Author's notes: Okay, this chapter is a little mushy. Who am I kidding? It's a LOT mushy!! Mind the rating change! My filter only lasts just so long. More to come after this, promise! Enjoy!

Need

He climbed out of the cab after the driver refused further payment saying that it was made ahead of time and meandered up to his own apartment door, mixed feelings of anxiety and excitement brewing in his soul. He had been told not to be mad, a feeling that had never crossed his mind. As soon as he'd gotten the message, he'd been overcome with an anticipation he'd never felt before.

Ideas ran thru his mind, wondering just what his newfound partner had up his sleeve. James had a reason for everything. There was a method to his madness. Greg reached for the doorknob, his hand shaking, and ended his wait.

Inside he found dim lighting and flickering candles. Soft music flowed thru his speakers and an intoxicating scent floated from the kitchen. Leaning against a bookcase, two wine glasses in hand, clad in faded jeans and an untucked dress shirt only buttoned halfway up his chest was the one person in his life that he needed more than anything else.

"I wanted to cook dinner for you and I thought that this might be the last time I had a chance to surprise you for a while. No tie or jacket required."

After dropping his bag to the floor, he took the glass being handed to him and took a sip. "This is beer."

"I knew if I handed you a glass of wine you wouldn't drink it. I just thought the glass made it a little more…romantic."

Leaning his cane against the wall, he cupped the younger man's cheek in his free hand. "My Jimmy. Hopeless romantic."

With a smile, "What happened to James?"

"Exploring my options." He leaned in and pressed his lips to the pair his heart desired every minute of the day. Electricity shot thru his body with the mere contact of their lips; electricity that awoke senses deep within him and terrified him all in the same moment. He'd never needed anyone. He'd loved Stacey, no doubt. But this was different. This was a much deeper love that his heart needed in order to continue to beat.

"Hungry?"

Sparks shot thru his eyes, "Yeah."

With a chuckle, James led Greg to the table and served up two plates of baked chicken mac and cheese. "My favorite. Is there anything you don't remember?"

"Probably."

"I'm starting to doubt that."

Moments of silence passed before James spoke again, his heart pounding in his chest like a locomotive. "I remember the moment I fell in love with you." Their eyes met over the flicker of the candle between them, locked in love. As his heart slowed to a manageable rhythm, "It was after Stacey. You were so hurt; and it killed me. I just wanted to gather you into my arms and convince you that everything would be okay. All that hurt. I just wanted to make it disappear and show you that life could be happy again."

"Why didn't you?"

"Because I was afraid you'd sock me."

"Good chance I would have. What changed?"

"I realized that I was willing to give up everything for you. There's nothing I wouldn't risk. I've already done it. All three of my marriages, my job, my life, Amber…I risked it all. And even though at the time I may not have thought so, I know now that I didn't care what I lost as long as I had you in the end."

"Why did you leave me?"

Honesty poured from his mouth, unable to hold it back. "Because I was scared. I thought it would be easier to walk away myself than to have you push me away."

"What happened?"

"I couldn't do it. I loved you too much. I was miserable. It made me realize that it didn't matter how I lost you, it was going to hurt just as much. So I thought I might as well give it a chance."

"What would you have done if I turned you away?"

There was a long silence before he dared answer. Part of him still wondered what he would have done. Of course his initial reaction was that he would survive; maybe not well, but he would forge thru if he completely started over. But in the back of his mind he wondered if he would have been strong enough. "I…I don't know. I think I would've…I don't know."

"And here I was worried you'd leave me."

"It's not gonna happen, Greg."

"So I'm stuck with you for the rest of my life?"

"At least the rest of mine."

His heart skipped a beat, the intimacy between them forming a lump in his throat. His voice deepening to a husky murmur, "I can live with that." They finished their meal in a comfortable silence, James clearing their plates and replacing them with slices of banana cream pie. "This really does terrify me. I have no secrets from you."

"I don't have any from you either. But that doesn't terrify me. I think it makes us perfect. You know all my faults and flaws and I know all of yours; and we're still here."

"But I've changed. I feel myself changing."

"How?"

"I did case notes for my patients' files today and I contemplated making up some of my clinic hours."

"Seriously?"

His eyes roaming anywhere but to the pair across the table, "Being happy changes a person."

"I make you…happy?"

His eyes fell to the table. "Yeah." He heard the scrape of the chair against the floor and the footsteps walking toward him then felt the tug, pulling him to his feet.

"That is quite possibly the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me." Their lips met, passion soaring. Hands groped, searching for any exposed skin. James pushed his hands into the short salt and pepper hair at the back of Greg's neck, pulling him deeper into their kiss. His tongue pushed its way thru lips and passed teeth, finding its destination. The muffled groan from Greg's throat caused James to rip his lips from his partner's. "I need you."

Quick breaths came from deep within his chest. "I've never done this."

Eyes filled with passion, heart beating rapidly, "It's okay. Neither have I."

They walked hand in hand into the bedroom, Greg stopping when he saw the suitcases lined along the wall. "You moved in."

Without moving, "Of course I did. I love you. I want to be here. Remember?"

With one gentle yank, he pulled James into his arms. "I remember." Slowly, deliberately, he unbuttoned each button of the shirt that separated him from bare skin. In one movement, he pushed the shirt off broad shoulders and lowered his lips to kiss the newly exposed chest. Fumbling with the button and zipper of jeans, his lips and tongue never left the body that fueled his every desire. When he finally released the waistband, his partner could wait no longer.

James tugged the t-shirt over Greg's head, desperate for skin-to-skin contact. He bit gently at first at the older man's collarbone then more roughly as he moved to his chest. Teeth meeting nipples elicited a hiss and moan from deep within Greg's throat that made James' erection pulse against his loosened jeans begging for release.

Suddenly more needy, each movement became urgent and jerky. Clothes were quickly yanked off before they fell onto the bed, hands groping, pulling at hair, digging into sensitive skin. Lips and tongues clashed, with each other and any untouched flesh they could find. Hips jerked, pressing erections together, heightening their desires and needs for release.

When James wrapped his hand around his partner's swollen erection, Greg hissed words of passion. "Christ! James!"

Between panting breaths, "Greg! I need you."

His mind raced. The lack of blood in his brain made him dizzy, unable to think any rational thought. He only knew that his desire had built to a point of explosion and the only person who could bring him to complete bliss was the man who was laying naked half on top of him. With the pain in his right leg not even noticeable, he flipped their entwined bodies over and half straddled the man underneath him. Pinning both of his lover's hands to the mattress with each of his own, he created a rhythm that was quickly sending him to the brink of orgasm.

Resting dangerously on the edge of explosion, he spoke on word. "James?"

The response was in a near shout, "Greg!"

He quickened their pace, feeling the heat of his lover's release just before his own. His body fiercely shook as moans and gasps extended their pleasure with each thrust of his hips. Completely spent, he collapsed onto his partner, the sticky reminder of their love pressed between their depleted bodies.

Gently freeing his hands, James wrapped his arms around his lover, one hand pressed flat against his back, the other pushed into the hair at the nape of his neck. A peace came over him as his breathing evened, realizing that this moment was one he'd been waiting for, for way too long. "I love you so much." Greg made an attempt to move, but James just tightened his grip. "No. Just…I know you don't like to cuddle…just give me a few minutes."

Snuggling closer, "It's okay, Evan."

"Evan?"

Sleep entering his voice, "Exploring my options."

A single chuckle, "Right." A moment later, his fingers running thru Greg's hair, "I like James."

"I love James."

"Good, because James loves you. More than you'll ever know." He closed his eyes and listened to the older man's breathing even out as he fell into a deep sleep, silently hoping to hear the same thing again more times than he could count.

He had finally entered the life he'd dreamt and fantasized about for years, and now he wasn't afraid of losing it any longer. Life was perfect. In this moment, with the rest of the world revolving around them and not mattering at all, they had found bliss together.

Over an hour later, Greg stirred on his chest. Not having fallen asleep himself, but rather having enjoyed holding his lover in his arms, he whispered, "Hey."

Gently rolling to his left side, but still keeping contact between their bodies, "Hey. How long have I been out?"

"About an hour."

"You sleep?"

"No. No, I was enjoying."

With a sly grin, "Me too."

"I thought you said you don't like to cuddle."

"I did say that."

"But?"

"But…with you, everything is different." He thought about his words as they slipped easily from his mouth and realized what he was admitting. Silently, he waited for James to push him, to give more insight, but the plea never came. Ironically, it made him want to share even more. "I've never loved anyone like I love you. The only other person I've ever been in love with was Stacey and it wasn't like this." He absentmindedly traced circles along the other man's chest, wondering how much his heart would let him confess. "I need you."

His breath caught in his throat, his heart stopped momentarily. "I need you too."