Pete rolled his eyes and grabbed the microphone. "Ech-HEMMM. LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!" What he "sang" was some sort of odd metal scream. He strummed a loud, weird chord on his bass guitar, then roundhouse kicked the microphone stand offstage and into the crowd. Someone screamed; they must have gotten hit. "Thank you and goodnight!" Pete made a mad dash for the side of the stage that he hadn't seen their suited enemies approach.
Andy and Patrick scrambled to follow, forgetting their instruments, but Joe lingered when some guy in a spike of hair that wished it was a mohawk whined/shouted in pain, "Your microphone stand hit me in the head, you asshole!"
"Your hit our stand with your head!" Joe retorted before running off to catch up with the others.
Pete led the way through a cramped, musty hallway and through a room full of what looked like extra electronic supplies. When he emerged on the other side of the room, they came into a room that didn't seem to have much purpose other than waiting in it (white walls, dark blue carpet, no decorations, six plastic chairs). Its second door was locked. Pete waited for the others to catch up, then kicked the lock on the door to break it and shoved it open. They cleared one more hallway and then entered cold, dark night.
"OH! Victory!" Andy held up his hands to high-five whoever was available.
"RV now, high-fives later!" Joe shoved him in the general direction of the van, which was the only car on their side of the parking lot and two hundred steps away.
They began to run toward it, but a girl's voice shouted after them. "HEY! STOP, you damn wannabe vigilantes!"
"Oh crap, it's the FBI chick! Keep running!" Pete ordered.
"THAT'S NOT GOING TO WORK!" she shouted and began to run after them.
"AAAAGH!" Patrick shouted as they continued their chase to their vehicle. But, evident in the way that she was the first agent outside, Agent AL was a very fast runner and was gaining on them already.
"Stop RUNNING, DAMMIT!" she tried again. "I SEE you!"
Pete ignored her attempt to get them to stop. Instead, when she was close enough, he turned on his heels and ran to her instead. Just like he wanted, the element of surprise came through for him and she tried in vain to come to a screeching halt, only for Pete to duck down low. He grabbed her around the waist and used his momentum and vampiric strength to send her flying, screaming, across the parking lot a good ten feet. She flipped over and landed on her face and chest. Luckily for her, her team had arrived.
"What happened?" Agent TR asked her, holding out a hand to help her up.
She waved his hand away ad lifted herself up. Her face was pink from scraping across the cement. "What happened? Well, as you can see, we were having a TEA PARTY."
"Nah, she's just kidding, we were actually just leaving!" Patrick tried.
"Oh no. You're staying right here!" Agent SJ declared, pointing to the ground for effect.
"Eep!" Joe squeaked.
Agent JK just arrived. He was wiping a little bit of blood from his lips, making it obvious he snuck in a quick feed before making an appearance. He looked first at Agent SJ, then at Agent AL, then to Pete, Patrick, Joe, and Andy, then back to Agent SJ. "Uh… you tell 'em, man!"
The four boys waited for something bad to happen, but the VFBI just turned in to a little circle and began discussing something privately (probably a plan of attack).
"Wait… are they just… making a plan? Right there?" Pete asked.
"We should attack them," Andy suggested.
"No, wait!" Patrick turned his back to them. "Actually, we should do the same. We don't have a plan either."
"I have a plan!" Joe raised his hand as the four came into a tight circle.
"What is it?" Patrick asked. They spoke quickly.
"Can we try running? For once we have somewhere to be."
Andy shook his head. "No. Bad idea. We've been doing that like, half the time now. More, maybe. They mean business now; we've run away enough."
"Andy's right," Pete agreed. "Besides, it won't be of any use. They'll just follow us."
"Okay. Uh, shaky plan. Damn, I wish I had something better and less crude." Patrick rubbed his forehead and lowered his voice to a whisper. Lucky for them the VFBI were loud talkers; if they weren't too busy focusing on their own plan they would've been able to spy on them. "It'll require a little acting on someone's part. Pete, maybe you should do it."
"First of all, do what? Second, why me?"
"Because – I don't know, because you've done other weird stuff to win before!"
"Name one time."
"Pretending you had Mad Vampire disease and trying to hug that Brandon guy-"
"Got it, don't go any further. Now what do I have to do?"
Patrick jerked his head in the Vampire FBI's direction. "Pretend to admit defeat to them."
Pete blinked. "Hi, I'm Pete. Have we met?"
"WAIT!" Joe shouted. "BETTER PLAN."
The VFBI broke apart their huddle. "We're ready!" Agent AL shouted.
"HEY. WE'RE READY, YOU JERKOFFS." Agent JK added, as if they didn't hear them the first time.
Joe stood with his back flat and chin up. "Follow my lead!" he whispered to the others.
The others waited obediently for his lead… which turned out to be running full speed at the VFBI, shouting some sort of ridiculous battle cry. Surprisingly enough, Patrick was the only one that didn't follow. He turned around and ran back to the RV.
"HEY! You can't run away!" Agent JK ignored the onslaught of the other three vigilantes and began to take off after Patrick. Just as he picked up speed, he was tripped flat on his face by Pete.
"Wait, am I facing you again?!" Andy looked at Agent SJ. "Oh. No! I don't want to! I need a little variety!" He looked to the side, where Joe was getting up after being knocked to the ground by the female agent, a bloody lip already forming. Andy grabbed him by the shoulders and pushed Joe between him and Agent SJ.
Agent TR, meanwhile, had already taken off for the RV, having slipped away from the formidably sized fight escalating behind him. When he reached the RV, he first tried to open the door. It was locked. "Hey, I'm a member of the VFBI, and I ORDER you to open up!" When he didn't get a response, he knocked on the window. "Please?" When he still didn't get a response, he broke the window. "Come ON, get outta there! Your friends are fighting! Don't be a wuss!"
"Bite me!" was Patrick's response. "If you think you're the bigger man, why don't you get in front of my vehicle and show me!"
"What the hell do you think I am, some kind of idiot? You'll just run me down!"
"Then why don't you go around the back and try to break in if you think you can kick my ass so easily!" TR couldn't see Patrick, who was reclined in the driver's seat, bored expression on his face, feet on the dashboard. But his fingers danced dangerously over a different set of controls…
TR smirked to himself. Does he think I'm that stupid?
Agent JK, however, DID realize that he may be that stupid. "Hey, wait, kid! Don't do anything! Get away from that RV!" Agent JK was using his upper body to crawl towards the junior agent to warn him. His sunglasses were broken and lopsided (but still not removed from his face) and his nose was bleeding.
Pete was also on the ground, toting a small bloody wound above his temple and a black eye, grabbing JK's feet. He was trying to pull the wannabe FBI agent back, but was only getting dragged himself. "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? Do you not realize you're injured! You're crazy, even the pain isn't affecting you!"
"I may be crazy, but YOU'RE obsessive!" JK tried to kick him away. "It's a waste of time to check for something superficial like nine broken ribs!"
Andy was busy using his rapier as a shield most of the time to block AL's hits. She never slowed, though, despite bloody gashes forming on her knuckles. "Your sword's going to break if you keep this up! You realize that, right?"
"Oh, you're totally right! I should do something!"
While Andy tried to figure out exactly what was the something he should do, Joe once again followed his first instinct and kicked his opponent right in the face. The element of surprise was on his side.
It didn't take Agent SJ long to regain balance. "You're going down, punk." When he said this, he wasn't even angry… it was just a statement. He punctuated it by grabbing Joe's left arm and leg and lifting him above his head.
Joe freaked out, trying to wriggle down. "AAAAH, SOMEONE HELP! Hulk Hogan's attackiiiing!"
TR, meanwhile, was climbing on the side of the RV. He climbed up to the window directly next to Patrick. Patrick was just inside, picking at his cuticles, as if he hadn't even noticed TR. The junior agent couldn't believe his luck. He thrust his fist through the window again.
JK finally broke away from Pete and was running towards the other agent. "Hey! Get down from there!"
TR looked at him quizzically. "Why?"
"That guy in the RV is just tempting you. He obviously wants you to come towards the RV." Agent JK looked pedantic as he stepped in front of the vehicle. "It's just a ploy to get you to go where he wants. Understand?"
TR's eyes widened under his sunglasses. "Behind you!"
JK jumped around. When he did, his heart was perfectly positioned in front of a weird spring-loaded crossbow built into the front of the RV. "Oh, KUH-RAP."
Patrick didn't hesitate to fire it. He took a swig from a water bottle as he watched JK get staked in the chest. Poor TR just started with a deer-in-headlights look on his face.
JK looked down at the stake and his slowly disintegrating arms. "That's… not going fast enough! If I'm going down this early in my after life, be damned if I didn't do it MYSELF!" Upon his last word, he thrust his own stake deeper into his chest, and that was it for him.
Pete finally came up, bruised but just fine. He looked at the pile of dust, then to Patrick. Smiling, he mouthed MY opponent! Fuck you! Then he turned and ran toward the other two fights going on before Patrick had time to respond. Patrick assumed by the way Pete ditched him and the other VFBI agent that he was expected to take care of TR, which couldn't be too hard.
Before Andy could think of something new and unique to do while fighting Agent AL, Pete came up from behind and pinned her arms to the sides. "HEY! YOU CHEATED! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS! THIS IS SUCH EFFING DIRTY FIGHTING! WHAT ARE YOU, A MOVIE VILLAIN?"
"You don't have to yell! I'm right behind you!" Pete said. "And as for fighting dirty, we don't try to do it too much, but we're short on time for the first time in a while! And also, grow up! Sometimes to win you have to play dirty!"
Andy nodded. "The same applies to the business world, you know."
Pete struggled as the agent tried to get away. "Uh, Andy, anytime now!"
"Right! I'm on it! Ri-IIIGHHHT!" Andy was interrupted when Joe was heaved on top of him.
Agent AL made the next move, breaking away from Pete and elbowing him in the nose (breaking it). She saluted Agent SJ. "Thank you, boss."
He didn't smile or return the salute. "You take care of the other two, they seem less competent."
"I'm so on it."
"Not so fast!" Joe said to her. "You're outnumbered. Plus Andy's got two rapiers. If I were you, I'd consider ending this quickly."
She took off her sunglasses, put her hands on her small hips, and scowled at him. "What do you seriously think I'm going to say?"
"Fine. Be that way."
Just as Andy tried to stab forward at her with one of her rapiers, she swiftly backhanded his hand, sending his first rapier flying.
Andy shot Joe a look. "Thanks, Joe. That was so well-executed."
"…Shut up."
Across the parking lot, Patrick had stepped out of the RV, convinced that TR was still in too much of a shock to fight back much. Patrick loaded a simple crossbow as he neared TR. "This should take care of it."
Just as Patrick aimed the crossbow a couple feet away from the agent's chest, his opponent sprang to life and kicked the crossbow, sending it straight up into the air. "HEY! Were you just about to kill me when I was in a funk?!"
Patrick at first looked surprised by the attack, but then scowled his normally friendly features at Agent TR. "Newsflash, kid. DON'T go into a funk in the middle of a fight."
"Don't call me kid! I'm your age!"
"How long have you been a vampire?"
TR was silent at this. He turned down the corners of his mouth and fluffed his black suit jacket with a huff.
Pete, meanwhile, smirked at Agent SJ. At least this guy looked like an opponent that might last longer, one that might know what the hell he's doing. "So. How's it going?"
He answered Pete by punching him in the face.
"OH! Crap! Well, I was only trying to be nice, dammit, you don't have to get all indignant on me!" The force of the punch clearly had no effect on Pete. He just got up and straightened out the bridge of his nose, ignoring the dark spots on his hoodie.
The senior agent was in no mood for this kind of thing. "You're going down, little man."
"Little man? Is that really-" Pete was cut off when the agent lifted him up, similar to the way he did it to Joe, and piledrived him.
When he was let go, Pete lay limp on the ground, just a little bit of blood collecting next to his forehead. Within a few seconds, he jerked and lifted himself up, groaning in pain.
How can I win this?
Possibility: Keep going at him.
Weakness: I think he may be winning as far as that goes.
Possibility: Switch opponents with the other two.
Weakness: If I switch an opponent with somebody one more time I think my head will explode.
Possibility: The bigger they are, the harder they fall.
Weakness: What the hell does that mean, anyway?
Possibility: Trick him. Improvise. Get help. All of the above.
Dammit, whatever.
Pete wiped at the blood on his forehead. He looked up at the agent, pondering the best way to do this. Pete cautiously took a wooden stake out from his hoodie's pocket. Then, hoping for the element of surprise, he dashed as fast as he could towards Agent SJ, then right past him.
"Stop!" Andy shouted. He was tugging on the handle of his rapier. Agent AL also had her hands locked around it. They were both tugging on it.
"Let go!" She gave it a yank.
"That's not yours!" Joe was tugging on her by the back of her blazer, but she ignored him.
"Quit it!" Andy again.
"Make me!" She threatened.
"Can you fight with your… martial arts or something?!"
She growled. "YOU are all the most immature bunch of men I have ever met! You don't know how to fight, you cheat, you spend half the time screaming! I feel like I'm in a cartoon, or some weird anime, or a half-assed fanfiction or something!"
"We're immature?!" Andy met her recent yank with a harder tug. "Lady, you're the one who was trying to preach earlier about not fighting heroically or something in the middle of a life-or-death fight! You lost one of your agents already, do you know this?! And also, YOU'RE the one who started this tug-fest!"
"Well, I was right earlier!" She finally let go. Joe let go and stepped away from her for a moment. "You did cheat. You did play dirty. And I will never hold respect for someone who-"
Pete's stake came into her heart from behind.
She looked shocked and bled as fast as she disintegrated. She looked at Pete, wide-eyed.
Pete tried to disguise his smile. "I just went there."
She scowled. "BITE ME," And on that note, she was gone.
"Good one!" Andy held up his hand to high five Pete.
Pete smiled but ignored the high five, as he an image to preserve. "I'm hoping that this a nice little bit of foreshadowing or something. Perhaps things are going my way these days…?"
Joe, standing next to Andy, opened his mouth to add something to the conversation. But he was interrupted when Agent SJ grabbed their heads from behind and smacked them together (cheesy cartoon violence much?). Pete was surprised enough that he wasn't able to do anything before Agent SJ punched him in the face, hard enough that he went down. "Time to FUCKING finish this!" Just as Pete was able to prop himself up on his elbows. But perhaps things were going his way these days; the much taller agent obstructing his view of the moon was ran over by the RV.
Patrick stuck his hat-covered head out the window. "You owe me twice. Consider yourself our chauffeur until our next destination."
"Ouch, my head…" Andy said. "Déjà vu, man."
Pete grinned (a crooked grin now). Corny as it was, he was rather proud of Patrick, who was on today. "Aw, screw you and your theatrics. Where's yours?"
Patrick nodded towards the top of the RV, where TR was. He was gripping it for dear life, but he must have realized that it came to a stop, because he crawled to the front and looked down at Patrick. Patrick quickly shut the window beside the driver's seat and sat back down, away from TR's immediate view.
The agent stood up and jumped up and down. "Get OUT of there! GET OUT! COME OUT AND FACE ME LIKE A MAN!"
"Uh…" Patrick eyed the controls again. "Come back later, I'm doing the dishes!"
"STOP YOUR MOVIE-QUOTING AND FIGHT ME, YOU DUMB MORTAL!" Upset now, he gave the top of the windshield a hard whack and a spiderweb-like crack shot across it.
"Hey, hey, hey!" Pete rose himself up again, having staked the second to last agent. "Don't damage the car, kid!"
"Don't call me KID!" He jumped off the RV, and struck a pose, obviously proud of himself for having jumped off so well (oh, so well). "My team will take you down!"
Joe snickered. "Where are they?"
TR opened his mouth, prepared to respond as he looked around, only seeing Pete, Andy, and Joe. He ran around the RV, checking to see if they were elsewhere in the parking lot. Then he ran back towards the vigilantes just as Patrick stepped down from the large vehicle (he was short enough that it was a jump for him). TR looked around again. "Impossible. What did you do? Some kind of illusion?" He shot an accusing look at Patrick, whom he had now recognized to be the one most likely to pull that kind of thing. Patrick shook his head. TR then looked at Pete, the only vampire and therefore the only other one who was even remotely able to do that kind of thing. Pete just scowled back at him.
"You can look at us accusingly too, you know," Andy pointed out.
But he was ignored. The VFBI agent continued to whip his head around, his dark mop of wavy hair desperate to keep up. "I don't believe this!" He still looked angry. Pete stepped toward him, ready to attack him before TR did the honors. But he instantly realized that TR wasn't exactly angry when he made his next move. "Nooo! Now I'm all alone! … Oh shit, I'm all alone!" He covered his head with his arms and crouched down towards the cold cement. "Awww, man. Awww, come on. No. No. No."
"Are you okay?" Pete asked the stupid question. He knew the answer.
TR now sat down. "Aw man, this wasn't supposed to happen! This is not what I wanted! I didn't even like them, but I didn't, like, want them to die! Now I'm all alone! Nooo! Dammit. My mom made me join, I never even wanted this!" He looked up at the vigilantes. "Well?"
"Well what?" Andy responded.
TR looked at the ground. "Look, don't screw with me anymore, okay? You won. The other three are dead. You don't have to gloat. Just… go ahead and kill me."
The other four exchanged glances in a continuous motion. They decided on something that they didn't even need a huddle for. Pete spoke for them. "Dude, get up. We aren't going to kill you."
"Oh COME ON! This is cruel, man. Just do it." He stood up and held out his arms and thrust his chest out. "Come on, I've already accepted it. Hurry before I think about too much stuff and get all, you know, not over it."
Pete snickered. "You have a way with words. Go away. We aren't going to kill you."
Agent TR now crossed his arms protectively over his chest. "What?"
Patrick took over. "We aren't going to kill you like this. It's not fair. It almost looks like you were never on board with this whole mission in the first place or something. Whatever the situation, you're not exactly a villain."
TR stared back at him. His black sunglasses, though a little lopsided, still obscured most of his emotion. But his expression had changed.
Joe made a little scurrying motion with his fingers. "If you run along to your little VFBI base or whatever the hell and put in a good word for us, we'll let you live."
"Why are you having so much trouble with this?" Pete asked.
Andy just silently stared at TR, waiting to see his reaction.
TR swallowed and started to walk away at a slow pace. It seemed that he still thought they were going to attack him. "Okay. Uh. Thanks. Thank you." Once a few paces away, he turned back around and gave them a look with a hint of suspicion. But Pete just gave him a 'get-on-with-it' look and Agent TR nodded and smiled. But he turned all the way around to face them and took off his sunglasses. Bright blue eyes were hidden underneath them. "Okay, no, seriously. Thank you. I regret having not discouraged our chasing after you. You're not that bad."
"We just haven't shaved in too long," Joe agreed.
"But you do have posters up…"
Patrick cringed. "Yeah, we knew that. I don't know about them…" He gestured to the other three. "But it scares the hell out of me."
TR gave him an understanding smile. "When I get back to the base, I'll see what I can do about having them taken down, or at least the prices cut. My name's Tyson, by the way."
"Thank you Tyson, and we'll put in a good word for you, too." Pete said.
Tyson couldn't resist snickering as he walked away, his head half-turned toward them. "Good word with who?"
"We know people." This much was true.
Tyson nodded and smiled again, walking out of the parking lot. The vigilantes had no idea where he was going, and he didn't really know, either.
"He's kinda nice," Andy said as he stretched.
"Yeah, but he's a bit of a loser," Joe argued. "Come on, let's go."
"WE… AREN'T… DONE HERE!"
"Eep!" Patrick yelped as he watched the entire front half of the R.V. lifted up, with S.J. beneath it. He was shakily holding it up with both hands, his glasses crushed into his face and tire tracks decorating his dusty suit.
"I… am here to IMPOSE THE SANCTITY OF GOVERNMENT on your SKINNY ASSES!" S.J. yelled. "I refuse to be made a mockery of this way!" Snapping noises were heard from his arms and he coughed up some blood, but he didn't drop the R.V.'s front half. "Now you will surrender, or you will FACE THE… what are you doing?" Pete pulled out a stake and ran forward. "Get BACK you EMOHE-" he was cut off as Pete drove the stake deep into S.J.'s heart, and jumped back to avoid the R.V. falling back down as the vampiric agent collapsed and disintegrated.
"Well, that was impressive," Joe said. "I wonder if Sorel can lift the front half of our R.V."