Emmett's POV:

Rosalie was in her bathroom putting on her makeup. She was applieing her lipstick. I silently crept up behind her and tapped her on the shoulder. She spazzed out and her lipstick went smearing up her face towards her ear. Suddenly she pulled out a gun and shot me. I looked at meh chest.

"OHMIGAWD I'M BLEEDING!" I screamed in delight.

Then Jasper appeared and started sucking on meh chest.

"EMMETT!!" He screamed.

"WHAT!?" I screamed back. Then our eyes met and we gazed at each other longingly. "My love," I added.

He slapped me. "This is ketchup you fool."

"MUAHAHA! I needed an excuse for you to suck on my chest!"

"GOOD GOD!" Rosalie screamed. "WHAT IS THIS FAN FICTION RATED!"

"M for manly toughness provided by Jasper."

Then Rosalie dragged me by meh ear and threw me into the bathtub.

"I'M DROWNING!" I screamed.

"There's no water, Emmett."

Then Carlisle appeared in all his doctory sexiness. "Hey my peeps, what's the hizzle? Guess What?"

"Miley Cyrus got arrested?!" Edward squealed. Where did Edward come from?

Then Miley Cyrus appeared. "HAY HAY! MAKE SOME NOISE!" she screamed.

Then Rosalie whisled and I appeared.

"How may I be of assistance?" I asked.

"Dispose of the trash."

I picked Miley up by her beaver teeth and threw her out the window.

"EVERYBODY MAKES MISTAKES!" we heard from outside.

"LESBO!" Edward screamed.

"EXCUSE MEH IT'S CALLED BI!" she screamed.

Then Alice appeared. "Oh like Rachel?"

...

Carlisle spoke up. "Hey girlfrans! Listen up!"

"What?" we all said.

"I got you a toota!"

"OMG I LOVE TUNAAA!" I screamed.

"He means a tutor," Edward said.

"NOOOOOO!" We screamed.

"HAVING BELLA IS TORTURE ENOUGH!" Rosalie screamed.

Bella started to cry. WHERE DID SHE COME FROM?!

Edward read meh mind. "She flew in on a magic rainbow!"

Then Esme came in. "You need a toota since you flunked out of skool."

"WE GRADUATED!" We screamed. All except Bella, who took her magic rainbow home.

"You can't even spell!" Rosalie snapped.

"I twas speaking!" Esme said.

"But I read the text in the fan fic!"

...

"I'm gonna get you Anna..." Esme Screamed At The Sky.

(A/N: EEP! I'm scared...)

"Here's your toota!" Carlisle screamed.

Suddenly a very short man appeared.

"This is Mr. Slappy," Carlisle continued.

"Please children, call me Slappy the Elf."

Then Rosalie's eyes became those heart things that you see in cartoons. "Well hello, Slappy."

"Why do they call you Slappy?" Alice asked.

He smiled debiously. "I like to slap bad children," he pulled out a paddle.

He sat us down. "Today, we're gonna learn about musical parallelograms."

Then Rosalie got down on one knee. "MARRY ME, SLAPPY!"

Then a long makeout session followed that cannot be described due to graphic images that may be seen in small children's minds. Hello small children...

"Does this mean I can have Jaspa?!" I asked hopefully.

"No! I belong to Alice!"

"Alice can have Edward," I said.

"Eew, Edward's a guy!" Alice screamed.

"What's that supposed to mean?!" Jasper said. "WE ARE OVA!"

"Well then who do i get?" Alice asked.

"YOU CAN HAVE MILEY!" I squealed.

Suddenly Miley burst through the door. "Are you from Tennessee cuz you're the only ten I see!"

"Oh Miley!" Alice said.

"Oh Alice,"

More graphic kissing scenes...

I turned to Jasper. "Come Here Suga Britches!" I screamed.

Epilogue:

So there were many weddings in Vegas that weekend.

Rosalie and Slappy

Alice and Miley

and Emmett and Jasper.

3 3 3

xoxoxoxo

(A/N: So there you have it. The most graphic and disturbing love story of all time. BYESSS!)

Anna and Marie