever be." But only after I had cleaned, closed, and bound the wound, and given Hiei something to make him sleep, could I spare the time to glance up.

Shay-san's head was still resting on her knees.

I called to her softly: "Are you conscious?"

"Yes," she said, simultaneous with Hiei.

"I wasn't talking to you," I told him fondly, adding for Shay-san's benefit, "Come and see him. He should be fine."

Rising, Shayla Kidd made her wobbly way to Hiei's side and they latched hands. "Mnf," was all he said to her. His grip relaxed. He was already going under.

She case a worried glance at me. "His hands are cold."

"I know. All it means is that Hiei's using a lot of his own energy for healing."

"I'll turn the heater up, then."

We made Hiei as comfortable as we could, covering him, tilting the heater in his direction. Giving him a final once-over, I informed her, "He could sleep for hours. You might want to get some rest yourself."

She shook her head and settled back into the chair. "Hiei kept watch by my side the night we met. When El Chupacabra attacked. Here I stay."

"Then so will I." Lifting a folding chair from the corner, I placed it next to her and sat. "If we keep our voices down...." I took a deep breath. "Sorry I barked at you before."

"I live with him." She nodded toward Hiei. "That wasn't barking by my standards." She seemed to notice for the first time that she had a dust rag in her pocket, and took it in her hands, folding and refolding, in a soothing, repetitious action.

"We'll get the shooter," I vowed. "Sooner rather than later."

She licked her lips. "I need a drink. A big one. How about you?"

"Can't. I'm on duty."

The blinds were drawn, and the heater made the room almost stifling. The folding chair was uncomfortable, but I had sat in worse; still it looked like a longish vigil.

"Back then---" She continued to work on the dust cloth, unfolding and refolding it. "Back then, shortly before I met all of you, my uncle Paul was in the Pell Building on the outskirts of San Francisco."

I wondered where this was going, but nodded anyway.

"It was a cool day in early spring, and Paul had just finished a meeting with a film producer. He left the building with his attache full of contracts in one hand, and a coffee in the other." She shut her eyes briefly, then went on.

"There were steps leading from the vestibule of the building down to the parking lot, which was at street level, and the view of the lot was a little obscured by landscaping. He was just about to go down to his car."

Again she stopped. In the silence, I could hear Hiei's soft, even breathing.

"At first, Uncle Paul thought the sound he heard was just backfire. Then again: pop-pop-pop. Nest, something that he took for a big wasp went zinging past his ear. But it wasn't a wasp."

"Gunfire," I guessed.

"Paul pressed himself back against the door and out of the line of fire. Just as he was about to retreat into the building, he glanced down along the stairs into the parking lot. About fifteen feet from the foot of the stairs was a boy of maybe 12, crouched in front of a big blue Oldsmobile."

Even though I knew Shayla Kidd's Uncle Paul was still among the living, I felt a chill creep over me.

"Uncle Paul put down his attache and coffee and made a run for the kid, keeping low. He got there all right, but the kid was too scared to move. Uncle Paul tried coaxing him but maybe the kid didn't understand English.

"And then the shooter really opened fire on the cops. Before then, he was just trying to get their attention. In the exchange of gunfire, the Oldsmobile's windows were shattered. The glass sprayed my uncle and the kid."

I realized I had been holding my breath. "Were they---"

"Cut up some by the flying glass, yes. Then it was all over. Later an ambulance came and took the kid for treatment. Paul never got his name, never saw him again."

"And the one who started shooting?"

"Went out in the meat wagon, feet first."

"But who was he? Why did---"

"News reports said that his girl ran off with some guy who worked in the Pell. It made no sense."

I let out another long breath.

"Death by cop," she concluded, flicking the dust rag at a nonexistent spot on the chair.

"I beg your pardon?"

"It's becoming quite the thing in America. The instigator is usually male, in his twenties or thirties. Decides he wants to die, goes out looking for a cop, creates a situation where the cop has to take him down. Tough on the cop, believe it or not."

"I'm not quite following you."

"When I first met Hiei I thought he was a border guard. I kept calling him 'genkai no senshi---' 'soldier of the boundary.' At the time it was the best I could do, with my pitiful command of your language." She raised her eyes to meet mine. "But that's what Hiei is. A soldier of the boundary. A cop. How many demons have thrown themselves on his sword this week?"

"A few."

"They were looking for Hiei to take them down."

I considered her story. Were the demons working together? Was the shooter a partner of the oni killed earlier that day? And who was his target---Hiei or myself?

Anger is a useless weapon without focus. But a demon had shot my friend in the back, and would some day be receiving an unexpected bonus of cold rage.

"Hiei shoved me out of the line of fire." I spoke with regret. "Maybe if I had been equally quick he might not have---"

She gave me a melting smile and sighed. "You did a hero's work today. Can I get you some tea? Coffee?"

"The smell could wake him."

"Water, then. Or---" This was her take-no-prisoners voice. She got up and padded to the kitchen, returning with a basket that held a variety of bottles---leftovers from various Romantic Soldier endorsements. "These sports drinks taste like old gym shoes," she apologized, setting the basket at my feet. "But they'll restore your fluids and electrolytes."

"Sounds irresistible." I selected one of the less-vile flavors and handed her another. We toasted in silence.

Then it was my turn to leave the room. When I got back Shay-san was trying to work the kinks from her own shoulders, her teeth bared in a grimace of discomfort. The mounting tension of the day had taken its toll, and I was feeling it myself.

"Let me help you." I dug my fingers into her trapezius muscles.

"Ow. Did someone just stick a railroad spike into me?"

"Sorry." Her muscle knots are nothing tougher than muscle knots, and I said as much. "Now, Hiei's are like---" I cut myself off before I could say the word: bullets. "Iron," I finished lamely.

I couldn't even hear her breathe then.

"He'll be okay," I added. "This is just a blip on his radar screen. Hiei's taken worse damage than this and you know it; you've seen the Dark Tournament highlights."

"On tape you can't smell the blood."

"Touche."

Hiei slept on, and I kept my voice to a whisper. "Kuwabara-kun also encountered some demons this week," I told her. "The usual sort. But the one who shot Hiei looked human."

"Was he the ringleader?"

"Doubtful. Hiei thought he was a fool."

"Hiei thinks everyone is a fool."

"The demon had a one-handed grip on the gun."

She gave a snorting little chuckle. "My little Squirrel should find out who he is."

She had more faith in the jaki than did I. Hiei stirred then, murmuring, "Want another piece?"

She smiled. "He sounds so reasonable, doesn't he. I used to try answering him until I realized he was just talking in his sleep."

It was true. Hiei had talked in his sleep the first time I treated him. A single word: Yukina. And when I repeated the name to Hiei on his awakening, he threatened to kill me.

Evidently, despite already garnering a reputation on the demon plane, Hiei felt he had a lot to prove. Back then, I would not have laid odds on developing a friendship with this difficult, prideful, stubborn creature.

Yet we did seamlessly coordinate our attacks against the demon Yatsude. I suppose we were in accord even then.

"I'll want to have Dr. Smith look at him as soon as he's up and around."

"Why?" She frowned. "You just said he'd be okay."

"Just to make sure the shoulder's not broken. Hiei's bones may be strong, but they can and do break. Fortunately enough, his x-rays read quite normal, so it will be safe even if the technician gets a look, and Dr. Smith will run interference. It's his blood that's problematic; it may appear as red as any human's blood, but it tests differently; for one thing, his testosterone-analog level is off the charts, but interestingly enough, so is his estrogen---"

"You're as worried as I am."

I sighed. "This was the fourth demon in three days, and they weren't after Kuwabara. Fifth, if you count the shooter."

The doorbell rang. We exchanged somewhat puzzled glances. "It wouldn't be your mother," Shay san murmured. "Who---"

"Whoever it is, I'll send him away." Leaving Shay-san with Hiei, I went to answer the door.

Standing on the front step, bristling with impatience, were Urameshi Yuusuke and Kuwabara Kazuma. Yuusuke wore a t-shirt and jeans, while Kuwabara ignored the warm weather by means of a green baseball jacket. Both should have been busy with high school, but that had never stopped Yuusuke before. "We understand there's a party going on," began Yuusuke. They pushed past me to kick their shoes off in the genkan.

"And you didn't even invite us," lamented Kuwabara.

"Our feelings have been crushed," added Yuusuke.

"The comedy team of Hither and Yon," I said dryly, but I was heartened to see them.

Yuusuke cracked his knuckles. "Hiei's okay, right? So let's get ready to rumble!"

"I---"

Kuwabara treated me to a wide grin. "We just want in on the action. That too much to ask?"

"Keep your voices down, please," I cautioned them. "There's a sick man in this house."

And I heard Hiei's voice behind me. "Sick? Who's sick? I took a bullet. There's a difference."

Hiei. He had dragged himself off the massage table and now stood with his legs braced apart and one hand braced on the wall, shaky but determined.

Behind him Shay-san shrugged, then rolled her eyes.

Hiei regarded Kuwabara and Yuusuke. "Who told you anyway?" he demanded.

"A little birdie," grinned Yuusuke.

"With a prehensile tail and an appetite for peanuts," I surmised.

Shay-san clasped her hands in an ecstasy of pride. "How sweet! My little Squirrel went to get help!"

"Yeah," said Yuusuke. "He's a regular Lassie."

"Well?" Kuwabara glanced around the hall as if to tackle the perp then and there. "When do we start? What's the battle plan?"

"There is none." Hiei folded his arms, then thought better of it and steadied himself against the wall once more.

"There's gotta be," Kuwabara said. "After all Hiei, you called me."

"My bullet, my fight," Hiei said stubbornly.

"Oh, yeah?" Kuwabara planted his hands on his hips and glowered down at Hiei. "Some of those demons came after me!"

"By mistake," Hiei corrected him.

"That makes it my fight, too, Shorty!" Kuwabara thumped his chest for emphasis.

"Why?" Hiei arched an eyebrow at him. "Just because some stupid D-class nonentity got careless and mistook you for someone who could really give it a fight?"

"Guess he is all right," Yuusuke snickered. "He's back to being rude."

Hiei opened his mouth to respond.

I knew how Hiei could get. And I didn't want him up on his hind legs, arguing with his friends until he re-opened the wound. "I have to cut this short," I told Yuusuke and Kuwabara, putting myself between them and Hiei. "Doctor's orders."

Yuusuke stuck his nose in the air. "Now I really feel left out. Imagine mistaking Kuwabara for Hiei! At least I have the same hair color."

Kuwabara mirrored Yuusuke's posture. "And when a buddy begs a guy for help---"

"For information," snapped Hiei. "And I don't beg."

"Do you want Hiei to start bleeding again?" I stepped closer to Yuusuke. "All over Shay-san's nice clean floor?"

"Oh, like that's anything new," said Yuusuke.

But after a brief show of defiance, they did make their somewhat grudging retreat, muttering to one another as they put their shoes back on and slunk out the door.

I personally escorted them. When they reached the walkway, however, they turned.

Yuusuke cupped his hands around his mouth. "Can't stop us from patrolling the neighborhood!" he shouted.

"Yeah!" added Kuwabara, "Or spyin' on ya!" With a dual wave, they strolled off, young irreverent, and loyal to the core.

"Have a blast," muttered Hiei, hobbling toward the stairs. "Time to get the kids back here, woman. Now where's a real bed?"

I replied before Shay-san could so much as draw a breath. "Nowhere, unless I carry you up."

Hiei's hand was already clamped on the banister and his gaze clamped on me, faintly challenging. "I'd like to see you try."

I gave him an icy look. "I'd succeed."

Hiei lifted his lip.

Still such a lot to prove, this one. I was gambling, true, but a bigger risk was Hiei opening up the wound. "I am not letting you ruin my handiwork," I insisted.

"Why don't I put more blankets on the massage table?" Shay-san hastily cut in. "The beds could do without bloodstains, even the old bed in the guest room."

"And I'll lower the table so you can get in and out on your own," I added.

To my surprise, Hiei shrugged, then shuffled back toward the guest room. "Outnumbered, I see."

Hiei may be stubborn but he is hardly suicidal.

Suicide by cop. Shay-san could be right about the motive of those demons. Or, like me, perhaps they were curious about---

Sometimes I think Hiei uses the Jagan unconsciously and reads my thoughts. As I lowered the height of the massage table, he regarded me steadily. "They want to see Tenchi no Hi? I'll oblige them."

Tenchi no Hi: The Flame of Heaven and Earth. It was the first time I had heard the sword's name.

A named sword. Hiei doesn't name his katana; he is not a character in an epic fantasy and this isn't Valhalla. And I have spent long hours listening to his numerous complaints regarding their quality:

("You and your plants have got an endless array of attacks, Kurama. All I have are these useless pieces of steel that can't even stand up to carving a pork roast.")

Hardly what I'd call an accurate description of Hiei's powers, but--- "Hiei, is this wise?"

"Kurama." He looked, and sounded, as though he could not keep his eyes open one minute longer. "You know the drill. Word got out. I have a new sword. They don't know what it is, but they want to know what it does. They'll keep trying to goad me into using it, and one of these days some demon'll go after Kaasan, or my woman, or my kids. I'm just cutting the process short."

"I hate it when you're right about these things."

Hiei's only response was a grunt. Closing his eyes, he lay down on the massage table and drifted back to sleep.

Shay-san sank into the armchair, and put her head in her hands. "I knew this was coming sooner or later," she breathed. "But we've only been back from Rome for two weeks."

"You've seen it? This sword?"

She looked up at me. "Tenchi no Hi? More or less."

Burning with curiosity, I asked, "What does the sword do?"

She was a long time answering, busying herself once more with the dust rag, paying out the edge-stitching as though counting Rosary beads.

I heard the tick of Hiei's deep, even breathing, the faint hum of the gooseneck reading lamp, and at last, the sound of her soft little American voice:

"Kurama---You don't want to know."

(To Be Continued: Who is the mystery man trying to force Hiei into using his new weapon?)

-30-