She listened until she heard the sound of his bike speeding off into the night. She had thought of running right to the window after entering her apartment to wave one more time but had stopped herself at the door. Tossing her house keys onto the table by the couch she pulled her jacket off and tossed it over the armchair near the bookcase. Her legs led her to her bedroom numbly and she promptly flopped onto her bed with a small breath.

April couldn't be entirely certain what was wrong with Raphael - he was hard person to read...but she had her suspicions. Had she ever considered? His question echoed in her head. He had never been asking for anyone's sake but his own, she decided. Her mind whirled, trying to figure out where to start. Well, had she?

Yes... Of course.

They were her best friends... She loved them all, but just how much? Could she ever go farther than she already had? She had told Raphael that their differences should not stand between them...and she meant it still. But when it came down to really facing the possibilities...it felt very different. How would they date? Always hiding in the shadows, or in disguise? Could they ever really be intimate anywhere but in secret? It pained April that for every part of a relationship she considered, she found a wall...for everything but one.

Love. Love could be genuine no matter what.

But how could you nurture it properly...hiding all the time?

She rolled to her side and hugged her pillow under her head.

If she decided to invest herself in any of the turtles, she always knew it would have to be entirely. These were four brothers who had no one but each other and their master. Their love was that of a close-knit family. There was no one like them. The potential for a different love was slim, if not in danger of being one sided. April knew that if any of them were to find a mate, it would be for life...and any of them would fight for it as if their lives depended on it. There was no in between... She could not embrace them and then change her mind...without some very damaging results.

Why was she generalizing anyway? It was Raphael she should think of. A loose canon on his own, he would no doubt take rejection the hardest. He might even withdraw inside himself and his rage worse.

But if it worked out...? Somehow?

The way he held her... She never knew Raph to be so gentle. Her cheeks flushed as the remembered the moment down to every last detail. Did he really feel for her so? Of all of them, would his be the heart that tried so hard to love her and not love her at the same time? It must be frustrating, she imagined. Knowing Raphael, he probably toiled over the emotions and tried to deny them as hard as he tried to deny caring at all. April knew how that was...and how much it hurt sometimes. Casey made her feel that way when he pulled one of his stunts. When he did she would wind up every strand of feelings she had for him and toss them in the corner of her heart, hopefully to be forgotten.

Then he'd show up and they'd unfurl and make a god awful mess.

"Raph, what am I going to do with you?" she murmured to herself. What if it all went wrong?

What if it all went right?

"Where have you been all night?" Leo piped up as he saw Raphael crossing the living room, heading for his personal abode.

"Out," Raphael gave his typical short-handed answer and continued towards his room. He heard Michelangelo snort back a giggle. Leo glanced at him and Mike shifted, pressing the volume up on the remote for the TV.

"S'funny stuff... I love that Letterman...," he covered up and pressed his hand to his mouth. Leo raised a brow and then looked back at his brother.

"We're supposed to do meditation this morning, Raph." Raphael stopped in his tracks and looked over his shoulder.

"I'll do it later," he huffed.

"You know we do meditation as a family," came Splinter's voice as he exited his own room and stood at the steps. "If you consider yourself fit to sneak out all night, then you are also fit enough to do your training before returning to bed. Raphael muffled an annoyed groan and turned to face his master.

"Yes...sensei," he said, unable to hide all the bitterness in his voice. Splinter was pretty much used to it at this point, and didn't make much of it. He turned and his sons followed him to their meditation circle, taking their usual seats in a row before him.

"Take a deep breath and relax...concentrate...focus...," Splinter hummed softly. Raphael closed his eyes, but he just couldn't get his muscles to relax. He didn't want to be here. He wanted to go to bed... he wanted to sleep...perchance to dream. It was the only place that he knew what to say to her...where he didn't make a complete ass of himself. The sooner he got to bed, the sooner it was tomorrow. The sooner it was tomorrow, the sooner he could see April again. Maybe he could tell her right...

Splinter cleared his throat and Raph snapped to, looking at him. He closed his eyes again and tried to at least feign that he was meditating, even though his mind was so far from it. Splinter was quite aware at how distracted Raphael seemed. It wasn't entirely out of the ordinary for him. Often times he seemed to have the attention span for meditation that Michelangelo had for anything. There was something different in him now, though. He didn't give off the same energy as he would have if it he was anxious due to some sort of rage boiling inside him. No... This was something new entirely. What was that he sensed? Smelled? ...Pheromones?

Now, Splinter knew his sons were just like any other male of any species. They, too, emitted pheromones at certain times of the year - a natural call to the mates that would never come. What boggled him is it wasn't just Raph's pheromones he was smelling...

"Very good, my sons... You are dismissed for now...," he said after he was satisfied with the session. Moving to his feet slowly, he watched as the turtles dispersed and Raphael made for his room.

Leonardo, who had been following his master's gaze, crossed his arms and shook his head.

"Sometimes I wonder about him, Sensei... He's so sporadic...And now he's out all night and sleeping all day again... He doesn't even want to spar with us anymore," he said.

"I wouldn't be too concerned this time, Leonardo," Splinter hummed. "I do not think Raphael is getting himself into the same trouble that you might be suspecting.

"What do you mean?" the blue masked turtle asked, blinking.

"We shall see," Splinter replied, cryptically, though his rodent lips curled into a knowing smile. He turned and entered his quarters without so much as another word.

"And then he said 'We shall see'."

"Well, if Master Splinter isn't worried about it, I don't think we should be, Leo," Don replied to Leo's concern as he sat at his workbench, tinkering with his latest toys.

"Well, if it isn't a worry why can't he just tell us?"

"Becauuuse, it's a secret!" Mikey sang from the couch. Leo and Don raised brows simultaneously and then looked at each other. Leonardo sauntered over to the couch and leaned against the back.

"What do you know, Mike?" he asked.

"Uh?" Michelangelo tried to look like he didn't know what Leo was referring to, realizing the error of his statement.

"What secret is Raphael hiding from us?"

"It wouldn't be a secret if I told ya, Leo. 'Sides...Raph made me promise," Mikey replied, looking away from his elder brother.

"I'm just worried, okay? I want to make sure he's not getting himself into trouble."

"I hardly think April is gonna get Raph into trouble, dude...," he responded and then clamped his hands over his mouth. "Oops."

"April?" Don asked, raising a brow again. "Raphael is going out to see April every night?"

"Noooo," Mikey hummed, rolling his eyes to the side.

"Why would he do that? We can go see her anytime...," Leo said.

"Maybe he wanted to see her...by himself," Donatello mused as he looked over his plans again.

"By...himself..." Leonardo squinted and tried to grasp that, or at least what it most likely meant. "You don't think Raph is..."

"Probably not... I mean she's sort of seeing Casey..," Don responded factually. Michelangelo nodded, hoping they would just go with that thought so he wouldn't get in trouble with Raph for breaking his promise.

"Maybe..they're like...training together or something," he offered. Leonardo pondered things for a moment. It was possible, though it was tough picturing the hardcore Raphael training with April without breaking her arms and legs. As far as he knew April hadn't been in the hospital recently. And what if Raphael WAS going to see her for...other reasons? And what about Casey? If Raph and Casey were vying for April at the same time? He dreaded the thought. What he dreaded more was the thought of his brother crawling in one morning with his dreams shattered. He would never be the same then - and it was hard enough to keep him under control already.

"This is too weird," he muttered, and rubbed his face with a hand.

"Why?" Don asked. "Can't tell me you never thought about it, Leo." Leo furrowed his brow and promptly turned red.

"Dude, of course! April's hot..," Michelangelo threw in and chuckled. The three turtles sat in silence for a moment, each turning their own respective shade of purple.

"Okay, okay, stop it, guys," Leonardo said, waving his hands and shaking his head.

"Yeah... No fantasizin' 'bout Raph's girlfriends, dudes...," Mikey reinforced.

"She's not his girlfriend, Mike... No need to rub it in his face...," Leo insisted. Michelangelo shrugged. He was pretty much sure that April WAS Raph's girlfriend by now.

"What do we say to him?"

"We don't have to say anything, Leo," Don said. "If he wants to tell us... he will." Leonardo nodded and cleared his throat, promptly turning to go do some training or something productive to get the pictures out of his head.

"Leo's a perv," Mikey snorted with a laugh.

He had come up with the perfect idea. He would bring her something nice when he saw her tonight. Surely that would be a good enough lead in to what he had to tell her. The real question was what should be bring? What was it that they did in all those movies? Not that he ever WATCHED those movies, mind you. He'd just happened to be passing by when they were on the TV. Yes, that was it.

Flowers. Raphael was certain he'd seen flowers more than anything else. But what kind of flowers would be appropriate? Hm. Maybe he had better have a look around upstairs. It might give him a few ideas. Nodding with conviction, he grabbed the trench coat and hat off the rack in his room and threw them on. The place was quiet, almost unusually so. Not even Michelangelo was snoozing on the couch, exhausted from one of his television marathons. Oh, well. There was no reason to question a blessing, after all. Raphael hurried out and headed up to street level.

Little did he know that his brothers were not in bed tonight, and they weren't far behind him when he left.

Raphael could barely make himself move fast enough on the way to April's apartment. Tucked under his arm he had a parcel, careful to keep a tight grip on it and not lose it in his frenzy to arrive sooner. Along the way he managed to lose his hat to the breeze, but decided against retrieving it. A couple of buildings behind him, Leonardo picked up the tattered hat and looked at it in surprise.

"He sure is in a hurry, isn't he?" he said, looking after his brother.

"Ah, but love is the caffiene of a groggy heart," Mikey said, striking a poetic pose. Donatello looked at him with a crooked smile.

"That was...ALMOST eloquent, Mikey."

"Thank you, thank you," he said, taking his bows.

Raphael sprinted along and finally landed on the rooftop of April's apartment building, disgarding the coat there where he could pick it up later. He held the box in both hands and took a deep breath.

"Okay... This is it, Raph... Don't screw it up." He reached up and made sure his mask was straight before he descended the ladder to the balcony's below, his gift in tow. When he got to April's window he peered inside quietly, trying to see if she was still awake. Luckily, it seemed she was reading a book while lounging on the sofa. Raphael tapped at the window and caught her attention to which she set the book aside and came to unlock the window.

"Hi," he said once the window was open. Good start. Simple. Smooth. Yeah.

"Hi," she replied with a crooked smile.

"Can I come in...?" he asked. April nodded and stepped back so he could do so, closing the window behind him.

"You look like you feel better tonight, Raph. I'm glad," she admitted. He nodded once to affirm her thoughts, still half cradling his package. "So, what brings you?" Her eyes darted to the package a little curiously. Her heart thumped a little harder in her chest, anxious at where this could be going. She'd pretty much revved herself up all day today since her long inner-therapy last night. Was she ready for anything like she hoped?

"April...," Raph said. "I thought I augtta... I mean...well..," he murmured, lowering his eyes again and fiddling with the package. Not now! Not the tongue tripping!

"Is that for me?" April interjected with a light point. Raphael could have kissed the woman right then. He would have kissed her for many reasons, but this was one of the reasons he loved her so. She made things a hell of a lot easier. He gave another silent nod and lifted the box up for her. April smiled lightly. What could she say? She loved getting presents. Reaching up, she took it carefully into her hands. "That's very sweet of you." Raphael glanced up and tried his best to maintain eye contact this time. He nodded only slightly and crossed his arms, watching her to see what she thought when she opened it.

April's fingers brushed the lid of the box and she was about to reveal the gift when she heard the door buzzer.

"Who could that be at this hour?" she said, seemingly annoyed. Raphael mimicked her frustration, though he merely did it with a scowl. With the gift still in tow, she strode to the door to see who it was - and take a chunk out of them for coming by so late.

"Heyyy, Gorgeous!"

"Casey," April said flatly.

"Aw, dun gimme that look, sweetheart...," he said with a grin. "Can I come in?"

"I have company," she replied, sourly.

"Not another guy, I hope," he chuckled, though his eyes peeked over April's head just to be sure. Catching sight of Raphael he brushed past April and lifted his hand. "Heyyy... I haven't seen you in awhile, bud! Giving up the midnight vigilente gig so easy?" Raphael did not raise his hand to return Casey's gesture for a high-five.

"I think I've grown out of it," he said simply.

"Eh...Well.. To each his own, I guess," he chuckled again. "You must be up here protectin' April for me, at least." The turtle was ready to reply in a not-quite-so-nice manner when his eyes finally caught sight of what Casey was flinging around in his other hand. He clenched his teeth so hard it hurt.

"Casey, what are you--?" April demanded when she was interrupted by a flurry of flowers in her face. "What are these for?"

"For you. To say 'I'm sorry'," he said, as a matter of factly. April looked a little bewildered a moment and Raphael felt as though he might explode.

"Funny how easy it is for you to say that these days," she finally said and pushed the flowers back into his chest. "Flowers have begun to lose their meaning to me with how you just toss them around, Casey Jones."

Had he been wrong? Raphael was suddenly caught between nervousness and rage. He wanted to pummel Casey into the wall and he wanted to just leave all at once. The only thing that kept him there was April. He wanted as much time with her as possible. What to do...?

"What's goin' on?" Leo whispered from above as Mikey peered into April's window, hiding the best he could.

"Well... Raph was like 'Here Sweet-Thang, this is for you.' and April was all like 'Ooooh, that's soooo sweet, I could KISS you!' and then she was like 'Oopsie! Someone's at the door!' and then Casey was like 'Hiiii I'm so butch, I am here and watch me dance with these flowers!' and then April got all angry like 'I don't like your flower dance, Casey! You suck!' ...and Raph is all like 'Grrrrr, I wanna hit something!' You know. Typical." Donnie and Leo glanced at each other, confused at the pictures forming in their heads now.

"Casey's there? This isn't going to end well," Donatello said, pressing a hand to his forehead.

"I think you should go, Jones," Raphael said, stepping forward.

"Eh..? Right," he chuckled. "Don't worry about April, Raph. She always get's riled up like this."

"Excuse me?" April huffed.

"Yeah? Probably 'cause she don't like you!" he huffed and shoved Casey back a few steps.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Casey said, waving his hands, flowers included. "All fun aside, Raph. This ain't a joke, alright? Just take off so I can talk to her."

"Maybe she don't wanna talk to you," Raphael growled, his hands moving mere inches from his sai. April saw this and took a deep breath, still holding Raphael's package to her chest.

"Uh..Raph?" she piped up. He tilted his head slightly in her direction, but kept most of his attention on Casey. "Can you...can you take this and put it in my bedroom, please?" she asked, holding up his gift. Raphael didn't make any attempt to move and April panicked a little. She moved around in front of him and looked at him, offering up the package again. "Please?" He looked at her directly now. "Just...go set it on my table.. and I'll be in there in a minute." Raphael watched her eyes and tried to read them. Despite all his better judgement, he took the package and nodded once, turning and heading for her bedroom, though not before giving Casey the evil eye at its worst.

April watched him vanish down the hall and reeled on Casey.

"You need to go. Now," she said with finality.

"What? Why? Cause he says so? What's up with you, April?"

"Nothing! Just...go!" she huffed, shoving him towards the door and finally out so she could close it behind her. Brushing a hand over her forehead and through her hair she let out a deep breath. This was no good. The minute Casey showed up it was like Raphael's fuse grew ten times shorter. She had been afraid that she wouldn't be able to get Casey out of the apartment...then who knows what would have happened. Biting her lip, she walked down the hall to her bedroom where she found Raphael standing with the package still in his hands. The corners of the box were denting with the intensity of his grip. "I'm sorry about that, Raphael. I didn't expect him to show up like that."

"Hmn," he murmured, too pissed off to really respond. Luckily, it wasn't her he wanted to hurt. April approached him and reached up to take her gift again, which he let go instantly. The gesture brought him back to clear reality and he began to watch her as she opened the box.

"Oh...," she said lightly, looking inside. Gingerly reaching in she pulled out a single, crystal lily. It was finely sculpted, with the tiniest details in the leaves and petals. It glimmered and shone with the light from the window. "This is so...beautiful."

"I figured you like antique stuff...so..," he said quietly. "But...I guess it don't mean much now."

"Mmm? Oh... Oh, no. What I said before," she shook her head. "No, this means the world to me, Raph." She held the flower to her chest a moment and smiled at him. "It's absolutely perfect." Raphael tilted his head and looked at her sideways. "Really."

A light smile crossed Raph's mouth then, and he could feel his face heating up just a bit. "Good."

"I feel bad. I didn't get you anything," she said with a chuckle.

"Don't worry about it," he said, honestly. Her smile was more than enough. "I should go."

"Oh..?" April was suddenly a little disappointed.

"Yeah.. I need to go hit somethin' or I'm gonna go crazy," he admitted, rubbing the back of his head. It was a little embarassing. April, on the other hand, felt guilty that she'd let Casey get him so riled up.

"Please don't let Casey bother you. He's just a...neanderthal," she said with a shrug. Raphael nodded once and turned to walk past her into the hall and back towards the living room. He didn't really want to go, but it was true that he felt a little bit hot-headed at the moment. He also felt that things were probably going as well as they could for now, and he didn't want the chance to ruin them. April followed him to the window, carrying her flower the whole way.

"You have a good night, alright?" he said, opening up the window. She nodded and watched him a moment, glancing at his gift every now and again.

"Raph?"

"Yeah?"

He couldn't breathe all of a sudden. He couldn't move. Everything just ceased to exist - everything but her. He felt her hand at his cheek and her lips agaisnt his, but that was all. That was all he needed. His eyes, which were wide upon first contact, closed and took in the feeling. He had thought of this a million times before, but now...he was almost certain it was a dream.

April had thought of this, too. She wasn't entirely sure of all the mechanics of it, or how it would feel, or if she should. But as she had said, the gift meant the world to her. It said so much about Raphael, then. All the doubt had been washed away and she knew she wanted to give him something back. What better than this? It was different than kissing another human, but nothing majorly awkward...and it felt good in a new way entirely. When she felt the shuddery sigh against her mouth she knew she had done something good for him, and for herself.

They finally separated, and Raph wanted to kiss her again immediately. April looked at him, and they both watched each other for some sort of resolution. Is this right, they asked silently.

"WOOOO! RAPH, GOOOO!" Both of them jumped and Raphael looked upward, turning every possible shade of red. Above, Leonardo and Donatello gripped Mike and pulled him downward, shushing him frantically.

"Oh, boy," April sighed. Raphael glanced at April and chuckled, despite all his embarassment. He narrowed his eyes.

"Well... I think I've found something to work out my frustration on," he said. "I'll see you...soon." She nodded and brought her hand to her mouth as she grinned, for many reasons. Raphael's face melded into a rather murderous expression as he flipped up and began to scale the side of the building. April watched him go and closed the window behind him.

"Don't kill 'em, Raph...," she said to herself and looked at her flower again. "Splinter will never let you out of the sewer."