So she couldn't be wrong. Sesshoumaru couldn't be cold and callous. In conclusion, he must have left to save her. Of all the misguided chivalry he could use to come to this solution! What was she to do? Find a human man to marry? As if she could, the poor man would be forever held up to the image of her perfection, and forever be found wanting in her eyes. Was she to find demon or hanyou to spend her days with then? Another big 'pfft!' in the face of that idea. She would either still hold them up to his image and they would never stand up to it, or he would simply come and kill them because they would cause her all of the same problems he had left her to avoid.
It isn't as if she could turn into a demon for him. Not that she would think twice if there was a way she could, she would do that for him in a hearbeat. An eternity with him would be perfect.
But there wasn't a way to do it so no sense dwelling on the subject... again. Well that wasn't exactly true. Was it? Naraku became a hanyou to be with kikyou. Not that his plan worked out very well, and the idea of having her flesh devoured wasn't the most savory. But he didn't have spiritual power at his disposal either.
Spiritual power was a sort of polar opposite to demonic energy. Maybe it could be used in a similar to create immortality? Or was it merely the failings of the human body and energy had something to do with it. In that case could the spiritual energy be used to create a new vessel for a soul, one that was more resiliant and like a demon's body? Had anyone even ever tried it before? Well due to the nature of those with spiritual and their lack of want for personal gain she would have to think the circumstances to attempt such a feat would be very scarce indeed.
There was another kink in the chain of this plan. The only way she knew of to loose a soul from it's current vessel would be to destroy said vessel. Doing so left very little room error and her plan was still simply theory.
She stopped on her path. Turning with unseeing eyes, still deep in thought, towards the way she came from. What did she have to loose now in trying? She didn't have to guard the shikon anymore. She didn't need to be the village's miko, a replacement could be easily found. She had no duties, and the prospects of marriage and children had already been thrown out. And she really didn't want to go back and be showered with pity for her loss.
So be it. She turned resolutely to continue on her path, determined to test her theory and see it through. Only now did she notice where she was. She had nearly walked herself strait into a lake, she was so lost in thought. She stood a mere five feet from the calm water's edge.
Now she knew there were no lakes this large nearby. Just how long had she been walking? Out of reflex and curiousity as to the time of day she turned her head towards the sky. No sun? Everything was all dark, with little stars. Her eyes widened slightly. She had walked in her stupor from early that morning strait past nightfall!
She sighed and looked around and her calm surroundings. What was she to do now? It was dark, she wasn't sure how she got here, it would take a whole day to get back, and these were dangerous and unfamiliar territories to be staying the night in without supplies. Wait now, what was she thinking? She had just moments before decided upon a plan that essentially required her death. There was no going back and there was no surviving to worry about.
As she gazed out over the water onto the opposite shore following it's sandy line back to herself and then circling back to the same point again she made a decision. This would be fitting resting place for the body that had served her so well over the last twenty-four years. And for herself if everything went wrong. But now wasn't a time to think about such things, one needed to be optimistic for such endeavors.
She walked to the waters edge, waded in to the warm depths up to her waist, and dove down into the deep dark water. The only evidence of her passing the tiny ripples making their way to the shore on the otherwise placid surface of the lake.
OOO
Kami how he felt like an idiot. He had walked not but two hours from where he had left her and he felt more tired than if he hadn't rested for two months. He had gone just off the path into the forest and laid his weary head back against the largest trunk he could find to try and push away his traiterous thoughts. He wasn't not leaving because it hurt or he loved her. He was just staying because he was tired and didn't want to walk any longer, and maybe because he wanted to keep her safe. He wanted to watch over her and Rin just a little longer, to know they were safe and that he was in a fair distance to come to their aid should they need it.
There he still sat the next morning as dawn broke. And there he sat hours later, not quite being able to get up and leave just yet. As he sat once again mentally going through the reasons as to why he should leave, a tiny voice on the wind broke his train of thought...
"Kagome..."
He inwardly cursed. Now either even the the Kami were mad at him and sending him messages, or he was hallucinating. Neither was a good sign.
"Kagomeee?"
There it was again. But a little louder this time. Why did it sound so familiar now?
"Kagome?"
The voice sounded but a hesitant squeak now. Resigned undertones hiding behind a youthful feminine voice. His curiousity peaked he turned his gaze through the bush shielding him from the view of the road just in time to see his bumbling impish retainer skitter out to meet his previous ward.
"Rin! You silly little girl! What are you doing so far from the village all alone? and alerting every predator for miles with your infernal shouting!", the little imp quickly proceeded in berating the girl for her foolish antics.
She seemed to take it in stride and ignore it as she was used to such speeches from Jaken. "Master Jaken! Have you seen Lady Kagome? she left yesterday morning with Lord Sesshoumaru and has yet to return. I'm worried about her, normally she isn't gone so long."
The well hidden, peeping demon lord watched his retainer sputter in response. A knot formed in his throat and he clenched his teeth as he thought of what could have kept her for so long after she had parted from him. She had wandered off into the woods, he had assumed she merely needed time alone but what if something had gotten to her before she could return. What if he had been too lost in his own thoughts to hear when she had cried out for his aid.
Cursing himself inwardly he gracefully stood from his place and swiftly moved off to where he had last seen Kagome, hoping to track her from there and save her from whatever plight she had gotten herself into. All his unknowing companions saw was a rustling in the trees and a flash of white before he was gone.
OOO
Kagome sat before her former body. Deep beneath the surface of the water. She had swam to the sandy bottom in the very center of the lake the night before. She vaguely remembered now how she had wrestled the large stone atop her chest to hold herself in place incase her resolve wavered. Nonetheless the sickening sensation of suffocating on not only the lack of air but the extreme weight of the water's depth crushing her chest and asphyxiating her would probably never be forgotten. If this worked it would all be worth it in the end, she supposed.
She couldn't really see things the way she was now. She only vaguely knew she was sitting over her dead body from memory of it's surroundings and placement. All she had was spiritual senses, but they seemed to be heightened. She could sense the energy of even the smallest of bait fish and tiny plants. It was similar to seeing, for she could watch their auras.
She was ever so slowly begining to gather her discarded energy back to create her new body. Though at this rate it seemed as though it would take years. The small amount she had gathered now was nearly unnoticable and she would require much more to create a vessel.
She once again thought over how she had the forethought to expel as much spiritual energy from her body as she could so it would still be accessable when she left it, and so that it wouldn't attempt to heal her body when she was trying to die. She didn't particularly have much else to think about.
All of the sudden it seemed as if everything around her was trembling. It was an odd sensation, the energies of nature quivering against her own. What on earth could make it do that? There was something new among the energy she had sensed through the night since her death. This new thing was strangely familiar. It seemed subdued, like a great power hiding in a smaller vessel, and it's aura seemed distressed but that emotion didn't fit with the rest of the being.
The small vessel of the being seemed to begin unfolding. When it opened to reveal the shape beneath she was suddenly struck with a realisation. The ethereal green shape of massive paws descended upon the soft blues of the water's energy she had gazed upon. Sesshoumaru was at the lake, and quite upset. Was he looking for her? It was a romantic thought.
After tracking her through the forest for hours Sesshoumaru had found himself at a wide lake. Her scent dissapeared into the water and he immediately ran around the perimeter checking for signs of her. He couldn't imagine what could have happened for her to have gone so far, it had to have taken at least a day for a small human to walk as far as he had tracked.
After finding no other trace of her around the lake he started to fear the worst. Clenching his teeth he waded into the water up to his waist and ducked his head underneath the water hoping to catch a glimpse of a sign of her. He cursed himself for never learning to swim in that moment, the lake was twice as deep as he was tall in his true form.
Knowing he would never see the bottom of the lake without relinquishing his humanoid guise so he could at least 'doggy paddle' out to the middle and look into the water, he did just that. His energy quivered against the water and the surrounding flora. The wind created by his swirling essence stirred leaves into falling and as the swirling winds cleared the snow-white form of a floppy-eared dog appeared in the wake of a white haired demon.
He set one great forepaw into the water followed by another. It was strange, now that his spiritual senses weren't under the tight wrap of his guise it was like the water's essence was holding onto Kagome's, almost like a conduit, or what kagome had once described as a 'battery'. He could feel the energy stored in the water as it soaked into his fur and surrounded his body when he descended into the depths of the lake.
Submerging his head beneath the water to try and catch a glimpse of the bottom of the lake. Being emersed in the lake's water felt surprisingly soothing. He closed his eyes for a moment, feeling as if Kagome was so very near. Her loosed aura thrummed and slid across his in a soothing caress. He rose his head up out of the water for air and broke the momentary trance.
He never realised she had so much energy, he knew she was powerful but this aura was as large as his own at least. Though she had so much energy he knew she didn't have much practice in controlling such large amounts. She could have over-exerted herself to death expelling this amount of energy. And she hadn't left the lake according to his tracking. He began to try and put it all together. What if.. What if she had gone into the lake and was so tired she started to drown. Her energy would have acted of it's own accord to try and save her. Was all of this just residual energy from a failed attempt to save herself in her exhaustion? But it felt so alive.. like she was still here. By some strange stroke of luck she had to be alright.
He reached the middle of the lake and ducked his head underneath the surface again. He peered down to the bottom of the lake, trying to discern anything through the depths. As he was about to come up for air he caught the tiniest glimpse of something ghostly white standing out against the dark sandy bottom of the lake. Inu's eyes weren't the best and at that moment he almost wished he were a different type of demon. He plowed forward kicking his legs to try and descend lower into the water to get a better look, but being the inexperienced swimmer he was he could only manage to get his back a few feet below the water surface.
Golden eyes scanned over the tiny figure twenty feet below him, through the murky water. He could make out milky white appendages. He felt a clenching in his chest as he was sure it was Kagome's body now. He had to try and get her, to bring her back. This was his fault for letting her wander off. He may have left her but he should have still been there to keep her safe. He clenched his teeth tight hoping the pain in his chest that turned into a burning in his eyes would go away.
He was sure his teeth would crack under the abuse as he inched closer to her. He was now able to make out a grey mass around her chest. He squinted trying to make it out. Was it.. a rock? But how would that get there? It was balanced so perfectly atop her petit rib cage. She couldn't have done it to herself could she? Was it because of him? Because he left. Everything was his fault. It was his fault she was out here, his fault she had died, and now his fault that she had done the deed herself.
His clenched teeth could no longer be held together as an anguished roar ripped through his body, escaping in the form of a rush of bubbles and being drowned out into the water to a mere unsatisfactory rumble. He cried out into the water again, forgetting his need for the precious air he was letting escape in his anguish. With each breath he let out his body became less bouyant and started to sink to the bottom. His paws settled beside the dead form of Kagome and his head sank down heavily next to her as he howled out into the water.
As Kagome saw him struggling to reach her at the bottom of the lake she glided her way to him and wrapped her essence about him trying to sooth him. It didn't seem to have an effect, he was too caught up in seeing her dead to notice she was truly still there, all around him, simply waiting and bideing until she could be with him again.
When he let his air escape in his anguished howls to the obscured sun and layed down beside her at the bottom of the lake she was sure he wouldn't rise again without help. She abandoned gathering the energy for her form, knowing all she had would be needed to get him out of the water again. Him drowning would put a damper on her plans.
He whimpered into the water as he felt her essence curl around him and pillow beneath him, lifting him off the bottom of the lake. As he felt himself being pulled away he could only crane his neck trying to touch his nose to her before he was pulled away for good. A whimper tried to escape him again but he only coughed and sputtered, the loss of air and long stay under the water catching up to him. He paddled his legs trying to reach the surface quicker, not registering the energies helping him up and out of the water.
As his head broke water Kagome realised she couldn't follow. She didn't have enough energy to leave the water yet. She resigned herself to simply guarding her water until she had a form again and simply used her energy to hold him up while trying to conver to him one last message through their aura: "Live on, I'm alright, I'm doing this all for you."
He didn't hear her.
He dragged himself up onto the shore gasping and sputtering. Soon he rose heavily to his feet but his back legs gave out beneath him and fell heavily onto the sandy shore. He raised his great white head to the now amethyst sky and bayed to the emerging moon the anguish of a lost lover. The haunting sound of the great inu's howl lasted late into the night.
And so did it the next night, and the next... and the next.