Another chapter delay? Oh fuck me. You readers are too good for me. Sounds like a breakup, doesn't it? But no, I'm still writing (hard to believe, I know). The good news is that I already have more than half of the next chapter written up.

Fall Out Boy news: So I take it by now most of you have heard the engagement news. And baby rumors. Honestly, I guess I'm fine with the marriage since he seems legitimately happy and all that crap but I wish, well, actually, I wish a lot of things, and here's not the best place to go deep into detail about it. One I will tell you though is that I wish them good luck - I doubt they're actually due, but if they are, they need all the luck they can get. Sorry, but they just don't honestly seem like the best parents right now to me. Nice people? Smart people? Fun people? Even caring people? Yes, all that, but Peter Peter Panda, you can only be so wonderful a father whilst on tour. Sorry.

/tangent

Dead On Arrival: Part Four

Pete dashed away from Sorel. Sorel may have control over the swords in midair, but at least he presented a moving target. He wasn't even looking where he was going, just running until he was sure all the swords had hit the ground. He didn't stop until he heard a pained yelp from behind him.

Screeching to a halt and whirling around, Pete saw Patrick lying on the ground. "PATRICK!! Crap!" He ran over, his knees creating a cloud of dirt when he dropped to the ground.

"Shit shit shit…" Patrick propped himself on one elbow, holding a bleeding wound in his side with the other hand. "Okay. That could have gone better." He shut his eyes in pain. "A lot better."

Pete turned his attention away from Patrick. He grabbed a bloodied sword a couple feet away and tossed it in Sorel's general direction. "You ASSHOLE! You think you're so good with that freakin' levitate-y crap!"

Sorel sidestepped the sword. "Well, that's not threatening at all, by the way, if that's what you were going for. And why are you getting pissed? I thought this was a life and death thing."

"Wait, Pete!" Patrick managed. He pushed himself up to a sitting position, holding his side as blood oozed between his fingers. "Pete, I can take care of it, don't waste your energy in rage. Pete? … Pete!"

Pete approached Sorel.

"I finally get to prove myself better than you," Sorel grinned.

Patrick watched. Shit. If I could get myself back on the bus somehow… He looked around the barren ground to see how far away the RV was when some glint caught his eye. He saw some piece of metal and half-stumbled, half-crawled a few feet towards it, annoying a sharp stab of pain in his side and a slight spurt of blood.

It was the still knocked out Shadows and his harpoon gun, lying a fair amount away, but still accessible…

--

Gerard leapt forward with a pair of kicks, but Joe sidestepped both and lunged down and forward, slamming his elbow into Gerard's gut and knocking him to the ground. As Gerard got up, he shifted into a full wolf form, climbing to four paws and leaping forward. Joe sidestepped again and prepared to kick, but Gerard teleported in midair and reappeared to Joe's side. Joe only had time to throw up an arm in defense, and Gerard latched onto it with a snarl, biting and gnawing and generally trying to tear it off. Joe cried out and brought out a stake with his free hand, causing Gerard to let go before Joe could pierce his lupine skull. "Stay still!" Joe yelled out.

Suddenly, Gerard appeared behind Joe in his human form, and grabbed Joe's arms before he could escape. "It's funny… that's also my number-one complaint about you!" Joe struggled, but Gerard's vampire strength held. Gerard smiled, revealing his fangs. "A little blood loss should get you to ease up on the struggling!" he opened his mouth wide and prepared to bite down on the back of Joe's neck.

"Oh hell no!" Joe drove his be-froed skull backwards as hard as he could, flattening Gerard's nose with a satisfying crunch. Gerard released his grip to staunch the bleeding, and Joe backflipped over Gerard and kicked him in the back on the way down. "How do you like me now?"

"Ndot very mudch…" Gerard replied through the blood on his nose and mouth as he shifted back into his half-wolf form. He howled, teleported behind Joe, howled again, and repeated the process, surrounding Joe with howling.

Joe didn't flinch. "Oh, come on. This is eerie and all, but you've done it before. You can't expect to beat me with this!"

"No, I can't." Gerard stopped in front of Joe and spat his own blood, which had trickled into his mouth, with some precision. It got in Joe's eyes and caused him to scream and stumble back. Gerard jumped forward, rolled on the ground, and got just below Joe with his feet facing up. Gerard then extended his body in a kangaroo-style kick, catching Joe hard in the gut and launching him some distance. "But it's a nice distraction, all the same."

--

"Die!" Mikey clashed swords with Andy, who immediately brought up his other rapier to counterattack. He thrusted with them one after another, forcing him back. "Please die?" Mikey offered. Andy just shook his head and kept stabbing forward. "Fine, I'll kill you without your help!" Mikey feinted low, then went with a high horizontal slash. Andy blocked, but Mikey's sturdier blade and vampire strength knocked him a bit off-balance. Mikey pressed his advantage by stabbing forward, but Andrew narrowly dodged the blade and whipped his rapier across Mikey's chest, tearing his black and silver uniform open and drawing some blood. Mikey kicked Andy back and procured something he had been holding in his hand. "Check this out!" he said proudly. It was a tomato.

As Andrew peered at the tomato, successfully distracted, Mikey took the opportunity to throw it in his opponent's face. Andy staggered back and wiped the tomato from his glasses, Mikey pressed his attack, forcing Andrew to fight back while off-balance and with his vision impaired. "Where'd you get a tomato all the way out here?!"

"In your fridge," Mikey replied, still very pleased with himself.

"You bastard! That was half of my next meal!"

"And now it's taking up half of your field of vision!" Mikey grabbed his sword with both hands and swung upwards, knocking Andy's silver rapier away. He began swinging frantically with double-handed slashes, forcing Andy back. In desperation, he began hammering the buttons on his 'trick' rapier. After getting the blade to flash green and quote several songs and movies (while dodging Mikey's attacks), he finally got something new and different to happen.

"This blade will self-destruct in three… two…"

"AAUUGH!" Mikey ran away from Andrew and tripped on a rock. Andy just stared at his sword in shock.

"One… zero… JUST KIDDING!"

--