Ugh, ugh, ugh, slow as molasses updates. If it makes you feel better, this story is my first priority for when my spring break rolls around. I'm feeling kind of stressed lately, but now I'm making up excuses, so I'll stop whining now.

And if it makes you feel better people die in this chapter.

No idea why that would make you feel better.

Plus: avatarjk137 did a lot of Jared's stuff. Seems he wanted to.

Dead On Arrival: Part Two

"I wonder if I should just kill you all or do something a little more stylized, like, say…" Amy paused and looked up in thought, squinting one eye shut. "Maybe I could sort of kill one and leave him brain-dead, and then turn another into a vampire! And of course, kill the other two." She smiled, showing her molars, as if to say Isn't this great?!

"Better idea," Joe put his hands behind his back and paced a bit. He was able to play her game, and it just made it all the more fun for her, evident in the way she smiled slightly at him as he paced, not moving her eyes away once. She clutched her black lace dress in anticipation. "How about Pete kills you, just like he did your brother, to make an accomplishment out of it? Heirloom kinda thing, you know?"

She sneered. "That doesn't sound fun to me!" (As if her idea sounded fun to them.)

"Screw this game-playing!" Pete tossed a stake her way.

"Eek!" She deflected it just in time. "OH MY GOD, THAT ALMOST HIT MY FACE! ARE YOU CRAZY?"

He ran towards her. "You're a little slow on the uptake!"

She threw spirals of her black energy up from the ground and around his legs. But once he was incapacitated, Andy had already nearly jumped on her. She grabbed him by the wrists to prevent his swords from getting to her. She managed to flip him over her head. Athletic, he landed on his feet and one hand and was able to turn right back around and attack. She noticed this out of her peripheral vision, because now her focus was on Joe, who was running towards her with a fist aimed at her midsection. Just as she formed a triple-the-normal-size fist of black energy around her fist to meet his, he ducked and Pete jumped up from behind him. "PEEKABOO!"

She gasped in shock. Perfect opportunity for him. He brought a fist down swiftly on her head, sending her face into the ground. Growling, she shot her foot upwards and kicked him in the chin. She thrust her head up, headbutting Joe in the stomach and sliding back on the ground.

Once she came up, Patrick shot a net gun at her. She made a large shield to deflect it. But once that was over with, Andy had since fully recovered. She wasn't losing, but she couldn't help thinking about how hard it was to fight against more than one person at once.

Sorel addressed Mikey and Gerard. "Beating up these morons shouldn't be too hard. When you're done with that, I want you to follow my lead and move on to Pete and those other three morons. This'll go fast, so like I said, follow my lead. Amy's also a moron; beating her shouldn't be hard, either. Damn, I wish I wasn't surrounded by morons!"

"You have us!" Mikey grinned.

"You're right, I do have Gerard. Enough of this chitchat. Let's get a move on!"

"Yes, please," Jared said. "I'd like to defeat you now."

"You know what?" Sorel asked. "I'm sick of looking at your PRETTY FACE!" On the last words, he used his power to raise up a dusty rock and toss it at Jared, hitting him square in the face.

Jared was down but not out, and Tim and Tomo were there to back him up. They charged Gerard and Mikey. Gerard tried to jump out of the way and attack from the side. Mikey just met his opponent with arms out. Mikey grabbed Tomo's shoulders and attempted to spin him off balance, but Tomo used his own weight in the tussle and they collided into Mikey's motorcycle. It went toppling over, and Tomo pinned Mikey on the ground.

Gerard turned his attention there and ran over to help Mikey. But Tim didn't let him get away and tackled him. Now he had Gerard pinned on his stomach.

"We got you both pinned at once? What are the odds of that?"

"Wait, I don't have my calculator available!" Tim struggled for his in his back pocket. "Got it!" He held it in front of his chest and tapped on it like a teenager text-messaging. But his smile disappeared when Sorel's sword went straight through his chest and the calculator.

Tomo stared at Tim in shock. Tim looked up, intact long enough to shout out, "Tell Jared his odds of getting revenge just went wayyy down!" before he was gone.

"What was that?!" Jared asked Tomo, turning around to face him.

Bad mistake, because Sorel was right behind him to kick him in the side of the head. "Crap! You suck today!"

"He's not the only one!" Tomo shouted to Sorel. He was, of course, referring to the wooden stake Mikey had driven through his heart.

Sorel smiled, showing off his oversized fangs. "Okay, you two. Go over to where the other five people are jumping around. Fight those two that are…" Sorel paused. "… uh! Andy and Joe! That's their names. Right the first time! Alright! Right, fight them."

"What, again?" Gerard commented.

"I'm on it!" Mikey said. "Hey wait, where'd my gun-sword thingy go?" He hopped over towards his vehicle and searched the area around it.

Gerard, still with the same expression, put two fingers to the bridge of his nose. "Please say you didn't break it just now. I JUST bought you that when we-"

"Don't get your panties in a twist, Gerard, I found it." Mikey quickly thrust it upwards (possibly forgetting the sword attached to it).

Sorel sighed and turned to Jared, looking bothered. "Are you going to give up now, or will this take effort?"

"Give up? Give up?!" Jared was practically foaming at the mouth. "I'm going to slice your drunk, telekinetic, indiscriminately murdering, IMPOLITE FACE into a thousand pieces!"

"I'd like to see you try it!" Sorel shot back. "I'm not drunk yet!"

"AHH!" Jared leapt forward with shocking speed and slashed at Sorel, who blocked with his own blade. Jared then unleashed a flurry of slashes on Sorel, forcing him to let some through. The slashes Sorel couldn't block left small cuts along his arms and legs. "You're going to die, and then your friends are going to die, and then those other guys might die, I haven't decided!" Jared raved. "And then I'm going to cry for my brother and friends, and then I'll go get some hot chocolate to make me feel better!"

"Shut UP!" Sorel lifted Jared into the air telekinetically, but Jared screamed at him, causing Sorel to stagger and clutch his head as he lost control of his power. Jared dropped back down and tried to run Sorel through with his katana, but Sorel brought up his sword, shattering Jared's. "I'm so sick of you guys! Why must hired help be so difficult?!" Sorel yelled, telekinetically lifting shards of Jared's sword to throw at him.

"I'll show you difficult!" Jared backflipped and dodged most of the shards, except for one that removed part of his left ear. He didn't even flinch, and grabbed Tim and Tomo's katanas. "Normally I charge extra for this," he snarled, crossing the Japanese blades in front of him as he charged his former employer.

"I am in hell!" Amy spat, a fang exiting her mouth too. "Why are you giving me so much TROUBLE?!" She had been knocked back on her butt and now pounded the ground with her fists, as if to throw a tantrum. Small little dirt clouds puffed up.

"Are you okay?" Andy asked with a blank face.

"Players two and three!" A voice said from behind him.

"Huh?!" Andy faced the voice.

"ENGAGE!" Mikey gave him a swift left hook.

"HEY!" Joe protested. "Cheap shot!"

"Cheap but effective!" Mikey raised his index finger in defense.

Andy spat a tooth out and stood up, unfazed except for a line of blood on his chin. "Players one and two engage? Are you going to use video game references this entire time?"

"I don't want to play this game anymore…" Amy mumbled.

"But I'm just getting started," Gerard said.

"It seems you can't deal with this!" Jared snarled, whipping the blades around him in a storm of sharp edges as he forced Sorel back. Sorel's swordsmanship just plain wasn't as developed as Jared's, and whenever Sorel tried to use telekinesis, Jared would scream to disrupt it. Jared slashed the sword in his left low, and Sorel stumbled as a tendon in his ankle was severed. "You can't break me down, Sorel!" Jared slashed downward, but Sorel launched himself forward with his good leg and knocked his mercenary foe back. As Jared regained his footing, Sorel pressed his advantage by swinging his sword in a big, heavy overhand swing. Jared sidestepped and brought one katana whipping across Sorel's forehead, nearly blinding him. "I'm finished with you!"

"Shut YOUR TRAP!" Sorel reached forward and grabbed Jared by his neck, swinging him in a complete circle before driving his face into a dried-out tree stump. Jared stumbled back to his feet, but Sorel kicked him in the back, causing Jared to sprawl over the stump with his head hanging over the far end. Sorel pinned Jared down with one foot (pressing the air from his lungs) and pivoted around him, bringing his sword up in a position to behead him. "Now hold still, I've done this before a few times. I'll make it quick and clean!"

Jared responded by reaching behind him and hacking at the leg that clamped him down, allowing him to roll free. "I won't!" he spat, jumping forward and swinging his left-hand blade in an attempt to behead Sorel. Sorel blocked with his own sword, but Jared laughed and slammed his other katana toward Sorel's chest. Sorel grabbed Jared's

As for you…" He lifted and clenched his hands, and Jared fell to his knees, gasping. "Not so tough with your ribs puncturing your lungs, are you? Not much of a screamer anymore. That means it's time to wrap this up!" He slammed his own blade through Jared's heart, and slung him back over his head, sending a cloud of ashes arcing through the air.